Name: Jim Carrey's Wardrobe Malfunction | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-09-23T15:00:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jim Carrey's Wardrobe Malfunction | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jim Carrey's Wardrobe Malfunction | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-23. Transcript available.

Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to the always entertaining Jim McCary.
Jim, come on up.
Jim McCary, ladies and gentlemen.
All right, what happened?
Hi.
Is Jim McCary already?
Oh, hi, St. Gloria.
Hi.
I'm definitely Jim McCary.
I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
Hi, folks.
Hi, Jim.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Hey.
Hi, Jim.
Oh, man, I'm so sorry.
I'm a little late.
I am.
I'm so happy.
Can you come on in?
Okay.
Fans are so important.
I understand.
Okay, thanks.
Hi, guys.
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
Wow.
Thank you.
Yeah, but you're a little late, but thank you.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, wow.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Wow.
Wow.
What?
How about that?
Oh, man, silly me, man.
The clocks.
The clocks.
I forgot to set it forward.
It's so insane.
I can't believe it.
Wow.
Where were you?
I was at the spa.
Oh.
I was at the spa at the hotel, and I'm in the middle of an incredible massage,
and Svetlana
starts talking about the fact that it's daylight savings time.
Oh, yeah.
And I immediately go flaccid and grab the robe, and I run right over here.
Well, good.
I'm glad you could be here.
I'm a little frazzled.
Yeah.
I mean, wow.
That is amazing.
Do you need a minute?
No, I'm okay.
I'm okay.
I just, I just, I just, wow.
I was looking so forward to being on the show today.
Well, that's nice.
Thank you so much.
Until about an hour ago, when I guess technically I was looking back.
It's crazy.
It's very confusing, isn't it?
I don't know how that works.
Are you, I mean, do you, is this what you're going to, I mean, do you want to,
would you like
to change?
Well, I'm good for this for now.
I think there's going to be, there's going to be some, this daylight savings
time thing,
it's got to stop.
It's awful.
It's only like a couple of farmers who know what this is all about anymore,
right?
Yeah, I don't know what it's about.
And an Indian, they're just kind of watching the whole thing with a tear, you
know, then.
White man thinks he can make the seasons dance to his rhythm.
Uh-huh.
He is mistaken, for he does not know the ways of nature.
Uh-huh.
All right, everybody, place your bets.
Do we have clothing?
Do we have clothing here?
I think, do you have your people?
It's going to show up here.
Oh, here it is.
Here it is.
All right.
Thank you so very much.
Lance, thank you so much.
Lance, thank you.
Man, this is fantastic.
Do you mind if I just slip this stuff on?
Yeah, go ahead.
I'm going to, I'm going to, yeah.
Then you want to, I mean, you could, oh my.
I am so upset, actually.
That's enough, all right.
You've done this before, haven't you?
It's so embarrassing.
Yeah, well, me and Lance, we work together a lot.
All right.
All right, everything's fine.
Just take your time.
This is so ridiculous.
No, you'll be all right.
Don't worry.
I pay people so much money to create the appearance and stability in my life.
I know.
You know?
It's fine.
Now, we can take a lot of this out, really.
Oh, gee, my God.
Why, excuse me.
Careful, that's a hairpin trigger.
Yeah.
Why would you have a gun?
Well, you know, because I'm not really actually a very good shot, so nobody's
in really any danger.
There could be collateral damage, maybe.
It's just all for fun, then.
It's really about the paparazzi.
Oh.
Yeah.
Once you start waving that around, they suddenly got respect, you know what I
mean?
Yeah.
Oh, that's great.
Fantastic.
Yeah.
I can take care of all this.
Thank you.
Thank you, Lance.
Nice job, Lance.
Thank you very much.
He looks like a million dollars.
Well, he's good.
Oh, man.
Keep us alive.
Have you had a lot of problems with people stalking you, taking your photo?
I call them stalkarazzi.
That's what I call them.
Oh, well, there you go.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I came up with that.
You did?
Yeah.
He came up with that.
Yeah, because I thought the other word was dirty.
Uh-huh.
Paparazzi.
Paparazzi.
Paparazzi.
I looked it up in Italian.
It means dog ****.
I wasn't aware of that.
Yeah, it does.
It does.
I'd be darned.
But, yeah, no, I have actually had quite a few problems with these people.
Yeah, well, I'm sorry to hear that.
Everywhere you go, they're there.
There's so many of them.
Now, the world is lousy with them.
