Name: Diane Keaton On Heaven & Hell | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2025-10-13T15:01:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Diane Keaton On Heaven & Hell | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Diane Keaton On Heaven & Hell | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-13. Transcript available.

how are you i'm okay you're great thank you for being here yeah my pleasure
when was the last time
you're here a couple of years ago yeah it was a couple years yeah how have you
been since things
have been going pretty well fine i've been okay and you pretty good you know um
a couple of months
ago i went to see uh radio days you did yeah and it was a snowy cold kind of
nasty new york night
and i went in and i had a very nice time but for me personally the highlight of
the film
yeah was was you singing really yeah i really enjoyed that well thank you i
thought that was
very nice thank you very much david what was the song you were singing i was
singing you'd be so
nice to come home to yeah now did you did you yeah did you pick that song
yourself i didn't no yeah
now if you were going to go and and appear in a nightclub say for a week
i'm saying it would never happen but you secretly you'd like to do that no no
way no no not me no but
you have sung in several films at one point i did yeah yeah but i sang all
right but if say you were
going to do it tomorrow say we had a club yeah well what kind of stuff would
you sing well something
nice you know something very very nice i don't know i would sing a tune a song
a ballad perhaps a
ballad a nice ballad yeah well that'll pack them in when they when the word
gets out that you'd be
singing singing something nice they'll uh yeah that probably holds you over um
but anyway i thought
you were just charming and delightful and that song was so nice for the rest of
the film yeah it was a
lovely time yeah uh how about your taxes have you got your taxes all figured
out
no actually uh no no yeah you probably have an accountant do that for you yes
accountants yes
have you ever have you ever been audited no have you no i haven't been audited
i know people
who haven't i guess it's very they make you squirm a little they do yeah i
think so i think it would
make you nervous yes how about uh the academy awards did you watch oh yes i did
watch it yeah
i did how about you i saw part of it i was watching the uh ncaa championship
game that night oh
you were you switched yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah did you like the uh the awards i
enjoyed it enormously
any any surprises any disappointments no none at all actually no i i enjoyed
the whole thing i
particularly enjoyed uh steven spielberg actually i missed that part you did
you were watching the
other part yeah he received the uh he received the irving thalberg thalberg
award for uh for lifetime
achievement yeah this is something you and i will miss out on i think probably
so yeah but that was
but no you you uh yeah but see on the other hand but you have you have one for
your work so that
wouldn't uh for my work my acting work you mean yes oh yes yeah and uh so you
really i mean it would
be nice to be honored for your life i would love to be honored for my lifetime
achievement yes
all right all right this is pathetic right no what do you mean it's pathetic oh
no no it's not pathetic i
feel good though i really do
why why uh how did that happen exactly
uh-huh well you look great oh shut up
you're insane
i of course take that as a compliment
did you see this i like it a lot let's see that there you go i think it's very
attractive
uh we'll do a commercial here good that's nice
all right welcome back to the show you can see diane keaton is here and uh well
we're coming back we're
only down five cents a share now um you own stock me oh no no no uh now tell me
about the the this film
that you're directing heaven now is it true that to to put this thing together
you you viewed like
several hundred films yeah oh yeah definitely yeah yeah and you found yourself
being uh very fond of of
love scenes in all of these films right yes yeah yes i did yeah i enjoyed them
uh any favorites from any
particular era any any recurring characters oh well there was a very nice um
scene a kissing scene
from uh lost horizon perhaps you remember it i don't know i saw the the remake
of it i didn't see the
original you didn't see the original i saw the remake it was very nice very
good kiss yeah
excellent i mean the thing is you see in this movie of mine this thing that i
did uh we we have we asked
this question you know uh is there love in heaven right and so they so
therefore we had these people
answer these questions and we illustrated it by lots of kissing shots so i have
many many many kissing
shots and so the one from lost horizon would be one of your favorite it was
involving whom it was ronald
coleman and jane wyatt yeah any others yeah oh yeah yeah plenty of kissing
