Name: The Best Of Vince Vaughn | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2025-04-03T16:59:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Best Of Vince Vaughn | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Best Of Vince Vaughn | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-03. Transcript available.

The Best Of Vince Vaughn | David Letterman

You know, I'm not the first one from my family here on your show.
Somebody mentioned that to me this afternoon.
It's true, it's true.
You have a relative who was...
My cousin Jimmy, my cousin Jimmy from Pennsylvania.
Jimmy Vaughn.
Jimmy Vaughn was on, he did a Super Pet Trick.
How long ago was this?
About a year and a half ago.
Is that right?
He was here with his dog, Bruce.
Oh, I remember Bruce.
Do you remember Bruce?
I don't remember Jimmy.
I remember Bruce.
That's how it is for most people.
That's how it is for most people.
But he's got a lot of time on his hands, my cousin Jimmy.
Spits the ice cream and the dog catches it.
Oh, is that right?
I think it's true.
And this is about a year and a half ago.
A year and a half ago.
What does Jimmy do?
Jimmy works with his father.
He's kind of a mama's boy, Jimmy, if you want to get...
No, he's not a mama's boy.
He's not a mama's boy.
He's bigger than me.
He's here tonight.
He's a fabulous, fabulous young man.
Man, bigger than you, and you're a large man yourself.
I'm kind of thin.
I'm tall.
He's got more of the size.
All right, here, you mentioned it.
We have it on videotape.
This is, I believe, it should be the same one you're talking about.
Very cool.
This is your, you say it's your cousin?
My cousin, my first cousin Jimmy Vaughn.
Yes, and Jimmy, Vaughn, and Bruce.
Take a look.
Yeah.
That's cool.
Wow.
When did you start your career in acting?
I moved out from Chicago, where I'm from originally, Chicago, when I was 18
years old, and I got
a big job for Chicago, smaller market, but I got a national Chevrolet
commercial.
So for a kid, that is like a big deal, isn't it?
Yeah, you know, coming from, totally removed from the entertainment industry,
and, you know,
getting a chance to do a national commercial for Chevy was a big deal, and so I
went out
there, and I thought, they're going to be happy to see me.
They'll be waiting at the border.
They'll be waiting at the border for me.
Because of the heartbeat of America, the song groups, you love it.
Everyone loves the heartbeat of America, so I was excited.
What did you do in the commercial?
I think my brother wouldn't let me drive the car, and then I really want to
drive the car,
and he throws me keys, I get to drive the car.
Yay, Vinny.
So on this experience, you decided to pack up everything and go to California.
I said, hey, I'm made.
What do I need?
You know, like Goodfellas, when you get the call.
Had truck sales jumped because of this commercial?
There was a little bit of a rise, yes.
I don't want to brag, you know.
It's like I'm kind of a good luck charm.
You have the lost world, you know, and then the Chevy.
Everything goes through the roof.
The price is going up.
Your ratings tonight, probably a little bit more than usual.
So.
Now, what happens when you get to California, and you start kind of shopping
yourself around?
I had a connection, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like on the inside tip, and I called a large talent agency out there, and I
really genuinely
believed that I was going to be able to shop around a little bit and have my
pick of people.
Yeah.
Not so much when I got there.
But anyway, I called them, and I say, yes, I know so-and-so, their agent gets
on the phone,
and I say, I've just done a national Chevy commercial, and I'm interested in
meeting with
you guys discussing representation.
And they said, you know, Vince, she knew my name at least, but she said, Vince,
we only handle
movie stars.
We don't take undeveloped talent.
So I was judged and labeled a little bit and felt hurt, but I kept going.
And she said, she said, but I can refer you to a small agency.
I said, I'm not completely sure I'm signing with you, ma'am.
I'm shopping around.
I got a national Chevy commercial.
I know not to buy the first apartment.
I might be from Illinois.
Hey, see, I know what's going on.
Did you try to put her in a truck?
Maybe move something that way?
Maybe I would have gotten representation, then.
We have the Chevy commercial.
Do you know the year of this?
1988, I guess.
Here we go.
Take a look, ladies and gentlemen.
Legendary Chevy Camaro.
Remember all the times you told yourself that someday you'd have one.
Welcome to someday.
The heartbeat of America.
That's great, bro.
Subsequent to that, you went to the party at the Playboy Mansion, or was that...
No, that was a different night.
No, no, no.
Craig Kilbourne.
The host of the Late Late Show, right here on CBS.
He invited me.
We'd never been to the Playboy Mansion.
He said, well, I'll go.
You want to come with a message?
Sure.
But he was invited.
I was not invited.
Now, how does he get invited?
I don't know.
He's very popular there in L.A.
Is that right?
Yes.
So he brings me as his guest, and he has a drive-on pass.
And they say, Mr. Kilbourne, okay, who's your guest?
He says, Vince Vaughn.
They say, you can't bring him into the party.
He says, well, I thought you'd bring a guest.
If it's a girl, you can bring a guest.
You can't bring a guy.
So then I humiliate myself by going through my little swingers.
Your money, you ever see that?
You know, this, that.
No, not going to happen.
So we go back, and we have to go where the tram parking is,
and we take a tram back up past the security
because the people at the tram knew who I was,
so I got to, so sad.
And then when we got in the party,
it was like Bob Saget and me and Craig Kilbourne.
What goes on at the party there?
For me, obviously, things go on that night.
Nothing was going on.
I just kind of sat by myself, and that was really it.
I did see the monkey cage.
That was interesting.
And they had some flamingos.
They're walking around, just kind of hanging out at the party.
Is Heff always at one of these things, or he may not be at the party?
No, he was there.
Heff was there tonight, and he had his three girlfriends with him.