And, you know, I, oh, you got the magazine.
I brought some stuff, actually, to show you.
Do you mind showing this?
No, go ahead.
I think it's, you know, I think people need to see the level that they stoop to.
Oh, yeah.
This is a shot they got of me.
Right up at the top there.
At the dentist.
Wow.
No.
This is taken at your dentist?
This is at my dentist's office.
Wow, you really.
Which is ridiculous.
I mean, I don't know how they get in there.
Yeah, how do they get in there?
First of all, I'm probably, I'm completely out on the gas at this point.
But let me tell you something.
They have to be working with the dentist.
I'm not a dentist, but you are overdue for a check up here.
Well, that's the thing.
You know, now you're seeing all the beautiful veneers, you know?
Yeah, sure.
But at that time, they weren't so perfect, you know?
And it's kind of a drag that you get to see that.
Yeah, that would be annoying.
Did they come around your house?
Did they follow you when you're out?
I got another, I brought another clip of this show.
Is that right?
This TMZ show.
Oh, yeah.
This TMZ show is like out of control.
This is video we're going to take a look at this?
They're just pigs.
Now, do you mind?
They're pigs.
Can I say it?
Well, you said dog s**t.
I guess you can say pig.
No, I mean, this is just getting way too personal here.
Do you mind showing this?
You know, I think people will learn from it.
It'll be educational.
This is the inside of my colon.
Oh, my God.
I don't know how they got this.
No, how would they get that?
That's ridiculous.
I mean, I was on the show the other night.
I was just, I was completely flabbergasted.
Like, how do they get the inside of my colon?
Yeah.
That's the inside of my digestive tract in the parking lot at Whole Foods.
Really?
The parking lot.
Yeah.
So I can't even shop anymore.
I don't know.
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid to shop.
So that wasn't taken to the doctor's office, as far as you know.
No, I don't think so.
You don't think so?
I have never had a colonoscopy in my life.
Well, that you really ought to take a look at.
Yeah, so it's out of control.
We've got to do something.
What do you do?
What do I do?
You have a solution for this?
Well, here's the thing.
Oh, no, wait a minute.
You have a solution?
All right.
As soon as we come back, Jim Carrey's got a solution.
Now, we were talking about Jim's problem with the, as he calls them, the stockarazzi.
This is the phrase that I coined.
Because they stock you.
He coined that.
He came up with that.
Yeah.
And, but you have a solution.
Schmuckarazzi.
Schmuckarazzi.
Wow.
Yes, sir.
So what, how do you handle it?
What is the solution?
Because a lot of folks would be interested in this.
What do you do?
I almost went really bad there.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Come on, go ahead.
I do.
Go.
Never mind.
No, no, I can't.
No, no.
There's still, I have relatives still living.
Come on.
That would never, forgive me.
But, yeah, no, I've done this a few times now, and it's using a decoy.
I'm sorry, a decoy?
Using a decoy.
It sounds so ridiculous, but it works like a charm.
Like a double.
It's fantastic.
Like a Jim Carrey double.
A Jim Carrey double.
Oh, yeah, that's amazing.
So what I do is I send him off in one direction, sucks all the press in that
direction, and I
can just have my day.
Whatever you want to do.
And just go wherever I want, totally unmolested.
It's fantastic.
Right.
Well, they say the best ideas are the simplest ones, and this really couldn't
be more simple.
It really is amazing.
I'm sure it works.
It really works.
Can I bring him out?
Oh, he's here.
Yeah, he's always with me.
He's always, yeah.
Dolph, can I?
Is that uncanny?
Yeah, it's crazy.
That is uncanny.
Show him my abs, Dolph.
Alrighty then.
That's uncanny.
Wait.
Yeah.
Wow.
So a lot of times when you see the rag magazines and you see me at Starbucks in
Malibu, it's
Dolph.
It's him, yeah.
That's right.
Are you paying him enough?
I pay him a lot, and he gets laid a lot, I think, because of it.
Really?
Wait.
You're telling me that guy has actually had sex.
Oh, golly.
Yeah.
How's your life generally?
How are things going on for you?
What's happening with you, the guy, Jim?
I'm so glad you asked, because I want to talk.
I want to really talk.
All right, let's do that.
Because I see these shows sometimes, and people come out here, and they just do
bits and stuff.
Like, they're not really talking to you.
That's right, yeah.
I can tell you get frustrated with it.
Bit after bit.
Of course.
Because you want to communicate.
Exactly.
That's what I'm about.
