Name: Dave Goes Green For St. Patrick's Day | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2025-03-17T17:56:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Goes Green For St. Patrick's Day | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Goes Green For St. Patrick's Day | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-17. Transcript available.

All right, here we go. Here's our little St. Patrick's Day quiz. Are you ready?
This man calls himself A, O'Grady, B, Mickey, C, the Pope of Midtown.
Good thing we took the glass out of the windows.
This man produces bagpipe music, A, during the parade, B, for the sheer love of
it, C, every time he stands up.
I had an uncle like that once.
Really? What? What do you mean?
Never mind.
There we go.
The green object in the middle is A, an Irish bagel, B, an Irish pretzel, C, an
Irish marital aid.
Oh, yeah? Well, what is this then, huh? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you
know what I'm saying?
In Hollywood, Oscar is king. I'm aware of that.
This colorful parade enthusiast, A, lives for St. Patrick's Day, B, hasn't
missed the parade in years, C, was CBS's original choice to host this show.
They've done a good job.
All right. Savvy New Yorkers recognize this woman as A, the band director, B,
the school principal, C, the hardest working nun in show business.
Let's see.
These men belong to a unit called A, the Fighting 59th, B, the Highlander Regiment,
C, the village people.
Well, there you go.
This gentleman's sash lets you know that A, he's a parade official, B, he's 100%
Irish, C, he's been sanitized for your protection.
Every one of these state troopers has A, served at least 10 years, B, been
decorated, C, stopped me on the Hutchinson Parkway.
All right.
Several times a day, this man hears many people shout, A, God bless you, Father.
B, happy St. Patrick's Day, Cardinal.
C, A, Batman over here.
Ooh, we're going to get a letter from the church.
We're going to get a letter from the church.
Oh, no.
In this scene, we are looking at A, Irish Wolfhounds, B, Irish Setter, C, New
York City Rats.
How about that?
Oh, no, no, New York City Rats.
Thanks very much.
These men now are all veterans of A, Panama, B, Grenada, C, Madonna.
Oh, my God.
No idea.
Are you ready, Paul?
Ready.
Okay, here we go.
And finally, these two people are A, enjoying the music, B, dancing to a
favorite song, C, practicing safe sex.
There we go.
That's our St. Patrick's Day.
We're doing what we can to put you in the St. Patrick's Day mood.
We have something planned especially for you, and this is state-of-the-art.
This is worth the price of your television set there in your living room or
your game room or your den or your basement, wherever you are.
This, ladies and gentlemen, here now, we're going to fill the studio with green
beer.
Wow.
Unplug the taps, boys.
Here we go.
Watch this.
That's something, isn't it?
That's something, isn't it?
That's something.
That's something, isn't it?
Oh, my.
Okay.
All right, drink it.
Take it.
Take the green beer.
All right.
Taking a little longer than we had planned, actually.
In keeping with the theme of the evening, St. Patrick's Day and or blockbuster
movies,
the category tonight is top ten punchlines to dirty Irish jokes.
Okay.
Fair enough.
Category, top ten punchlines to dirty Irish jokes.
Here we go.
Number ten.
She's out in the barn making Bailey's Irish cream.
Number nine.
I thought Dublin was having sex with twins.
Number eight.
Here's one snake St. Patrick didn't chase out of Ireland.
Number seven.
That's not the Blarney Stone, but don't stop kissing it.
Number six.
I saw Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche practicing their Gaelic.
Number five.
Lord of the dance.
More like Lord of my pants.
Very, very impressive.
Number four.
These lucky charms are magically delicious.
Number three.
Keep looking.
I know there's a shamrock in there somewhere.
Number two.
That is my thick Irish brogue.
And yes, I am happy to see you.
And the number one punchline to dirty jokes.
Ted Kennedy.
Letter number four.
Is there really a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?
Sam Tossey, Hyde Park, Massachusetts.
You know what this is?
They got that leprechaun movie.
Have you seen any of this, Paul?
What is this about?
There's a leprechaun movie on NBC.
It's all about leprechaun stuff.
Oh, yeah.
And the kid is talking about it.
And I don't...
