Name: Dave's Snowball Fight | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2024-12-26T16:00:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Snowball Fight | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Snowball Fight | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-26. Transcript available.

do we have a camera on do we have a camera on to show the folks what it's doing
outside right now
it's nasty there honestly the weather department is talking about maybe 30 to
35 feet of snow
honest honest look at it coming down it's just it oh there it is
i want you folks to keep one thing in mind if you people are really good here
tonight
maybe a couple of you and i'm looking for volunteers right now i'm just not up
here
telling bad jokes wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute i'm actually
quietly kind of
surreptitiously scanning the audience looking for volunteers all right just
keep that in
the back of your mind okay because later maybe some of you will have the
opportunity to go out and
frolic
you you want to go
and this guy jerry come on you better get your get your wraps you're going to
go out for snow
your birthday today it's your birthday today what is your name suzy sovereign
this is suzy sovereign
where are you from suzy san diego san diego and today is suzy's birthday happy
birthday suzy
and who are you julie julie you related your sisters and teachers your friends
and teachers
okay and you what the who the hell are you what's the deal on you buddy what's
your name son mike are
you with these lovely women no oh this is like the luckiest day of your life
not only to be seated next to these two lovely women from san diego california
where are you from
uh andover massachusetts and over massachusetts all right well you have the sunbelt
down there in san
diego and andover where you get plenty of snow so this is great not only do you
get to sit next to
these two women now you get to go frolic in the snow thank you dave
well you notice how good i am with the audience members yeah i'm just putting
in time till bob barker
retires now do we do we have stuff do we oh go out there and so you go up there
oh here show them
where they're going turn on the uh shot there this is this is a parking garage
at 53rd and uh ninth
avenue i guess and uh the snow is more or less pristine i'm gonna have to have
the gum i'm sorry let
me have it before you go out there thank you all right all right
all right now
all right you go sit down you you're not going to get the frolic your frolicking
is over
just heave it just heave it just heave it heave it just heave it just
it's all right he's only a kid he's only a kid what was that now why would you
why would
you want to do that um it's christmas yeah
now do you do you have mittens do you have hats do you have stuff do you need
okay you you guys go
up there and keep warm if you can and when i give you the signal i just want
you to you know you
know frolic in the snow all right be a lot of fun thank you very much for your
help we'll see you in a
a few minutes go right out this way how old are you oh good for you really
really coming down what gold show
oh you know it's uh we're so close to christmas in new york city walking around
everybody and it's
cold you get that holiday spirit so what we thought we would do tonight and
this is fun and if you have
the mechanism in your own house now would be a good time to activate that as
well we have an artificial
snow back here so turn on the artificial snow ball some jingle and if you have
one at home look at that
isn't that nice
wait a minute wait a minute hold it oh my god what happened somebody hits him
oh no
trying to have some fun and they're skidded on the snow
why do i even try where are we going oh
now don't throw it look out don't throw it back all right enjoy it ma'am all
right put that in your
put that in your purse should i should i just should i give him the name of my
lawyer now
all right one more okay
these these people are craving litigation you can smell it
yellow ones back there now you're canadian you're very careful
oh this is a very have you designated this uh something beyond just a show it's
like one of those
things you see really late at night if you have satellite and you're watching
tv from around the
world it's like a japanese game show right where the game is you bring the
audience in and you throw
stuff at them for an hour and they go crazy
there you go
is that anything how's that pretty much okay there you go thank you so much i
um
i was uh i was telling the audience this i was uh terribly sick over the
weekend and i still i
don't feel great i had 103 uh temperature 103 fever now that's that'll kill a
guy right 103
uh and so i was getting ready to come out here and i was talking to uh uh sue
hum and and and
i was saying boy i just i just look like hell and and she said oh no you're
fine and i said no
