Name: Martin Short's Musical Tribute To Viagra | David Letterman
Uploaded: 2026-02-12T16:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Martin Short's Musical Tribute To Viagra | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-02-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Martin Short's Musical Tribute To Viagra | David Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-02-12. Transcript available.

I can't remember it!
I have a lot to think.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
Always a pleasure, my friend.
Well, thank you, Dave.
Good to see you. How are you doing?
Well, I'm so excited to be here for the first show after the strike.
Well, uh...
I mean, how many months have you been off now?
Well, we actually have been on.
This is not really the first show back after the strike.
Really?
Yeah.
Because I've been watching the show, and I keep thinking,
when will these reruns ever end?
They weren't reruns. They were all new shows.
So this is... Oh, so the strike...
Oh, well, see, I'm all...
But you must be excited to finally have the writers back,
because, again, I've been seeing the shows.
No, they've been back with us all.
They've been back?
Yes, they've been back.
Well, let me see this.
All fabulous to see you.
Congratulations on Deal or No Deal.
Wait a minute.
No, I will tell you something.
Okay.
But I'm sincere here.
Thank you.
That you have never been better.
No, no, listen.
I was hearing that monologue of yours.
Right.
And I thought to myself, you've finally found your voice.
Well, that's good.
After 26 years, that's nice to know.
No, it's really good.
Thank you very much.
You look like...
Oh, yeah.
Have you had a big lift or something?
No.
No, it's unbelievable.
Well, thank you very much, Martin.
No, it really is.
You look like a young, kind of girlish Zac Efron.
You know?
All right.
That's right.
Girlish.
A girlish Zac Efron.
That's what he said, sure.
A more girlish.
More girlish.
No, you really do look good.
Thank you so very much.
I think it's super.
How's the son?
How's Harvey?
Harry.
Harry.
Oh, you dropped the V.
Well, I think I like that better.
That's a much better name.
Yeah, no, Harry, sure.
So everything's working back.
Your show's back.
You have the writers.
Everything's fine, yeah.
And Harvey.
Sure.
Now, listen.
How about this?
Recently, a guest at the White House.
That must have been very exciting.
Tell people about the occasion.
It's very nice.
Well, this was about 10 weeks ago.
It was for the Kennedy Center Honors.
Whoa, my goodness.
And my friend Steve Martin was one of the five recipients,
so I was there to speak on his behalf.
And it was Diana Ross and Brian Wilson and Liam Fleischer
and Martin Scorsese.
Wow.
And a big crowd.
And, you know, it was very beautiful.
It was festive.
The White House was kind of gorgeous, you know,
all done in trees and things.
And it's like 150 people in the West Wing.
And Bush comes in.
Oh, my.
With the five honorees.
And I had never met him.
And, you know, it's very nerve-wracking.
Of course.
And he seemed very sweet.
You know, I always think he gave a little speech about each person.
And I always feel that he sounds to me a bit like Sammy Davis Jr.
Really?
Yeah.
I would have thought of that.
But no, he kind of goes like, you know,
Saturn has recently tried to purchase some uranium from Africa.
And it's that cross-eyed thing he does.
So he gave a speech.
It really is from Africa.
It just closes in at the end.
And, you know, his eyes are, like, very close.
And so...
Really?
They're very close.
Oh, yeah.
No, no, no.
There's not a tremendous amount of flesh in between.
And...
But anyway, he gave a little speech about each honoree.
And he said, and he's reading, by the way, he talks about the great director,
he's talking
about Marty Scorsese, Martin Sarkozy.
President of France, I think, isn't he?
He's the president of France.
Martin Sarkozy.
And everyone kind of, you know, if you were watching it on TV, you'd start, you
know, you'd
laugh.
But when you're in a room with 150, it's like...
It's like your drunken uncle has gotten...
You get scared.
Yeah, I would think so.
And then he did a speech.
Then he introduced Steve Martin.
Then he introduced Brian.
He's talking about Brian Wilson.
And Brian Wilson's one of the great musicians.
He is admired by so many, including the great Beatle, Sir Paul McCarthy.
And again, and I look at Laura, and she's kind of, you know, she kind of flinches.
Can you just read a book?
She's been down this road.
But he was very, very genuine and very sweet.
Well, it looks to me, we have a lovely photo here that you guys got along just
fine.
Yeah, look at that.