And it bugs me.
And you know what else bugs me?
What's that?
Those CD cases.
I mean, how do you get those things open, anyway?
Oh, yeah.
I mean, what is the deal with those?
I don't know.
It's a lot of...
It's crazy.
Yeah, it is crazy.
Now, here's a story I think you'll enjoy, because people enjoy celebrity
stories.
Yeah, they really do.
Real celebrity stories.
Years ago, this is amazing, I'm in Vegas, and I'm playing at a hotel in Vegas,
and I'm
with this beautiful woman.
I'm on a date with an incredibly beautiful...
Jenny, don't watch this.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
I'm on an incredible...
This date with this beautiful...
I mean, bagone, ga-dang, you know?
Yes, I do know.
And Frank Sinatra was playing in the hotel, and I knew Frank.
Uh-huh.
And so I actually asked Frank to come to my table when I was at the restaurant
and say
hello, just so that my date would completely be impressed and freak out, right?
So we're having dinner, and Frank Sinatra walks into the restaurant, and he
says, "Hey,
good to see you, Don."
Yeah.
And I say...
And I say, "Hey, I'm kind of busy here, Frank.
You want to, you know, leave me alone?"
Yeah.
It was...
Yeah, yeah.
Did I say Don?
You said Don.
You said Don, because I think that's a Don Rickles story.
I don't think that happened to you.
Did that happen to you?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
No.
No, I didn't.
I'm so sorry.
It's...
It's still a good story, though.
I'm so sorry.
It's a great story.
I just...
I just thought it was a great story.
It's just I do, you know, a lot of press and stuff, and you run out of air
quotes.
Yeah, I know.
But let's try to talk...
Like, tell us a little something that we don't...
I was attacked by a great white shark.
Really?
No.
No, that didn't happen.
That was that girl in Hawaii.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it was a tiger shark.
A great white shark.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But is there anything from your past you want to share with us?
Yeah.
Well, here's some biographical information.
Okay.
That'll be good.
I think people are interested.
I was born in Indiana.
Yeah.
I was born in Indiana.
Really?
Yeah.
Cool.
I was a weatherman for a while.
I was a weatherman for a while, too.
Get out of here.
No, I actually was.
Are you serious?
In Indianapolis, yeah.
Yeah.
Just before I went into comedy and I did The Tonight Show a bunch of times.
Well, that's exactly what happened.
I got to host The Tonight Show.
Yeah, me too.
Yeah.
Now, wait a minute.
That didn't happen to you.
What are you talking about?
Don?
What?
That's...
No.
Come on.
You're not the only one from Indiana.
You're not the only guy from Indiana.
Are you...
Now, let me ask you about this.
What about...
You'd still play ice hockey?
Actually, yeah.
That is a real thing.
I've...
So glad we're to the real stuff already.
I do.
I've been renting out these rinks.
No, I'm not on a team.
No, I'm not a good team player.
Yeah.
You just...
No.
I just want...
I want more ice time, man.
I want more ice time.
I can't sit there like this.
You're an over the boards kind of guy.
I've got to go over the boards, baby.
Yeah, so I rent out this rink and I skate around and shoot pucks and Jenny
stays in the middle and does her finger skating.
Jenny McCarthy?
Yes.
And she ducks slap shots every now and again.
90 mile an hour.
Sometimes I take her into the boards.
Pull her sweater over her head, put the boots to her.
It's great.
Did you...
When you were a kid, I bet you played like youth hockey or junior hockey or
whatever they call it?
I played house league and my father was so funny because he would allow me to
curse when I was playing hockey.
Yeah.
He was like, when you're on that ice, you're a man.
Yeah.
And men curse.
Go ahead and curse, son.
Like that.
You can curse up a storm.
So, he would stand behind my net.
I was a goalie.
And he would stand behind my net and hear this, like, eight-year-old, nine-year-old
kid just reams of curse words.
He never imagined that I knew.
And just howl with laughter and pride.
And he'd get violent about it, too, after he'd say he was the nicest guy.
But when it came to hockey, he was like, you get that guy's number.
If he comes up and he hits you, you get his number.
Right.
You go after him and you take him down.
Wow.
Because this game is about vengeance.
Like that.
And it's a weird thing to tell.
A goalie, first of all.
Yeah.
I was constantly leaving the crease to have my vengeance.
That's not good.
No.
I had the most penalties on my team one year.
I was a goalie.
But it's nice that you get to do some of that now as an adult.
I do.
I enjoy that.
