Name: Stupid Human Tricks: Turkey Baster Tunes | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2025-11-27T16:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stupid Human Tricks: Turkey Baster Tunes | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stupid Human Tricks: Turkey Baster Tunes | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-27. Transcript available.

and now it's time for a stupid human tricks this is only an exhibition this is
not a competition
please as always i beseech you no wagering do me a favor say hello to our first
guest ray
sanders ray come on out here and be a part of the fun hey hey good to see you
thanks you ran right
out i'm anxious where are you from ray from bryan texas and i teach in somerville
texas what do you
teach there i teach band i'm the assistant band director out there and it is
high school elementary
school junior high through high school how are the kids in texas these days
great great love them
good good how long have you been a teacher uh well i've been teaching at this
job four years
i've taught 10 years and went in a business and then i got back into teaching
but primarily you're
a teacher right well good for you and god bless you thank you that's wonderful
work yeah now i i um
thank you thank you i couldn't help but notice you have a little thing there
yes not exactly a little
thing but what is that it's a like a baster a turkey yes this is this is a
turkey baster turkey baster
and what are you going to do with that i'm going to play the finale to the william
tale overture
that's the reaction most people have it's not polite yeah and who wrote this
particular piece
of music well uh rosini wrote it about 150 years ago and i'm just transcribing
it for turkey baster
all right it's uh ray sanders and do you have the music worked out oh i'll tell
you what i bet
the good as they are they they probably know that right in there all right yeah
take it away from
bryant texas william tell overture thank you
thank you thank you thank you thank you beautiful thank you take a look here
very nice continued success to you sir thank you very much thank you have a
good trip back to texas
ray sanders okay dokie uh our next guest matthew brandt ladies and gentlemen
come on out matthew and
say hello to them hey matthew how you doing good come on over here where are
you from matthew i'm from
denver colorado denver colorado you know denver colorado is the mile high city
yeah are you aware
of that yeah yeah what do you do uh in denver um well i play hockey and i go to
school uh-huh
and pretty good at hockey yes good for you and how about your grades your
grades pretty good yeah
what grade are you in i'm in fifth grade fifth grade uh brothers and sisters uh
i've got three
sisters oh millie erica and heather and i'm sorry go ahead i've got one brother
michael so it's three
against two and and who wins do the girls push you guys around um no yeah well
sometimes sometimes they
do of course sometimes they do uh is this your first time in new york city yes
you're having a good
time yeah it's exciting isn't it yeah yeah uh has school started for you yet um
yeah yeah and are you
excited about school as well are you missing school to be here tonight yes yeah
how do you look right into the camera and say to all your school mates back
home hey losers
hey losers uh all right matthew um
yeah you see you got a bowl of eggs there what are you gonna do with the eggs i
can crack
my egg bending my fingers back the audience gasping uh just by bending your
hand back you crack an egg
yes how did you learn to do this in galveston of the year 2000
i i i went to a hotel and i was watching tv a guy on the guinness world records
could crack 15 eggs
in 30 seconds wow and how many can you crack uh one
you gotta start somewhere well actually i can crack more but yeah all we really
want is one
here yeah but the real question is what the hell were you doing in a hotel in
galveston
were you on the road were you taking a break from the family
no like our family oh the whole family all right
uh all right uh go ahead and grab one of those eggs there uh matthew anytime
you're ready
paul you have a little of a drum roll yeah we got a drum roll it's matthew
brandt from denver
colorado here we go
that hurt no all right let's take a look and see here in the slow motion
nice job congratulations there you go nice meeting you matthew we'll see you
later
like most of our guests can't wait to get the hell out of here
and who can blame him for god's sakes uh mike milkey ladies gentlemen from onalaska
wisconsin
mike milkey come on out mike hi mike how are you good good to see him
where is onalaska it's by lacrosse i don't know where that is it's by the
border of minnesota and
iowa oh so it's in the northwestern part of wisconsin sure yeah what's it cold
up there isn't it
uh it's kind of no it's right now it's like 80 degrees so it's pretty nice
pretty nice sure
and are you a student i'm a student at winona state university i go to college
now right what are you
studying elementary ed oh so you're going to be a teacher when you get out
hopefully yeah good for
you uh i noticed you have some apparatus here you have a a tennis racket
without strings and a pogo
stick is that right that is correct does this have anything to do with your
trick uh yeah it does
and what is the trick mike i uh while jumping on the pogo stick i put this
tennis racket over my body
all the way all the way down and let it come off so you mean it comes off under
the pogo stick you
put it on your head and all the way down yeah and it comes all the way off yeah
but can you crack eggs
i don't i don't think so now i don't believe this can be done you this whole
thing goes around your
body and off yeah yeah that can't happen have you have you ever done this
before uh no yeah
and have you when did you first do it i uh i did it at a stupid human choice
contest that is correct
excellent and um do you win money doing this back at school i actually won 75
dollars so yeah sweet sweet
that is sick dude uh okay mike anytime you're ready all anton take it away he's
gonna put the thing on
his head and then it goes crazy
yeah
there he is nice job way to go congratulations sir thank you that's mighty
mighty impressive
good luck in school say hello to the folks back in wisconsin mike milkey ladies
gentlemen there you are
and an excellent aerobic workout good here van halen again a little jump yeah
what else are you going to
play no i don't know