no i i look like i look like i might be dying yeah
because i had this 103 degree temperature 103 yeah and she says no no no no you
you just need to
moisturize that's it that's it all i need to do really yeah it's just moisturize
yeah that'll take
care of it you'll be fine ladies and gentlemen uh dear dave can you please make
it snow for christmas
sincerely derek springal prince george british columbia canada well you know derek
since christmas has
come and gone
there's not much i can do for you folks up there in british columbia i don't
think you get a lot of
snow anyway because the japan current am i right paul of course is it the japan
current or is it the
humboldt current i have no idea you don't get enough snow up there anyway but
you know we can perhaps get
you a little snow right here in the old ed sullivan theater boys
i'm no paul help me out here i'm no genius i'm no einstein i'm no physics major
seem to me like
those boys are shaking the wrong end of the bag is that a possibility look that
way how does that
just do me a favor just for the sake of the argument turn it over oh
stop it stop it
there's oh right there ladies gentlemen is our last lawsuit of 1997. that'll be
our final piece of
litigation for this year good luck and call your attorneys as soon as possible
in a couple of
seconds now people from the audience julie susie and mike will be frolicking in
the snow but first
let's turn on the camera outside and just show the rest of america how lovely
new york city
is this time of year especially with the snow falling on 53rd street there it's
coming down
now isn't it coming down smartly there's paul's car across the street that's a
nice car paul
and when it snows i say why fool around how is that on gas everywhere you look
people are in a festive
mood and of course the various christmas decorations look at that some people
actually gone snow crazy
oh police some kind of police action what is this and look oh look at that
there oh isn't that nice
you see what they're doing there they're direct they're decorating a body
all right is it time are we ready to check in on the frolicers boy is this
going to be pointless all
right here we go julie susie and mike now on my command will be frolicking in
the snow turn on the camera
this is a parking garage at 53rd and 9th okay okay frolic
i think this is a good sign it looks like julie and susie are
keeping plenty of distance from mike they're frolicking all by themselves and
and so is mike
and i'm sure that's no surprise to him
all right actual frolicking remember ladies and gentlemen it's not it's not
just a snowstorm no
no it's the blizzard of 95. big time big time big big big show tonight because
of the holiday get away
get away from the packages those aren't for you big big holiday uh show tonight
and because it's the friday
before the holidays i'm sure we have something hooked up here let me just i'm
going to flip the switch
i got the switch back here get ready anton anton flipping the switch let's see
what happens especially
for the holidays special effect for the holidays wow look at that beautiful
okay
now we have it for the audience we have that for the audience to enjoy turn on
the snow in the audience
ladies and gentlemen there you go a little snow for the holidays
and as always as always that's a shredded asbestos so enjoy here in my right
hand i have a copy of uh
uh tonight's top 10 list more or less
and now ladies and gentlemen to present me with tonight's top 10 list straight
from winning the
sumo wrestling championship in tokyo japan and a native of rawway new jersey
weighing in at 660 pounds
emmanuel tiny yarbrough emmanuel come on in with the top family
just just just just suck in your just a little there you go now let me see if i
can't get the
sorry thank you very much merry christmas to you congratulations no i don't
want to do
anything but really just sit down now thank you emmanuel bye bye
it's a world champion you know you may be laughing you don't want to laugh at a
660 pound man
that's a world champion and you know why he's the world champion he's in the
top physical condition
of his life i can see that
before the show i saw that man in about 10 minutes do a thousand sit-ups no
kidding wow
ladies gentlemen the category tonight from the home office in grand rapids michigan
the top 10 good
things about a blizzard in new york city it's the blizzard of 95
here we go stop in good things about a blizzard number 10
good chance those people who always say cold enough for you will be buried
under an avalanche number
nine kids can enjoy sleigh rides with an empty grocery cart and a tethered rat
number eight heavy snow makes
it slightly harder to get arson fires started number seven many muggers just
call in sick number six
snow-capped mountains of uncollected trash number five my white mink coat doesn't
attract as much
attention oh thank god for that number four feels like hitting a mogul when you