From the looks of the picture.
Well, I was very nervous because...
Your wife is beautiful, by the way.
Well, thank you.
That's the lovely Nancy.
Yeah, great.
And this looks like he has the devil's finger here.
The finger of Satan.
But that's actually a horror.
Oh, that's actually, yes.
Well, she's holding a carrot or something.
I don't know.
Holding a carrot.
I actually don't know what it is.
She's holding a carrot.
I think you're right about that, Mark.
She's holding a carrot.
You know, lunch, dinner was late, and she's holding a carrot.
How many photos got to go?
And I did not know where to put my hand because you're intimidated by the
president.
Oh, yeah, you're standing next to the first lady president.
And so I didn't know whether to put it low or high.
So I did it kind of that junior high dance thing.
Well, it works.
Yeah.
It looks good.
Yeah.
Because you don't want to make a move there.
Yeah.
But look at the size of that tree.
It's a huge, lovely tree.
Well, look at the size of his finger.
Yeah.
But this is what he did.
This is what he did.
So he goes up to me.
And, you know, you are, whatever your politics are, it's the president of the
United States of the White House.
Of course, you have to respect that.
It's intimidating, and it's, like, all surreal moment.
So he, he, he, so put your hand out and say, hello, Mr. President.
That's what he did.
Hello, Mr. President.
Welcome to this house.
Thank you.
And he wouldn't let go.
He wouldn't let, so he'd give me the high slap.
It was a thing.
It's unnerving.
And then it was, like, but in, in my, welcome to this house.
Yeah.
And meanwhile, it's the Candyman, Ellie.
Of course, sure.
The Candyman.
What?
I mean, even with you, it was awkward.
I can't imagine with the president.
No, and he wouldn't take his eye off me.
He was, he was very, very genuine, you know.
So it's not just all spit and polish, which you see when on TV.
It's, it's, it's, it goes deeper than that, is what you're saying.
It goes much deeper.
Yeah.
But he was very, very genuine.
Oh, that's nice.
What a lovely evening.
What a nice occasion for you and for Steve and all of the recipients.
Well, thank you.
Yeah, sure.
Now, I don't want to, I don't want to embarrass you, but we have another photo
here.
And this is, I guess, People magazine online.
Uh-huh.
And it looks like they have, they're comparing now pictures of Woody Harrelson
and Owen Wilson
romping in the surf.
Yeah.
And then next to that photo is a picture of you and Steve Martin also romping
in the surf.
Now, I, I think it's, you know, I think it's all right.
No, I, well, what are you inferring?
Well, nothing.
I'm just, I just thought it was odd because here we have Owen, Owen Wilson and
Woody Harrelson.
And then there are you.
Well, first of all, when I look at that picture, I'm so glad I went to Ecuador
for that stomach
staple.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Well, you got your money's worth on that.
Yeah, you really did.
They suctioned so much.
And it looks like Steve is, he's not crying, is he?
No, well, it is, I'll tell you something.
First of all, we're good friends and, and we, we vacation together.
We've been known to bathe together because of the drop.
Because of the drop?
There's a drug in California.
I wish you'd read more about it.
Yeah, well, I should actually.
And, um, but you know, there, it is true.
This is in the Caribbean and they have paparazzi.
Everywhere.
Everywhere.
And they're hiding in the trees and they're, you know, and they, and, and they
won't leave
us A-listers alone.
It just drives, it drives me nuts.
I can understand.
You know, it's Tom and Nicole and Brittany and me and what they just, you know,
and you
may call it A-lister.
I call it pain in the A-lister, you know.
Of course, yes.
I can see why you would.
You know, and you're trying to go to your Kabbalah step class and they're
snapping at you.
And, uh, but, um, so anyway, I, I'm sure that you, I, I'm sure that everyone's
seen this, this thing on the, on, uh, on TMZ where I lose it with, uh, a paparazzi.
No, really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, it's, uh, everyone's seen it, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, not everyone has computers, which is cool, but, uh.
It's, it's on the computer.
But again, it's an attack on the A-lister.
And I was at this, uh, Huckabee, uh, fundraiser.
Oh, yeah.
And, uh, I, I was, I was.
Really, a Huckabee fundraiser.
Yeah.
And for no apparent reason, I'm wearing a kilt just because I didn't read the
invitation.
You're wearing a kilt.
