Name: Jimmy Kimmel Says ABC Is Screwed | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2025-09-19T15:01:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jimmy Kimmel Says ABC Is Screwed | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jimmy Kimmel Says ABC Is Screwed | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-19. Transcript available.

thanks now the last the last time you were here uh it was right around super
bowl time right and
you were saying you were worried you were going to get dumped from your fox nfl
report and that
didn't happen did it no i think it was actually diffused by my appearance on
this program well
i'd be proud if i in some way help i think you did help you've helped me on a
number of levels
dave well that's good to hear actually i got the number of that girl uh with
the fire backstage
she can do that it's lovely believe me if i did something like that there would
be a bonfire for
my stomach hair so huge this whole block would be burned down rather than you
people would go with
it but and now in addition to not getting fired yes you have the new crank yanker
show yes and uh
and will there be a home edition of that um there already is
yeah but anyone can play it
but you you you you also got the the job at abc that's wonderful
congratulations yeah i know thank
you well i'm glad i'm happy i'm really i'm excited that you invited me back
after i beat you out for
that gig but now is the ted koppel will stay where he is for a while is that
how it works i heard he
killed himself no and and then you you your show will be right after him is
that how yeah my show
will be on after ted ted and i have been um looking to do a project together
for a number of years now
and this just worked it worked so perfectly what what happened to the show that's
there now the
uh politically incorrect is that will that still be with no that's off that's
gone yeah they had to
i mean they had to get rid of that to put me on well it sounds like a wonderful
opportunity yeah this
is it's a good op it's a really good opportunity what kind of things will you
be doing um you know
singing dancing um stuff i do i don't know i'll probably just copy this whole
show lock stock and
barrel i guess you're more than welcome help yourself if you don't mind yeah we
are going to um
we are going to have a desk and we'll have a band as a matter of fact like a
talk show kind of
yeah the reason um i i'm here i want to talk to you about um something um paul's
not happy
he just feels well is that true no sir it is not there you go he's never been
happier in his life
i'm thrilled but what were you saying though jimmy this kind of browbeating is
the reason why
he wants to come to los angeles it would do oh you would be worse yeah yeah
yeah so i'm taking
when does it begin the whole game you can keep alan but um other than that when
do you launch the
show uh super bowl sunday it's going to be on it's a special sunday edition of
the show really yeah
it just shows you what kind of shape abc is in i mean you know a lot of
networks will have some
big program on after the super bowl they've got no wait a minute this this this
puts you in a whole
different circumstance because the the super bowl that's the huge lead-in like
a half a billion
people watching right and then you better be ready to go my friend yeah i'm if
i could get half of
half a billion will be happy and i'm excited because john madden is uh i worked
with him at fox sure and
now he's uh monday night football and now yeah he's gonna be on at abc on did
you have a good rapport
with john well he um he's i had never met him at fox i'd heard he hated me but
um i never met him
until the abc meetings that were here a few weeks ago and do you know him he's
an odd guy i met him
once well he rides around the country on a bus because he's too fat to fly no
he's he has a fear
of fear of flying something like that that's what he says but i i said to him i
want to go on this bus
it's the madden cruiser they call it because he's maddening he cruises around
it and i love to go in
i love to see what's going on they got tvs and everything there he said anytime
you want anytime so
i followed him out to the parking lot and i tried to get in but apparently by
any time he met some
other time and then he drove away really fast that's too bad well i'm sure you'll
become fast
friends i'm sure i'm sure we'll be very close yeah uh let's talk about uh you
must be thrilled with
the lakers huh in the nba i am i'm i'm actually a lakers fan it's not very i
don't i don't know why
everyone's rooting for sacramento around here but they are rooting for sacramento
i don't know what
that means exactly yeah sacramento is done they were kind enough to go into
overtime in our new
show's debut last night bastards but um yeah but i i mean listen you're not
going to beat the lakers
phil jackson is the zen master he's the zen master what is what does that even
you can't beat the zen
master you don't want a zen master coaching basketball you don't no let him go
sit in a hut on a mountain
or something leave us alone we don't want that yeah nonetheless i was excited
about that what about
the the new jersey nets i mean my god what a story that is huh it is yeah i don't
know it's funny all
of a sudden people from new york always make fun of new jersey all of a sudden
the nets are in it's
like yeah new jersey well it's all we got my god it's all we got and we're
excited or pretending to be
excited yeah exactly exactly uh how long has the man show been on the air i'm
not sure i'm drunk
usually when i do it um i think it i see i don't know i went to college and
then there was a gray area
and then it started so i'm not sure how long well this is all good news for the
folks at abc yeah yeah
yeah they're i mean uh they're screwed they really are they have no idea what
they're doing they saw
me on your show and they said yeah hire that guy so i'm like they meant you i
think and then i wound
up with the job somehow now you you've mentioned before that sometimes the
audience of your show is
actually drunk sometimes and when i you know of course by sometimes i mean
every single show they're
completely drunk well people treat it like it's a football game they gather in
the parking lot and they
um they get drunk and then we give them more beer so they get even drunker and
they're all lovely as
individuals uh our audience but as a group they're not what you'd want in to be
in a room with and i
mean they'll they throw things and they'll jump up on stage you ever have any
trouble with one oh yeah
yeah we've had a lot of trouble we had to throw a whole bunch of firemen out
you know really yeah
that's not going to happen again obviously but um uh we had to throw you know
one guy jumped up on the
stage and he's like flapping his arms and really so i shoved him to the ground
and then he then he
said he was going to sue us and uh he was injured and uh our lawyers wound up
getting him in a little
room and instead of um suing us he got a t-shirt so yeah always been a lawyer
to tv show now tell people
what the crank yanker show is it it's a little hard to explain it's like um
like sesame street
only if instead of the abc's and teaching kids to count we teach them to harass
people over the
telephone so that's that's it's crank phone calls as done by puppets by puppets
and we have a bunch of
comedians david allen greer my partner adam kroll and i we got uh super dave osborne
um dave a lot of
guys named dave really if you want to join in um and and we make real crank
calls to people and it's
reenacted by and then it's acted out by puppets yeah well that is hard uh i
guess you'd have to take
a look at that really yeah because you know right off the top it doesn't you
know it's on cable if
people want to see it it is so yeah well you're plenty busy and you begin uh in
in january with your
new show january february yeah unless i mean let's not that's really not in
stone um somebody's gonna
wise up over there in any event uh it's the continue with the man show and of
course uh the new show
and crank yankers which uh premiered last night yeah well good luck thank you
thank you dave thanks
for being here thanks jimmy kimmel everybody we'll be right back