Name: James Earl Jones' Comedy Highlights | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-09-09T22:06:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'James Earl Jones' Comedy Highlights | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'James Earl Jones' Comedy Highlights | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-09. Transcript available.

uh it's interesting that we're talking about the weather because today is the
officially
the last day of summer as you know and all right settle down i'll put a tarp
over you how would
you like that and and and the first day of uh autumn and so now ladies and
gentlemen on the
phone here live from dallas texas to announce the changing of the season we
have mr james earl jones
hello tonight at precisely 8 24 pm the sun passed directly above the equator
making day and night
equal length this the autumnal equinox signifies the beginning of fall thank
you and god bless america
top 10 effects of y 2k here we go number 10. stuff's gonna explode yeah
number nine the big dipper will fall out of the sky and kill a guy in sweden
number eight everyone's voice will suddenly sound exactly like mine
number seven michael jackson will finally look in the mirror and say my god
what the hell is wrong with
man number six there will be a new letter added to the english alphabet
you have any idea where that one will go
number five a computer glitch will force bill gates to pay off every american's
credit card
no more answering the phone by saying yellow
number three every kid will lose interest in that pokemon crap
number two ricky martin will become even more mantastic oh come on that's not
possible
and the number one effect of y2k
despite assurances from high-ranking officials that it could not happen
refuting decades of conventional scientific wisdom flying in the face of smug
predictions by so-called
experts craft macaroni and cheese will become even cheesier
now i'm told here on the line we have live from washington dc at the national
weather center james
earl jones earl jones is that right giving us now a list of alternative names
for the blizzard
of 96. officially now it is the blizzard of 96. james earl jones listen
carefully good evening
this is james earl jones from the national weather service in washington dc
the following are alternative names for the blizzard of 96. alternative names
el blizzardo loco
sky chowder snowmanji oh today a bunch of white crap fell out of the sky
wally hootie and the snowfish yeah well that's a good one that is all stop
calling me all right
top ten ways to mispronounce nagano here we go number ten naguni number nine
nagaga
number eight nangie nangie nangie number seven naga mahihi maginga maboo
number six nah number five snoop nogginog
number four naganja number three fig naga newton
number two marino lewinski
number one way to mispronounce nagano not gonna ever agree to do a top 10 list
again
ladies and gentlemen i mentioned earlier where uh if you're a baseball fan this
is absolutely the
best time of year and we have a little treat for you tonight i understand
standing by here on the
phone we have james earl jones who's on the line from los angeles california
and tonight right now
and throughout the rest of the program he will be reading a list of baseball
injuries
let me just make sure this is him right here okay here we go hello baseball
injuries part one
torn rotator cuff strained ligament contusion slump dislocated thumb too many
ballpark nachos
thank you for calling well thank you baseball injuries part two and anitis back
spasms turf blisters
torn anterior cruciate ligament squat burns pulled hands burns dysentery thank
you for calling
all right so here uh he's written this book and tonight reading excerpts from
the soon-to-be bestseller
- Distinguished actor and star of stage and screen, James Earl Jones. James?
- Page 246. I was getting ready to do Sweating to the Oldies, and I didn't have
a thing to wear.
Then I met this magical lady named Leslie. "You've got great legs," she told me.
"You should be wearing shorts."
I finally knew what Superman must have felt like when he put on the cape for
the first time.
In a matter of weeks, I had several pairs of shorts, red ones and blue ones and
pink ones, all with tank tops to match.
- Here, once again, with another excerpt, James Earl Jones, ladies and
gentlemen.
- Page 137. "Not too long ago, I paid a visit to the quarry where I buried the
body. The years of erosion had wiped away
virtually every trace of the grave I dug on that chilly November night. Maybe
the untrained eye would see only the unassuming mound of topsoil and garbage.
But all I could see was the stunned look on that poor hitchhiker's face as I bludgeoned
him to death with the rusty tire iron.
I said a quiet prayer and then left knowing I could never return to that dark,
godless place."
- But it's not in my copy because the 4th of July is just around the corner.
And when I say just around the corner, I mean sometime next week. I don't know
what day it is.
On the phone, standing by here all night long, and I think this is going to be
great. We have the great James Earl Jones right here. That's right. Thank you.
- He will all night long be describing, be describing fireworks.
- That's, that's it? - Let's listen here. What do you mean that's it?
That's, that's plenty. Are you kidding me? This is fantastic.
- Well, all right. Let's see what happens. All right.
- A brilliant explosion of green and white, a cascade of gold punctuated with
silver sparks, a shimmering symphony of red and blues, a whistle, then a very
loud pop.
- Uh, talking things that sound cool when spoken by James Earl Jones. Here we
go. Number 10.
- I can't believe it's not butter. - No.
Number nine.
- Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear.
- Number eight.
- J. Lo in the house.
- J. Lo in the house. Yeah, that sounded cool.
- Number seven.
- Click here now.
- For the hottest sex sites on the web.
- Number six.
- And the Academy Award for best picture goes to...
Dude, where's my car?
- I like that.
Number five.
- You're not fully clean until you're zestfully clean.
- All right, all right.
Number four.
- You mean I get all these great funk classics on just one CD or cassette.
- Yeah.
Number three.
- Number three.
- Now, wait a minute.
That makes no sense at all.
The number two cool thing when spoken by James Earl Jones.
- And the number one thing that sounds cool when spoken by James Earl Jones...
- What's up?
- What's up?
-
- I've watched it tell you so many times before.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- Baby, I'm lost.
- Get the world in there.
- Wow!
- Wow!
- Wow!
- Wow!
- Get better, Nick.
- Be there, I'm lost!
- Wow!
- James Earl Jones!
- Can't you see her now?
- Now!
- It's better, Nick.