Name: The Best Of Taylor Swift | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2025-01-17T16:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Best Of Taylor Swift | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Best Of Taylor Swift | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-17. Transcript available.

The Best Of Taylor Swift | David Letterman

You know, often when you're sitting around the house with your friends and
family, maybe a holiday, and you're talking about superheroes, and sooner or
later somebody will say, well, I hope superhero A uses his powers for good, not
evil.
That's always how that conversation ends. I feel the same way about Taylor
Swift, because in the galaxy, no bigger person, personality, performer, music
talent than Taylor Swift.
And has established that at such a high level. And she is using her powers only
for good. And I am so happy that she was on our show years and years and years
ago and continues to be top flight entertainment, but using her superpowers for
good, not evil. And that makes me feel great.
What can you add to that?
What did you think of her? Did she perform on the show?
Yeah, she performed a few times. She's just terrific on every level and knows
what her audience wants and gives it to them in spades.
Yes, yes. Lucky to occupy a small space on her CV. Here's Taylor Swift.
You know who's on the program? One of our guests, Taylor Swift. I mean, there's
a huge...
And I don't know if I'm telling secrets out of school here, but it's kind of
like an inside show business kind of a deal. And I'll pass it on to you.
And if there's trouble, we'll be sure and cut it out before the rest of the
country sees it.
And the last thing I want is to start trouble.
You don't want to.
Some of the songs that she writes are about, allegedly, about relationships she's
had with guys.
Really?
Ah.
I'm pleased to hear that the new CD contains a song about...
You are? She wrote about you?
Yep. Right there.
Right there.
You're pleased to hear.
Here.
What is this?
It's called "Guess Again, Dumbass."
"Guess Again, Dumbass."
Well, you must be...
Huh?
I wonder you're so thrilled...
Yeah.
...to see that on the back of an album.
Oh, am I ever?
Uh-huh.
And the music is good, too.
Yeah, thank you.
Yeah.
When you have, like, a new CD and stuff like that...
You're just a kid, by the way, aren't you?
Can I ask?
Yeah, I better not.
How old are you?
20.
Yeah.
You're 20 years old.
So when you won the Grammy for the Album of the Year,
how old were you then?
Uh, I was 20.
I see.
When was that, a couple of years ago?
But now that you have the music,
and how long does it take you to write enough stuff
to put on a CD?
It took about two years.
Um, for me, one of the things I'm really proud about this CD,
uh, I wrote it by myself without any co-writers.
Uh-huh.
So, for two years I was living life, and I kind of write in real time.
Like, I write, I write these moments in time.
The songs are written when I'm feeling what it is I'm discussing in the song.
So it's all sort of done when it's happening.
All right.
And was I right when I alluded to the biographical nature of some of the
romantic circumstances depicted in the song?
Yeah.
Now, now, um, I wonder sometimes if that would be a deterrent, if maybe a guy
would say, "Oh, boy, I just, I don't want a song written about me. Maybe I'll...
You know what I mean? Maybe that'll, that'll, uh, uh, does that ever come up?"
Yeah, but, you know, like, this is the third album that I've been doing this.
Right.
So they had fair warning at this point.
Uh, do you travel around the world now because of the CD and stuff?
Oh, yeah, definitely.
Um, we travel all over the world, and this is actually the first international
release where the CD's released everywhere.
And so I've been all over the place recently, like, Italy and France and Japan
and, and England and...
Now, we, we know, uh, what a, what a big star, uh, uh, you are in the United
States and North America.
Is it comparable in all of these other countries?
Uh, it's really fun in other countries.
Um, I love the fans there, and we get to play arenas, and it's really wonderful.
And sometimes, I mean, it's, it's interesting because you go over there and
they don't speak the same language as you.
So I always try to sort of, like, adapt myself a little bit by learning a few
phrases in whatever language.
Right.
I, I think that's a great thing to do.
Well, sometimes it's, sometimes it fails miserably, but, like, I, uh, but when
I'm on, like, when I'm in Japan, like, I just speak in Japan, in, in Japanese
the entire show.
No, you don't.
Yeah.
I don't sing in Japanese, but I speak in Japanese.
You, you, you can actually, you're, you're conversant in Japanese to get
through, like, a, like a 90-minute concert in Japan?
Well, I mean, you just, you just memorize some of it, you figure out what it,
what it means and say it.
Well, well, like, what do you, what do you say?
Like, you go, like, "Tanoshine Osaka." And then you go, like, "Arigato gozaimasu."
And "Nippon daisuki." And "Nippon saiko." And "Kawaii." Like...
Wow.
What did you, what did you say?
I, first I said, "Are you having fun Osaka?" Then I said, "I love Japan." Then
I said, "Um, Japan is awesome." And then I said, "Cute."
Well, are, are, are, are fans in Japan, uh, more, uh, reserved than they are in
other parts of the world?
No, they're awesome.
They go crazy?
Yeah. They're amazing. It's so cool. Like, I love all the crowds from other
places and I really love it when people get really emotional.
Like, 'cause I'm a really emotional person. I get very excited very easily. And
so when, like, people come up to me and start crying, it's, I just, I don't
know why. I like that. It's cool.
Yeah.
They're, they're, they're crying because they, they can't believe that they're
standing right in front of you. And, uh, it's...
I, I hope that's why.
Yeah, yeah.
Not like you're standing on their foot.
Yeah.
You have no free time because you, you're writing and traveling and, uh, what
do you, do you have free time? If you had free time, what would you do?
Uh, well, I've had this, I have this, like, nature phase thing right now. I
really like walking in nature and being outside. I'm a very, like, I'm a very
seasonal person right now. It's, I love fall.
Right.
And I love, I love the fact that it's about to be winter and then it's about to
be Christmas.
Mm-hmm.