Oh, wait a minute.
You know, something odd did happen the other day.
Speaking of leprechauns, it didn't hit me immediately.
But I think...
Yeah, take a look at this.
It was sort of unusual now that I think about it.
Hey, tall fella.
Down here.
Come with me.
I'll lead you to me pot of gold.
Ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha.
Well, there you go.
You know, because St. Patrick's Day is Saturday,
I thought it would be a good idea
to have the New York City Chief of Police,
William DeLace, come out
and give you just a few pointers
about how to have a safe and happy St. Patrick's Day.
Ladies and gentlemen, please say hello
to New York City Chief of Police, William DeLace.
Chief?
St. Patrick's Day is a holiday marked by good times,
good spirits, and good cheer.
Here are some tips for making sure
that this St. Patrick's Day is the best one yet.
First, skip breakfast.
With no food in your system,
the hooch will take effect much more quickly.
Second, St. Patrick's Day is a great opportunity
to show just what you're made of.
Prove that you're a big man
by punching somebody just for the hell of it.
And finally, let's face it,
you're not going to be in any condition
to make it to a bathroom.
So please, by all means,
take a leak anywhere to stretch your fancy.
As always, like we say down in Del Rio,
hasta luego, you low-riding punks.
There you go.
What brand of soap do you use?
Lalaine Bulala, Manila, Philippines.
Well, it's a good question.
The kind of thing I hardly ever think about.
I don't really, I'm not partial to, I don't know,
like Dove, is that a soap?
Yeah, Dave.
Like Ivory?
Yeah.
Dave.
Something like that.
David.
Those are two.
Excuse me, David.
Yes, Alan Coulter, our announcer.
Yes, Alan, what can I do for you?
David, I just wanted to take this opportunity
to mention my favorite brand of soap.
I'm sorry, you want to mention your favorite brand?
I have a favorite brand of soap, Irish Spring.
Irish Spring.
Irish Spring, you know, is, it's soothing,
its rich lather leaves my skin feeling fresh
and revitalized and clean as a whistle.
Now, what, you know, Alan,
that sounded like a commercial.
What was that?
Oh, no, no, I don't know what you're talking about there.
No.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, please.
Oh, please.
I'll plug your damn soap on the show.
Oh, oh, please, mercy.
Oh, I'll do whatever you say.
Ah, ah.
Irish Spring, ask for it by name.
Back to you, Dave.
Thank you very much, Alan.
He was beaten by pixies or something.
Are those pixies or leprechauns?
I don't know.
He denies it, though.
He says nothing happened to you.
No, nothing happened at all.
The category tonight,
the top ten questions to ask yourself
before buying a shillelagh.
A shillelagh.
Ah, buying a shillelagh.
The shillelagh is a traditional Irish walking stick.
Of course.
Often handed down from father to son.
Also, could have one time be used as a weapon
when necessary.
Oh, sure.
Yeah, the shillelagh.
Hit a person with a shillelagh.
Top ten questions to ask yourself
before purchasing a shillelagh.
Here we go, number ten.
Do I need another shillelagh?
Number nine.
Should I pay the extra $10
and get the Mach 3 shillelagh?
Number eight.
In case I need assistance,
is there a shillelagh customer service hotline?
Number seven.
Used shillelagh?
Unsanitary?
Number six.
What does the size of my shillelagh say about me?
Number five.
Where does John Kerry stand on shillelaghs?
Number four.
Should I hold off until the 2005 shillelaghs arrive?
Number three.
Should I just go to the yard and get a stick?
Number two.
Will I get a discount if my name is Shelly?
And the number one question to ask yourself
before buying a shillelagh,
am I comfortable being known as that jackass
with a shillelagh?
But here we have something,
another special treat for St. Patrick's Day.
The guys came to me this afternoon,
the stagehands,
and they said,
Dave, we've put together
what we call a stagehand river dance.
And I said, what?
You guys?
Like the Irish?
And they said, yes.
And I said,
absolutely, we can do it.
We have four stagehands backstage,
and if you're ready,
are they ready?
Okay, go ahead.
Here they are.
It's the Late Show Stagehands River Dance.
