Name: The Best Of Pee-wee Herman | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2025-08-26T15:01:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Best Of Pee-wee Herman | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Best Of Pee-wee Herman | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-26. Transcript available.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was in Hawaii.
Just on vacation, were you?
Well, not really. See, all the surfers in Hawaii invited me to come to Hawaii
because they thought I was really cool and everything.
So they called me up and they said, "Hey, PeeWee, why don't you come to Hawaii
and learn how to surf
and underwater dive and all that kind of stuff?"
So I did.
It was a lot of fun, wasn't it?
Yeah, it was really fun. I was pretty scared to go underwater and everything.
That was pretty scary because I'd never been in water except in the bathtub.
And I'd never even been in a swimming pool or anything.
So, you know, they made me go underwater and I learned how to go underwater.
And then I went all the way underwater.
And then after that, I got out of the pool and I went in the ocean.
Oh, wow.
Thanks. Right on.
Look, I got this little wallet. I don't know if you can see this or not right
here.
It's got a Hawaiian surfer on it.
And then look inside. I got this in Hawaii right inside. Look.
Magnum PI identification.
Nice.
You know what, David? I brought something for you too.
Your folks must be really proud of you, huh?
We gonna look at this now?
Sure, I guess so.
Okay, fine. If you just watch the monitors, you'll narrate the film right over
the...
Okay, at home, use your TVs. That should help.
PeeWee Herman in Hawaii.
Okay, here we are. Here I am. This is the beautiful island of Hawaii. There's
me right there.
There, there I am.
Ah, la, la, la.
Hello, everyone.
That's my name.
See, it's really bright in Hawaii, so...
Yeah.
Because of my glasses.
You got...
You got...
You have quite a tan.
Yeah, you know, I didn't get out the sun too much.
Surf's up! Look!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
This is unbelievable stuff.
There, there, there I am learning how to breathe underwater.
With the nose clips on, smelling my finger.
Colby by hair underwater.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Upside down. Look, I'll sniff the bubbles.
David Letterman!
David Letterman!
David Letterman!
See there, there's me saying your name underwater.
Ah!
Blah!
Ah!
Ah!
And there's my dance!
There's my dance!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Thanks!
Okay, shut up!
Shut up!
Okay.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Okay, now I'm up here!
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Thanks a lot.
Why don't you take a picture of the last longer?
Ah!
Ah!
Hey!
Anybody like a tootsie roll tonight?
Yeah!
Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Okay.
So funny, I forgot to laugh. So how are things going? Really, really swell. Oh,
good. Look, I brought you one of my t-shirts. Look, here, because you wear t-shirts
all the time. Yeah, that's right. So I brought you that. And because I've been
on this show so much. This has been laundered, hasn't it, Pee-wee? Yeah, yeah.
And look, Pee-wee Press. It's a newspaper. I have a club and everything. And
look, here's a secret wallet card. And it looks like just a regular old
business card. But then look.
It's a secret thing. And I wrote your secret club name in there, Dave-O.
Cracked you up. I cracked you up.
Why is it Dave-O? Dave-O? Well, that's your secret name, because your real name's
Dave. So Dave-O. And then, you know, nobody will know it's you.
I can travel incognito with the aid of this...
Yeah. You know how... Look, here's how I travel incognito when I don't want
anybody to know who I am.
Look, Chaka Khan!
Yeah.
Hey, Mr. Letterman, I was wondering if there was one thing that we could play
right here for a second.
Sure.
It's an obnoxious game. Remember my Dave, Letterman? Remember that?
Obnoxious, unlike the rest of it so far tonight.
This is called the Echo Game.
Oh, the Echo Game. Sure.
Oh, the Echo Game. Sure.
I'd love to play it.
I'd love to play.
How does the game work?
How do you better play?
Anything I say, yeah.
And then how long will the game go on?
That's all. Hey, hey, look, look, here's another fun thing.
Look, put your hands on the back of you like that.
Okay, look, look.
Take me downtown.
Hello.
Remember playing that game?
Yeah, you mean just a second ago?