The film now, this is Dr. Seuss's Horton.
Horton Hears a Who.
Right.
Now this is a classic.
So sweet.
From the 50s.
Story from the 50s.
Yeah, yeah.
And I'm so excited about it.
Because I've gotten to play the alpha and omega of Dr. Seuss.
Between the Grinch and Horton.
That's right.
And I think Dr. Seuss is kid punk.
You know?
It's kid alternative.
Yeah.
And so I'm getting to introduce a whole new generation to out there.
Yeah.
You know?
My son is looking forward to seeing the film.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We're very excited about that.
It's very sweet.
We have a clip here, a bit of the film.
We do?
Yeah.
Fantastic.
Oh, it's full service here tonight.
Yeah.
Do you know what it is, Jim?
Uh, I don't.
That's all right.
I'm hanging on the edge of my seatbelt.
All right.
Let's find out.
Go ahead.
Opens on Friday.
Dr. Seuss, Horton, here's a who.
Dr. Seuss, Horton, here's a who.
Get this man some ice time.
It opens on Friday.
Jim Carrey, ladies and gentlemen.
Good to see you again, Jim.
Nice job.
Thank you very much.
Good to see you again.

Jim Carrey's Wardrobe Malfunction | David Letterman

Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to the always entertaining Jim McCary.
Jim, come on up.
Jim McCary, ladies and gentlemen.
All right, what happened?
Hi.
Is Jim McCary already?
Oh, hi, St. Gloria.
Hi.
I'm definitely Jim McCary.
I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
Hi, folks.
Hi, Jim.
Excuse me.
Hi.
Hey.
Hi, Jim.
Oh, man, I'm so sorry.
I'm a little late.
I am.
I'm so happy.
Can you come on in?
Okay.
Fans are so important.
I understand.
Okay, thanks.
Hi, guys.
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
Wow.
Thank you.
Yeah, but you're a little late, but thank you.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, wow.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Wow.
Wow.
What?
How about that?
Oh, man, silly me, man.
The clocks.
The clocks.
I forgot to set it forward.
It's so insane.
I can't believe it.
Wow.
Where were you?
I was at the spa.
Oh.
I was at the spa at the hotel, and I'm in the middle of an incredible massage,
and Svetlana
starts talking about the fact that it's daylight savings time.
Oh, yeah.
And I immediately go flaccid and grab the robe, and I run right over here.
Well, good.
I'm glad you could be here.
I'm a little frazzled.
Yeah.
I mean, wow.
That is amazing.
Do you need a minute?
No, I'm okay.
I'm okay.
I just, I just, I just, wow.
I was looking so forward to being on the show today.
Well, that's nice.
Thank you so much.
Until about an hour ago, when I guess technically I was looking back.
It's crazy.
It's very confusing, isn't it?
I don't know how that works.
Are you, I mean, do you, is this what you're going to, I mean, do you want to,
would you like
to change?
Well, I'm good for this for now.
I think there's going to be, there's going to be some, this daylight savings
time thing,
it's got to stop.
It's awful.
It's only like a couple of farmers who know what this is all about anymore,
right?
Yeah, I don't know what it's about.
And an Indian, they're just kind of watching the whole thing with a tear, you
know, then.
White man thinks he can make the seasons dance to his rhythm.
Uh-huh.
He is mistaken, for he does not know the ways of nature.
Uh-huh.
All right, everybody, place your bets.
Do we have clothing?
Do we have clothing here?
I think, do you have your people?
It's going to show up here.
Oh, here it is.
Here it is.
All right.
Thank you so very much.
Lance, thank you so much.
Lance, thank you.
Man, this is fantastic.
Do you mind if I just slip this stuff on?
Yeah, go ahead.
I'm going to, I'm going to, yeah.
Then you want to, I mean, you could, oh my.
I am so upset, actually.
That's enough, all right.
You've done this before, haven't you?
It's so embarrassing.
Yeah, well, me and Lance, we work together a lot.
All right.
All right, everything's fine.
Just take your time.
This is so ridiculous.
No, you'll be all right.
Don't worry.
I pay people so much money to create the appearance and stability in my life.
I know.
You know?
It's fine.
Now, we can take a lot of this out, really.
Oh, gee, my God.
Why, excuse me.
Careful, that's a hairpin trigger.
Yeah.
Why would you have a gun?
Well, you know, because I'm not really actually a very good shot, so nobody's
in really any danger.
There could be collateral damage, maybe.
It's just all for fun, then.