Okay, that's plenty.
All right, that's plenty.
No.
Okay.
Before we go any farther, ladies and gentlemen,
it's time to check in with Bruce and Linda,
and let's see what's coming up Saturday
on the Weekend Late Show.
Kids, take it away.
Thanks, Dave,
and happy St. Patrick's Day weekend.
Faith and Bigora.
It's my favorite holiday,
and I'm not even Irish.
Well, you've heard of the luck
of the Irish, though.
And Saturday,
we're going to learn about
Irish superstitions.
Maybe we'll get some insight
into that good fortune.
I'll keep my fingers crossed.
Now, you've probably heard
there's a right way
and a wrong way
to brush your teeth.
Our hygiene reporter,
Candy Sheckman,
has the information you'll need
to keep those choppers
white and bright.
And here's another reason to smile.
Our favorite musical Girl Scouts,
Troupe 114,
are back to perform
a traditional Irish jig
to close out the show.
You won't want to miss it.
Maybe they'll bring along
some of those thin mint cookies.
Oh, those are wonderful.
All that, plus preparing your will,
a chainsaw safety lesson,
and backgammon tips,
Saturday on the Weekend Late Show.
Aaron Gopra,
and back to you, Dave.
Thank you very much.
Bruce and Linda.
Wow.
Fantastic.
What a show.
Well, the category,
Top 10 Things Overheard
at the New York City
St. Patrick's Day Parade
earlier today,
Fifth Avenue,
the New York City
held its
247th...
Oh.
Yeah,
247th St. Patrick's Day Parade?
Yeah, that does seem high.
Really?
Seems high.
That seems high.
I don't know.
Well, yeah,
look at this.
The first parade
was held
March 17, 1762.
There you go.
Yeah.
Oh, and the Grand Marshal
was John McCain.
Exactly what we were
talking about.
I was saying.
Yeah.
Okay, Top 10 Things Overheard.
Number 10.
Is that green beer
or a New York City tap water?
Oh, that's cute.
Number 9.
50,000 people,
200,000 beers,
one bathroom.
Great.
Put your shirt on,
Mr. McGreevy.
This isn't the gay pride parade.
Number 7.
When are they going to
clean up that garbage
from the New Year's Eve parade?
They don't have
a New Year's Eve parade.
What am I talking about?
Number 6.
Some guy just tried
to sell me a bag
of primo-Mexican
four-leaf clover.
Number 5.
Larry!
Oh, jeez.
Oh, God.
You feeling it?
Can you get it out?
Can you get it out?
I don't know.
See if you can grab it.
Oh, this is something else.
Oh.
Oh.
Where is your hand?
What?
Holy cow.
What did you get out?
Wow.
Say hi.
It's worse than I thought.
Okay, thank you.
Number 4.
Want to grab a beer
at Osama's?
Number 3.
No number 3
writer guy drinking.
Number 2.
Letterman's wearing
his green hairpiece.
And the number 1 thing
overheard at the New York City
St. Patrick's Day parade.
That's not a leprechaun.
It's Mayor Bloomberg.
Oh, no, it's these guys.
It's, um, I know, I know you two guys.
It's Joe, right?
Am I right about Joe?
And R.J.
Uh, this is for audience members, typically.
You guys work here, but go ahead.
I'm R.J., I work upstairs.
Yes, I know.
I just mentioned that.
You're Joe, right?
Yes.
Okay, uh, what is the question?
Are we working on St. Patrick's Day?
Uh, yes, I'm sorry.
No, we are working on St. Patrick's Day.
Why?
It's part of the schedule.
We'll be working all week.
Be working every day that week.
And we're working on St. Patrick's Day.
So that's good.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Can we leave early?
No, it's a full day.
Regular hours.
No, it's a full day.
Thank you, though.
You can't leave early.
Can we come in late?
No.
St. Patrick's Day, we're not taking it off.
It's a full day of work.
It's going to be just like every other day here.
So that's what it's going to be.
Thanks for asking, though.
I'm going back upstairs now.
Okay.
Please do.
It was nice talking with you, RJ.
Go back upstairs.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Yeah, okay.