ski over a body in central park
number three because of dangerous conditions on my drive to work i always slow
down to around 90 miles an hour
uh number where are we number two a large bear reported to be rooting through
trash cans turns
out to be andy rooney in a fur coat and the number one good thing about a blizzard
in new york city loud
mouthed jerks get frostbite on middle finger there
look at all right what's next so this is a snowball launcher snowball launcher
i'm going to give this
to you uh you're going to put your hand inside your left hand and just grab it
and shoot it and um
it's got in the your snowballs are already prepped up top oh look at this you're
going to put it in
this slingshot where did these come from from the ice cooler back here okay i
put them right now so you're
going to take it out and you're going to put it in this little elastomer slingshot
easy easy done sorry
there you go put it right in there yeah and let's shut that close and then you're
just going to pull
back the slingshot mechanism in the back oh we can get one more
okay now the slingshot mechanism i pull it back like this and then you're just
going to fire away
you know shannon what i what does this cost by the way 30 so i like this
because you know what
it's just so much better than doing that
takes all of the drudgery out of accident
it's a dog
as a real old-fashioned touch from time to time real live celebrities will pelt
our studio
audience with snowballs boys take it away get ready for real holiday fun here
we go
so
so
that looks like a scene from every valerie bertinelli tv movie of the week
trapped in a snowy parking garage valerie bertinelli yes we're cold and the
helicopter is there there
well the frolicking has come to a halt hasn't it but ladies and gentlemen good
news
we've just received word now that uh the current sumo wrestling champion tiny
yarborough has consented
to go frolic in the snow for us in costume yeah oh it's the kind of thing you'll
be telling your
grandkids about the time you spent the night in the ed sullivan theater and you
saw tiny frolic in the snow
there they are thank you very much
thank you
bruce you got the big horn there bruce
do you think you think we can do it or not did we do this last year
yeah
oh oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
here we go
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
somebody should talk to tiny about his frolicking methods
i believe that's our first lawsuit of the holidays right there
oh my back tiny hurt my back are we ready bring up the thing here we go
thank you very much thank you girls
great all right turn up
great who are we going to get to clean this up now

Dave's Snowball Fight | David Letterman

do we have a camera on do we have a camera on to show the folks what it's doing
outside right now
it's nasty there honestly the weather department is talking about maybe 30 to
35 feet of snow
honest honest look at it coming down it's just it oh there it is
i want you folks to keep one thing in mind if you people are really good here
tonight
maybe a couple of you and i'm looking for volunteers right now i'm just not up
here
telling bad jokes wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute i'm actually
quietly kind of
surreptitiously scanning the audience looking for volunteers all right just
keep that in
the back of your mind okay because later maybe some of you will have the
opportunity to go out and
frolic
you you want to go
and this guy jerry come on you better get your get your wraps you're going to
go out for snow
your birthday today it's your birthday today what is your name suzy sovereign
this is suzy sovereign
where are you from suzy san diego san diego and today is suzy's birthday happy
birthday suzy
and who are you julie julie you related your sisters and teachers your friends
and teachers
okay and you what the who the hell are you what's the deal on you buddy what's
your name son mike are
you with these lovely women no oh this is like the luckiest day of your life
not only to be seated next to these two lovely women from san diego california
where are you from
uh andover massachusetts and over massachusetts all right well you have the sunbelt
down there in san
diego and andover where you get plenty of snow so this is great not only do you
get to sit next to
these two women now you get to go frolic in the snow thank you dave
well you notice how good i am with the audience members yeah i'm just putting
in time till bob barker
retires now do we do we have stuff do we oh go out there and so you go up there
oh here show them
where they're going turn on the uh shot there this is this is a parking garage
at 53rd and uh ninth
avenue i guess and uh the snow is more or less pristine i'm gonna have to have
the gum i'm sorry let
me have it before you go out there thank you all right all right
all right now
all right you go sit down you you're not going to get the frolic your frolicking
