Name: Dave Rages Against The Hippo | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2025-08-29T15:00:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Rages Against The Hippo | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave Rages Against The Hippo | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-29. Transcript available.

You know, I don't know if this means anything or if it means nothing, but last
night I'm
watching television and there's a, you know, there's something called the
National Geographic
Channel. Have you heard about this? Sure. And they're, so here's the thing, and
they're telling
us now, they're showing us scenes of a wild hippopotamus, a wild hippopotamus,
and he's
snarling and drooling and spitting, and he's got the giant mouth and he's
opening and slamming
and charging, and they're talking about how dangerous an animal, a wild hippopotamus
is,
and whatever you want to do is don't go anywhere near a wild hippopotamus. And
then they got
a guy, some guy, they've always got a guy, and he's built a hippopotamus device
that he will,
he's going to get in and go out and visit the hippopotamus. I see. So now we
see pictures of
the guy inside his own specially built hippopotamus device, and he's out there,
and you see him
saying, oh my God, this is the worst thing that could happen. How could it not
be the worst
thing that could happen? What kind of dumbass builds his own hippopotamus
device?
It just didn't make any sense to me. I know, I can see. We're sending the wrong
message. The hippopotamus
doesn't want you out there. I don't want you out there. And big deal, just
because you can build
your own hippopotamus device. Bring it upstairs in the living room and show
your wife, and then
take it back downstairs. Don't go bothering the hippopotamus. What is wrong
with people?
I don't mean to keep dumping on this guy, but take a look at this. Here it is.
Is this the device? This is the device.
Oh, it's a hippopotamus. There's a guy inside there.
Oh, that's crazy. I have no idea.
I mean, I'm no anthropologist. I'm no zoologist or whatever it takes to get in
a hippopotamus
device. But honest to God, what that we don't already know about hippopotamus
activity that
we will after the guy gets into the device. I mean, here's all that will happen.
Nothing.
Nothing. Two, the hippopotamus will recognize a phony, knock it over, and eat
the guy.
Eat the guy.
Which is what I'm hoping for.
Or three, the hippopotamus maybe had a couple of drinks, and we'll try to mate
this thing.
And is this tax dollars? Is this a government project? I think we're paying for
this, ladies
and gentlemen. The only way I could marginally accept this behavior, if the guy
said, well,
all my life I wanted to be a hippopotamus. That perhaps.
That perhaps. But now I was talking about the guy who built him a hippopotamus
device.
And I wasn't aware of this. I'm ignorant about it. But apparently, here's what
he did last
week. He had built this device. And he walked around in a chicken suit. And he
also entertains
at baseball games. Oh, man. You guys are always making creative, innovative,
interesting pieces
of art, really, that are motorcycles. I have an idea. It just came to me. Could
you guys build
a bike that would look like this?
I saw that guy doing that. He's nuts, isn't he? I couldn't understand it either.
Nothing good can come of that. Not at all. And then he was getting real nervous
inside that
thing. Yes, well, don't go inside if you're going to be nervous about it.
Looking for a high-quality hippopotamus costume like the one on Tonight Show?
Then check out Akron Design and Costume. At Akron Design and Costume, if you
imagine it,
we've got it. We'll be right back with more fun.
That's awful. He was, Carol Owens was, was weeping at a press conference
because
reporters were making fun of the fact that Tony Romo had Jessica's what?
You know, I can see you.
Get out of here. How much did we pay for that costume?
Now, get out of here.
Now, get out of here. Why, I ought to...
He inspired that kind of enthusiasm, that kind of excitement, that Fred
Thompson.
So it's no wonder the guy was...
You know, I can see you. I don't care what we paid for the costume. Just be...
This is because there's this guy on the Science Channel who built himself a
hippo suit.
And he was going to crawl in and observe hippos. And my feeling is, leave the
hippos alone.
What do we not know about hippos that we don't already know? And by the way, if
you're the guy,
how would you like a hippo dressed in a guy suit, showing up at your picnic?
Just get out of here. Nobody's enjoying this. Get out of here.
I'm sorry you had to see that.
We'll see you next time.