Category tonight, top ten things you don't want to hear from a guy dressed as a
leprechaun.
This is not an actual leprechaun.
Yeah.
It's a guy dressed as a leprechaun.
What we did, we sent Eddie, our buddy Eddie, here at the show.
Yes.
Out onto the streets.
Ah.
Dressed as a leprechaun.
Okay.
He said things to people.
Okay.
All right.
Number ten.
I'm large for a leprechaun because my cousin injected me in the ass with
steroids.
Wow.
Wow.
You hear that story all too frequently, don't you?
Number nine.
Look, I know I'm five months late, but trick or treat.
You see?
Number eight.
Touch my hat and it's go time.
Hey, look, hey, hey, wise guy.
A leprechaun.
Number seven.
This colorful costume distracts you while my buddy steals your purse.
Mm-hmm.
Sure.
Number six.
Last night, I gave your sister a little luck of the Irish.
Oh, hello.
Hello.
Number five.
I just got laid off from my job as a garden gnome.
Times are tough.
Number four.
Surprise.
You're on How We Do It.
Yeah, buddy.
And number three.
Hi, are you my blind date?
Top ten things you don't want to hear from a guy dressed as a leprechaun.
Number two.
I gave my pot of gold to that bastard Bernie Madoff.
Wow.
Wow.
And now, the number one thing you don't want to hear from a guy dressed as a leprechaun.
Want to help drive the snake out of my pants?
Earlier today, when I was told that you were coming out dressed as a leprechaun,
I said
to myself, well, that'll be stupid.
But you look like a billion dollars, my friend.
Thank you.
You really do.
Thank you.
So this tells me that you're Irish, you're celebrating, anything goes.
Well, I don't know if I'm celebrating.
Because St. Patrick's Day is a very serious holiday to me.
You know, we know of it as getting drunk and drinking green beer, but we forget
that in
the fifth century, the real St. Patrick, he chased all the snakes out of
Ireland.
That's right.
So.
We do forget that.
Every St. Patrick's Day, I put on my outfit.
And I walked the streets of New York, educating people on the dangers of snakes.
Try to guess, how many snake attacks, just in last year alone in Manhattan?
In Manhattan?
Wow.
I'm going to guess, and don't take this the wrong way, I'm going to guess it's
a low number.
36,000.
36?
There's a snake attack that occurs in this city every nine seconds.
Now.
Check under your seats, ladies and gentlemen.
Of course you wouldn't know.
I wouldn't know that.
Because the media doesn't want you to know that.
But I'm out there.
I'm out there every St. Patrick's Day.
Wow.
God bless you is all I can say.
And it's tough, you know.
Of course.
So.
Have you yourself ever been attacked by a snake?
Well, no, because I know the tactics to get away from a snake.
Yeah.
And I know the certain parts of the city not to hang out in.
I see.
Oh, the snakes are limited to a certain part of the city.
Well, there's certain areas of population density that you want to stay away
from.
I see.
But it's happened several times.
We've come very close.
Very close, too.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now, are you what they call a herpetologist?
Uh, no.
Yeah?
No.
I'm just concerned about...
It's a concerned citizen.
Citizen.
Yeah.
And, uh...
And don't stay at the W Hotel.
I can't leave you without...
Yes.
There's something that I do in my youth program when I'm educating people about
snakes.
Oh, this is part of the youth program.
Yeah.
And there's a version of an Irish classic that I'd love to sing to you, if that's
all right.
Yes, I'm so sorry.
I completely...
No, that's fine.
If you'll indulge me.
Oh, I love it.
Oh, Donnie boy.
The snakes, the snakes, are calling from the Upper East Side and down from Chinatown.
Don't walk the highline and stay away from Dumbo.
Because in Dumbo, the snakes wear skinny jeans.
I wear this outfit on every St. Patrick's Day.
But all I want is tourists to know about the dangers of snakes.
Oh, Donnie boy.
Oh, Donnie boy.
Watch out for snakes.
The great Will Ferrell, ladies and gentlemen.
God bless you, Will.
Look out for those snakes.
I'm sorry, I almost forgot it.
Will Ferrell, ladies and gentlemen.