Yeah, yeah.
This next segment is called Close Up with Pee Wee, and what we have to do is I
have to come over to the camera and then come right in.
Come right in.
Closer, closer, closer, closer, look, look, hello, hello, hello, hello, look,
look, hello,
hello, hello, hello everyone, hello everyone, look, here's an impression of my
next door
neighbor, his name is Moses and they call him Mo, and he always looks like he's
smelling
something bad, here's what his face looks like, look, here's how he talks, look,
you're going
on what show, this is what he says, he goes, you got another letterman, letterman,
I thought
they were out of the business, okay, everybody ready, Pee-wee says, put your
hands up in the air,
very good, okay, Pee-wee says, take them down, very good, Pee-wee says, laugh
real loud,
Pee-wee says, shut up, okay, raise your right hand, I didn't say Pee-wee says,
duh, duh, duh, okay, Pee-wee says, standing ovation,
okay, that's my big shoot dance, okay, ready,
Lala, big shoot, Lala, big shoot, Lala, big shoot, big shoot, big shoot,
kitty cat, that's fun,
whoa, uh, you are one peculiar son of a, Pee-wee,
uh, Dave, have you, have you had a physical very, very recently, not recently,
no, I haven't,
how about you, no, because, because, because, look right here, okay, okay, okay,
okay, first we have to, we have to test your, your head reflex right now, okay,
okay,
see, look, look, I can play a little piano, uh, oh, really, mature, shut up,
look, look, look, look, we can pull some blood out, look, look, oh, oh, oh, oh,
yeah,
uh, how old are you, uh, exactly, how old, how old, uh, I never get my age away,
be, be, be, be, be, be, be, because, because I, because I never do, uh, uh, not,
uh, well,
would you like to take some right now? Take some pills, you know, belly,
take all you need there, maybe take some for later, uh, I'm saving, I'm saving
some for later,
I think maybe, well, the gloves are so small, well, we'll skip the, you know,
the, yeah, okay,
glove thing, and, um, just, I'm just gonna give you this, and if you could just
fill this up after
the show, the show is over, okay, okay, now, uh, uh, got her mind out of the
gutter,
okay, here we go now, here we go, peel out, peel out,
so, anyway, I just wanted to tell you this one thing, because we were going
along the other day,
you know, and, and so, I, I was like, uh, you know, trying to figure this thing
out,
I was like talking about this joke and everything, and, and I, I, I couldn't
figure it out or anything,
but, what was, what was going on or anything, so, this guy's right on my butt,
yeah, okay, so, okay,
Is that an Edsel, Peewee? I, I, I, I, I don't know, here, let, let, let's see
how he likes this,
Just like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, windshield, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, just
kidding, okay.
David, David, take the wheel.
Take the wheel.
You better drive.
99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer, I take from that.
It's sort of bumpy in the road, too, have you noticed that?
Yeah, it is a little bumpy.
Look out, puddle, ah.
Here comes another one, a big, giant puddle, ah.
Could you take the wheel again?
I'm kind of feeling a little car sick right now.
Welcome back to the program, ladies and gentlemen.
Pee-wee Herman is here, and Marv Albert will be playing.
David, ah.
And also, PJ O'Rourke will be joining.
David, let him be.
Ah, ah, ah.
Could I have a Kleenex Pee-wee?
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
Mmm.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
See, this went over great in Minneapolis
'cause this is made in Minneapolis.
Right there, yeah.
Scotch tape, Minneapolis.
And this is a thing, thanks.
Okay, this is a thing that's called fun with tape
and you can play around with tape
if you don't have anything to do at home.
You can take like a piece of tape like this
and you can make it go like this, like.
See, you can do a thing like this
and then you can take another piece of it
like this if you want.
And you can do this.
See, like this.
You can do, you can do a lot of stuff with it
if you want.
You can, you can do like stuff like this.
- Oh, hey, my twin brother.
I was just kidding.
- Yeah, I know.
So there's a lot of fun stuff you can do.
Play, play with this and you know.
- I think kidnappings.
