Name: Dave Needs Your Help With A Joke | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-10-17T17:00:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Needs Your Help With A Joke | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Needs Your Help With A Joke | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-17. Transcript available.

hi i'm barbara this is mary this is dave hi everybody nice to see you mary nice
to see you
barbara nice to see you thanks for having me on hey don't forget to subscribe
and hit the gong
hit the gong and squeeze the deal squeeze the deal today's episode is sponsored
by brought to
you by say we have peanut butter you finally have a sponsor this is fantastic
this i want to tell you
something i've spent my life like most people this is a staple of life in america
peanut butter is
peanut butter popular overseas or just in the united states if not it should be
i mean i love
peanut butter oh you can't go wrong with pita it's an excellent source of
protein this is sag peanut
butter and this is actually from sag harbor new york so it's made in america by
americans for americans
and if we if we find out that there are foreigners trying to buy this there's
going to be trouble from
the state department and and the extra g and the extra g means extra flavor
exactly yeah sag so do
yourself a favor order a couple of cases of sag let's try some and what's great
oh this is fantastic is
that it's a squeeze bottle so genius so that is genius and one wonders why hasn't
it been in a squeeze
bottle prior can i help you yes please open it
holy this is really good
oh i'm going the other way this is nice anyway what what's the bottle of that
stuff cost you this is
like two dollars right it's really good no how much that goes and it's blended
beautifully i'm telling
you go down the peanut butter aisle any store in america you can't come close
to a bargain like that
i've already got you too yeah i'm going for one more here walter actually need
another wow
oh i can take this bottle oh my god nice job sag peanut butter so i hope the
nice folks at sag send
us a couple of cases for their trouble we do need a couple of cases yeah yeah
anyway congratulations on
the sponsor speaking of show related things i have a bit of a confession to
make when you first invited me on
on your show well i was stunned stunned by the fact that you had a show sure
yeah and then i thought i
thought i don't know if i should go on that show because i i don't know i don't
know will it be good
for me is all i care about right and will it be good for my family right and
then i had an idea i said
let me go on the show i'll try to do really really well and perhaps a talent
scout from youtube
will spot me and and offer me a show of my own has that happened no it didn't
it didn't happen and i
see all of these youtube shows uh that are just fantastic um that people have
have produced and
operated and they get millions and millions of views and hits and people are
ringing the bell and
squeezing give us some of your favorites well there's a kid out of montana
named matt spears who
is an outdoorsman and a motorcycle enthusiast and he's really really
entertaining a nice fellow and
does interesting stuff then there's another kid out of you're an outdoorsman in
a motorcycle exactly
that's my point why am i wasting my time on your show because i invited you a
crossover episode you and
barbara go find this kid and ride motorcycles with him okay that's a good idea
but and then there's this
other kid who's uh in southeastern kentucky who's also kind of a a uh uh an
outdoorsman or a sportsman
a rural kentuckian who loves hunting he loves fishing he loves outdoor
activities and he does
interesting things and he's been doing it since he's 14 and like a billion
views i i watched him uh last
night uh playing with things he ordered on amazon you think to yourself well
that's not much of an idea
but you see the kid said oh look what else i got on amazon i i watch it for
like 20 minutes a billion
views we could do that well why we could go fish we could look at amazon but do
we no and why hey i got
a thing mary did you want to talk you're doing quite a lot of talking i feel
like that's sort of the
the the model of the show fried on the peanut butter the peanut butter is very
good uh so i had a thing
maybe you do stuff like this maybe you don't uh i i i'm always thinking of a
joke material and you see
things and you think will that fit in the formula of a joke and people who are
really good at it it comes
automatic i'm not really good at it that's not so i have to uh work and worry
and and conjure and uh
it's it's a wrought process anyway here's what i'm working on now is watching
baseball uh because
it's playoff time uh but here's the joke they talk a lot about ballplayers
pitchers in particular having
the tommy john surgery and i remember tommy john who i think pitched for the
yankees also pitched for
the angels and had to have the tommy john surgery but in those days they didn't
call it the tommy john
surgery because he was tommy john and then because of the surgery and the great
success he had after
the surgery wow will i ever shut up what is wrong with me it must be a pituitary
problem and i was
thinking last night yeah when i was a kid my parents couldn't afford the tommy
john surgery now here's
where you come in all i got was the elton john surgery hey now we need the joke
wait isn't that the
joke the that's the joke that's the setup the joke would be instead of having
my ulnar plantar fasciitis
replaced with my elbow at the time the elton john surgery you get huh so people
have to write in and
finish i can't think of the joke go right in and finish the joke yeah but i don't
want some wise ass
dopey joke i want something that i'm not even sure that's a joke well it's not
a joke now all i've
provided is the setup no it's not a joke that's why is that a setup were you
she is not paying attention
yes it is because yeah no my parents couldn't afford the tommy john surgery all
they could afford
was the old john surgery right and in that you get what what do you get oh oh
what do you get fabulous
outfits that's the joke i think that's the joke there you go they didn't
replace a ligament they
replaced my outfits what i mean i think that's a joke yeah boy you made this
look easy on tv all those
well here provide your comments i see i see these guys do this right right
provide your comments down
there and squeeze the deal and ring the bell all right mary are you excited
about a subway series
uh here's what i like to say uh people talk about baseball and postseason
baseball as long as it's not
the mets but you can't you don't like that because uh i i here's the things i
don't care about with the
mets um they they never champion the full name of the team metropolitans and so
it's the mets so as
a kid wondered this is here why don't you get bob costas here uh mary is so
funny she's really funny
she is the funniest i know okay the metropolitan oh the metropolitan i'd like
to see a uniform that
actually had the word metropolitans on it slow them down though too many
letters was there ever
anything that said metropolitans i maybe i don't know but i'm gonna tell you
until right now i don't
even know that i knew that they were the match i liked the mets when tom siever
pitched that was
exciting i was a 1964 something like that and then but then they always roughed
up my team in those days
the reds right and uh pete rose had a fight with buddy harrelson i believe both
men are dead now
not as a result of the fight oh what was i talking about oh the baseball yeah i've
been watching a
lot of baseball well that was that was a zinger i'm not coming back on your
dance no you have to
come back then i'll have no i'm there's a youtube talent scout waiting to call
i've seen some of the
talent on youtube that's pretty good well it's remarkable yeah and all my life
i uh thought oh well
i want to be on tv and anybody turns out you should have been on youtube i
should have been on youtube
yeah i think you did all right on tv yeah but youtube here he's waiting call me
youtube please
somebody rescue me get me out of this thing whoa although now that you got
sponsorship money
now it's pouring in it's been another fantastic show thank you for watching
another disgruntled member of our i'm not disgruntled i just don't know that he's
perfectly gruntled yeah
just the right amount of gruntles he's talking about a gruntle and thanks for
watching ring the
thing and kick the deuce yeah kick the deuce all right fine goodbye what what
happened i don't know
that was a good warm-up i feel like that's just where you want to be
Hey, hey!