Name: Vera Farmiga Calls Putin An Asshole | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2025-08-18T15:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Vera Farmiga Calls Putin An Asshole | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Vera Farmiga Calls Putin An Asshole | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-18. Transcript available.

So you have a boy and a girl, you have two girls, you have two boys, what do
you have?
A boy and a girl.
A boy and a girl.
How are things going?
Good, good.
They are my biggest achievement, but I'm like this close to putting them up for
auction.
Talking about eBay or something?
Well, I mean, people sell like dead fairies on eBay.
I'm sure I can get a pretty penny.
Yeah, I'm...
Dead fairies?
Haunted mirrors.
Oh, okay, haunted mirrors.
They sell...
But I only have the one, and everybody says one, and you think, well, you have
two.
Actually, it's exponentially more difficult when you have just one additional
child.
Do you find that to be true?
Yeah, the first one was potty trained at 22 months.
This one, I'm like three months now into potty training, and it's really trying.
It's...
I'm pooped.
He's pooped.
No, I mean, I have no idea how I'm going to get this kid bathroom independent.
I mean, we pull out all the stops.
Big song and dance numbers.
Song and dance numbers.
I never thought of that a kid would like a song and dance number.
How does that even connect?
You got the poopoos in.
You got to get them out.
You got the poopoos in.
And it's time to squeeze them out.
I...
Oh, my.
And I know everything, and I...
Yeah.
Will you excuse me for a moment?
Uh, but...
But, you know, now listen to this.
Are you sick and tired of everybody saying to you, oh, don't worry, how many 17-year-olds
do you know who aren't potty trained?
I got so sick and tired of hearing that.
I thought, well, yeah, but come to my house and, you know, bring a pry bar
because it's not working.
No, I know.
And what's even, you know, scarier is that there's been some regression.
She used to sit on the toilet, and now she, like, squirms off.
No, please.
No, please.
And she's, like, the most polite three-year-old I know, so she gets away with
it.
And then do you also wonder, well, if we apply too much of the wrong kind of
pressure, is that going to make her wacky?
No, I'm not, because she does have certain, like, she has a decree on how she
wants to do it.
Sea water, please.
What do you mean, sea water?
The ocean.
Oh, sea water.
So the young child would rather take a dump in the ocean.
Thank you.
Do you live near the beach?
Temporarily, we're in, um, I don't want to get arrested.
I don't think this will get you.
Wait, no, she has these precepts of how it's got to be done.
It's got to be 415 at Locarno Beach in British Columbia, Vancouver, during low
tide.
You can go out for hundreds of feet until, like, it's end.
You know, first of all.
And I got to sing a samba.
This is a samba.
This is not a bad thing.
First of all, she's well aware of this.
She has her own agenda.
She has a place located, and it's Canada.
What do you care?
Right, what's the...
You're going to be fine.
What's the worst they can do to me?
Send me back here.
Sure.
Well, you'll get through it.
And the first time around, it was not this difficult?
Or are you just remembering that it was not this difficult?
Now, first time around, he was such a pro, and then he would, like...
Oh, God, no, he had a face, too.
He would, like...
He got in this phase where, you know...
Where he would, um...
He would want to identify the shape.
Okay.
All right.
Check, please.
You know, like you and I do with clouds, you know?
And then it became this, like, family...
With clouds?
Oh, my goodness.
Hey, it looks like a gun.
That's fine.
I pooped polka dots.
Now, listen...
All right, enough, enough.
I know.
Now, I know that you're from...
Of Ukrainian heritage.
Yes.
I am.
So, what do you...
Do you still have family in the Ukraine?
I have extended family.
Extended family.
So, what do you make of the situation...
First of all, the...
With Putin?
Yeah, we had the Olympics.
Everybody thought, oh, yay, stray dogs.
The Olympics, yay, yay.
Two weeks later, he rolls into Crimea
and now there's skirmishes all across the Ukraine.
What do you make of that?
You want to know?
Yeah.
Hmm.
No, I'm...
Now, I have friends similar to you.
Not an actor, but a friend who has family in the Ukraine.
And she says...
She tells me that she's upset about it,
but not worried about it because she feels
that Putin won't be allowed to get away with it.
And I...
It was hard for me not to laugh about that
because it seems like he can get away
with anything he wants.
Well, that's the thing.
He's this cold-blooded KGB strategist
and he's got, I think,
some delusions on what his legacy is going to be.
Exactly.
And, um...
And, you know, it's...
Yeah, I don't like what's happening in Ukraine.
I think...
I don't buy it.
You know, this, this, you know,
um, peace...
Sending peacekeepers in to, um...
You know, for humanitarian aid.
It's...
It's armed guards blatantly land-grabbing.
It's really not cool.
I was told over the weekend
that the man is worth $70 billion.
Most of these money and assets
have been stolen from Russian people
that he now controls as his private wealth.
$70 billion.
There's, uh...
Yeah.
There's, uh...
There's so many great Ukrainian sayings.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, hey, hey!
Watch your language!
Come on!
And he's just got his hands
all up in that Ukrainian business.
You know, I, I, um...
Ay, ay, ay.
Yeah.
But let me ask you this.
And it's, it's interesting
because it feels, you know,
like a remote issue.
That's right.
For us.
But it's not.
Because at any moment, um, you know,
one of these key players
can make a move in this very dangerous game
and it will change the world as we know it.
Exactly.
And, and, of course, the fear.
All right, Crimea, that was a big deal.
Oh, what about the Ukraine?
Oh, that'll be okay.
No, no, no.
That's now not protected, not guaranteed.
What about any of the former republics
of the Soviet Union?
None of, I mean, would you want to be over there now?
Would I want to be over in the Ukraine now?
Well, anywhere in the former Soviet Union.
As a constitu...
As a...
Well, no, I love where I live.
Yeah, I know.
I love my family, but I'm very proud of my heritage.
I'm just saying, I think everybody over there
should be nervous about the guy.
Well, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But have you seen him...
He's not to be trusted.
With his shirt off.
I guess that's what I...
That's what I wanted to know.
Oh.
Oh.
How are you?
Are you good?
I'm great.
Nice to see you.
She's in the Bates Motel Monday nights at 10 p.m.
Vera Farmiga, ladies and gentlemen.
God bless you.
Good luck with your daughter.
You can't retire.
You're the king.
Oh, too late.
It's too late.
It's too late.