Name: Dave Blitzes The White House Ballroom | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2025-08-10T21:40:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Blitzes The White House Ballroom | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Blitzes The White House Ballroom | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-10. Transcript available.

hi it's our second zoom show i'm barbara gains that's mary barkley dave letterman
where is everyone mary where are you see if you can guess where i am
oh you're at the familiar to anyone oh that's the uh that's the downtown studio
that's the
back of the barbara gaines world headquarters that's right wpi i'm in the
background of the
barbara gains show set barbara where are you i'm uh i'm in uh nyc today going
back to sag harbor
tomorrow you guys want to guess where i am i'll give i'll give you a hint it's
another one of those
airbnb verbo things you're in yosemite no okay no no florida daggett california
daggett daggett yeah
just off i5 on the way to bakersfield oh it's it's uh lovely there yeah it's
nice here i don't care
what you think it's nice i i don't think anything it looks nice i i i had a
kind of a i sensed some
tone about being here um no i have no judgment about where you go all right
good uh so i want you all to
know that this show this zoom show is our 75th show what 70 we've done 75 of
these let's do this again
do it one more time i i want you all to know that this is our 75th show what
but i wanted to say that
your netflix show that's a real show you i think you've done 29. oh 29. you
know i often sometimes when
i'm having trouble sleeping i try to count the number of shows we've done there
and remember
who the guests are and then he falls asleep yeah well that show just got
nominated for an emmy yeah
yeah yeah we've i think we've had several nominations i will say let me just
say this on behalf of that show
we the my mechanism via booking or the booking mechanism via that show is is
there any possible way a we can
have fun and two we can get a decent meal that's it those are the booking
requirements i can vouch for
that that's absolutely not fun we're not going we did win though the previous
year that was yeah you won
uh and mary mary won an emmy yeah that was very nice i don't know if you picked
up on this but i get the
feeling here lately that we're living in a divisive culture two sides and they
seem to be combative and
it's more than rhetoric it's actual uh political shenanigans if i can use that
word uh shenanigans
and then lo and behold you know what happened you know what happened what what
happened something that
i'll call a healing force took place right under our nose two or three days ago
and it made me sit up bolt
right and think hallelujah praise god this is the solution to the division you
got your red states you
got your blue states not anymore ladies and gentlemen and you know what it is
what is it what that healing
dynamic is that that glowing saber from beyond you know what's gonna bring us
together ballroom ballroom
let's just focus on the glory of a ballroom thank god how stupid have we been
all these years living in
this grand democracy this great republic the woman we call america without a
ballroom come on i am
i am so excited and and here's the image that comes up for me when i think of
ballroom you have your
president and you have your first lady on the ballroom floor doing the funky
chicken
the ballroom we now have a national ballroom they could probably like rent it
out for functions like
maybe local prom if you have this conference it's it to me symbolically it's
second only if not tied for
first place with the statue of liberty you have the statue of liberty you have
the presidential ballroom
good god it was there in front of our eyes all along and now it's coming to
pass
our long national nightmare is over and if anybody knows how to build a ballroom
as he has said it's
our president he knows how to build a ballroom and and throw in something extra
free they've paved the
rose garden i was gonna say that they paved the rose garden think of all of the
great presidents like
like um uh you know the country hasn't been this divided since the 1860s the
civil war and it took
the bloodiest fight on american soil to resolve that but now with the ballroom
we're all one yes and and
he paved the rose garden because it was always damp he said well of course and
and you know plus
you get that uh scott's turf builder in there or whatever they do you can get
600 people into that
ballroom i heard it was 90 000 square feet oh yeah it's like it's like uh the
size of a football field
or something we're doing yeah that's right yeah yeah i think it's bigger than
the actual white house
right it's it's bigger oh no yeah because anything less than 90 000 square feet
and you just have a
closet listen if we know one thing about the man we know that this will be
tasteful yes oh yeah oh oh