Well, you know, you, you, you get a lot of stuff.
Yeah, I know.
So anyway, um, this has been on TMZ and just show it and get it out of the way.
All right, let's, let's take a look.
I haven't seen it myself, so this will be interesting.
All right, go ahead.
Mm-hmm.
Just here.
Why won't you people leave me alone, you damn paparazzi?
Papa! Papa!
It's people like you that killed Diana, princess of England, and left her boys
alone, you camera-toting whores.
Leave us famous times alone, we're different than you, we're feels differently,
try the beat-coach.
Oh, boy.
Is it over?
Oh, it's over.
Oh.
You know, you can look now.
Well, yeah.
Oh, my God.
Well, you're absolutely right.
Why don't they leave you alone?
I don't, I don't know.
Yeah, boy, that's ugly.
I'm sorry about that.
Your family must be sick.
It's a daily invasion.
Yes, of course it is.
Now, you have something special planned for us tonight.
Well, I mean, again, it depends on your wants.
But I mean, I couldn't, you mean like a song?
Maybe a song.
Oh, my God.
Well, now, this is exciting because I don't know when you were last here, but
it's not often
enough for my likes.
And tonight, you've prepared a little something special for us.
It's a song, and they're always beautiful, lovely songs.
Well, I mean, again, I'm happy to do a song.
I hate to be your pushy, but if someone would like to hear a song.
Yeah, I think it would be nice.
Beautiful, sure.
And I'm thrilled to be able to, we have a special guest tonight, my timpanist
for the last 25 years.
Give it a timpani player?
Yeah, I travel with a timpanist.
Wow.
Not a lot of people do that anymore.
Oh, that's real.
That's old show business.
Well, thank you so much.
And speaking of old show business, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Howard Hirsch, who
is my, again, 25 years.
Wow.
Good gig.
It's Lorna Luff and me are the last two people that do it.
But, you know, it is Valentine's Day, and I've been married to the Fabulous
Nancy for 27 years.
Yes, thank you.
In fact, just thank you so much.
In fact, just last week, we renewed our prenup.
It's been that kind of week.
And I'd love to do a song in honor of Valentine's Day.
And maybe I'll just do it right here.
No, don't do it here.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
I'm sorry.
My funny Valentine's Day coming.
No, no, no.
What?
It's not rated for that kind of weight.
Oh, I do it right over there.
You're going by the picture again.
That's not very good.
You know it would be dangerous.
No, I'm sorry.
No, no, no.
Thank you very much.
Oh, well, thank you.
You know, I'll do it over here then.
All right, perfect.
You know, in my business or in our business.
Ah!
Thank you, Howard.
After 25 years, that's why I pay him close to scale.
You know, romance can be around every corner.
Sometimes even working a corner.
Of course, I once sang back in the Senator Larry Craig days.
A gentleman came walking in, took the next door stall.
And over the years, I've done a lot of songs about my knack with the opposite
sex.
Of course, there's my signature tune.
I had a three-way.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
But there are certain times in a fellow's life, Valentine's Day in particular,
when the expectation of the ultimate stud night gets to be just too great.
Maybe there's been a cocktail or two, and things don't exactly go our way.
No matter what we try, pumps, injections, meditation, therapy,
our mighty manhood is reduced to jelly.
Jelly, that's something else I've tried, by the way.
But this year, this Valentine's Day,
well, I've got a good feeling that Mrs. Short is in for something very, very
special.
Every year in February, there's one night I abhor.
On Valentine's Day, in the bedroom, my performance is poor.
That romantic drivel sets my loins a-shrivel.
With sweet nothings, I am teased, but I whisper back apologies.
Unlike past years, when cupid's arrow shot me right in the nuts.
On Viagra and La Vitra, I was getting out of my rots.
Well, I took your himby and horny goat weed.
I am man, hear me roar.
I think it's happening, something's tingly.
Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe this time, maybe this time, I'll score.
Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe this time, I'll score.
Maybe, maybe this time, I'll score.
Maybe, maybe this time, I'll score.
Maybe, maybe this time, I'll score.
Maybe, maybe this time, I'll score.
Maybe, maybe this time, I'll score.
Maybe, maybe this time, I'll score.
The great Martin Short, everybody.
Oh, you've done it again.
I really have.
Nice taps.
Thank you so much.
Martin Short, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you.
Always a pleasure to have you, ladies.
