Name: Dave's Halloween Pumpkin Massacre | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2025-10-30T15:00:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Halloween Pumpkin Massacre | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Halloween Pumpkin Massacre | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-30. Transcript available.

These come from Quattro Farms up in Pleasant Valley, and they are like 500
pound pumpkins.
500 pound pumpkins, all right.
These are prize winners.
Did you get your pumpkins ready for tomorrow night?
I'm just about to get them ready.
Okay.
Now, are these edible when they get to be this big?
Oh, sure.
Make pies?
This would probably make about 100 pies.
Yeah, I would think so.
I was going to show you how to gill pumpkins.
We're out of time.
I know.
Don't even know.
Come on, dude.
These are good for soup balls.
You're going to irritate people by referencing something we won't get to.
But I want you to, since we don't have much time, I thought that this would be
the easiest
way.
You want to wear your goggles?
Sure.
Wear your goggles.
Hey, this is quite a costume.
Hey, I'm the shop teacher.
Here's your knife.
You kids, be careful of that table saw.
I'm still doing the dumb guy, Martha.
I'm sorry.
This won't count against your time.
Don't worry.
Keep that right on your pumpkin.
All right, can I start it?
Yeah, you can start it.
Now, cut off the top and make your jack-o'-lantern.
Oh, no, this is dangerous because I can't get...
Now, press this little button at the same time.
Oh, I see.
You've got quite a kick to it, don't you, Martha?
Hey, you know, this is dangerous.
You should have a lot of fun.
You should have a lot of fun.
Oh, there.
I got mine off already, see?
All right, now, should I continue with this and run the risk of losing a leg?
Just keep it over there.
Just keep it over there.
Keep it over there.
And you can do it that way.
Okay, don't let kids do that, you know.
I feel like one of those guys 60 Minutes will do a profile on it.
Well, he's kind of a loner, but he liked power tools.
That scares me.
You know, I wish somebody had checked me out on that before I was turned loose,
but...
You're excellent.
Oh, look, you got it.
You did it.
Yeah, I even hinged mine.
Wow, that smells good, doesn't it?
Take the pizza.
Take the pizza.
This is what...
Or this.
Oh, it's your idea of a joke.
All right.
I'm serious, that's dangerous, and you shouldn't be fooling around.
I know, it's a joke.
You better unplug that for...
It's a joke.
A joke, sure.
Somebody leaves here without a foot.
But anyway, these are great pumpkins, and the poor...
The poor farmer.
And you throw the stuff in the little pot there, and then cut out your eyes.
What is the stuff that you make the pie out of?
It's not this stuff.
No, no, it's this.
It's this.
It's the outside stuff?
And look, you made spaghetti squash, too.
This is great.
Hey, Paul.
See, I told you.
What?
And then, we'll be right back.
Okay, what'd I tell you?
Gracious living, huh?
And there's the finished product.
It's beautiful.
That's really nice.
Very nice.
My thanks, of course, to Martha Stewart and Jack Morris and Mary Lou Henner.
We'll see you tomorrow night, everybody.
Thanks for being here.
Good night.
Good night.
Good night.