You see a lot of that in kidnappings sometimes.
- Yeah, yeah.
Then you can just, you know, take it off like, you know.
I've been working out on the trampoline lately
because I'm getting myself in shape
'cause I'm gonna be doing this surfing movie pretty soon.
So I don't know too many stuff yet,
but I know two tricks so I was gonna do a little trampoline act for you.
- I'd love to see them, sure.
- Great, well, I'm gonna go right over to the trampoline.
- All right, be careful.
- Right now. I will.
- We'll be hanging on the trampoline, ladies and gentlemen.
- Okay.
Now I have, come right out on there.
These are my spotters that were just selected from the audience.
So if you could just take your positions around the trampoline.
And this, this is my trampoline act right now.
So, you know, you just gotta watch out.
Just, you know, like, stop me, okay?
You know, okay?
It's like I start, like, flying up the trampoline or anything.
Okay, so here's the trampoline act.
I have to get up here so I don't brain myself.
Okay, now just completely quiet here, okay?
'Cause this is pretty difficult for me.
- Knee drop.
- Seat drop.
- Knee to seat.
Okay, uh, no, don't applaud.
I flubbed it up.
- There.
Go back.
- Okay, why don't you have a heart attack?
Okay, I got a joke to start out New Year's with, okay?
Okay, all right, there's this guy, all right?
And he's looking through the want ads for a job, you know?
'Cause, you know, 1983 wasn't the greatest year
in the world for jobs, you know, duh.
So, he is looking for this job.
And I forgot to tell you one thing.
The guy doesn't have any arms, okay?
Doesn't have any arms.
So, you know, he's looking through the newspaper,
you know, like this.
And he finally finds this one job and the job says,
he wanted energetic young man to ring bell in church.
So, the guy goes,
"Hey, I can ring the bell in the church."
So, he goes way over to the church.
He walks up to the front door of the church.
He bangs his head on the door.
And the priest comes to the door.
And the priest goes,
"Yes, my son?"
And the guy goes,
"Father, I've come to ring the bell."
And the guy goes,
"Yeah, but kid, you don't have any arms.
So, how could you ring the bell?"
And the guy goes,
"Duh, Father, don't you think I would have thought of that
before I came over here and applauded?
Where's the bell?
I'll ring it."
And the guy, and the priest goes,
"Okay, you'll have to prove you can ring it."
And he goes, "Okay, so where's the bell?
Let me ring it."
So, they go way up to the top of the bell tower.
It's four flights of stairs up,
and there's no escalator or anything.
You know, they have to go up the spiral staircase,
and they feel like barfing and stuff.
And then they get way up to the top,
and there's this big bell sitting there.
So, the priest goes,
"Okay, so I'll ring the bell."
So, the guy backs way up like this,
and the bell's like right up there.
The guy backs way up like this.
He starts running face-first right towards the bell.
He rings, "Bang!"
He bangs his face right into the bell,
and the bell goes, "Bong!"
So, the priest can't believe it.
The priest will stand up there like this.
So, he can't even believe it.
And he goes, "Well, you rang the bell,
so I guess you can have the job."
So, the guy goes, "Yay, yay, yay, yay!"
Got the job.
So, everything is going great for about three months.
About three months goes by,
and every day, this guy climbs up four flights of stairs,
12 times a day.
He has to go up and ring the bell.
So, every time he goes up,
he gets way back like this.
He runs right down, "Bang!"
"Bang!"
So, after three months goes by,
I mean, the guy looks like a pancake, you know?
His face is all wrecked up and all ugly and stuff,
but he doesn't care because he's raking in the big dough,
you know?
So, he doesn't care.
So, three months have gone by.
One day, he's going up.
It's about three o'clock in the afternoon.
So, he's already rang the bell a lot of times that day.
Okay, so, so, just like he always does,
he backs up like this, and he's getting ready to do it,
and he starts to run right towards the bell,
but he trips.
He falls right past the bell,
right out the window, four stories down,
creamed all over the cement.