Oh, that's right.
The triplets or something?
The triplets, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't judge.
That's not my style.
No, no.
Live and let live.
Do you have pets yourself?
Have you ever had them in your life?
I don't have them now.
A lot of actors and stuff in Hollywood have pets,
but they, like, pet them once a week,
and they take a Christmas photo with them.
They don't, like, walk with them or pay with them.
Is that true?
I think it's fashionable.
I think it's like, hey, yeah, I got some dogs.
Come on in here, boy.
Come on in here, you know, Rowdy, whatever the dog's name is.
But they have, like, people who walk and feed the dog.
They don't do anything.
And I would want to really be a great pet owner.
Well, I think that's admirable.
But no, I don't have any pets.
I had them as a child.
So you said the Hollywood pets are just affectations.
I don't know if I would use those words,
nor do I know if I understand those words.
I see.
I see.
All right, well, I'll accept that.
But I think they're kind of for show.
But when you were, you said when you were a kid you had them,
you had, like, a dog, you had a kid.
My dad's name was Vernon, so my mom liked the double Vs.
I've said it a lot.
So she would look for names in the dictionary to name the dogs.
And if the dog had a name that my mom found interesting,
it would start with the V, that would be the dog's name,
like Vanadis or Vero.
Whatever the meaning was, that was the dog's name.
And they were small dogs because she didn't want to have a lot to look after.
So it would be like a Maltese or something like that.
So we had one, and my mom used to always feed the dog bologna.
It would only eat the bologna.
It wouldn't eat dog food.
And my dad grew up on a farm in Ohio.
And so my mom would go,
that dog just won't eat dog food.
He really loves that bologna.
He won't eat the dog food.
And my dad would say,
well, if you feed the dog bologna all the time,
it's not going to eat the dog food.
But I bet the dog would probably eat the dog food
if bologna wasn't.
I'm telling you, he really loves that bologna.
It would drive my dad crazy.
So she, we all went out of town,
and he stayed home, and it was him and the dog alone.
It was a showdown, is what happened.
You're going to break the bologna habit.
Here's how he did it.
He said the first day in the morning,
he put dog food in the bowl.
He came home from work.
The food was still there.
He went to bed, and the dog was like buzzing around the fridge
wanting the bologna.
He goes to bed at night.
He wakes up in the morning.
The dog food is still in the bowl.
He goes to work.
He comes back, and the dog food was gone.
Ah.
So when we came home, he said,
I did it.
Look at that.
The dog likes it.
I thought the dog would only eat bologna.
But the dog likes the dog food.
And if you feed the dog food,
you know what I mean?
I didn't know.
It was like possessed.
He was not happy with the bologna thing.
Well, that's good.
We were soft kids.
We've disappointed him many times.
Right up.
What do you feed a dog bologna for?
You don't feed a dog bologna.
You feed a dog food.
It ain't good for the dog.
You're not doing it a favor.
Look at the dog food's gone.
Look at it.
Get hungry enough, and he'll eat it.
It's hungry enough, he'll eat it.
I've square danced twice in towns you never heard of.
That dog will eat it.
Wait a minute.
What?
I've square danced in towns?
I've square danced twice in towns you ain't even heard of.
And I'm like, I like it too.
We had Craig Kilborn on, I don't know, three months ago or so.
Is he more man or is he more myth?
I don't know with Craig Kilborn.
And he was talking about a party, I guess, at his house.
Yeah.
And you were there, and Merv Griffin was there.
Yes.
And he told us kind of his version of that evening.
Why don't you fill in the blanks?
I think Craig Kilborn's very funny.
I think he's one of the funnier guys I know.
I like Craig very much.
And he had a party at his house.
But see, I don't know why he has to go around,
like, he has to tell the people who was there,
like, is it enough that he knows who was there for him?
I don't know.
But I go there.
And Merv Griffin is one of the guys at the party.
Merv Griffin.
I'm a guy from Illinois, whatever.
To me, that's Merv Griffin.
That's interesting.
Yeah.
But I'm going to talk to Merv Griffin.
But then I'm talking to Merv Griffin,
and everyone knows Merv Griffin's loaded.
But I don't want to talk to him.
He's got a lot of money.
He's got a lot of, yeah.
He's got some cash.
He's a wealthy man.
Not that that means anything,
but, like, people are talking to Merv,
and they're all looking at him like they might get a project going.
It's like, how have you been?
Well, I've been all right.
I've got an idea for something.
You know what I mean?
And Merv's, like, kind of fielding stuff.
I like where everything is like.
All of a sudden, the time comes,
Merv's going to play the piano for everybody.
He's going to play the piano is what he's going to do.
So he goes and he plays, like, songs and sings,
and the whole party comes.
I don't know.
I find this to be odd.
It was a nice thing, but it was strange.
We all went to sit in a room.
Like, when you were a little kid,
you might put on a skit,
and your grandparents would sit and watch the skit.
And they would go,
Oh, my goodness, that's really great.
You guys are sailors, or whatever you would do.
Or the professor with a secret.
Or the professor with a secret.
That's right.
That's right.
So we'd all sit and watch him play the piano,
and he did a very good job,
but I found it, like, strange a little bit.
Like, it'd be one thing if he's like,
but it was like a thing, like,
Merv's going to play the piano.
Just wait.
Merv's going to play the piano.
And the whole people come,
and we all sit like this.
Like, it was like, you're in high school,
and, like, there's no math class today.
There's a special event.
But it's great, though.
Wasn't it great?
A phenomenal piano player and phenomenal singer.
But there was a lady there.
It's unclear who she was with.
No one claimed her.
But she was going to sing the blues.
Do you know what I mean?
Oh, yeah.
She was going to sing.
So Merv was a swee