Name: Seth Rogen Takes A Dive | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2025-03-26T15:14:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Seth Rogen Takes A Dive | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Seth Rogen Takes A Dive | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-26. Transcript available.

Oh, you look great.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much for dressing up.
I appreciate that.
I did.
I got all dressed.
I heard there were dogs jumping, so I thought, what is the appropriate attire
to go with
that?
Do you have a pet?
Do you have a dog?
I don't have a dog.
My girlfriend really, really wants a dog, like more than anything in the world.
And I refuse to get one because I'm afraid if I get her a dog, it will satisfy
the dog
thirst, and then it will evolve into baby thirst.
Oh.
Because I think it's just, I think it's just, she wants to take care of
something little.
And yeah, I think a dog is like a gateway drug kind of into babies, like what
weed is to
crack, dogs are to babies.
Well, I never thought of it in those terms.
Yeah, that's what it is.
Yeah.
But.
And you're completely opposed to it?
Would you be willing to negotiate this somehow?
I've actually found a negotiation.
Oh, good.
That she, she really hates motorcycles, hates them so much.
So I've told her if she gets a dog, I get to drive a motorcycle.
And truth be told, I don't even want to drive a motorcycle.
I think they're dangerous and scary and loud.
And I don't, I don't even think they let Jewish people buy motorcycles.
Oh, no.
I think, I think that's, you know.
They do?
They allow them?
That's the old days.
It's the old days.
Oh, that's the thing.
64, I think.
Everything's fine, sure.
The first Jew bought a motorcycle.
Exactly, yeah.
Well, I hope you get that hammered out somehow.
But those dogs, I got to say, I mean, they're, I mean, 23 feet, that's pretty
good, I guess,
if you have four legs.
But I'm going to say right now, I'm confident I can jump farther than those
dogs can.
Really?
I, I, I don't think so.
You're talking about leaping from the runway and the end of the pool?
Yeah.
Really?
In your street clothes?
In my street, in the, in a suit, nonetheless.
In the suit.
Yeah, and I've, I've, yeah.
I think I can.
I will see.
We'll, we'll get you some Purina.
Good.
Now, when you're, I, I, I don't know why I keep forgetting this, but you're
from Vancouver.
I'm from Vancouver, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What a great, beautiful, lovely place.
It's so gorgeous up there.
And I'm wondering, in the summertime, when you were a kid, did you take
advantage of all
of the natural beauty and the stuff, the mountains and the water?
I did.
I went to, I went to a summer camp, actually, every summer called, it was a
Jewish summer
camp, actually.
And it was called Camp Miriam.
Just named after a Jewish woman.
Camp Barbara was full, so I, I went to Camp Miriam.
And it was, it was actually, it was a socialist, labor Zionist summer camp.
So, basically, you had to work the whole summer.
You kind of had to.
There's really nothing wrong with that.
I guess not, but it kind of, it removes the vacation aspect of summer vacation.
And it's basically child labor.
I mean, you're, you, you pick a job and you, you know, I, I painted cupboards
one summer
for the entire summer and, and, you know, there was a lot of upkeep to be done.
And you always wonder, why does everything keep breaking?
And then you realize, oh, it's because six-year-olds fix everything.
And that's not a good way to do it.
Well, yeah.
But still, I mean, something to do.
It is something to do.
It's a, it builds character, I think.
That's right.
Yeah.
Now, you've still, I'm guessing, I think we're talking about this.
I know you have family still back in, in Canada.
It's true.
My, yeah, my parents and my grandparents.
And your grandparents.
Yeah.
And what do your grandparents think of all of this?
They must be thrilled, right?
They're very thrilled.
My grandma actually just had her 90th birthday.
90 years old.
90 years old.
That's great.
Yeah, pretty.
Good for her.
Yeah.
And it was funny.
I went back to Vancouver for her 90th birthday party and we had it at this
restaurant.
And all of a sudden, a reporter shows up for her at the birthday party from the
local
Vancouver newspaper.
And my grandmother was like, oh, that's so embarrassing.
How did that happen?
And then I go to the reporter.
I ask him, how did you know about this?
And he said, your grandmother called me and told me.
And I realized, like, she was denying it, but she was trying to, like, drum up
a big press
thing for her, for her 90th birthday.
And she totally sold me out.
Yeah, that's ugly.
But she's actually, her name is Fable Logos, and I should say hello to her.