So.
But I know what, I know what this is about. You, you grew up on a Christmas
tree farm. Is that right?
Yeah.
Yeah. So where is that? Like, where? Upstate New York? Just a guess.
Uh, that was in Pennsylvania.
Pennsylvania, yeah.
I grew up on a Christmas tree farm and I figured there's, there are two ways
that can go as far as, you know, forming who you're going to be in life.
I mean, you can either be like, you end up being the person who, like, rolls
their eyes at Christmas and is like, "Oh, I've had so much Christmas that I don't
care about Christmas anymore.
Is it really Christmas now?" Uh, or you can be, like, really obnoxious
Christmas sweater gingerbread cookie girl.
Why not?
Raise your hand if you're her.
Yeah, why not?
Will this be your first presidential election or your second?
My second. The first when I was 18.
18, yeah. Are you excited about the election?
Yeah, definitely.
Mm-hmm. Going to vote?
Yes, absolutely.
Are you, are you pleased with the possibilities?
I mean, for me, I feel like at 22, it's my right to vote, but it's not my right
to tell other people what to do.
Right there. Right there, sister.
Come on. Come on.
All right.
Come on.
But as you grow older, you'll realize that the people, the, the dumb people
around you are growing in number.
And so you'll have to tell them what to do.
Look at this.
Here you are on the cover of the Rolling Stone magazine, ladies and gentlemen.
Look at that.
And this is where you had the car crash? You had two car crashes in one day?
Yeah, you know, um...
Do you, do you have a license?
I do, actually.
Where did the car crashes take place?
Well, we were in Nashville and, um, what they do for these magazine shoots is
they send a journalist to you to spend time with you.
And this was my first day with this, this journalist named Brian, who's such a
good writer that I was, like, really nervous and I wanted everything to go well.
Sure.
And I was, like, cleaning my apartment and just, like, cleaning my car and just,
like, making sure that things were neat and clean.
Um, and so he comes to soundcheck.
We're rehearsing for some of the shows that we're doing, um, like yours,
because we're performing tonight.
Oh, God bless you.
You rehearsed for the show.
Yeah, we did.
Thank you.
A lot of people don't rehearse for the show.
Yeah.
So we're there, we're, we're rehearsing and he comes to rehearsal and he's
listening and, uh, he goes, "All right, so we're gonna go to the restaurant and
we're gonna talk there."
And I had picked this fancy restaurant that I don't usually really go to that
much, but I wanted to...
Make a good impression.
Yeah, look sophisticated or something.
Yeah, of course.
And so, um, I didn't know where the restaurant was.
So he goes, "First of all, do you wanna ride together or do you wanna, um,
follow me?"
We take separate cars.
And I'm like, "You know what?
I'm a really safe driver."
Mm-hmm.
And maybe he'll write about what a safe driver I am.
Okay.
Let me interrupt you right there.
I don't care.
I learned this not from, uh, journalists.
I learned this from real estate agents.
Always ride in separate cars.
You don't wanna be stuck with them any longer than you have to be.
Secondly, you could be...
You could be Mother Teresa behind the wheel, and they're never gonna write
about how safe you are.
It's just not gonna happen.
So next time, let him drive his own car.
Okay.
All right.
I know that now.
Thank you.
Um, so, so I was having to make a U-turn because I was going the wrong way, and...
You see, this is exactly what I'm talking about.
Yeah.
I know that now.
Yeah.
And I was trying to use the GPS in my car that I'd never used before, but I
wanted to use it because he was in the car.
And I wanted to seem like I knew how to use my GPS.
Right.
You don't wanna look like a dope, because it's Brian, for God's sakes.
I know.
I know.
Yeah.
And so, you know, I turned...
I went to go make a U-turn, but I didn't have enough space to make a U-turn, so
I backed up a tiny little bit.
Just, like, a little bit.
And then just, like...
You...
Somebody hit you?
You hit somebody?
Yeah, that's what that was.
That's the sound of it.
Thanks.
And so, I start freaking out.
I'm like, "Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!"
And he's like, "Chill."
Chill.
You know?
He's like, "This is okay.
It's fine.
It's a fender bender, whatever."
I turn around, and it's my bass player.
So that was when the day got better.
Oh, well, there you go.
Yeah.
Because we know backup musicians have no insurance.
Mine do.
Well, do they?
Good.
Yeah.
Good.
So that's good.
Nobody hurt.
All right.
So you got that out of your system.
But it's Brian's fault, because it's Brian's fault.
Yeah.
Because it's Brian's fault.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good.
So that's good.
Nobody hurt.
All right.
So you got that out of your system.
Yeah.
But it's Brian's fault.
First out of two.
Because you got this goon in your car breathing down your neck.
Yeah.
But that was only the first one that we got.
Happened again.
Yes.
There were two accidents in that day.
That day?
Yes.
All right.
Take us through the second one.
Okay.
Okay.
So I go, "Amos, I'm so sorry.
I'm good for it.
I'll pay you."
Like, whatever.
And he's like, "It's fine."
And, um...
So...
Then we go to the restaurant, and I'm all shaken up, and I'm stuttering like
more than usual.
And I'm just like, "I couldn't believe I did that."
And so we're leaving, and we're just sort of at the point where we can finally
laugh about
it.
Oh, my God.
Got in a car wreck.
Whoa!
All of a sudden, this car that was, like, made out of bits of five other cars.
Yep.
And we were...
We were not in a good part of town.
I mean, it comes out, and it's like...
And then it's like...
And then it hits the side of our car.
It's like...
Like that.
And all of a sudden...
And, like, this time Brian's not, like, chill, calm down.
Yeah.
He's like...
And we're screaming.
Wow.
See?
My God.
Yeah.
So...
Oh, but he did say...
He said that...
He sa