Name: Dave Wears The Suit Of Suet | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2025-05-07T15:01:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Wears The Suit Of Suet | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Wears The Suit Of Suet | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-07. Transcript available.

We got a good show tonight, Paul. Don't we have a good show?
Yeah, it looks like a pretty good, pretty good little show.
Ladies and gentlemen, let me, uh, what do you mean, what do you mean pretty
good?
Pretty nice little show, I think.
It's a good show. It's not a little show. Tonight is a big show.
Because, ladies and gentlemen, tonight I'm going to do something on our program
right here on this stage
that's never been done, to my knowledge, anywhere in American television.
I think they did it once in the Philippines, but never, never here in the
United States.
And I'm going to tell you what it is. Tonight, wake the kids, phone the
neighbors.
Tonight, I will, I will be walking among the animals in a suit of suet.
Yeah.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you. Which, by the way, I believe is the name of the new hit, uh, Phil
Collins single, isn't it?
Suit of, suit of suet? Was that?
Suit of suet, yeah.
Suit of suet. I don't know what the hell that is.
Suit of suet. Now, is Phil Collins going to be on the show or not?
Now, I got a note today from Sondra Furt, and she says,
do you want Phil Collins to sing Su Su Sudio?
Yeah.
He's got like a hundred other songs he can sing, right?
Yeah.
We don't, we don't need Su Su Sudio.
So, are you going to ask him to sing something different?
Well, sure. We don't, we don't need that, do we?
Well, it's his, he's going to want to do it.
Why?
It's his new big record, you know.
Well, it's so big, he doesn't need to do it here.
He doesn't need to do it.
That's how big the record is.
This will be something between you and he.
Maybe there's, maybe an instrumental version.
Or maybe, maybe we can, maybe we can convince the guy to write substitute
lyrics instead of
that embarrassing Su Su Sudio, ladies and gentlemen.
Special lyrics.
Special lyrics.
Su Su, suit of suet.
Yeah.
Well, let me ask you something.
Is there anybody here in this room who can say Su Su Sudio without feeling like
a complete jerk?
The guy from Atlantic City.
We, just before the show began, we had a man who stood up and introduced
himself as being someone from Atlantic City.
And he said, this show better be funny.
And, and you, you don't feel like a jerk when you say that.
Not at all.
Okay.
Uh, have you ever felt like a jerk before in your life?
Have you?
So, so it's not like you're keeping a secret from yourself then, is it?
Okay.
Uh, well.
Uh, anyway, what I wanted to, now who's hissing?
Please don't hiss.
We're, we're three minutes into this thing.
Please don't hiss yet.
I can understand after it's over.
If you want to hiss, fine.
Okay.
Uh, anyway, now if you don't know what suet is, suet is, uh, uh, pork fat,
rendered fat with, uh, uh, bird food suspended in it.
That's what it is, isn't it?
Paul?
Oh, like Paul would know.
Uh, but this has never been done anywhere, ladies and gentlemen.
And I'm not the kind of person who makes these wild claims up just to get
viewers.
No, no.
We're doing this for the first time anywhere.
You've never seen it, have you, Bill?
And you were in the Navy.
No.
Were you in the Navy?
No.
Oh.
Anyway, I'm going to put on this giant suit of suet and I'm going to walk among
the animals.
Yeah.
Well, we've got animals.
What do you, what do you mean?
Didn't you folks bring animals?
No, we have, we have plenty of animals.
I'll be in there.
It'll be great.
Just trust me.
Here's what you do.
Doze through the first 25 minutes of the show.
But long around midnight, or what, what, one, one o'clock, watch it.
It'll, it'll be great.
Now, let's get on with this mess, can we?
This guy from Atlantic City got me all upset.
Got a, got a t-shirt on it that says the director.
A lot of your really big directors wear t-shirts.
Martin Scorsese, I think, wears one that says the director.
John Huston has one that says the director.
Spielberg, I think, has one that says the director.
Thank you very much.
We have a, we have a wonderful program, uh, lined up for you, ladies and
gentlemen.
And first, take a look at this.
This was, uh, this was laid, actually, by one of the animals that will be in
the cage with
me later.
So we're doubly proud here tonight at late night.
That's the suit of suet coming up moments from now.
See, did you hear the animals?
Goats?
We have a, uh, we have a, a whole range of animals about this.
Uh, here we go.
This, this will be, this will be our first look at the suit of suet.
Walk this way, shall we?
Pardon me.
All right, here it is, ladies and gentlemen.
We, because of the delicate nature of suet itself, we have to keep it refrigerated.
Here are the chunks of suet.
We, of course, have carrots for some of the four-legged animals.
More suet.
And I believe down the legs will also have, uh, in addition to the suet and the
carrots
will have some, uh, goat's milk.
Uh, the weight, you're asking yourself at home?
The weight is about 75 pounds, and it took an eight-man crew working around the
clock
two weeks to construct the suit of suet.