shots you bet and you uh which
did you include in your your film in my film what do you mean oh i don't know i
don't know what you
mean i mean i'm just barely paying attention i know it's okay you know i don't
know i got my mind on
that stock i know well you can see that's good uh okay so now the film uh you
pose many questions
pertaining to heaven like is there as you said is there what was the question
is there sex in heaven is
you know how do you get there and are you afraid to die and what did you find
these answers were
these answers were varied to say the least yeah as answers tend to be yes they
certainly do yes but
as far as is there sex in heaven what is your particular first of all do you
think that there is a
heaven you probably do or you wouldn't have done this project i don't know for
sure not for sure what do you
think oh yeah yeah probably yeah no yeah i do i do yeah yeah like a really big
gymnasium this is right
how do you see yourself there oh with really bad seats
uh well let's take a look at maybe now would be a good time to sure why not
that's
okay this is uh soon to be released that's right this is the soon to be
released you got it and the
other thing is this is the question this asks the question are you afraid to
die and then it sort of
attempts to answer it so that's what it is yeah all right i understand it's a
very interesting piece
oh you do you do hmm i i hope so we'll see we'll take a look yeah we can check
it out you're about
half loopy
100 years from tonight every single person in this room will be will be there
will be
you're 20 you think i'm going to live forever and the years begin to take away
and when you're 37 like
i am they're taking away mighty quick and when you're 47 they seem like an hour
apiece and when you're 67
they seem like five minutes i had dinner with an 85 year old woman last night
she said to me a year seems like five minutes now are you ready to die the
chances are your time will
soon be gone every person in this room tonight will die will die will a year
seems like five minutes
now will die 100 years from tonight every single person will be dead
we'll be there we'll be there we'll be there we'll be there we'll be there we'll
be there
are you afraid to die are you afraid to die are you afraid to die no actually i'm
looking forward to it
yeah right you know it's a it's a it's a really uh disturbing topic i mean the
way it's presented
there but it looks like it but it looks like a compelling piece of work maybe
huh yeah were you
pleased with how it came out yes yeah and did you find that uh are there must
be light moments to the
film as well light yes yes i hope so yeah and and uh what would be one of those
light moments
one of those moments well uh huh are you afraid to die speaking enough yeah
yeah i am yeah me too
i think everybody well yeah everybody you ought to be shouldn't you i mean i
would think so if you're
healthy i think it's wise to be afraid to die yeah right and and most people
probably would say yes or
no to that they would most a lot of people said that they weren't afraid to die
yeah but i think
they're probably not telling the truth they're lying i think perhaps yeah did
you talk to anybody
who have had these experiences where they were dead and then came back yes we
did we talked to some
people who went to hell and came back and what was that like it was frightening
for the fellow yeah
but he did come back yeah yes and what how did he describe hell he described it
as a dolly-esque place
and uh he described it as really not pleasant and that there were flames and
whatnot and but
the thing the main thing for him was was mainly was that he wanted to you know
uh get rid of his guilt
uh-huh yeah so he came back he was a lucky guy but see there that's really not
much insight i mean
describing hell as being not pleasant there's yeah yeah yeah no it wasn't very
much inside no
uh i would i would think that this is going to be a very uh yeah people are
going to be
i'm going to go see you're going to go i hope so i really appreciate it
yes i know it's fun no it is i mean we're we're always it's a fine life ain't
it
well no i mean i was just about ready to say we're always thrilled that you can
combine
thrilled oh yeah yeah no we are we are because i'm thrilled i'm really thrilled
but and um i hope the
film does oh and thanks a lot well you're quite welcome i know quite welcome
would you like to come
back again it would be a lot of fun yeah a lot of fun i'll look forward to it
how about next week
perhaps yes okay well good well now you don't have to leave right now gee uh
anyway it's called uh the
film is called heaven this is what it's called and it looks to me like a a
brilliant fascinating endeavor
thank you thank you very much david i appreciate it wait a minute just stay
there and then they play
oh they play you off oh they play you off okay bye diane keaton we'll be right
back