Name: Dave's 13 Camera Show | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-12-06T16:00:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's 13 Camera Show | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's 13 Camera Show | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-06. Transcript available.

let me uh let me explain something to you tonight ladies and gentlemen because
we want to bring you
continually bring you the finest in american commercial television
entertainment we've added
a few extra cameras to our normal normal battery of uh video equipment usually
on this program we
usually have four cameras and in all honesty that's that's probably too much
for us anyway
but tonight we have 13 different video cameras because
we want to make sure you don't miss a single second of all of the action all of
the heartfelt drama
all of the emotion everything that burbles gurgles and bubbles right off your
screen into your laps now
hal are you in there yes hal our director hal grooney will now demonstrate this
um yes hal
hal hal will now demonstrate to you this amazing video display anton are you
ready
here we go camera number one is number one camera number two camera number
three
camera number four camera number four number five
black and white camera number six
number seven eight
nine
ten
eleven
oh that's
twelve
and finally ladies and gentlemen
and finally ladies and gentlemen number 13
thank you very much this is nice we have one here mounted on a stick
we got this idea from the japanese and they're light years ahead of us in this
kind of thing
you know what this looks like when the fox network bless their hearts when they
finally fold up and go
out of business they'll have a sale that'll look a little something like this
ladies and gentlemen please say hello to our good friend mr paul schaefer paul's
right over there
thank you very very very very much
thank you which is my camera excuse me is that my camera over there that's it
we have 13 cameras
which was my camera again was that it there yeah i don't know where it is i don't
know
hi it's exciting in here today you know tonight we are
we are the tonight tonight we are the third largest employer in the united
states the first would be
the government and then of course i guess it would be gm and then maybe lockheed
mcdonald
douglas and and our show tonight this is wonderful oh it's great the hell is
that
now if you're if they're doing a baseball game they use four i'm sorry five
cameras to do a
baseball game we have 13 here tonight world series baseball they go up to 10 uh
stationary cameras
and two handheld cameras that's still we still have one more camera than would
be covering the world
series super bowl game 18 cameras and five handheld so that's 23 so they have
10 more than we would
have here uh ski jumps four to six uh so on and so forth macy's parade is not
on here will but thank
you very much oh by the way if you think tonight's show is great tomorrow night
this one i'm really
excited about from st louis coverage thanks hal tomorrow night from st louis
via satellite
on your screen in full color pictures of baggage from these
from the st louis airport is one of these cameras in black and white how is
that the deal or do i need
a checkup anton's is black and white that shouldn't be in black and white
should it
oh they thought it would be more amusing to have it in black and white
i gotta start coming to the meetings all right have we done the top 10 list
should we do it now
uh tonight's category from the home office in lincoln nebraska top 10
unpleasant things to hear on an
elevator i am so fed up with riding elevators in this building top 10
unpleasant things to hear on
an elevator god every move they make is is a fire drill here uh here we go
number 10 does this look
uh it's not really infected to you number nine you know these pants are
reversible
number eight hold the door willard is coming number seven the acoustics in this
elevator are
perfect for yodeling number six sorry about my finger i was aiming for a button
number five would you do a number for us miss channing number four
number four we're both going to the 14th floor how about a hug
number three i'm not just a jehovah's witness i also sell insurance number two
does this smell like root beer to you and number one
just ignore duke we're going to have him fixed soon
we've lost our lease everything must go
how much are one of these cameras worth what are these the tk-47s
how much are they worth is it on here do we know how much they cost
we don't know ninety thousand dollars ninety thousand dollars a camera hell
uh it's costing us in equipment fifteen thousand dollars i guess for the usage
of the program
thirteen thousand dollars in extra manpower manpower
uh and the whole thing tonight is costing us about thirty thousand dollars and
as always ladies and
gentlemen we pass the savings on to you
it's getting your name that's right the chant goes up tom tom they might as
well because there
are no cameras left in the building for me to do the news yeah i mean listening
now explain now now that's an interesting statement but it means something else
what else is going on
there well we have robotic cameras right and if they don't like what i say they
come and eat my tie
and take off my left shoulder now explain to us what's happening you used to
have three cameras up
there yep still have three cameras they're run by a single person who operates
it a little bit like
uh a joystick that you would have on an electronic game at home from an another
part of the building
and are they as vers are they as versatile as the man powered the man operated
cameras as versatile
as these cameras you mean yeah as what we've seen here tonight i hope not but
uh but now the sad
part of this don't people lose jobs because of this no they're going to find
jobs from other in other
parts of the building for example you've employed some of them here and there
will be others
bobby says yeah a little cynicism there labor action here i'm gonna miss my
friends actually
uh and when does this go into effect well that's a very good question probably
early part of next
week do you are you comfortable working with these robot cameras well they don't
have nearly the
snappy one-liners that some of my pals do i mean i could walk into the studio
and bob always
had a little joke for me they don't have that yeah what is the advantage the
advantage is that uh over
the long haul they saved the general electric company a lot of money oh well
thank god for
that yes because there's been a lot of concern if ever there was a company on
its last legs it's ge
that's right um so robotic cameras i guess the the question obviously is how
far away are we from
robotic anchorman not so far i would say no cbs has one now
really really cheap joke i'm sorry i've uh i've been asked to remind you by our
producer bob morton
that we have 13 cameras tonight in case you're just tuning in late is that all
right bob how about
another shot of bob can we have just one shot how can you free up the camera
where is he you got him
yet there no that's not bob where is where is bob oh there is
bob after the show come up to the office come come up to the office and do i
walk the line i love it
when you do that it's great nice uh nice to see you kenny you're here on a very
exciting night we have
we have 13 cameras instead of our usual four 13 cameras mercy
uh kenny what have you been up to lately well i've been traveling across the
nation entertaining our men
and women in uniform men and women so you're entertaining the uh the armed
services no
i've been performing for employees at dunkin donuts
they uh they pay you to perform in donut shops no i wouldn't accept the money
even on the remote
chance that they might want to pay me well that's certainly certainly very big
of you kenny no i do it
because i love those brave kids who wear the pink and the brown they deserve
the best am i right people
that that was a reading of that line i never guessed would be possible
uh kenny i i think maybe the uh the glue from your hairpiece is seeping into
your brain
uh how about how about a gardening tip
kenny kenny for the first time light a man i'm taking a good long look at you
uh-huh and you know
what i see what's that kenny i see a man bathed in an eerie purple light
kenny it could be those uh tinted glasses you're wearing hey you're probably
right
thanks for clearing that up yeah i thought i was going nuts
well you might want to get a second opinion anyway kenny how uh how about a
song before you leave here
tonight sure thing dave
okay okay okay now we got it i'm going back someday come what may to blue bayou
where the folks are kind and the world don't do that i'm blue bayou good night
america