All right.
Thank you.

Dave Goes Green For St. Patrick's Day | David Letterman

All right, here we go. Here's our little St. Patrick's Day quiz. Are you ready?
This man calls himself A, O'Grady, B, Mickey, C, the Pope of Midtown.
Good thing we took the glass out of the windows.
This man produces bagpipe music, A, during the parade, B, for the sheer love of
it, C, every time he stands up.
I had an uncle like that once.
Really? What? What do you mean?
Never mind.
There we go.
The green object in the middle is A, an Irish bagel, B, an Irish pretzel, C, an
Irish marital aid.
Oh, yeah? Well, what is this then, huh? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you
know what I'm saying?
In Hollywood, Oscar is king. I'm aware of that.
This colorful parade enthusiast, A, lives for St. Patrick's Day, B, hasn't
missed the parade in years, C, was CBS's original choice to host this show.
They've done a good job.
All right. Savvy New Yorkers recognize this woman as A, the band director, B,
the school principal, C, the hardest working nun in show business.
Let's see.
These men belong to a unit called A, the Fighting 59th, B, the Highlander Regiment,
C, the village people.
Well, there you go.
This gentleman's sash lets you know that A, he's a parade official, B, he's 100%
Irish, C, he's been sanitized for your protection.
Every one of these state troopers has A, served at least 10 years, B, been
decorated, C, stopped me on the Hutchinson Parkway.
All right.
Several times a day, this man hears many people shout, A, God bless you, Father.
B, happy St. Patrick's Day, Cardinal.
C, A, Batman over here.
Ooh, we're going to get a letter from the church.
We're going to get a letter from the church.
Oh, no.
In this scene, we are looking at A, Irish Wolfhounds, B, Irish Setter, C, New
York City Rats.
How about that?
Oh, no, no, New York City Rats.
Thanks very much.
These men now are all veterans of A, Panama, B, Grenada, C, Madonna.
Oh, my God.
No idea.
Are you ready, Paul?
Ready.
Okay, here we go.
And finally, these two people are A, enjoying the music, B, dancing to a
favorite song, C, practicing safe sex.
There we go.
That's our St. Patrick's Day.
We're doing what we can to put you in the St. Patrick's Day mood.
We have something planned especially for you, and this is state-of-the-art.
This is worth the price of your television set there in your living room or
your game room or your den or your basement, wherever you are.
This, ladies and gentlemen, here now, we're going to fill the studio with green
beer.
Wow.
Unplug the taps, boys.
Here we go.
Watch this.
That's something, isn't it?
That's something, isn't it?
That's something.
That's something, isn't it?
Oh, my.
Okay.
All right, drink it.
Take it.
Take the green beer.
All right.
Taking a little longer than we had planned, actually.
In keeping with the theme of the evening, St. Patrick's Day and or blockbuster
movies,
the category tonight is top ten punchlines to dirty Irish jokes.
Okay.
Fair enough.
Category, top ten punchlines to dirty Irish jokes.
Here we go.
Number ten.
She's out in the barn making Bailey's Irish cream.
Number nine.
I thought Dublin was having sex with twins.
Number eight.
Here's one snake St. Patrick didn't chase out of Ireland.
Number seven.
That's not the Blarney Stone, but don't stop kissing it.
Number six.
I saw Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche practicing their Gaelic.
Number five.
Lord of the dance.
More like Lord of my pants.
Very, very impressive.
Number four.
These lucky charms are magically delicious.
Number three.
Keep looking.
I know there's a shamrock in there somewhere.
Number two.
That is my thick Irish brogue.
And yes, I am happy to see you.
And the number one punchline to dirty jokes.
Ted Kennedy.
Letter number four.
Is there really a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?
Sam Tossey, Hyde Park, Massachusetts.
You know what this is?
They got that leprechaun movie.
Have you seen any of this, Paul?
What is this about?
There's a leprechaun movie on NBC.
It's all about leprechaun stuff.
Oh, yeah.
And the kid is talking about it.
And I don't...
Oh, wait a minute.
You know, something odd did happen the other day.
Speaking of leprechauns, it didn't hit me immediately.