is over
just heave it just heave it just heave it heave it just heave it just
it's all right he's only a kid he's only a kid what was that now why would you
why would
you want to do that um it's christmas yeah
now do you do you have mittens do you have hats do you have stuff do you need
okay you you guys go
up there and keep warm if you can and when i give you the signal i just want
you to you know you
know frolic in the snow all right be a lot of fun thank you very much for your
help we'll see you in a
a few minutes go right out this way how old are you oh good for you really
really coming down what gold show
oh you know it's uh we're so close to christmas in new york city walking around
everybody and it's
cold you get that holiday spirit so what we thought we would do tonight and
this is fun and if you have
the mechanism in your own house now would be a good time to activate that as
well we have an artificial
snow back here so turn on the artificial snow ball some jingle and if you have
one at home look at that
isn't that nice
wait a minute wait a minute hold it oh my god what happened somebody hits him
oh no
trying to have some fun and they're skidded on the snow
why do i even try where are we going oh
now don't throw it look out don't throw it back all right enjoy it ma'am all
right put that in your
put that in your purse should i should i just should i give him the name of my
lawyer now
all right one more okay
these these people are craving litigation you can smell it
yellow ones back there now you're canadian you're very careful
oh this is a very have you designated this uh something beyond just a show it's
like one of those
things you see really late at night if you have satellite and you're watching
tv from around the
world it's like a japanese game show right where the game is you bring the
audience in and you throw
stuff at them for an hour and they go crazy
there you go
is that anything how's that pretty much okay there you go thank you so much i
um
i was uh i was telling the audience this i was uh terribly sick over the
weekend and i still i
don't feel great i had 103 uh temperature 103 fever now that's that'll kill a
guy right 103
uh and so i was getting ready to come out here and i was talking to uh uh sue
hum and and and
i was saying boy i just i just look like hell and and she said oh no you're
fine and i said no
no i i look like i look like i might be dying yeah
because i had this 103 degree temperature 103 yeah and she says no no no no you
you just need to
moisturize that's it that's it all i need to do really yeah it's just moisturize
yeah that'll take
care of it you'll be fine ladies and gentlemen uh dear dave can you please make
it snow for christmas
sincerely derek springal prince george british columbia canada well you know derek
since christmas has
come and gone
there's not much i can do for you folks up there in british columbia i don't
think you get a lot of
snow anyway because the japan current am i right paul of course is it the japan
current or is it the
humboldt current i have no idea you don't get enough snow up there anyway but
you know we can perhaps get
you a little snow right here in the old ed sullivan theater boys
i'm no paul help me out here i'm no genius i'm no einstein i'm no physics major
seem to me like
those boys are shaking the wrong end of the bag is that a possibility look that
way how does that
just do me a favor just for the sake of the argument turn it over oh
stop it stop it
there's oh right there ladies gentlemen is our last lawsuit of 1997. that'll be
our final piece of
litigation for this year good luck and call your attorneys as soon as possible
in a couple of
seconds now people from the audience julie susie and mike will be frolicking in
the snow but first
let's turn on the camera outside and just show the rest of america how lovely
new york city
is this time of year especially with the snow falling on 53rd street there it's
coming down
now isn't it coming down smartly there's paul's car across the street that's a
nice car paul
and when it snows i say why fool around how is that on gas everywhere you look
people are in a festive
mood and of course the various christmas decorations look at that some people
actually gone snow crazy
oh police some kind of police action what is this and look oh look at that
there oh isn't that nice
you see what they're doing there they're direct they're decorating a body
all right is it time are we ready to check in on the frolicers boy is this
going to be pointless all
right here we go julie susie and mike now on my command will be frolicking in
the snow turn on the camera
this is a parking garage at 53rd and 9th okay okay frolic
i think this is a good sign it looks like julie and susie are
keeping plenty of distance from mike they're frolicking all by themselves and
and so is mike
and i'm sure that's no surprise to him
