Name: Dave's Audience Warm Up From 2015 | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2025-05-20T15:01:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Audience Warm Up From 2015 | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Audience Warm Up From 2015 | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-20. Transcript available.

*Cheering*
Thank you so much, everybody. How are you? How are you? How are you?
How are you? How are you?
I'm here, Chris Paul Street. We're a musical director.
CBS, Mark Kester.
There's a guy in a little t-shirt right there, sir.
Yeah, that looks good. Is that a new item?
What? Did you purchase it recently? Did you get it at the delicatessen?
Yes, sir.
Does it still smell like ham?
What did you pay for that shirt? That's a nice-looking shirt.
Alan, take care of the man.
You know, a lot of people...
If you want to buy stuff, you go online.
Here, you have to go to Australia.
Thanks, Alan. Thank you, sir.
I'll tell you, wait, you guys, did you just come from the beach?
I'm just gonna... Look at this, look at this couple down here in the front row.
Yes, yes.
I knew the bull and what makes you feel like.
That's exactly right.
Normally, if you've been... The show's been on the air in one form or another
for over 30 years.
It's embarrassing.
That's right.
It's not that good.
It hasn't been that good.
But here, when I announced that I was leaving the show, then the show started
getting good.
That always happens.
That always happens.
That happens.
That happens to you to your morning show.
I know.
I should have announced it 10 years ago.
Yeah, that's right.
And tonight, you folks, I don't know how you got here or what you're doing here,
but don't worry.
It's a pretty good night to be here, so thank you again for making it happen to
be here.
Anybody have any questions?
Yes, they're right there.
Hand went up immediately.
What was your name?
Jason.
Jason, where are you from?
Collegeville, Pennsylvania.
Collegeville, Pennsylvania, the home of what college?
Bursitis.
Huh?
Bursitis.
Bursitis.
Have you ever heard of a bursitis college?
No, sir.
What do you do for a living there?
I'm the principal of an elementary school.
Oh, my God.
God bless you, sir.
Are we spending enough money on education?
We can always spend more, Dave.
In your estimation, where are we now?
A little lower, or just we need more?
We need more, Dave.
I need more.
You know, I know, I know, but I think you're being diplomatic about this,
because people tell me that the United States is way behind in the per capita
spending for
education.
Anyway, how are the kids today?
Are they okay?
They're wonderful.
They're not punks, are they?
No, sir.
What do you do if you get a punk in your office?
What do you do to them?
We talk about it.
Can you talk a punk out of being a punk?
All right.
What was your question, sir?
I was here 17 years ago, and you validated my parking, and I was wondering if
the late
...
Where did you park?
Hamilton, New Jersey.
Wait a minute.
How?
And then you take the ferry over or something?
The train.
The train.
So how would I, what do you want?
I'll pay your train ride home.
What was it?
$60.
Alan?
$60.
Alan, take care of the car.
My God.
The price is right here.
What is your name?
Jessica.
Jessica, where are you from?
I grew up in Coldwater, Ohio, an hour away from Muncie.
Coldwater, Ohio.
So you're kind of in the western part of Ohio.
I grew up in Coldwater, Ohio.
So you're kind of in the western part of Ohio.
I grew up in Coldwater, Ohio.
So you're kind of in the western part of Ohio.
I grew up in Coldwater, Ohio.
I grew up in Coldwater, Ohio.
I grew up in Coldwater, Ohio.
I grew up in Coldwater, Ohio.
I grew up in Coldwater, Ohio.
So you're kind of in the western part of Ohio.
Yes.
An hour away from Muncie, Indiana.
Did you ever go to Muncie?
Oh, yeah.
I have friends that went to Ball State.
It's a cesspool, isn't it?
Yes.
It's a great city for me.
What is Coldwater like?
The farming community?
Yeah, absolutely.
Are you close to Fort Wayne, Indiana?
About an hour and 15 minutes.
Hour and 15 minutes.
And so what big city are you close to in Ohio?
Lima or Dayton.
And so you would come over to Muncie for a big time?
If we wanted to go out to eat, we went every three months for shopping and some
restaurants.
If you wanted to go out to eat, what?
Fine dining at its finest.
Muncie, Indiana.
A hot meal at a fair price.
Wow.
Where do you live now?
Are you still in Ohio?
I'm in Columbus, moving to Cincinnati.
Columbus, Cincinnati is happening, isn't it?
Yeah.
What do you do for a living?
He's graduated from pharmacy school.
Oh, well.
Let me ask you a question.
You know all about pharmacies.
Yeah.
Pharmaceuticals.
I don't know.
Plus passion, but maybe.
Psychotropic medication.
No, for my percent.
What does psychotropic mean?
It means it works on the brain?
Is that what it does?
Yeah.
And it can alter it.
Can alter it.
Thanks, yeah.
Do you want to think about benzodiazepine?
What do I want to do?
There's a whole group of people over there.
Benzodiazepine club.
Yeah.
What would be a therapeutic dosage on a benzodiazepine?
Hang on which one, but...
Wait, okay.
Pick your favorite.
I don't mean that.
Pick your most popular.
The one that people are always trying to get a hold of.
What about Xanax?
Xanax?
Xanax?
Yeah.
Now, Xanax is short-acting, isn't it?
Yeah.
It kind of comes with you.
It's like if you're...
Well, if you say you're a nervous flyer.
Yeah.
You might take a Xanax for the flight.
How many milligrams would be?
You can ask for the audience.
I think you know better.
The people in the audience seem to have quite an acquaintances with Xanax.
Yeah.
But as a professional, what are we talking about?
I would say you go from 0.5 to 2, maybe if it's just one client.
0.5 up to 2?
2 milligrams.
I think you could maybe do, yeah.
2 milligrams.
Boy.
I had to start doing more flying.
Okay.
And what was your question?
So, I grew up in a small town.
I just got the travel bug.
I just went to Ireland.
So, any other suggestions on where I should go next?
That's pretty much it.
I think you're done.
Oh, what about Scotland, if you want to go back to that part of the world?
I will go to Scotland.
People tell me Scotland, I've seen pictures of it, but it's uncommonly
beautiful Scotland.
The coast and the whatever they call it and stuff.
But they find that there are tiny, tiny little bugs that bite you and flap your
nose and are
really unpleasant in the summertime.
So, but I'm sure you could write yourself something for that.
You ready to go?
Alright, well, you did a great show.
Thank you very much for being here, everybody.
I'm very glad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here we go!
Here we go!
Here we go!