It's really about the paparazzi.
Oh.
Yeah.
Once you start waving that around, they suddenly got respect, you know what I
mean?
Yeah.
Oh, that's great.
Fantastic.
Yeah.
I can take care of all this.
Thank you.
Thank you, Lance.
Nice job, Lance.
Thank you very much.
He looks like a million dollars.
Well, he's good.
Oh, man.
Keep us alive.
Have you had a lot of problems with people stalking you, taking your photo?
I call them stalkarazzi.
That's what I call them.
Oh, well, there you go.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I came up with that.
You did?
Yeah.
He came up with that.
Yeah, because I thought the other word was dirty.
Uh-huh.
Paparazzi.
Paparazzi.
Paparazzi.
I looked it up in Italian.
It means dog ****.
I wasn't aware of that.
Yeah, it does.
It does.
I'd be darned.
But, yeah, no, I have actually had quite a few problems with these people.
Yeah, well, I'm sorry to hear that.
Everywhere you go, they're there.
There's so many of them.
Now, the world is lousy with them.
And, you know, I, oh, you got the magazine.
I brought some stuff, actually, to show you.
Do you mind showing this?
No, go ahead.
I think it's, you know, I think people need to see the level that they stoop to.
Oh, yeah.
This is a shot they got of me.
Right up at the top there.
At the dentist.
Wow.
No.
This is taken at your dentist?
This is at my dentist's office.
Wow, you really.
Which is ridiculous.
I mean, I don't know how they get in there.
Yeah, how do they get in there?
First of all, I'm probably, I'm completely out on the gas at this point.
But let me tell you something.
They have to be working with the dentist.
I'm not a dentist, but you are overdue for a check up here.
Well, that's the thing.
You know, now you're seeing all the beautiful veneers, you know?
Yeah, sure.
But at that time, they weren't so perfect, you know?
And it's kind of a drag that you get to see that.
Yeah, that would be annoying.
Did they come around your house?
Did they follow you when you're out?
I got another, I brought another clip of this show.
Is that right?
This TMZ show.
Oh, yeah.
This TMZ show is like out of control.
This is video we're going to take a look at this?
They're just pigs.
Now, do you mind?
They're pigs.
Can I say it?
Well, you said dog s**t.
I guess you can say pig.
No, I mean, this is just getting way too personal here.
Do you mind showing this?
You know, I think people will learn from it.
It'll be educational.
This is the inside of my colon.
Oh, my God.
I don't know how they got this.
No, how would they get that?
That's ridiculous.
I mean, I was on the show the other night.
I was just, I was completely flabbergasted.
Like, how do they get the inside of my colon?
Yeah.
That's the inside of my digestive tract in the parking lot at Whole Foods.
Really?
The parking lot.
Yeah.
So I can't even shop anymore.
I don't know.
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid to shop.
So that wasn't taken to the doctor's office, as far as you know.
No, I don't think so.
You don't think so?
I have never had a colonoscopy in my life.
Well, that you really ought to take a look at.
Yeah, so it's out of control.
We've got to do something.
What do you do?
What do I do?
You have a solution for this?
Well, here's the thing.
Oh, no, wait a minute.
You have a solution?
All right.
As soon as we come back, Jim Carrey's got a solution.
Now, we were talking about Jim's problem with the, as he calls them, the stockarazzi.
This is the phrase that I coined.
Because they stock you.
He coined that.
He came up with that.
Yeah.
And, but you have a solution.
Schmuckarazzi.
Schmuckarazzi.
Wow.
Yes, sir.
So what, how do you handle it?
What is the solution?
Because a lot of folks would be interested in this.
What do you do?
I almost went really bad there.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Come on, go ahead.
I do.
Go.
Never mind.
No, no, I can't.
No, no.
There's still, I have relatives still living.
Come on.
That would never, forgive me.
But, yeah, no, I've done this a few times now, and it's using a decoy.
I'm sorry, a decoy?
Using a decoy.
It sounds so ridiculous, but it works like a charm.
Like a double.
It's fantastic.
Like a Jim Carrey double.
A Jim Carrey double.
Oh, yeah, that's amazing.
So what I do is I send him off in one direction, sucks all the press in that
direction, and I
can just have my day.
Whatever you want to do.
And just go wherever I want, totally unmolested.
It's fantastic.
Right.
Well, they say the best ideas are the simplest ones, and this really couldn't
be more simple.
It really is amazing.
I'm sure it works.
It really works.
