Name: The Tale Of Tiger Dave | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2025-02-20T16:12:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Tale Of Tiger Dave | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Tale Of Tiger Dave | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-20. Transcript available.

Hi I'm Barbara Gaines. Did it start already? I'm starting it now. I still got
gum. Oh hold on.
Hi I'm Barbara Gaines. This is the lovely Mary. You need a stage manager. That
was a little
behind the scenes look at the show. What happens before the cameras start to
roll. This is Mary
Barkley. This is Dave Letterman. How you doing? You know what this reminds me
of? I went to a psychic
once 20 years ago, 18 years ago, and he had a picture of himself right above
the desk where
he was sitting that looked like where exactly like what he looked like where he
was sitting.
And that's what that looks like. He looked this way? No, the picture looked
like him sitting behind
the desk and that's your hat. Do people still go to psychics? Because there was
a time in my life
when I was aware of a lot of people who I thought highly of were visiting psychics
and I just thought
here let me give me the money you're going to give to your psychic and I'll set
fire to it right here.
I know somebody that we all know that just went to a psychic recently. Walter?
No. No. And it was
a zoom psychic. Oh yeah over zoom and she was going to give me the information
and I might do it
myself. I'll report back. You'll have to tell me who. Don't we know by now
there has been no objective
proof to identify that these thought waves however transmitted or originated
exist.
Yeah, yeah. I can't possibly be real. Can't possibly. I mean we all have hunches
and then it shows up. Like whenever, like if I'm having trouble with, if I need
ointment for a certain
organ. What? Organ ointment? These are two words I don't think I've ever heard.
No.
And together. That's together. Yeah. A salve? Organ ointment. Yeah.
Anyway, so I go, I go looking. I want to google up the ingredients of the organ
ointment.
Maybe don't do this when you're talking about organ ointment. Like the next two
or three months I will
now get advertisements for products for that organ. So you're saying that, you're
saying that,
that's the algorithm. That's like a psychic? Yeah, that's the algorithm. I'm
wondering,
is that psychic? No, that's computers. That's computers. Okay. Well, if you
have any ideas just
leave it in the comments because I really need something. Something for a salve?
This is comments we
don't want to read. Okay, go ahead. But anyway. Yeah. So anyway, I think you
might have a story.
Your son is in college. Yes. And you recently visited your son. Yes. And he's
happy to see you?
Yeah. I mean, we, my wife and I went to see him for family weekend and I would
say
at around six o'clock he was done with us. So it was family day more than
family weekend. Yeah,
which is fine. I think that's fine. You don't really, I mean, honestly, do you
really want to spend
more than that with the kid in his new environment? Probably, you know, you're
happy to see he's doing
well. Well, we registered late. So all that was left to stay and it was a, was
a motel eight.
So at 6:00 PM, you don't want to go back to a motel eight.
Yeah. But, but, but, but, but it's interesting to me that, and I forgot again
what I was going to say.
Is it motel six or motel eight? Is it motel eight now?
Motel six unless they've changed the motel eight. Yeah.
I don't know what it is. Maybe that's like the souped up version.
Well, I think this was an even less than a six, yet it was an eight.
The motel four.
But if you were wanting to talk about sons not wanting to spend a lot of time
with you anymore?
Yes. But so you brought up parents weekend or whatever it is.
Right.
So my wife and I went up to parents weekend to visit our son as well. And my, I
just wondered if your
son manifested the same behavior. When we are out in daylight, my son, myself,
and my wife,
whether it's in a restaurant, whether it's walking across campus,
whether it's just getting in and out of the car, he's like this.
Looking for someone else he might know better.
No, no. Like somebody, like he might be somebody to come in to get him.
He's so, he's so uncomfortable in my presence. It's all,
Harry, are you being chased? What, what is this bullshit?
Um, so I, I just wondered, does your kid manifest that?
Oh, I don't think so.
Oh, and then, and then when we get alone in the car, it's fine.
You know, and it's like, oh good, the cops didn't find me.
You know, it's just like he's, it's like he didn't pay a bookie or something.
Well, have you asked? Maybe that's the problem.
I've been asking him about this for 13 years.
Well, is it, is it because you're well known?
I'm not that well known that I would cause somebody to be jumpy.
So anyway, we're up there at Parents Weekend and this is more a story about my
wife,
Regina, who's, who's always, she is like a lifeguard and it drives me nuts.
And here's a manifestation of what this is.
So we go into the big campus coffee shop, which is twice the size of this dump.
And it's always full of students working on their laptops and pretending they're
doing things
and they're making coffees and they have a barista.
And it's, if you wanted to do a movie about a campus coffee shop, go to this
place.
It's ideal.
So we're waiting in line.
There's a guy behind me, my wife, she orders, whatever she orders.
And now it's my turn.
And now I know there's going to be trouble because I don't know what they call
their sizes.
Did I tell you this story?
No, no, I heard it, but I love this story.
Oh, you heard this story?
Yeah, keep going.
Oh, well, now I don't want to tell it.
Tell it, please.
It's a great story.
They didn't hear it.
It's not a great story.
It's just a story.
So they have the cups.
You can get them this big.
You can get them that big.
And they all have names.
And I don't know what the names are.
So I said, here, I want that cup right there.
Okay.
So we select the size cup.
And now what do you want in it?
Well, I want coffee in there.
And do you want the blonde?
Do you want the dark?
I don't care.
Just put black coffee, what I want in there.
And then inside, I want two shots of espresso.
So she says, oh, so you want a red eye.
Now I'm confused because all my life,
is it a red eye?
Is it a black eye?
I don't know.
Is a black eye two shots?
Is a red eye two shots?
Black eye one shot, red eye two shots, right?
Okay.
That's what they were saying.
And now during this conversation,
a woman comes up and she says,
or do you want a green eye?
Oh, what's that?
I never heard of.
Yeah.
And I said, oh my God.
Now I'm going to have to start all over.
And she says, the green eye is just plain.
What?
Yeah.
A red eye is two shots, a black eye.
That seems unnecessarily complicated.
I don't know.
I don't remember the correlation
because it seems to differ from state to state.
I guess that's a matter for the governor.
So she says, okay.
So now the order is completed.
And so I have to go wait for the barista.
And she said, may I have your name, please?
And I said, tiger.
Because I want to hear a college kid scream tiger all over this place.
And people look around and say, who the is tiger?
And now my wife being the lifeguard says, oh, he's kidding.
He's kidding.
No, his name is Dave.
And she says, Dave.
And I said, no, tiger.
And so now she says, tiger Dave.
And I said, yeah.
So now we go over to a different part of the coffee shop.
And we're sitting there and waiting and waiting and waiting.
And it's loud.
The ambient sound is kind of pleasant, actually.
It's young people yakking and having coffee.
And it's sort of pleasant.
But you can't hear anything.
Finally, I feel a tap on my shoulder.
And a guy comes over.
And he says, your coffee's ready, tiger Dave.
Thanks.
Thank you very much.
Did it say Tiger Dave written on the coffee?
No, it didn't.
But it just was, I don't know.
See, I love that.
Actually, the bit kind of worked halfway.
Tiger Dave.
Yeah.
Tiger Dave, your coffee's ready.
I'm not Tiger Dave.
Tiger Dave.
Yeah, I thought that was pretty good.
This is all I got.
I know.
That's pretty good.
Mm-hmm.
All right.
I think on that note, we're going to sign off.
Good night, everybody.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.