But I think...
Yeah, take a look at this.
It was sort of unusual now that I think about it.
Hey, tall fella.
Down here.
Come with me.
I'll lead you to me pot of gold.
Ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha.
Well, there you go.
You know, because St. Patrick's Day is Saturday,
I thought it would be a good idea
to have the New York City Chief of Police,
William DeLace, come out
and give you just a few pointers
about how to have a safe and happy St. Patrick's Day.
Ladies and gentlemen, please say hello
to New York City Chief of Police, William DeLace.
Chief?
St. Patrick's Day is a holiday marked by good times,
good spirits, and good cheer.
Here are some tips for making sure
that this St. Patrick's Day is the best one yet.
First, skip breakfast.
With no food in your system,
the hooch will take effect much more quickly.
Second, St. Patrick's Day is a great opportunity
to show just what you're made of.
Prove that you're a big man
by punching somebody just for the hell of it.
And finally, let's face it,
you're not going to be in any condition
to make it to a bathroom.
So please, by all means,
take a leak anywhere to stretch your fancy.
As always, like we say down in Del Rio,
hasta luego, you low-riding punks.
There you go.
What brand of soap do you use?
Lalaine Bulala, Manila, Philippines.
Well, it's a good question.
The kind of thing I hardly ever think about.
I don't really, I'm not partial to, I don't know,
like Dove, is that a soap?
Yeah, Dave.
Like Ivory?
Yeah.
Dave.
Something like that.
David.
Those are two.
Excuse me, David.
Yes, Alan Coulter, our announcer.
Yes, Alan, what can I do for you?
David, I just wanted to take this opportunity
to mention my favorite brand of soap.
I'm sorry, you want to mention your favorite brand?
I have a favorite brand of soap, Irish Spring.
Irish Spring.
Irish Spring, you know, is, it's soothing,
its rich lather leaves my skin feeling fresh
and revitalized and clean as a whistle.
Now, what, you know, Alan,
that sounded like a commercial.
What was that?
Oh, no, no, I don't know what you're talking about there.
No.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, please.
Oh, please.
I'll plug your damn soap on the show.
Oh, oh, please, mercy.
Oh, I'll do whatever you say.
Ah, ah.
Irish Spring, ask for it by name.
Back to you, Dave.
Thank you very much, Alan.
He was beaten by pixies or something.
Are those pixies or leprechauns?
I don't know.
He denies it, though.
He says nothing happened to you.
No, nothing happened at all.
The category tonight,
the top ten questions to ask yourself
before buying a shillelagh.
A shillelagh.
Ah, buying a shillelagh.
The shillelagh is a traditional Irish walking stick.
Of course.
Often handed down from father to son.
Also, could have one time be used as a weapon
when necessary.
Oh, sure.
Yeah, the shillelagh.
Hit a person with a shillelagh.
Top ten questions to ask yourself
before purchasing a shillelagh.
Here we go, number ten.
Do I need another shillelagh?
Number nine.
Should I pay the extra $10
and get the Mach 3 shillelagh?
Number eight.
In case I need assistance,
is there a shillelagh customer service hotline?
Number seven.
Used shillelagh?
Unsanitary?
Number six.
What does the size of my shillelagh say about me?
Number five.
Where does John Kerry stand on shillelaghs?
Number four.
Should I hold off until the 2005 shillelaghs arrive?
Number three.
Should I just go to the yard and get a stick?
Number two.
Will I get a discount if my name is Shelly?
And the number one question to ask yourself
before buying a shillelagh,
am I comfortable being known as that jackass
with a shillelagh?
But here we have something,
another special treat for St. Patrick's Day.
The guys came to me this afternoon,
the stagehands,
and they said,
Dave, we've put together
what we call a stagehand river dance.
And I said, what?
You guys?
Like the Irish?
And they said, yes.
And I said,
absolutely, we can do it.
We have four stagehands backstage,
and if you're ready,
are they ready?
Okay, go ahead.
Here they are.
It's the Late Show Stagehands River Dance.
Okay, that's plenty.
All right, that's plenty.
No.
Okay.
