Name: Chris Farley Trashes The Audience | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2025-06-06T15:00:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chris Farley Trashes The Audience | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chris Farley Trashes The Audience | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-06. Transcript available.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back to the program our old friend Chris
Farley.
I'm going, I'm going.
I'm going, I'm going.
Oh no.
Hey Gary, you all right?
I got to go.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
How you doing, buddy?
Here, let me help you with that.
You busted your microphone.
Dave, do you ever have shooting pains in your arm and chest?
Is that all right?
Let me fix you right up, son.
Oh, Dave.
Thank you, sir.
Maybe you should cut back on the candy.
Yeah.
The holidays were brutal.
I've done this show an awful long time.
That right there, sir, enjoy this, was the finest entrance a guest has ever
made.
Congratulations on the movie.
You and David Spade, you got you the number one film in the country last week.
The big debut week.
It was a box office blockbuster.
Yeah, I was pretty excited about that.
You let me know when you're ready to talk.
I should have done some more stretching back there.
See what I can do?
I've been stretching lately, Dave.
Yeah, oh, that's...
Look at that.
God, for a second.
Dave, I'm having trouble.
Dave, I can't get off.
I know.
You busted, Chris.
You busted the set.
Look at this.
Look at this.
He actually moved the thing.
I'm sorry.
Here, let me.
There.
Thank you.
Good God.
I'm sorry.
You told me to do that.
That's some power.
That's some power.
When you were in school, were you athletic?
Did you play sports and stuff?
You looked like you probably were on the football team or something, huh?
I did.
I played football and wrestled.
Yeah.
But then, before that, they were trying to find a sport for me.
And my mom put me in all these other sports like, I can't breathe, Dave.
She even put me in like swimming and stuff.
Oh, you know.
You weren't a swimmer, were you really?
Let's face it, Dave.
I didn't look too good in a Speedo.
Oh, my...
Clab was hanging over my suit.
They thought I was naked.
But, uh...
But then, uh...
They were applauding because I'm fat.
Oh.
Yeah.
Oh, but, uh...
Then my dad, he just had too big a heart to have me go through that.
So he pulled me out.
Well, he got you off the swim team.
Yeah, he got me out of the swim team and put me into hockey.
Yeah.
Oh, hockey. You played some hockey.
Played a little hockey.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Everyone goes, "Oh, is that your goalie?"
I played defense.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
But, um...
Then, uh...
Yeah, 'cause swimming didn't work out.
But then I stuck to football and wrestling.
God!
That's what's happening.
All right.
You know, we should get somebody down here to give these a crack with the steam.
Because...
Yeah.
You've bent your collar.
I'll tell you what.
We'll take a break here.
Let you get some...
We'll get some, uh...
CPR guys in here working on it.
We have a couple, Chris, on tonight.
Been married 74 years.
Oh, man.
Isn't that amazing?
That is amazing.
That's a very nice story.
Today is their anniversary.
We're gonna chat with them a little bit later.
Oh, my gosh.
That's great.
You wanna rough them up a little?
You look wonderful in green.
Yeah, I think it's slimming.
Now, let's talk about...
Let's talk about the, uh, the film, uh, Black Sheep.
Uh, when, you know, when the thing was finished,
there probably were screenings and, uh, premieres and stuff.
Did you invite your family to come out and see the film?
Oh, I wanted them to come out to Los Angeles and see it.
But, except, uh, my dad couldn't make it.
He was, uh, shampooing the rug or doing some laundry.
So, no, so I, I, um, asked, uh, them if they'd show the, the film to my parents
before the, uh...
That's nice.
Before it opened.
And so I brought to Madison.
Oh, you brought the film into Madison, Wisconsin.
Yeah, I brought it to Madison, Wisconsin.
Oh, that's great.
And so my dad and mom had a party.
Yeah.
And, uh, we watched the film.
And then, uh, my mom had a gathering at, uh, Pizza Parlor, uh, right across the
street from the movie theater.
That was really fun.