So, this big crowd of people's gathering all around him,
and this one guy crouches down like this,
and he's cradling the guy's head in his arms,
because the guy's all smashed up all over the sidewalk,
and this big fat lady's right here,
and she's going,
"Who is it? Who is it?
Who, who fell from the bell tower?"
And this guy who's down here cradling the guy,
he looks up at her and he goes,
"I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell."
You know what?
Have you heard about this new fad, breakdancing?
- Sure. - Yeah.
- We had some breakdancers on here a few months ago.
- You did? - Yeah, last summer.
- Well, guess what?
I've been practicing my breakdancing back to life.
- No, you?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Uh.
- Wanna see some breakdancing?
- You wanna do it for us?
- Yeah. - All right.
- Yeah, I have to go over here and do my breakdancing.
This is kind of a new twist on breakdancing, okay?
So, I'm gonna just start out right now.
You say a one for the trouble, two for the time.
Come on, y'all.
- Let's break this.
- Yes.
- Aw, little clap. - Hey.
Hey, Dave, put these cool glasses on, and you'll look different, too.
- All right.
- Let's put these, slip into these glasses.
I hope these have been boiled.
Hey, Dave! Thank you! Hey, Dave, put these cool glasses on, and you'll look
different, too.
Let's slip into these glasses. I hope these have been boiled.
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! It's a big spider!
Alone came a spider and sat down beside her and said, "Hi, baby, what you got
in the bowl?"
Look, look, a brain.
Oh, a brain.
Hey, we got this really cool effects set up, Dave. It's kind of a Halloween
thing, you know,
a special Halloween thing so that we can look different ways, you know, like
disguise kind
of stuff. Yeah.
Yeah.
That thing's just about to drop off your nose, is that right?
Ahh! Oh, no! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Big mole! Ahh! Ahh!
I didn't really eat it.
I gotta show you this cool effect, though, because I think if you look that way
and then I look
this way, then we can do this thing where we can make each other look really spastic
and
stuff.
Which way am I supposed to look?
I think that. I think right there.
Right here. Okay, I'll look here.
Yeah. And then I look this way, right here.
Uh-huh.
And look, you won't believe what we're going to do.
I can't see what we're doing.
I can't see what we're doing.
Well, hello, everyone.
Welcome to the show.
Oh, this is me, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh.
Looks like discount plastic surgery. We can do it with the eyes, too. With our
eyes, too.
I can make my eyes go right on your face, too. Okay. Look.
Well, that's that's certainly plenty of fun. They haven't done it yet, though.
Uh-oh. Doesn't seem to work here. Yeah, just hold still. Hold real still.
Okay.
This is what American television is all about, isn't it?
Yes, that's right.
And I have two other things I wanted to present you with as a little gift, you
know?
And this, this is one thing right here. Look. Take a look at that.
Remember when I came on your show with my giant underpants?
You have your picture right here, yeah. Yeah. I have my picture on it.
Kind of one size fits all, more or less.
Pee Wee Herman Souvenir Giant Underpants.
Mm-hmm.
Now, what are you getting for a pair of these?
Eight bucks.
Oh, my God. Eight bucks.
I'm rich!
All right. Do you like New Orleans?
Oh, I love New Orleans.
Yeah.
That's why I'm a little bit hoarse. I was going on the rides at the fair and
everything.
Oh, yeah. The world's fair.
Yeah.
Light me!
No, I'm just kidding. They're chocolate.
Oh, I see.
Did you care for one?
No, I don't. That's right.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. Suit yourself.
Yeah. The fair was pretty cool.
Yeah?
I went on it. I was screaming so loud on those rides and then I went on this
one roller coaster.
Did you see that one ride that looked like a giant couch that went up in the
air and stuff?
Yeah, I did. I saw that.
Yeah. I went on that and I threw up all over it and it flew so far and these
people were sitting at a restaurant having gumbo, you know?
Oh, gosh, I love that story.
Why don't you marry it?
Tell me about the movie.
Well, it's a really, really cool movie, Dave. I'm glad you asked about it.
