Name: Fun With The New York City Mayor | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2025-11-05T16:01:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fun With The New York City Mayor | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fun With The New York City Mayor | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-05. Transcript available.

uh tonight's category good things about being mayor of new york city this
should be a good list
here we go good things about being mayor of new york city number 10 you get a pothole
named after
you there you go number nine special mayor's table at blimpy's ooh well number
eight every
single day you're waiting quarters from the lincoln tunnel toll booth number
seven the city
is sparkling clean and free of crime so it's not a very hard job number six any
trouble you just
call batman number five it's the second most powerful position in new york
right behind the
head of the gambino family you know we're just pretending
uh number four only uh one allowed to spit off top of empire state building
uh number three full control of secret the secret nuclear arsenal aimed at new
jersey number two
i believe we have the make-ins for some kind of civil war i think so uh number
two every tuesday
hoagies with sharpton and the number one good thing about being mayor of new york
city chicks dig mayors
there you go you know uh we have a brand new mayor here in new york city mike
bloomberg and
uh i was talking to alan coulter uh exciting isn't it i think we all have a
little case of that bloomberg mania oh
and uh i was talking to alan coulter uh upstairs and i hope that doesn't happen
often
and he said i if you have a minute tonight i'd like to address i have something
i'd like to say to the
new mayor and alan nice to see you happy new year happy new year okay you want
to talk to the mayor
i'd appreciate a minute yeah take it away here's alan coulter talking to mayor
bloomberg mayor bloomberg
i wish you nothing but the best of luck in your efforts but with the new year
dawning
please allow me to make a suggestion that i feel will set new york city off on
the right foot if i may
please bring back the strip clubs
we all need that feeling again that magic feeling of losing yourself in a sea
of water dollar bills
cheap perfume and desire the thump of the sound system resonating in your
abdomen the light's so
dim you can't tell whose hands is whose you know please mayor bloomberg reopen
the strip clubs
i need them it's all i have it's all i have it's all i have that's fine thank
you
it's okay dave frankly i'm surprised you let me go that long
the category uh top 10 ways i'll improve new york city that's the category
things are pretty
good in the city absolutely yet here are 10 ways to improve new york city top
10 waves
i'll improve ways you will improve no no no no listen carefully ah and now here
to present
tonight's top 10 list your new mayor of the city of new york the honorable michael
r bloomberg
if uh if this goes well we'll put up a tent for you thank you thank you
top 10 ways i'll improve new york city here we go number 10. i'll personally
pay every new yorker's
rent for the next four years wow how about that
number nine get caught jaywalking and we'll impound your shoes there you go
number eight once a week a different new yorker has to mow central park
all right uh number seven subway cars now equipped with a complimentary all you
can eat soup and salad
bar number six every weekend bare knuckle boxing matches on the front lawn of
gracie mansion
number five free full party massage from your cabbie yeah
number four i'm renaming the city funky town yeah
number three mandatory 10 o'clock curfew for bill clinton
number two
if a car alarm goes off call me and i'll personally come and tow it yeah
and the number one way this man will improve our city
okay arizona you had your fun now we're coming to get our world series trophy
back
i have uh been concerned about something for quite a long time talking about
this earlier one day
uh broadway was a fine street and you could go as far south as you wanted it
comes way up north in
the 200s plus 250 you can get broadway run it all the way down down to battery
park and there you are
that's broadway it's the city of dreams it's the city street street paved with
gold that's right
street of dreams where yes well now mayor bloomberg has decided to close broadway
to all traffic
closes all traffic and so to explain this decision we have him on the phone
right now
this is going to be mayor bloomberg ladies and gentlemen we're going to find
out about the new
pedestrian mall on broadway hello mayor bloomberg thanks for speaking with us
here tonight my
pleasure greaseman and here's a shout out to all your listeners here in the
windy city right right
that's where you know it's dave uh and we're in new york city mayor thanks
anyway i'm glad you asked
greaseman the closing of broadway has been an overwhelming success right
finally solving the city's
crisis of where to store our surplus of chairs right right have you tried our
naked yoga park on 49th and
broadway well yeah no i wasn't i wasn't aware that there was a naked yoga mayor
mayor
i think i got punk comedy the greaseman the category top 10 reasons new york
city is the
greatest city in the world yes new york city is the greatest city in the world
here we go number 10 on every block quaint local stores like blockbuster and
starbucks
number nine parking spaces well we got almost 20 of them
number eight muggers now accept easy pass number seven there's no frank sinatra
song milwaukee milwaukee
number six not uncommon to see a pigeon give someone the finger number five
the city that never sleeps which could explain the crankiness number four on
the sidewalks free gum
boy number three where else can you punch a world series winning pitcher number
two
a dozen rats per person is not just a statistic it's a promise
and the number one reason new york is the greatest city in the world it's the
home of america's
favorite talk show host regis philba there you go