Name: Dave's Crazy AI Experiment | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2025-10-29T15:04:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Crazy AI Experiment | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Crazy AI Experiment | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-29. Transcript available.

Why, hello there! It's me, Barbara Gaines, and this is Mary, and this is Dave.
Hey, how you doing, Clambakes?
Clambakes!
Clambakes. Like, there's more than one Clambake.
Yeah.
Hey, tonight's the big tree lighting.
No, it's not.
Oh.
If only my parents were alive to see this.
So, things are happening, like, for instance...
Hey, they knocked down the White House, and they put in the 90,000-square-foot
ballroom,
and roller rink, and wrestling ring.
It's not all in yet.
It's fantastic.
It's multi-purpose junk that they're building there in the White House.
But they have knocked it down.
Well, they're knocking down the East Wing.
Exactly.
And putting in the 90,000-square-foot ballroom, because, my God, when you open
a ballroom,
you better at least double the size of the Pentagon, because people can't wait
to get in there and
ball.
I think I said this to you guys before.
Or there's, what do they say, a non-zero chance that that place is, like,
rented out for weddings.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, that's right.
Conventions.
Absolutely, yeah, yeah.
I mean, do they have balls?
I mean, I guess they do, at the White House.
They'll be having them now, buddy.
Yeah.
Yeah, and it's very exciting.
And, by the way, I find this to be apt symbolism that the White House
physically being destroyed
indicates a larger path of destruction.
Absolutely.
Thank you very much for that insight, Dave.
Yes, yes.
I don't think they feel that way.
Where can I get an omelet?
They, the people doing this construction.
But if the price of eggs, is it up or is it holding steady?
I think it's down.
I made a pillow for the office.
Oh, this is great.
And this is, for the first bidder, gets this.
The highest bidder gets this.
Now, here, let me, this is you as a child.
How old were you there?
In my 20s or 30s?
Wow.
No, no, we need an 80s.
That's got to be the 80s, right?
Oh, you need an age?
Let's say 28.
Okay.
What year do you think that was?
That would have been the 80s.
Yeah, yeah, 80s.
Late 80s.
That is very 80s.
85, let's say 85.
He's cute.
And Don King.
And Don King.
He looks cute, too.
You know, at the time, I think everybody found him to be unattractive.
But looking at him now, that's a handsome guy.
I think it's the hair.
Yeah, it's the hair.
That he made his hair like that was interesting.
I wonder if people remember Don King or know of Don King.
Yeah, I don't know.
He was like the best-known boxing promoter of the day.
I don't know if he was the best or the biggest, but certainly the best-known.
Look at this little kid, though.
I know.
I know.
He came to all our parties.
I don't know why.
Don King came to our party.
Oh, this is an anniversary party.
Ah, that's fantastic.
Yeah, so I don't think he came to all of them, but for like three years in a
row.
But he must have been on the show the same day as the party.
Maybe.
But you think he was specifically invited.
Yes, a couple of anniversary parties we had.
Well, speaking from a person who knows these things, I applaud your inclusion.
Oh, AI.
Oh, this is the group that should talk about AI.
Well, AI is a thing now.
Yes.
I remember when we got to know either Tilly or Lily Norwood, the AI actress
that turned
Hollywood on its head.
Yeah.
And by the way, isn't it about time somebody turned Hollywood on its head?
Uh-huh.
In the beginning, everyone was frightened by AI.
Yeah.
With good reason.
Because I think people like us, kind of blue collar, we're in the line, we don't
know what's
going on.
Old people is what you're saying.
Old people is what you're saying.
Yeah, old people.
We were frightened about AI.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But then when you realize that you can have some laughs with AI, and I don't
think it will
necessarily bury human culture, or maybe it will.
Yeah, but isn't this kind of the end of civilization?
Because then dumb people think it's real, like it's going to ruin-
I mean, I did see something a while ago about you-
And smart people, not just dumb people.
There was some ad that had Dave-
Oh, yeah.
Saying that he-
I can't remember what it was.
Yeah, some sort of miracle cure for something.
Yes.
Yeah.
And-
And it wasn't you.
No, it wasn't me, but it was me and my voice and stuff, and I don't know what
it
was, but I got emails from some of my friends asking me if this miracle cure
for
the unknown disease actually worked.
Right.
And I said, I'm sorry, you have the wrong Dave Letterman.
