Name: Cher Is A Hard Woman To Please | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-10-21T15:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cher Is A Hard Woman To Please | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cher Is A Hard Woman To Please | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-21. Transcript available.

How you doing?
I'm okay, how are you?
I'm fine, welcome back to the program.
Haven't seen you.
Paula and I discussed this since 1991.
Thank you.
And?
It's nice to see you.
You know, you look great.
You look terrific.
You don't look any different than the last time I saw you.
You look wonderful.
When was the last time I saw you?
1991.
You look fabulous, well-rested, happy, ready to go.
Yeah?
Yeah.
What have you been doing?
You look like...
Come on!
Elgin?
Okay, okay, right.
Elgin?
Okay.
Bring, let's get Elgin back.
That was really cheap.
That was a nasty thing to say.
That was really cheap, yes.
No, but seriously, do I look bad?
Do I look bad to you?
Well, you look a little stress-oriented.
Well, you try to do the damn job every damn night and see what happens.
I don't want to do it.
I don't want to do it.
What have you been doing for five years?
Resting up for this show.
You were living in England for a year?
Yep.
How did that happen?
What did you just say, I'm going to move to England, I'm going to go over there
and work,
I'm going to go over there and what did you do?
You're getting kind of friendly with me, aren't you?
Well, if you're going to be sweet-talking me like that, how can I not?
How can I not?
All right, no, I just, yeah, actually, I was going to work over there and so I
just decided
I like it and I just thought it would be really cool to go over and live there
for a year.
Live there for a year?
Had the kids with you?
Live there by yourself?
What did you do?
No, they came to visit, actually.
Well, no, Elijah came, Chas didn't come, but, you know, yeah.
And I was working there.
I made the album.
I made the album last year there.
Just hanging out.
Yeah.
And what was it about the English lifestyle that you enjoyed so well?
Why was it fun for you?
Now, stop that.
Well, I mean, you don't give a s*** what I was doing over there.
What about, I mean, what is this?
I feel like Betty Furness is interviewing me.
Come on.
Ask me some real questions.
Okay, well.
Have you had anything else tattooed since I last saw you?
Is there room for any other tattoos?
No, there aren't.
Actually, I'm thinking about having them taken off.
You're going to have them removed?
Yes.
Wow.
May I have them?
Yes.
You have six?
Is that what they are?
Yeah.
Yeah, and how do you have them removed?
And what are you going to do?
Why would you have them removed?
I think I'm, well, I'm going to try one.
I have this little small one here that I'm going to try.
You have it done with a laser, and I'm just going to see how I like it.
It's bitterly painful, I understand, isn't it?
Is it?
Oh, sure.
Yeah, yeah.
How can it not be?
No, I heard it wasn't painful at all.
Well, they don't just, like, wash right off.
No, but I heard that it was, I heard that it kind of vaporizes.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, it sounds dangerous to me.
Is it a practice that's been approved by the AMA?
I don't know.
Yeah.
Do you want to go do it first and tell me how it is?
I don't have any tattoos.
Come on.
And as I recall, you have tattoos on you that you've never seen.
Is that true?
No, that's not what I said.
I have tattoos on me that I hardly ever see.
I have tattoos that I hardly ever see.
That's even better.
When I had a boyfriend, he told me about it.
Do you have a boyfriend now?
No.
How come?
Are you interested in the job?
What does it pay?
What are the hours?
What are the benefits?
I don't know, but it might be scarier than doing this every night.
You don't have a regular boyfriend?
Do you have anybody that you're seeing at all?
No, I have an irregular boyfriend.
No, I don't have anybody.
I don't have anybody.
How long has it been since you've been involved romantically with a man?
I said romantically.
What are we talking about here?
I didn't say intimately.
I said romantically.
Oh, I don't know.
Somewhere around the turn of the century.
No.
No.
That's been a while.
I've been resting up.
Yeah.
Okay, you know, we had to do a commercial here, all right?
Yeah.
And then we'll come back and continue this, all right?
Okay.