It's called Pee Wee's Big Adventure, which I already said, and it's based on a
true story, a true life adventure that happened to me.
And it's basically the story of what happens when my most prized possession in
the whole world, my bicycle, which is a real, not just a regular bicycle.
It's a souped up, special, super duper, you know, special bike that's, besides
my transportation, it's my hobby and, you know, all that stuff.
Yeah.
And it gets ripped off.
Oh, no.
Yeah, so.
So that's, that's the whole movie.
The whole, it's kind of what I call a quest film.
Mm-hm.
You know, it's all about what happens to me in order to get.
Does that hold up for, for 90 minutes, 90 minutes?
Oh, well, you just read the reviews, didn't you?
Yeah, yeah, it holds up pretty good.
Yeah, yeah.
Now, you know, it's interesting, Pee Wee.
Have you thought about this now that the film's a success?
That means that for the rest of your life, you'll have to dress like that.
Yeah.
Yeah, no sweat off my back though.
Okay.

The Best Of Pee-wee Herman | David Letterman

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was in Hawaii.
Just on vacation, were you?
Well, not really. See, all the surfers in Hawaii invited me to come to Hawaii
because they thought I was really cool and everything.
So they called me up and they said, "Hey, PeeWee, why don't you come to Hawaii
and learn how to surf
and underwater dive and all that kind of stuff?"
So I did.
It was a lot of fun, wasn't it?
Yeah, it was really fun. I was pretty scared to go underwater and everything.
That was pretty scary because I'd never been in water except in the bathtub.
And I'd never even been in a swimming pool or anything.
So, you know, they made me go underwater and I learned how to go underwater.
And then I went all the way underwater.
And then after that, I got out of the pool and I went in the ocean.
Oh, wow.
Thanks. Right on.
Look, I got this little wallet. I don't know if you can see this or not right
here.
It's got a Hawaiian surfer on it.
And then look inside. I got this in Hawaii right inside. Look.
Magnum PI identification.
Nice.
You know what, David? I brought something for you too.
Your folks must be really proud of you, huh?
We gonna look at this now?
Sure, I guess so.
Okay, fine. If you just watch the monitors, you'll narrate the film right over
the...
Okay, at home, use your TVs. That should help.
PeeWee Herman in Hawaii.
Okay, here we are. Here I am. This is the beautiful island of Hawaii. There's
me right there.
There, there I am.
Ah, la, la, la.
Hello, everyone.
That's my name.
See, it's really bright in Hawaii, so...
Yeah.
Because of my glasses.
You got...
You got...
You have quite a tan.
Yeah, you know, I didn't get out the sun too much.
Surf's up! Look!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
This is unbelievable stuff.
There, there, there I am learning how to breathe underwater.
With the nose clips on, smelling my finger.
Colby by hair underwater.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Upside down. Look, I'll sniff the bubbles.
David Letterman!
David Letterman!
David Letterman!
See there, there's me saying your name underwater.
Ah!
Blah!
Ah!
Ah!
And there's my dance!
There's my dance!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Thanks!
Okay, shut up!
Shut up!
Okay.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Okay, now I'm up here!
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Thanks a lot.
Why don't you take a picture of the last longer?
Ah!
Ah!
Hey!
Anybody like a tootsie roll tonight?
Yeah!
Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Okay.
So funny, I forgot to laugh. So how are things going? Really, really swell. Oh,
good. Look, I brought you one of my t-shirts. Look, here, because you wear t-shirts
all the time. Yeah, that's right. So I brought you that. And because I've been
on this show so much. This has been laundered, hasn't it, Pee-wee? Yeah, yeah.
And look, Pee-wee Press. It's a newspaper. I have a club and everything. And
look, here's a secret wallet card. And it looks like just a regular old
business card. But then look.
It's a secret thing. And I wrote your secret club name in there, Dave-O.
Cracked you up. I cracked you up.
Why is it Dave-O? Dave-O? Well, that's your secret name, because your real name's
Dave. So Dave-O. And then, you know, nobody will know it's you.
I can travel incognito with the aid of this...