Before we go any farther, ladies and gentlemen,
it's time to check in with Bruce and Linda,
and let's see what's coming up Saturday
on the Weekend Late Show.
Kids, take it away.
Thanks, Dave,
and happy St. Patrick's Day weekend.
Faith and Bigora.
It's my favorite holiday,
and I'm not even Irish.
Well, you've heard of the luck
of the Irish, though.
And Saturday,
we're going to learn about
Irish superstitions.
Maybe we'll get some insight
into that good fortune.
I'll keep my fingers crossed.
Now, you've probably heard
there's a right way
and a wrong way
to brush your teeth.
Our hygiene reporter,
Candy Sheckman,
has the information you'll need
to keep those choppers
white and bright.
And here's another reason to smile.
Our favorite musical Girl Scouts,
Troupe 114,
are back to perform
a traditional Irish jig
to close out the show.
You won't want to miss it.
Maybe they'll bring along
some of those thin mint cookies.
Oh, those are wonderful.
All that, plus preparing your will,
a chainsaw safety lesson,
and backgammon tips,
Saturday on the Weekend Late Show.
Aaron Gopra,
and back to you, Dave.
Thank you very much.
Bruce and Linda.
Wow.
Fantastic.
What a show.
Well, the category,
Top 10 Things Overheard
at the New York City
St. Patrick's Day Parade
earlier today,
Fifth Avenue,
the New York City
held its
247th...
Oh.
Yeah,
247th St. Patrick's Day Parade?
Yeah, that does seem high.
Really?
Seems high.
That seems high.
I don't know.
Well, yeah,
look at this.
The first parade
was held
March 17, 1762.
There you go.
Yeah.
Oh, and the Grand Marshal
was John McCain.
Exactly what we were
talking about.
I was saying.
Yeah.
Okay, Top 10 Things Overheard.
Number 10.
Is that green beer
or a New York City tap water?
Oh, that's cute.
Number 9.
50,000 people,
200,000 beers,
one bathroom.
Great.
Put your shirt on,
Mr. McGreevy.
This isn't the gay pride parade.
Number 7.
When are they going to
clean up that garbage
from the New Year's Eve parade?
They don't have
a New Year's Eve parade.
What am I talking about?
Number 6.
Some guy just tried
to sell me a bag
of primo-Mexican
four-leaf clover.
Number 5.
Larry!
Oh, jeez.
Oh, God.
You feeling it?
Can you get it out?
Can you get it out?
I don't know.
See if you can grab it.
Oh, this is something else.
Oh.
Oh.
Where is your hand?
What?
Holy cow.
What did you get out?
Wow.
Say hi.
It's worse than I thought.
Okay, thank you.
Number 4.
Want to grab a beer
at Osama's?
Number 3.
No number 3
writer guy drinking.
Number 2.
Letterman's wearing
his green hairpiece.
And the number 1 thing
overheard at the New York City
St. Patrick's Day parade.
That's not a leprechaun.
It's Mayor Bloomberg.
Oh, no, it's these guys.
It's, um, I know, I know you two guys.
It's Joe, right?
Am I right about Joe?
And R.J.
Uh, this is for audience members, typically.
You guys work here, but go ahead.
I'm R.J., I work upstairs.
Yes, I know.
I just mentioned that.
You're Joe, right?
Yes.
Okay, uh, what is the question?
Are we working on St. Patrick's Day?
Uh, yes, I'm sorry.
No, we are working on St. Patrick's Day.
Why?
It's part of the schedule.
We'll be working all week.
Be working every day that week.
And we're working on St. Patrick's Day.
So that's good.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Can we leave early?
No, it's a full day.
Regular hours.
No, it's a full day.
Thank you, though.
You can't leave early.
Can we come in late?
No.
St. Patrick's Day, we're not taking it off.
It's a full day of work.
It's going to be just like every other day here.
So that's what it's going to be.
Thanks for asking, though.
I'm going back upstairs now.
Okay.
Please do.
It was nice talking with you, RJ.
Go back upstairs.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Yeah, okay.
Category tonight, top ten things you don't want to hear from a guy dressed as a
leprechaun.
This is not an actu