Name: Dave's Got A Brand New Dog | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2026-01-09T16:00:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Got A Brand New Dog | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dave's Got A Brand New Dog | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-09. Transcript available.

Hi, I'm Barbara Gaines, Mary Barclay, Dave Letterman.
How's it going?
Welcome to our table version.
Listen, listen, before, excuse me for a interrupt.
I like it.
Sure.
Please, let me, Dave, your buddy Dave, be the first, the absolute first, to
wish you and yours a very, very happy 2026.
The first?
Huh?
Nothing.
You're still within the window.
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, sure.
Everyone had a happy holiday, happy new year.
I had a nice, I spent a lot of time with the family, and that's a double-edged
sword.
Sure.
You're wondering when it will end, and then when it ends, you're sad that it's
over.
I don't know, human nature.
Right.
Yeah.
What happens with my wife and I is that we make no plans for the entire time
that my son is there, hoping that he will have a moment for us.
Yeah.
And so we end up sitting around, waiting, like when your first date, hoping the
phone will ring, and then he has no time for us.
There will be a turnaround.
Everybody has told me this, and I've kind of experienced it myself.
And the phrase they invoke is, don't worry, they always come back.
They always come back.
So maybe, I don't know.
That's what I hear.
No, were you all like that with your parents when you were kids?
I wanted nothing to do with my parents.
See?
Me too.
Yeah.
And I'm afraid that my kid will not want to have anything to do with me.
Yeah.
Or my wife.
I mean, this is fun, though.
My wife wants nothing to do with me.
You offered more than your parents offered, right?
I was happy to get out.
Yeah.
Goodbye.
It's a great time.
Let's talk about your big New Year's Eve effort.
Or, I'm sorry, a big Christmas show.
What the hell was it?
Oh, it was a holiday show.
Yeah.
Holiday show.
We had O's The Mentalist.
Yeah.
That was exciting.
Was it exciting or was it annoying?
Both.
It made me uncomfortable.
The whole thing made me jumpy.
And I don't know why exactly.
I'll tell you what I did enjoy was the effort.
I thought it was very nice to see old friends from the old shows.
Yeah, absolutely.
And that seemed very polite and happy and civilized.
And I found that uplifting.
The lighting, I thought Walter did a nice job preparing for the party.
There's always trouble when you like the lighting.
Yep.
No.
Oh, I think that was good.
Oh, and I liked the big phony fire.
I liked the fire.
I liked the snacks.
I thought it was a nice party.
I liked it when they revealed that Walter had a toga party with a guy named
Mike.
That was a lot of fun.
It was like, so what?
Who's Mike?
What the hell is a toga party?
And I think there's something wrong with the guy.
I think what happened at an early age, like three, maybe two or three,
somebody dropped him on his head, which happens.
Parents here, who hasn't dropped their kid on the head?
It happened to me the other day.
Well, I mean, that's why he doesn't want to spend time with us.
And so ever since the head thing, he's not been right.
I mean, that guy ain't right.
And I'm not saying he's working for Satan.
I'm just saying he ain't right.
You're not saying he's working for Satan.
No, who said that?
Nobody said that.
No.
But he was mystical, highly mystical.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a fun show.
Yeah, it was fun.
And people actually watched the show?
They, that one did well.
This is, well, you learn a lesson here, sister.
As opposed to probably this one.
But no, no, no, have more magic and shit like that on your show.
I would do it.
I could do it myself, I would.
Yeah.
What did you do for the holidays, New Year's Eve?
Well, as you know, I have a pied-a-terre in Muncie, Indiana.
And my family and I...
Do they drop a ball in Muncie?
Yes, every night they drop a ball in Muncie, if you know what I'm saying.
And I don't know what that means.
No, it doesn't mean anything.
It's all fine.
But I'll tell you something else.
I'm aggravated because, I don't know if you know this, but our family dogs
passed away.
Yes, Sam.
There was a separation of a couple of years and then they both ended up going.
They were like 13, 14.
So we waited like six months and then a couple of days ago we got a new dog.
You did?
Well, that's big news.
Yeah, but he takes a dump in the kitchen.
I mean, no...
Is he puppy?
No, he's eight.
This is so great.
What's the new dog's name?
Doc.