All right, we'll be right back here with Sharon.
A water driver.
Was a water driver.
I don't know.
I don't know anything about that.
I thought the driver of your car was a water driver.
The driver of my friend is a car.
Uh-huh.
Hi.
Hi.
Hey.
Welcome back to the program, ladies and gentlemen.
Cher is here.
Shakila.
Do you talk to Sonny at all anymore, or do you get tired of talking about Sonny?
Let me ask you another question about Sonny, and then we'll move on to
something else.
All right.
Would you, if you were eligible, if Sonny was running for an office in your
district, where
you live, as a representative or a senator or whatever, governor, anything else,
would
you vote for Sonny, knowing what you know about Sonny now?
Oh, that's really a chicken question.
I, I, I...
Boy, there's just no pleas in you tonight, is there?
No, there isn't.
Uh, it's hard to tell because I'm not sure what any of them are doing there.
So I don't know that Sonny's any worse than any of the other...
All right, let's look at the other end of the spectrum.
What, what, give us your impression of the two men who are vying for the White
House now?
The incumbent, President Clinton, what do you think of him?
I think he's in deep s**t.
But, it looks, it looks like, it doesn't make any difference how much trouble
he gets in.
The popularity polls indicate that he continues to rise.
Because you know what the truth is?
I mean, this is only my belief, and I'm just, you know, just share.
You're just a...
But, I, I don't know, my, my sense of it is, you know, that he, he, he does
have some compassion.
He wants to do some really good things.
And maybe, when they first started, they just were too, you know, they were
just a little stupid.
They just were a little stupid.
A little stupid.
Right.
Yeah.
They were just a little stupid.
But, I feel like that, I feel like that, you know, it's, it's probably a much
worse job than this show.
And I think that it's, you know.
You know?
Yeah.
And I think that, you know, he's having a really hard time, and, and poor
Hillary, my God, she can't do anything right.
Mm-hmm.
Now, now on the, on the other side of the aisle, Bob Dole, would you vote for
Bob Dole?
No, I wouldn't.
Really?
Why not?
I don't know.
I mean, I don't think this is, I don't really think this is comedy stuff.
I mean, I just wouldn't do it.
But I don't want to make, I don't want to say anything, but I just, I just
wouldn't do it.
Well, first of all, I'm not a Republican, you know, and so I wouldn't do it
just on, on those.
Right, right.
So, so when it comes down.
Also, I'm pro-choice.
So, you're going to vote, you're going to, in, in November, then, I guess you
would vote for the Clintons.
Is that what you're saying?
Yeah, and I, and I wouldn't feel bad doing it.
I mean, I still would feel, I still think he's doing, you know, yeah, he's, he's
making some mistakes, but it's a really hard job.
Yeah, but, you know, and I mentioned this the other night, we had Christy Todd
Whitman, Christy Whitman, Christy Whitman, the governor of New Jersey, on the
program.
And she was, for a time, considered to be a choice as running mate for Dole.
Right.
And I said then, and I'll just say it again here tonight, if, if Dole wants to
win the election, all he got to do is one little commercial, just walks right
in, looks at the camera, says, hey, Pedro, it's me, I'm sure I'm old, sure I'm
cranky, I'm a decorated war hero, nobody's suing my ass for sexual harassment.
Boom, he goes right into the White House.
That's all it takes.
Boom, that's it.
I think that's probably true.
No, but I mean, I think any of.
Hey, Pedro, this guy's very important.
Hey, Pedro.
Who's Pedro?
It don't make any difference.
Okay.
Hey, Pedro.
And just run that thing morning, noon, and night, come November, you know, by
Thanksgiving, boom, he's the next president.
Exactly.
Only if he says ass.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
But I think he's too tight ass to say ass.
I really do.
But he's, you know, people make fun of him being old.
I make fun of him being old.
But if you think about it, isn't that kind of one of the points of life?
Don't we all sort of want to get to be old?
Of course we do.
Of course we do.
Don't you want to get to be old?
I am old.
Ah!
Yeah.