all right actual frolicking remember ladies and gentlemen it's not it's not
just a snowstorm no
no it's the blizzard of 95. big time big time big big big show tonight because
of the holiday get away
get away from the packages those aren't for you big big holiday uh show tonight
and because it's the friday
before the holidays i'm sure we have something hooked up here let me just i'm
going to flip the switch
i got the switch back here get ready anton anton flipping the switch let's see
what happens especially
for the holidays special effect for the holidays wow look at that beautiful
okay
now we have it for the audience we have that for the audience to enjoy turn on
the snow in the audience
ladies and gentlemen there you go a little snow for the holidays
and as always as always that's a shredded asbestos so enjoy here in my right
hand i have a copy of uh
uh tonight's top 10 list more or less
and now ladies and gentlemen to present me with tonight's top 10 list straight
from winning the
sumo wrestling championship in tokyo japan and a native of rawway new jersey
weighing in at 660 pounds
emmanuel tiny yarbrough emmanuel come on in with the top family
just just just just suck in your just a little there you go now let me see if i
can't get the
sorry thank you very much merry christmas to you congratulations no i don't
want to do
anything but really just sit down now thank you emmanuel bye bye
it's a world champion you know you may be laughing you don't want to laugh at a
660 pound man
that's a world champion and you know why he's the world champion he's in the
top physical condition
of his life i can see that
before the show i saw that man in about 10 minutes do a thousand sit-ups no
kidding wow
ladies gentlemen the category tonight from the home office in grand rapids michigan
the top 10 good
things about a blizzard in new york city it's the blizzard of 95
here we go stop in good things about a blizzard number 10
good chance those people who always say cold enough for you will be buried
under an avalanche number
nine kids can enjoy sleigh rides with an empty grocery cart and a tethered rat
number eight heavy snow makes
it slightly harder to get arson fires started number seven many muggers just
call in sick number six
snow-capped mountains of uncollected trash number five my white mink coat doesn't
attract as much
attention oh thank god for that number four feels like hitting a mogul when you
ski over a body in central park
number three because of dangerous conditions on my drive to work i always slow
down to around 90 miles an hour
uh number where are we number two a large bear reported to be rooting through
trash cans turns
out to be andy rooney in a fur coat and the number one good thing about a blizzard
in new york city loud
mouthed jerks get frostbite on middle finger there
look at all right what's next so this is a snowball launcher snowball launcher
i'm going to give this
to you uh you're going to put your hand inside your left hand and just grab it
and shoot it and um
it's got in the your snowballs are already prepped up top oh look at this you're
going to put it in
this slingshot where did these come from from the ice cooler back here okay i
put them right now so you're
going to take it out and you're going to put it in this little elastomer slingshot
easy easy done sorry
there you go put it right in there yeah and let's shut that close and then you're
just going to pull
back the slingshot mechanism in the back oh we can get one more
okay now the slingshot mechanism i pull it back like this and then you're just
going to fire away
you know shannon what i what does this cost by the way 30 so i like this
because you know what
it's just so much better than doing that
takes all of the drudgery out of accident
it's a dog
as a real old-fashioned touch from time to time real live celebrities will pelt
our studio
audience with snowballs boys take it away get ready for real holiday fun here
we go
so
so
that looks like a scene from every valerie bertinelli tv movie of the week
trapped in a snowy parking garage valerie bertinelli yes we're cold and the
helicopter is there there
well the frolicking has come to a halt hasn't it but ladies and gentlemen good
news
we've just received word now that uh the current sumo wrestling champion tiny
yarborough has consented
to go frolic in the snow for us in costume yeah oh it's the kind of thing you'll
be telling your
grandkids about the time you spent the night in the ed sullivan theater and you
saw tiny frolic in the snow
there they are thank you very much
thank you
bruce you got the big horn there bruce
do you think you think we can do it or not did we do this last year
yeah
oh oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
here we go
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
oh
somebody should talk to tiny about his frolicking methods
i believe that's our first lawsuit of the holidays right 