That's fantastic.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
I haven't had a decent night's sleep since I was 11.
That explains a lot of what's going on here.
No, is it the same kind of dog?
He's a yellow lab.
So it's the same kind of dog?
Now listen to me.
If you decide you want a yellow lab, you think,
oh, I've seen yellow labs.
So you get one.
And I had a conversation with the Institute of Anthropology in London.
And they texted me earlier today that Doc is, to their studies now and research,
all done with satellites, is the smallest mammal on the planet.
The smallest mammal on the planet.
Smallest yellow lab.
He's not good.
Yeah.
What did I say?
Mammal.
So I wanted a big dog kind of wrestle.
He's a puppy.
Yeah.
He's this big.
What did I say?
The Institute of Anthropology in London, England told me, and I got the papers.
So he's a small puppy.
You're mad about the fact that your puppy is too puppy-like?
Was it Dutch or Sully whose nose you thought was wrong?
I think it was Sully.
And there was a period of time where, in all honesty, I withheld love.
And then that turned out to be just fine.
And I loved him dearly.
And I still love him dearly.
But this thing, oh, here's my dog.
I carry him on my charm bracelet.
He's how many weeks old?
He's 12, 11, 10 weeks old.
Oh, my gosh.
He's just came.
He's very cute.
I think that's fantastic.
Let's talk a little bit about Jimmy Kimmel.
Okay.
I love Jimmy Kimmel.
I love Jimmy Kimmel, too.
Here's the thing.
What people don't understand is Jimmy Kimmel single-handedly brought the people
at Disney
and all of those other network television owners to their knees.
Jimmy Kimmel single-handedly made them-
Even the critics check the order.
When the critics show so forth.
Made them seem and appeared to be the fools they are and continues to call
attention to
the plight.
And also, Seth Meyers, he's very good.
And I'm telling you, we're running out of places where you hear these voices.
And Stephen Colbert and that franchise, adios.
And let me just say one thing.
If we had a president who was a Republican, I'm sorry, who was a Democrat.
Let's just say if we had a president who was a Democrat and behaved the way
this
Republican president is behaving.
Jimmy would be attacking the Democrat president just as much as he attacks.
So it's not like it's all politically driven.
It's driven by the behavior of the person in the office.
Yeah.
By the way, what about those idiots at CBS?
The CBS News is a wreck, it's just gone.
CBS News for decades, going back to World War II, before World War II, Ed Murrow
would be broadcasting
the blitz of London from the rooftop of buildings in London for CBS radio.
And it was that mentality that drove the integrity of CBS News that has been
trampled on, pissed
on, and eviscerated by these idiots that have taken it over.
And I'm at a point now where it's, it really is hurting my feelings because I'm
sick and tired
of people saying, oh, wait until those midterms, kids, we're far downstream of
the midterms having
any effect on this.
Let's end on our own Walter Kim made a movie.
Yeah.
Oh, Walter Kim made a movie.
Yes.
And it was.
One of them, documentaries or some shit?
No, he made an actual film and it was picked up by, by Dances with Films.
What is Dances with Films?
It's a film festival.
It's a film festival.
Where is that film festival?
In New York City.
It's going to be at the Regal Theater on January 18th.
Where is the Regal Theater?
On 14th Street.
Union Square, yep.
Union Square.
Is that one of those old, oh yeah, that's the big screening tonight?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The premiere?
Yeah.
Can I go to the premiere?
Yeah, I don't think, I think you're totally out of town.
Yeah, that's what we heard.
We heard totally out of town.
Thank you, Oprah.
I am totally out of town.
It's written and directed by Walter and the executive producer Nancy Agostini.
Yay!
And his family makes appearances, right?
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
I was supposed to be in.
You were supposed to be in.
You were totally out of town.
I was totally out of town.
I was totally out of town.
Again.
Production assistants, Jane Kim.
Well now, when he picks up and moves to Hollywood, what the hell are we going
to do?
What the hell are you going to do?
I got things to do.
You're right.
You have an actual show.
That's right.
I'll just be on the couch.
All right.
Don't forget to subscribe and touch the cat.
And nobody's subscribing.
Nobody's buying the merchandise.
We're trying to do good things.
Our subscribers are going up.
How did that happen?
I don't know.
Good night, everybody.
Good night.
Don't bother me.