Yeah. You know how... Look, here's how I travel incognito when I don't want
anybody to know who I am.
Look, Chaka Khan!
Yeah.
Hey, Mr. Letterman, I was wondering if there was one thing that we could play
right here for a second.
Sure.
It's an obnoxious game. Remember my Dave, Letterman? Remember that?
Obnoxious, unlike the rest of it so far tonight.
This is called the Echo Game.
Oh, the Echo Game. Sure.
Oh, the Echo Game. Sure.
I'd love to play it.
I'd love to play.
How does the game work?
How do you better play?
Anything I say, yeah.
And then how long will the game go on?
That's all. Hey, hey, look, look, here's another fun thing.
Look, put your hands on the back of you like that.
Okay, look, look.
Take me downtown.
Hello.
Remember playing that game?
Yeah, you mean just a second ago?
Yeah, yeah.
This next segment is called Close Up with Pee Wee, and what we have to do is I
have to come over to the camera and then come right in.
Come right in.
Closer, closer, closer, closer, look, look, hello, hello, hello, hello, look,
look, hello,
hello, hello, hello everyone, hello everyone, look, here's an impression of my
next door
neighbor, his name is Moses and they call him Mo, and he always looks like he's
smelling
something bad, here's what his face looks like, look, here's how he talks, look,
you're going
on what show, this is what he says, he goes, you got another letterman, letterman,
I thought
they were out of the business, okay, everybody ready, Pee-wee says, put your
hands up in the air,
very good, okay, Pee-wee says, take them down, very good, Pee-wee says, laugh
real loud,
Pee-wee says, shut up, okay, raise your right hand, I didn't say Pee-wee says,
duh, duh, duh, okay, Pee-wee says, standing ovation,
okay, that's my big shoot dance, okay, ready,
Lala, big shoot, Lala, big shoot, Lala, big shoot, big shoot, big shoot,
kitty cat, that's fun,
whoa, uh, you are one peculiar son of a, Pee-wee,
uh, Dave, have you, have you had a physical very, very recently, not recently,
no, I haven't,
how about you, no, because, because, because, look right here, okay, okay, okay,
okay, first we have to, we have to test your, your head reflex right now, okay,
okay,
see, look, look, I can play a little piano, uh, oh, really, mature, shut up,
look, look, look, look, we can pull some blood out, look, look, oh, oh, oh, oh,
yeah,
uh, how old are you, uh, exactly, how old, how old, uh, I never get my age away,
be, be, be, be, be, be, be, because, because I, because I never do, uh, uh, not,
uh, well,
would you like to take some right now? Take some pills, you know, belly,
take all you need there, maybe take some for later, uh, I'm saving, I'm saving
some for later,
I think maybe, well, the gloves are so small, well, we'll skip the, you know,
the, yeah, okay,
glove thing, and, um, just, I'm just gonna give you this, and if you could just
fill this up after
the show, the show is over, okay, okay, now, uh, uh, got her mind out of the
gutter,
okay, here we go now, here we go, peel out, peel out,
so, anyway, I just wanted to tell you this one thing, because we were going
along the other day,
you know, and, and so, I, I was like, uh, you know, trying to figure this thing
out,
I was like talking about this joke and everything, and, and I, I, I couldn't
figure it out or anything,
but, what was, what was going on or anything, so, this guy's right on my butt,
yeah, okay, so, okay,
Is that an Edsel, Peewee? I, I, I, I, I don't know, here, let, let, let's see
how he likes this,
Just like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, windshield, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, just
kidding, okay.
David, David, take the wheel.
Take the wheel.
You better drive.
99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer, I take from that.
It's sort of bumpy in the road, too, have you noticed that?
Yeah, it is a little bumpy.
Look out, puddle, ah.
Here comes another one, a big, giant puddle, ah.
Could you take the wheel again?
I'm kind of feeling a little car sick right now.
Welcome back to the program, ladies and gentlemen.
Pee-wee Herman is here, and Marv Albert will be playing.
David, ah.
And also, PJ O'Rourke will be joining.