yeah yeah yeah yeah well anything around 90 000 i think is where is right where
it's always better
is understated what else is happening well i need to apologize to a former
staffer oh okay
this occurred to me uh and again it was like a boulder falling off a mountain
uh i'll just name
the person our our dear good friend uh loyal hard-working with us for many many
years sue
hum oh what what what what made sue hum pop into your head whenever i would
have like a fitting like
sue would say dave i have a new coat uh would you try it on i would try it on
oh looks good yeah take
it in and she would start tugging and measuring and tugging and measuring and
yeah a lot of that and
then i would say i'll button it up and i say oh look sue when i button one side
is higher than the other
side one side is lower than the other side this button has been misplaced right
and she would say to the
point of i was dreary and weary of this rejoinder she would say oh that's
because one of your shoulders
is lower than the other one right now that would make you crazy make me crazy
because i think i have
some sort of anatomical deviation freakishly formed body that's the problem it's
not the tailor it's
like the hunchback of notre dame style exactly like i got something wrong and i
would say sue
just lower the button there's nothing wrong with my shoulder right guess what
no i was looking in the
mirror the other day my right shoulder is significantly lower than my left by
an inch and a half maybe two
inches oh all this time i was red hot about the the tailor screwing up my
jacket it's me
i have a second opinion i feel like we need to let me show you i'm gonna show
you see you gotta look
the computer up no we can't see we only see your stomach yeah so uh anyway i
apologize right there
which one is i would say they look about the same maybe no no no no no your
right is a little lower than
your left yes that's the problem and all along i would say sue there's nothing
wrong with marshall
because who wants to hear that they have a shoulder that's uh lower than the
other one sue said a lot
of things that we would go like that's just sue so that seemed like that's
right it was in that but
couldn't have been more wrong sue uh god bless her uh completely accurate about
this now i will say
if she knew about it why weren't we compensating for the low shoulder and right
no no but still in all
i owe the woman an apology look at this thing it's just now the more i see it
the more the lower it
gets what are you supposed to cause that i must have been hit by a car i'll bet
that's it i bet i was
do they still have circus side shows you should just get yourself right out
there
yeah yeah i'm telling you people would pay good money to see a low shoulder
yeah shoulder boy
and i i wish i knew what happened here why this shoulder is down
yeah if you haven't thought about it leave it in the comments below exactly if
you have an idea i'm so
thrilled about the ballroom i wonder if i can could now somehow change my vote
if i could get a hold of
one of those crooked voting machines if i could get my vote now i'm sure you
could oh man because i'm
delighted about the ballroom hey have you heard our friend uh jack schlossberg
has a new youtube show
oh he does yeah it's called test drive oh that's nice he he does the show from
his van and he comments
about politics and all manner of things which affect both sides of the aisle in
in terms of uh congressional
activity senate activity presidential activity global scene he's very smart and
he does it all from his
van i'm very thrilled about it he's re renovating the van to get it roadworthy
and i want to see him on
the road traveling around the country see when we do shows we have trouble
getting guests because there's
always logistics are a problem oh they're here they're there they can't they
won't and this that
and you can't use music but with jack he just he'll just bring the studio right
to you you don't have
to go anywhere jack will just show up and interview you in his van i think it's
delightful yeah and he
seems quite happy he he likes it he's a bit of a not a troublemaker what would
you say he's a little
bit of a buck raker rabble rouser is that the right word yeah rabble rouser but
yeah he hasn't he is so good
natured about it which is his point yeah but i think he does he can probably
close down now that we have
the ballroom because every everybody feels good about everything now yeah uh
yes he could just park the van
van right down there and yeah court from outside the ballroom oh we should have
we should have uh we
should have him on the show oh i think and he's so dang smart it makes you
makes one wither so and
let's not forget i mean i know we're all thinking it but i'm the only one that
has the guts to say it
he's also very handsome oh yeah so jack come on the show see you all soon love
you both all right good
night thank you thank you everybody goodbye bye okay what time is it uh it's uh
2 39. yeah i'm
sharing an ai conference in palo alto