Name: Teri Garr's Academy Awards Dilemma | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-10-29T17:52:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Teri Garr's Academy Awards Dilemma | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Teri Garr's Academy Awards Dilemma | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-29. Transcript available.

My next guest has been nominated.
This is very exciting to have this woman here again tonight.
She has been nominated for an Academy Award
as Best Supporting Actress for her role in the motion picture Tootsie.
She is also on the cover of Ms. Magazine
and has just finished a new co-starring, finished a new film
in which she co-stars with Mr. Michael Keaton called Mr. Mom.
We're delighted to have her back again.
Please welcome Terry Garr.
That's great.
That's great.
These people are enthused that you're here.
They're good.
See, they're making that noise.
They're doing that thing.
Congratulations on your success.
Thank you.
It's well-deserved and I hope you're enjoying it.
Yes, I am.
Yeah.
Is your family excited?
Your mom must be beside herself.
Yes, yes.
Yes.
And have you...
When is the big event?
When did they do this?
A week from Monday?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So far, all it says yes and no.
That's all right.
That's all right.
We'll get up to speed sooner or later.
Okay.
Now, when you go to this affair, this is a global celebration.
Do you have something to say?
Because as soon as you get out of the car,
people are going to start wanting you to say things.
That's true.
Yeah.
Do you have things to say other than you just can't show up and say,
yeah, no, yeah, no, there.
No, you got to have something to say.
But I can do it now because there's only,
you've got eight people watching, right?
Because it's real late now.
Uh, Terry.
Terry.
Yes.
Terry.
Yes.
You forget that Mr. Fix-It has not yet been on.
Oh, that's right.
And people are waiting to see him.
People are up.
The lamp is burning all across America for Mr. Fix-It.
Now, so what are you going to say?
Well, I haven't thought about it now until just now that you've mentioned.
I suppose you're right.
I'll have to have something to say.
Yeah, you've thought about it.
Well, I thought about it.
Listen, I have to tell you something.
It's embarrassing.
But I did think about something.
If I were to win, and I figure I got one chance in five to get up there, I'd
have to say something.
So I started thinking about all the people that I would thank and stuff like
that.
I feel foolish thinking about this.
That's something that you expect that may not happen, and then what am I going
to do with all that information if I don't win?
Yeah.
I'll store it in my brain.
No, no, it's good.
It's good, though, to, from time to time, think to yourself who you would like
to thank.
I mean, just generally.
It really is.
Yeah, I guess.
You know, I started thinking about some people that I would like to not thank.
No, no, you don't.
Yeah, I know.
You're not supposed to do that.
You're supposed to be gracious and everything, but I'm a human.
You have a bad attitude about this.
A bad attitude?
You should be delighted.
I am delighted.
I am.
Are you?
Yeah.
Now, have you selected something to wear?
Yes, I did.
Okay.
You know, a lot of people say to me, congratulations on your nomination.
What are you going to wear?
That's almost what everybody says, especially women.
That's what they say.
What are you going to wear?
So I don't know.
No, it's a week away.
You know damn well what you're going to.
You got it.
It's probably laid out on your bed at home.
No, it's not true.
I found this dress that I really liked.
I almost had a dream about this dress.
I want to wear a dress like a 50s sort of punk dress, a strapless dress just to
the knee,
sort of tight and taffeta.
I was just thinking about it.
This is not American bandstand you're going to.
This is a big deal.
This goes all over the world.
Don't show up in the little strapless punk outfit.
Don't.
No?
No.
Well, it's too late because I've already ordered this dress and this is what I'm
planning on.
Oh, all right.
But you know, it was probably God intervened or somebody.
They didn't want me to wear this dress.
And I was telling somebody about it on the phone, how I couldn't find it.
And I said, it's this designer.
Should I say her name?
Vicky Teal.
Maybe she'll get some business.
I don't know.
And I hang up the phone.
And the guy was at work.
The guy, the makeup man sitting across from me says, I know Vicky Teal.
I got her home number in Paris.
I got her shop number.
I got the country home.
Her husband is a makeup man for Richard Burton.
So I feel like I should.
I picked up the phone in Michael Keaton's dressing room and I dialed direct to
Paris.
Sorry, David Beagleman.
It's on your bill.
And I got it.
She picked up the phone.