And she, I put her name in the movie Pineapple Express, because Franco's
character has a
grandmother, and so we named her Fable Logos.
And we made this movie a year ago, and I told her, you know, Bubby, we put your
name in
the movie.
And she said, oh, that's great.
All my friends get to see it.
When does it come out?
And I said, next summer.
And she said, oh, never mind.
All my friends will be dead by then.
But it's only two days away.
She's so close.
Just hold on, Mendelsteins.
You're on the home stretch.
Yes.
Mendelsteins.
Two days.
Now, are you, you're in quite a few films, a very, very busy actor and writer.
And that's great.
Congratulations.
I think it's fantastic.
And I have a faint memory of a conversation that you were going to be in a,
like a super
action, like a.
A super action movie, yes.
Like a superhero kind of deal.
Yeah, I'm doing a big screen adaptation of the 1966 TV show, The Green Hornet.
And I will pray Britt Reid, who is the Green Hornet.
As you can see, there's a lot of fanfare about it.
Please, keep your seats.
I know, it's deafening.
I know.
Don't approach the stage.
The day has finally come when The Green Hornet will be brought to the big
screen.
Now, I don't think I could be The Green Hornet, because I don't look like I
could do anything.
I don't think I do either right now.
So, what is the expectation there from you?
Do you have to be really, really?
I'm trying to get into shape.
I'm trying to start working out.
I mean, do I look any different at all?
Yeah, I think you do.
I look a little different.
You look a little like you've lost a little weight.
Yes, I lost a little weight.
Just by not eating nine cheeseburgers every day, I lost, like, 30 pounds.
That's good.
And I eat balanced meals now.
I ate way too much before, and I started to realize it, because every time I
would order Chinese takeout for myself,
they would bring me, like, seven sets of knives and forks.
And, like, seven fortune cookies.
I'd be like, there's only one of me.
How come that?
But, yeah, I have a personal...
What about a trainer?
I have a personal trainer now.
I got one, and I went into it a little half-assed, because I only hired him
because he lives three blocks away from me.
And I was like, that's not a good way to approach personal training, is, oh, I
won't have to move much in order to get to that guy.
And I'm in terrible shape, is what I've learned, terrible...
What kind of stuff does he have you doing?
He has to be doing crunches, just exercise.
I don't even know what it is.
I just call it exercise.
And it's exercise.
And it's really hard.
I actually, I exercised to the...
I don't know if I'm even pronouncing that word right.
Fine.
Exercise.
You'll get it.
Ten more pounds, and you'll get it.
I'll get it, yeah.
And I exercised to the point where he made me throw up.
Really?
Yeah.
You actually cacked?
I actually cacked.
I don't know what that means, either.
That's what I said.
I'm going to cack.
And I thought, you know, he'd be kind of supportive, you know, about it.
Maybe rub my back or hold my hair or something like that.
Hold your hair.
Hold my hair out of my face.
There was none of that at all.
He seemed totally disappointed in me.
And just like, he's just like, do what you need to do, man.
He wasn't even looking at me.
I thought, like, this is supposed to be supportive.
And then afterwards, he brought me a little cup.
And I thought, oh, it's going to be water or something.
And it was mouthwash.
And I'm like, well, that's for him and not me.
I mean, I don't care.
That's just so he doesn't have to smell my vomit breath.
Yeah, exactly.
My cacked.
My cacked breath.
You'll make a fine Green Hornet.
I'm looking forward to this.
Put the green in the Green Hornet.
Now, yes, sir.
Now, you're headed for the tank.
Is that correct?
I want to try to outjump those dogs.
All right.
23-6, 25-11.
And now is the perfect time to try it because the tank is nice and full of
urine.
Exactly, dog urine and hair, yeah.
Dander.
Swim around in dander.
Are you going to just go out and do it right now?
Let's just do it right now.
All right, Seth Rogen, ladies and gentlemen.
Good luck.
Hot town, summer in the city.
Back in my neck, it's getting dirty and dirty.
It's been down, isn't it a pity?
Doesn't seem to be a shadow in the city.
All around me, we're looking out there, walking on the sidewalk, hotter than a
basket.
What a night is a different world.
Go out and find a girl.
Come on and dance, oh, now we've got to see this girl.
What the way that you can see can be can be like a night in the summer.
It's a city, in the summer, in the summer.
How did he do?
Let's see.
Oh, there's a towel.
Nice job, Seth.
Way to go, buddy.
17 feet.
And by God, he gave it his all.