Ladies and gentlemen, you're just moments away from the greatest spectacle in
stupidity.
We'll be right back.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome back to the show.
This, then, is the suit of suet, and, uh, people say, well, Dave, how does it
smell?
And, uh, let's take a look at the whole thing.
You can see all these greens.
It smells, it smells a little like a Kmart salad bar.
Ah.
This is, uh, this is the woman who, who actually built the, the suit for us.
This is a Susan Hum.
Susan, and you made most of this in a grocery store, didn't you?
Yeah, I started in my neighborhood at the Key Food on Montague Street.
We have some photos of that, I believe.
This has all been captured on film.
Yeah, there it is.
And they're hoping from the proceeds of the show tonight to fix their sign.
And, uh, and then you, then you, uh, you bought all of the stuff there?
Well, what I got was, uh, the, uh, the mesh.
And Danny got all the supplies and all the suet.
All right.
Out in Long Island.
Okay.
And then, and then you built it in a cooler, didn't you?
Yeah.
In a, in a refrigerator.
There she is.
There's Susan with the suit in a walk-in cooler.
Was it a lot of fun for you?
Very cold.
All right.
Thank you very much, Susan.
Nice job.
This is the sort of thing Elvis would wear.
Elvis would wear something like this as he's working a convention of really
serious vegetarians,
you know.
Uh, and, uh, Danny Blyer, you, you got the animals for us?
Yes, I did.
All right.
Now, tell us about the animals in the cage.
Well, we have, uh, ducks and, uh, just assorted rabbits, lop-eared rabbits, angora
rabbits.
We've got a turkey, some goats, and various birds.
Various birds.
Uh, Danny, would it be safe to say that, uh, that virtually every species of
animal in the
world is represented here tonight?
Yeah, it'd be safe to say.
Okay.
Good enough.
All right.
Uh, in a second now, ladies and gentlemen, let me put on the helmet here.
I'll be going in there.
Now, yeah, put on the, uh, things.
All right, these are, uh, goggles for obvious reasons.
Now, all afternoon, people from insurance companies and the executive, uh, NBC
Executive
Tower have been saying, Dave, what if something goes wrong?
Well, that's why we have Al Frisch standing by.
Al, come on in here.
Al, if anything happens that seems untoward, empty one gun, throw it down, and
then empty
the other one, all right?
All right.
Okay, fine.
okay Paul do we have music for this all right I'm now entering the pen to walk
among the animals as if a human buffet God bless us all oh you don't need the
chin strap I don't think all right back in boys back in hold it come on come on
everybody in here we go come on if you leave now you won't be admitted later
come on I don't want
to well there are the ducks going for something let me get over here in the
middle if I could
oh my god from the uh from the looks of the grounds of the pen these animals
have been fed once today
all right any minute now
uh what what's the old joke that's no goat well that's no carrot either but you
know
I mean come on everybody come on get in on this come on boys here we go
oh we have about the only takers are apparently the rabbits aren't they how do
you get the birds
that come here come here you guys aren't doing anything come here come here
come here herb come
here yeah oh there's something oh hi all right uh I guess once they get
accustomed to me they'll be down
you know they're feeding on me until they're senseless you know if we'd realize
there was going to be this
kind of frenzy we'd probably made two suits
ladies and gentlemen just keep saying this to yourself this is the only thing
on NBC right now
it's not the today show it's not the tonight show it's not tom broke on the
news I'm in here in a cage
with animals trying to feed the rabbit pellets all right then
we'll just give it a few more minutes eight or 10 minutes and then we'll load
up the water ski film
what was that oh the parrot was deciding to do chin-ups he's so bored what the
hell is this
yes sir come on down can I get you something are you all right here now he's
gonna fall off of there
I don't know what to do Al do you know anything about getting a parrot back up
on a log there
there there he goes oh
now the other little birds are gonna bomb him while he's down let me uh oh
sorry can I what do you do
what do you do for this thing reach up and I don't know okay yes sir people
okay now you're gonna fall
off of there and get hurt you know yeah there now try and stay upright forever
oh okay well he's he's
all right he's a special stunt parrot we're gonna we're gonna do a commercial
okay okay don't leave the
sets ladies and gentlemen we're only gonna be gone for a minute but we'll be
right back the excitement
continues
all right we'll see if they go for the suit without me excuse me I'm coming in
again boys
uh this place is a dump here you go there you are yeah knock yourselves out you
know out here in the
country we have a whole different kind of respect for nature all right oh watch
the bunny okay all right
ladies and gentlemen when you phone the museum of broadcasting trying to get a
hold of a copy of
all right let's see what's going on for tonight's tape it was the suit of suet
ask for it
see we thought the the animals would just race right to me and and peck the
flesh off my very
bones but weren't quite that lucky were we let's see what old dave has in his
shoe tonight
yes sir a little more in there hotel accommodations for most guests of late
night
with david letterman we're finished by berkshire place an omni classic hotel in
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