And she said, Vicky Teal.
I said, well, it's Terry Gar.
Can you make me this dress?
She said, yeah.
I'll make it for you.
I'll send it to you.
But now here's the part we don't know.
How's it going to get here on time?
It's not here yet.
What were you doing in Michael Keaton's dressing room?
We were discussing the script.
The fine points of the script.
Well, to tell you the truth, Michael Keaton, because he is a man, had a phone
in his dressing
room.
And I did not have a phone in my dressing room because I'm just a girl, you
know?
But I don't mind.
I'm not bitter.
It's not important to me.
I'll make my phone calls where I can.
Listen, you can use our phone.
I, you know, I'm excited for you.
I've never really, not that I know you well, but I've never really known
anybody who's been
nominated for an Academy Award.
Let me ask you about the, were you surprised that this movie got this much,
generated this
much heat?
Tootsie.
Yeah.
Yes, I was.
I, can I just ask you something?
Did I spit on you when I said Tootsie?
I don't know if you can see it.
In the light.
In the light.
I saw it coming out of the light and there was nothing I could do.
So I, I said, okay, I'll try and take it in the tie and, uh, right there.
I think they made a mistake.
I'm not the type of person that should be nominated.
I mean, I know I told you when I said-
Oh, no, no, stop it.
No, no.
You're, you, you are world class.
You deserve this nomination and I, and I hope you win.
Well, thank you.
I mean, you're, you're part of the American, uh, acting industry.
I mean.
You are.
Thank you, David.
No, you really are.
You really are.
Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Uh, let's, you want to show a piece of the movie?
Oh, I don't know.
Okay, fine.
I'd like to talk about some other stuff too, but let's show the movie.
Well, it's up to you.
If you would rather talk than show the movie.
No, no.
Go ahead and, uh, and, uh, screw Columbia out of this free publicity.
No, no, no.
Let's see the movie.
You want to see the movie?
Yeah.
Okay.
Uh, and tell us about the scene.
I saw, I saw the movie and I thought you were terrific in it.
And I enjoyed the film.
Thank you.
Now, what are we going to see?
Um, I don't know.
I, okay.
It's the scene where I don't, I think he, he gives me this other girl's candy
and he says it's
for me.
And then I read the card and it's a guy and I say, what, are you gay?
And it's like, that's the scene.
Okay.
That would be the scene.
And, uh, from the motion picture, the runaway hit of the decade, Tootsie,
starring Ms. Terry
Garr, Academy Award nominee.
Take a look now, won't you?
Terry Garr.
And on the cover of Ms. Magazine, that's, you must be thrilled about that also.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Now, tell, tell me what, tell me what you, uh, used to do with your dog and
your brother.
No, no, stop it.
Please, stop it.
Now, Terry has something she'd like to say.
Terry?
Well, when we were watching that clip, we weren't really watching it.
I was seeing how I, I really enjoy this man named Bill Wegman.
Bill Wegman.
Who made a book with, of his dog in different kinds of outfits and costumes.
Man Ray.
Man Ray.
And he, he's been on the show.
Yeah.
Both Man Ray and Bill Wegman.
And I was just telling David how I used to dress up my own dog, sometimes, when
I was a kid.
And I remember one time, I dressed up my dog in my brother's underpants.
And I put his tail coming out of the, you know, the.
Boy, oh boy, oh boy.
Then I sent him out into the neighborhood to be humiliant.
Oh, he's.
Then go on.
You didn't.
Have a good time.
Oh, no.
Yeah, I don't know if dogs like being dressed up.
He didn't get any dates for a week after that.
Yeah.
All right, that's all I wanted to say.
You know, go back to your questions.
We, we're out of time.
We are?
Yeah.
Oh, for me, now it's the fix-it guy, right?
Well, if, if he's still here after that, uh,
rejoinder, or, uh, anyway, good luck to you.
Okay, and I'm sorry.
I'll be pulling for you.
A week from Monday night.
Now, think of something snappy to say when Army Archer jumps on you.
You're right, I should think about it now.
Yeah, yeah.
If you think of anything, let me.
No, no, you're not getting it.
I wouldn't know.
You'll come up.
You'll do fine.
Okay.
Yeah, nice, and congratulations again, Terry.
We'll be right back with Mr. Fix-It.
Mm-hmm.