Can I bring him out?
Oh, he's here.
Yeah, he's always with me.
He's always, yeah.
Dolph, can I?
Is that uncanny?
Yeah, it's crazy.
That is uncanny.
Show him my abs, Dolph.
Alrighty then.
That's uncanny.
Wait.
Yeah.
Wow.
So a lot of times when you see the rag magazines and you see me at Starbucks in
Malibu, it's
Dolph.
It's him, yeah.
That's right.
Are you paying him enough?
I pay him a lot, and he gets laid a lot, I think, because of it.
Really?
Wait.
You're telling me that guy has actually had sex.
Oh, golly.
Yeah.
How's your life generally?
How are things going on for you?
What's happening with you, the guy, Jim?
I'm so glad you asked, because I want to talk.
I want to really talk.
All right, let's do that.
Because I see these shows sometimes, and people come out here, and they just do
bits and stuff.
Like, they're not really talking to you.
That's right, yeah.
I can tell you get frustrated with it.
Bit after bit.
Of course.
Because you want to communicate.
Exactly.
That's what I'm about.
And it bugs me.
And you know what else bugs me?
What's that?
Those CD cases.
I mean, how do you get those things open, anyway?
Oh, yeah.
I mean, what is the deal with those?
I don't know.
It's a lot of...
It's crazy.
Yeah, it is crazy.
Now, here's a story I think you'll enjoy, because people enjoy celebrity
stories.
Yeah, they really do.
Real celebrity stories.
Years ago, this is amazing, I'm in Vegas, and I'm playing at a hotel in Vegas,
and I'm
with this beautiful woman.
I'm on a date with an incredibly beautiful...
Jenny, don't watch this.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
I'm on an incredible...
This date with this beautiful...
I mean, bagone, ga-dang, you know?
Yes, I do know.
And Frank Sinatra was playing in the hotel, and I knew Frank.
Uh-huh.
And so I actually asked Frank to come to my table when I was at the restaurant
and say
hello, just so that my date would completely be impressed and freak out, right?
So we're having dinner, and Frank Sinatra walks into the restaurant, and he
says, "Hey,
good to see you, Don."
Yeah.
And I say...
And I say, "Hey, I'm kind of busy here, Frank.
You want to, you know, leave me alone?"
Yeah.
It was...
Yeah, yeah.
Did I say Don?
You said Don.
You said Don, because I think that's a Don Rickles story.
I don't think that happened to you.
Did that happen to you?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
No.
No, I didn't.
I'm so sorry.
It's...
It's still a good story, though.
I'm so sorry.
It's a great story.
I just...
I just thought it was a great story.
It's just I do, you know, a lot of press and stuff, and you run out of air
quotes.
Yeah, I know.
But let's try to talk...
Like, tell us a little something that we don't...
I was attacked by a great white shark.
Really?
No.
No, that didn't happen.
That was that girl in Hawaii.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it was a tiger shark.
A great white shark.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But is there anything from your past you want to share with us?
Yeah.
Well, here's some biographical information.
Okay.
That'll be good.
I think people are interested.
I was born in Indiana.
Yeah.
I was born in Indiana.
Really?
Yeah.
Cool.
I was a weatherman for a while.
I was a weatherman for a while, too.
Get out of here.
No, I actually was.
Are you serious?
In Indianapolis, yeah.
Yeah.
Just before I went into comedy and I did The Tonight Show a bunch of times.
Well, that's exactly what happened.
I got to host The Tonight Show.
Yeah, me too.
Yeah.
Now, wait a minute.
That didn't happen to you.
What are you talking about?
Don?
What?
That's...
No.
Come on.
You're not the only one from Indiana.
You're not the only guy from Indiana.
Are you...
Now, let me ask you about this.
What about...
You'd still play ice hockey?
Actually, yeah.
That is a real thing.
I've...
So glad we're to the real stuff already.
I do.
I've been renting out these rinks.
No, I'm not on a team.
No, I'm not a good team player.
Yeah.
You just...
No.
I just want...
I want more ice time, man.
I want more ice time.
I can't sit there like this.
You're an over the boards kind of guy.
I've got to go over the boards, baby.
Yeah, so I rent out this rink and I skate around and shoot pucks and Jenny
stays in the middle and does her finger skating.
Jenny McCarthy?
Yes.
And she ducks slap shots every now and again.
90 mile an hour.
Sometimes I take her into the boards.
Pull her sweater over her head, put the boots to her.
It's great.
Did you...
When