David, let him be.
Ah, ah, ah.
Could I have a Kleenex Pee-wee?
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
Mmm.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
See, this went over great in Minneapolis
'cause this is made in Minneapolis.
Right there, yeah.
Scotch tape, Minneapolis.
And this is a thing, thanks.
Okay, this is a thing that's called fun with tape
and you can play around with tape
if you don't have anything to do at home.
You can take like a piece of tape like this
and you can make it go like this, like.
See, you can do a thing like this
and then you can take another piece of it
like this if you want.
And you can do this.
See, like this.
You can do, you can do a lot of stuff with it
if you want.
You can, you can do like stuff like this.
- Oh, hey, my twin brother.
I was just kidding.
- Yeah, I know.
So there's a lot of fun stuff you can do.
Play, play with this and you know.
- I think kidnappings.
You see a lot of that in kidnappings sometimes.
- Yeah, yeah.
Then you can just, you know, take it off like, you know.
I've been working out on the trampoline lately
because I'm getting myself in shape
'cause I'm gonna be doing this surfing movie pretty soon.
So I don't know too many stuff yet,
but I know two tricks so I was gonna do a little trampoline act for you.
- I'd love to see them, sure.
- Great, well, I'm gonna go right over to the trampoline.
- All right, be careful.
- Right now. I will.
- We'll be hanging on the trampoline, ladies and gentlemen.
- Okay.
Now I have, come right out on there.
These are my spotters that were just selected from the audience.
So if you could just take your positions around the trampoline.
And this, this is my trampoline act right now.
So, you know, you just gotta watch out.
Just, you know, like, stop me, okay?
You know, okay?
It's like I start, like, flying up the trampoline or anything.
Okay, so here's the trampoline act.
I have to get up here so I don't brain myself.
Okay, now just completely quiet here, okay?
'Cause this is pretty difficult for me.
- Knee drop.
- Seat drop.
- Knee to seat.
Okay, uh, no, don't applaud.
I flubbed it up.
- There.
Go back.
- Okay, why don't you have a heart attack?
Okay, I got a joke to start out New Year's with, okay?
Okay, all right, there's this guy, all right?
And he's looking through the want ads for a job, you know?
'Cause, you know, 1983 wasn't the greatest year
in the world for jobs, you know, duh.
So, he is looking for this job.
And I forgot to tell you one thing.
The guy doesn't have any arms, okay?
Doesn't have any arms.
So, you know, he's looking through the newspaper,
you know, like this.
And he finally finds this one job and the job says,
he wanted energetic young man to ring bell in church.
So, the guy goes,
"Hey, I can ring the bell in the church."
So, he goes way over to the church.
He walks up to the front door of the church.
He bangs his head on the door.
And the priest comes to the door.
And the priest goes,
"Yes, my son?"
And the guy goes,
"Father, I've come to ring the bell."
And the guy goes,
"Yeah, but kid, you don't have any arms.
So, how could you ring the bell?"
And the guy goes,
"Duh, Father, don't you think I would have thought of that
before I came over here and applauded?
Where's the bell?
I'll ring it."
And the guy, and the priest goes,
"Okay, you'll have to prove you can ring it."
And he goes, "Okay, so where's the bell?
Let me ring it."
So, they go way up to the top of the bell tower.
It's four flights of stairs up,
and there's no escalator or anything.
You know, they have to go up the spiral staircase,
and they feel like barfing and stuff.
And then they get way up to the top,
and there's this big bell sitting there.
So, the priest goes,
"Okay, so I'll ring the bell."
So, the guy backs way up like this,
and the bell's like right up there.
The guy backs way up like this.
He starts running face-first right towards the bell.
He rings, "Bang!"
He bangs his face right into the bell,
and the bell goes, "Bong!"
So, the priest can't believe it.
The priest will stand up there like this.
So, he can't even believe it.
And he goes, "Well, you rang the bell,
so I guess you can have the job."
So, the guy goes, "Yay, yay, yay, yay!"
Got the job.
So, everything is going gr