Name: Scarlett Johannson's Awkward Lap Dance | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2025-06-30T15:00:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Scarlett Johannson's Awkward Lap Dance | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Scarlett Johannson's Awkward Lap Dance | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-30. Transcript available.

You look wonderful.
Thank you.
What a beautiful dress.
What a beautiful woman.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Are you going somewhere later, or is this for the show?
It's for the show.
Oh, God bless you.
Very nice.
Thank you.
I always like to.
You look wonderful.
Thank you very much, Kate.
Thank you.
How has your summer been?
How's the rest of the summer?
Do you have anything planned?
It's been good, actually.
I'm just sort of relaxing, and I've been having a nice summer.
I've got some kind of bad news, though.
Oh, what's that?
Which is that I have to get all four of my wisdom teeth removed,
which I hear is kind of painful and horrible,
and I've known for years and years,
and every time a dentist tells me,
I just change and get a new dentist,
and they keep telling me.
Yeah.
Now, let's start at the beginning here.
What is the problem?
What are the symptoms?
Well, as you can imagine, my teeth kind of hurt.
Oh, so you actually have pain.
Well, it's minimal pain.
I'm waiting until I get a really bad abscess,
and then I'm going to have it.
I think that makes good sense.
Wait for the abscess.
Now, are these impacted?
Yes.
The lower ones are slight.
Wow, you're really interested.
I'll tell you something.
I have my own nightmare with this.
I had an impacted wisdom tooth,
and the guy says,
come on up, it's not a problem.
This is like an oral surgeon.
Go to an oral surgeon.
Are you going to an oral surgeon?
Yes.
Where else would you go?
Well, I don't know.
A guy in a Buick.
You want to avoid that?
And they give you a little thing.
Bang.
You're in Tweetyville.
Yeah.
And then you wake up,
and it was like a week of the worst pain
I've ever endured in my life.
Why are you telling me this?
Well, now, wait a minute.
Now, wait a minute.
Here's what happened.
In closing it up after they yanked the tooth,
which, by the way, I have at the house,
and if I had known,
I'd have brought it in.
I believe you.
They inadvertently sutured a nerve.
A nerve.
And so when I finally couldn't take it a second longer,
I went back,
and the guy says,
hmm, let me see what happens
if I remove this suture,
and bingo, I was fine.
Yeah, so be very, very careful.
So I'll make sure to get the name
of that oral surgeon to know.
No, he's good.
I think it was just horseplay.
I see.
But now,
are they going to do them all four at once?
I think I'm just going to have them
all taken out at once,
but I really don't want to go under the anesthetic
because I don't,
that feeling of waking up,
I don't know why they wake,
why do they wake you?
You're so tired,
and you've never been so tired in your whole life,
and when they wake you up,
you just think,
what, this feels so wrong.
All you want to do is sleep.
It's horrible.
Why don't they let you sleep at all?
Because they're worried
that maybe you're dead.
No.
They want to,
they want to,
they're covering themselves.
They don't want that to happen.
But,
you should do it,
you should do it,
and get it done sooner rather than later,
and you'll feel so much better
after they're gone,
except that you have
a couple of years of this.
Are you counting them?
No, no, no, because there will be,
there will be little small craters
where the tooth came out.
What is wrong with me?
Well, it's true.
I have to get this done.
Well, yeah,
but it's not painful,
but you'll just be checking them out
because they say,
oh, don't worry,
those will fill in over time,
and mine did,
after about eight years.
That's horrible.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You're just a kid,
and I don't want to ask you
how old you are,
but I'll guess,
you're like 22?
21.
Whoa, Nellie.
Well, there you go.
I am 21.
Yeah.
What a career for a 21-year-old.
At what age did you start acting?
I started acting when I was seven.
Wow.
What was the stage production
kind of thing?
I did it,
I had a really small part
in a play off-Broadway
called Sophistry,
and then I started making films,
and I made films every year,
every summer,
and, you know,
it was good
because I wasn't in school
in the summertime,
so I would go and work.
Yeah.
As a child,
did you enjoy that activity?
It must have been
terribly exciting for you, huh?
It was,
and I was fortunate
because I was able
to have some summers
where I wasn't,
you know,
working,
and I could go to,
I went, like,
to a day camp one summer,
and it was both very,
it was very joyful
and kind of terrifying
at the same time.
Yeah.
I think that's the fun
of being a kid.
I don't know.
Well, it was just,
it was just that
when I went to the camp,
there's, you know,
are you familiar
with the sport dodgeball?
Of course you are, right?
Yes, everybody is.