Were they happy with the movie?
Oh, yeah, they were, they were pretty happy.
Except for my mom, that, of course, there's always something that she finds a
little racy.
Uh-huh.
And so there's one, uh, where, you know, I was working on a car and then, uh,
the half of my fanny was falling out of my pants.
Uh-huh.
And my mom was like, "Oh, Lord, Christopher!"
It was a lot of fun.
My uncle, uh, Uncle Steve was, like, heckling it.
You know, and they'd, they'd show Tim Matheson or something like that in the
movie.
And my Uncle Steve would, like, go, "Hey, Christopher, is that you?"
And then we went to the Pizza Parlor afterwards with my family and stuff and
friends.
So it was fun.
Everybody enjoyed it, more or less?
Yeah, it was great.
What is the relationship you have with your dad and your mom?
Were you closer to one or the other when you were a kid?
Did you get along better with your mom or your dad?
Well, they beat the heck out of me equally.
No, they were, uh, they, uh, they were great.
I love them so much, both of them, you know?
Yeah.
And, um, I love them a lot.
Uh, but I probably gave my, uh, mom a lot more, you know, trouble on a daily
basis.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
And, um...
God, what am I saying?
I don't even know what the heck I'm saying.
I love them both.
That's all I say.
I didn't, I didn't mean to put you on the spot there.
Hold me too.
Hold me too.
Hold you as a...
Hold me too.
Hold you as a...
Do you have, uh, oh, Valentine's Day, Chris?
Yeah, that's a biggie.
Do you have plans for Valentine's Day?
Not for me.
Is there a special lady in your life?
Dave, I can't hold down a woman.
I try as hard as I can.
We go along good for a couple of months and then I come home and it's, dear Tubby,
I'm out of here.
No, really?
I'm sorry to hear that.
Yeah, but, uh, I know somewhere that she's out there.
So you keep looking for the right woman.
Yeah, you know, but then, uh, Valentine's Day is really funny because, uh,
sometimes we, uh, we always laugh around our family and stuff.
And I always give my sister Barbara Ann a present, uh, signed by my little
brother Kevin and Johnny.
Uh-huh.
And, uh, then she opens it up and it's like, uh, Victoria's Secret lingerie or
something like that.
My dad goes, ah, ah, ah, ah.
And then my mom's like, oh, that's terrible.
You know, that's the, the, the, that's how it always goes around.
Ah!
You know.
Uh, did you do anything when the film opened and was such a success?
Have you done anything to celebrate?
Are you...
Well, I've, uh, gone to a lot of dinners.
Yeah.
You can tell that.
No.
Yeah.
He had a couple of Tebow steaks.
Wow.
What do you, what do you, what is the success between, uh, with you and, and
David?
How do you guys work?
I love David.
Yeah.
He is hilarious.
Yeah, he's very nice, very funny man.
Definitely.
Yeah.
He always cracks me up and, uh, he just, like, exaggerates everything to a huge
proportion and stuff like that.
And, like, uh, you know, I get on his nerves a lot, you know?
And, uh, sometimes when he, uh, comes to the set, uh, he'll go, I got an idea,
how about this?
I smash Tubby in the head with a shovel, throw him through a plate glass window,
kick him in a fanny, throw him in the fire.
He'll light on fire and I'll say something clever like, "Hey, this is the fat
dogs already."
Oh God, I hope they like that one.
Uh, what are you doing now?
You making another film?
Yeah, Beverly Hills Ninja.
Oh my.
Oh my.
So I do a little karate.
Hiya!
I split my pants.
All right, no, don't.
No, so, me in a ninja outfit.
You guys do the math.
Yeah, well, I'm sure it will be very successful.
And again, congratulations.
Do you want to hang around and meet this couple?
I'd love to.
Okay.
All right, Chris.
To me, he was the most handsome man on earth.
No, no.
Have you, have you taken a good look at Chris Farley?
Watch it, Joe!
Oh man.
Oh my God.
It's their anniversary, Chris.