Right.
I have plenty of diseases, and I've had many miracle cures, but I'm going to
need you to
be more specific.
And then I found out it was one of them goofball AI things.
So, but that's crazy that that could happen.
You don't want that.
No, you don't want that, but yeah, I suppose harm could come of that, right?
Yeah, totally.
But anyway, Lily Norwood shows up, and Hollywood's all-
Once you can think of any, let's do some improv.
I need a place.
Trade station.
Okay.
And I need a human being character.
Jesus.
No, that's a bad one.
Okay.
Okay.
Bad one.
Yeah.
And-
George Clooney.
Oh, that's a good one.
Okay.
Okay.
So you say, hello, AI.
Hello, dude.
George Clooney and Jesus Christ waiting on a train.
And then boom, a second later, there's Jesus and George Clooney, and they're
having fun.
Oh, and then they're arm wrestling.
And then they're arm wrestling.
And then there you go.
And then like that.
But then people see it and they think-
Well, they know that Jesus is not here.
That's true.
There you go.
But they wouldn't be surprised that Clooney is waiting on a train with Jesus.
If you can-
I don't like it.
If we could get somebody to pass some laws that protected us, and AI would only
be used
for comedy.
Like if you were required to write like, hey, dummies, this is AI, and then
your video plays.
Yeah.
Or like you'd have to go to a certain place.
You're now, like in Los Angeles, you want comedy, where do you go?
You go to the comedy store.
Yeah.
Right.
You want magic, where do you go?
You go to the magic castle.
Right.
You want AI, you go to, welcome to the world of AI.
You sign in, okay, I'm in a-
You want fantasy, you go to Disney World.
Like that.
So you go to the AI hut.
That's all right.
If you want your cell phone repaired, you go to the Apple store.
Right.
You want wild ass crazy shit, you go to the AI store.
Right.
Wild ass crazy shit.
Yeah.
Well, I mean-
Can we think of a scenario to put Dave in?
No.
Yeah.
Dave-
I don't like this.
Let me think.
Dave in a race car, because I like racing.
Sure.
Dave in a race car at the Indianapolis 500, going 240 miles an hour, trying to
open a giant jug of-
Pickles?
No, of root beer.
Oh, that's better.
So Dave is in a car-
So I'm in the car, and then I got a mask on, and I'm like, oh, and then we're
hearing from the pits.
What are you doing?
I'm trying to open my root beer.
And then, woo, woo, I would provide the sound effects.
Woo, woo.
I think we can get Walter to maybe do a version of it.
I don't think it can happen.
It will happen.
You have a thing that'll make it happen.
We can do it.
We can do it.
I think he can.
So this is me in a race car.
Is that the one?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a bad, not even a good bad idea, just a flat-out bad, bad idea.
Right.
So, Walter, are you going to go to the hut?
Yes.
The AI hut?
Yes.
So we have it here now.
Oh, no.
Okay, let's see.
Let's see.
How long did this take to conjure?
Like five minutes.
Oh, no.
Giant open track and a cold root beer.
Doesn't get much better than this.
Smooth straightaway, smooth drink.
Cheers.
Nothing like it in the world.
Well, I will say now I'm amending my position on AI because what it could do is
counterfeit
culture A to Z.
Right.
And that means you're on my team.
And that means you're on my team.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that's not good.
Late at night while I'm in bed listening to my wife sleep, I might do that for
my own amusement.
But I would want to make sure I paid a fee and only on my...
But it's not a...
Do you pay a fee?
So far, what I've experienced with AI...
It's dangerous, right?
It's dangerous because this is just, you know, like high school kids screwing
around.
Right.
But not everybody's a high school kid.
What?
If you put it online...
I mean, you don't want people to, you know, make other people say things they
didn't say.
Oh, do we though?
That sounds...
But I think that's the basement of the problem.
Yeah.
I think it only goes up from there.
I think that it has infinite dangerous applications.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what...
That's my hot take on AI.
Well, so this was...
And by the way, this whole production is AI.
Think about that, losers.
So this was very informative, I think.
Yeah.
I think we've all learned something here today.
All right.
All right.
Take care, Goon Squad.
Goodbye.
Thanks for watching.
Don't forget to do the things.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What would you have on an omelet?
I think cheese, ham...
You're talking about an AI omelet?
What?