It's a horrible game.
It really is.
It's an awful game.
I would go,
every, you know,
I was really happy
to go and do enameling
and lanyard
and all of those things
and gymnastics,
and then, like,
every Wednesday,
there'd be gym,
and I knew
that I was going
to be stuck.
It was horrible
because I was, you know,
seven and about
49 pounds or something,
and I would always
hide behind the other kids
while, like,
35 other kids
pelted this horrible
rubber ball,
and then I would be
the only one standing,
and I would have
to run around.
I would hide behind,
like, mascots
or kids on the field
playing other games,
and it was horrible.
It was so awful.
It's a horrible game
to give to kids.
It's an awful game
because, invariably,
the big balloon ball
just catches you
right on the face there.
I know.
It was awful,
and especially me,
I would just,
and then it would be
so long, the game,
that they would just say,
forget Scarlet,
and we'll just play
another game
and start all over again,
and every man for himself.
I just, I like a team,
you know what I mean?
Exactly, that's right.
Sure, part of a team.
Like I'm on a team.
Yeah.
Now, when you turned 21,
you celebrated at Disney World
or Disneyland?
Well, when I turned 20,
I had a birthday
at Disneyland,
but this year,
Oh, that's right.
That's right.
Yeah, my brother
wanted to go to a strip club,
so we went there.
Strip club?
Yeah.
Well, what's that for?
I mean, why?
Did you want to?
Well, Disneyland's
all the way in California,
and we were in New York,
so we went to a strip club instead.
Yeah.
So it's the obvious
alternate destination.
And did, I mean,
do women enjoy
that sort of thing?
Well, some women do.
But I thought,
you know,
my brother wanted to go,
and he had the time
of his life,
and I went,
and I thought,
oh, it would be funny,
we'd round up the family
and everything.
Well, the family goes.
Well, no,
you know, family and friends.
Family and friends,
sure.
Yeah, well,
you know,
it spans generations,
the club,
you know what I mean?
Yeah, that's right.
So we got there,
and of course,
somebody ordered me
a lap dance,
which, you know,
of course,
I first,
first I went,
you know,
like, no, no, no,
and then I thought,
okay, I will.
Yeah.
And this girl,
she was very,
you know,
I always don't,
never know what,
I don't,
not always,
because, of course,
this was one of my
first experiences
at the club.
Uh-huh, sure, yeah.
But I didn't know,
I never know what to say.
I sort of say things like,
are you in school?
And...
Are you in school?
You know,
is Candy your real name?
But I had a,
I had a very strange experience.
Wow,
and what was the experience?
Well, I had this sort of...
I mean, first of all,
isn't it embarrassing?
I mean, I mean,
I've never had a lap dance,
and I know that I...
But I think I would,
I would find it exciting
and embarrassing a little bit.
What kind of music is that?
That's sister boys
having a little fun over there.
Is that a heartbeat?
Yes, yes,
it's a heartbeat, Scott.
Yeah.
So, what was your experience?
Well, I had this very tall girl.
She was like,
I don't know,
she was Amazonian.
She was like this tall,
really, really,
really skinny girl,
and she was quite manic
and strange,
and so she's kind of
gyrating into me,
and she was so thin
that her pelvic or hip bone
or some kind of bone
bruised me.
It was horrible.
I mean,
what I mean to say
is that there's,
you know,
she was being all sexy
and there's areas
that just bruise easily,
and I,
I was uncomfortable.
Well,
happy birthday.
Thank you.
Let's,
um,
take a look
at a clip here.
This is,
uh,
you and Woody Allen
and,
uh,
who else am I,
oh,
oh,
oh,
what's his name?
The guy,
uh,
from New Zealand,
uh,
uh,
Hugh Jackman.
Yeah.
Yes,
that's him.
And,
uh,
it's the three of us.
It's called Scoop
and it's a,
it's a,
it's a little,
a crime,
uh,
it's funny,
it's not a spoof,
but it's a thing,
right?
It's kind of an old-fashioned,
um,
Woody Allen comedy.
Whodunit,
sure.
And,
uh,
this,
I think this,
this,
uh,
this piece of the film
that you're about to show,
this clip is,
um,
Woody and I
and we're in the country
and we're pretending
to be father and daughter
and,
um,
investigating Hugh Jackman's
character as a possible
crime suspect.
All right,
Scoop,
it opens on Friday.
It's Scoop.
Well,
good luck with your teeth.
Thank you,
James.
You look beautiful.
Thank you very much.
Always a pleasure.
Scoop,
it opens on Friday.
Scarlett Johansson.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.