Thank you very much.
.

Martin Short's Musical Tribute To Viagra | David Letterman

I can't remember it!
I have a lot to think.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
Always a pleasure, my friend.
Well, thank you, Dave.
Good to see you. How are you doing?
Well, I'm so excited to be here for the first show after the strike.
Well, uh...
I mean, how many months have you been off now?
Well, we actually have been on.
This is not really the first show back after the strike.
Really?
Yeah.
Because I've been watching the show, and I keep thinking,
when will these reruns ever end?
They weren't reruns. They were all new shows.
So this is... Oh, so the strike...
Oh, well, see, I'm all...
But you must be excited to finally have the writers back,
because, again, I've been seeing the shows.
No, they've been back with us all.
They've been back?
Yes, they've been back.
Well, let me see this.
All fabulous to see you.
Congratulations on Deal or No Deal.
Wait a minute.
No, I will tell you something.
Okay.
But I'm sincere here.
Thank you.
That you have never been better.
No, no, listen.
I was hearing that monologue of yours.
Right.
And I thought to myself, you've finally found your voice.
Well, that's good.
After 26 years, that's nice to know.
No, it's really good.
Thank you very much.
You look like...
Oh, yeah.
Have you had a big lift or something?
No.
No, it's unbelievable.
Well, thank you very much, Martin.
No, it really is.
You look like a young, kind of girlish Zac Efron.
You know?
All right.
That's right.
Girlish.
A girlish Zac Efron.
That's what he said, sure.
A more girlish.
More girlish.
No, you really do look good.
Thank you so very much.
I think it's super.
How's the son?
How's Harvey?
Harry.
Harry.
Oh, you dropped the V.
Well, I think I like that better.
That's a much better name.
Yeah, no, Harry, sure.
So everything's working back.
Your show's back.
You have the writers.
Everything's fine, yeah.
And Harvey.
Sure.
Now, listen.
How about this?
Recently, a guest at the White House.
That must have been very exciting.
Tell people about the occasion.
It's very nice.
Well, this was about 10 weeks ago.
It was for the Kennedy Center Honors.
Whoa, my goodness.
And my friend Steve Martin was one of the five recipients,
so I was there to speak on his behalf.
And it was Diana Ross and Brian Wilson and Liam Fleischer
and Martin Scorsese.
Wow.
And a big crowd.
And, you know, it was very beautiful.
It was festive.
The White House was kind of gorgeous, you know,
all done in trees and things.
And it's like 150 people in the West Wing.
And Bush comes in.
Oh, my.
With the five honorees.
And I had never met him.
And, you know, it's very nerve-wracking.
Of course.
And he seemed very sweet.
You know, I always think he gave a little speech about each person.
And I always feel that he sounds to me a bit like Sammy Davis Jr.
Really?
Yeah.
I would have thought of that.
But no, he kind of goes like, you know,
Saturn has recently tried to purchase some uranium from Africa.
And it's that cross-eyed thing he does.
So he gave a speech.
It really is from Africa.
It just closes in at the end.
And, you know, his eyes are, like, very close.
And so...
Really?
They're very close.
Oh, yeah.
No, no, no.
There's not a tremendous amount of flesh in between.
And...
But anyway, he gave a little speech about each honoree.
And he said, and he's reading, by the way, he talks about the great director,
he's talking
about Marty Scorsese, Martin Sarkozy.
President of France, I think, isn't he?
He's the president of France.
Martin Sarkozy.
And everyone kind of, you know, if you were watching it on TV, you'd start, you
know, you'd
laugh.
But when you're in a room with 150, it's like...
It's like your drunken uncle has gotten...
You get scared.
Yeah, I would think so.
And then he did a speech.
Then he introduced Steve Martin.
Then he introduced Brian.
He's talking about Brian Wilson.
And Brian Wilson's one of the great musicians.
He is admired by so many, including the great Beatle, Sir Paul McCarthy.
And again, and I look at Laura, and she's kind of, you know, she kind of flinches.
Can you just read a book?
She's been down this road.
But he was very, very genuine and very sweet.
Well, it looks to me, we have a lovely photo here that you guys got along just
fine.
Yeah, look at that.
From the looks of the picture.
Well, I was very nervous because...
Your wife is beautiful, by the way.
Well, thank you.
That's the lovely Nancy.
Yeah, great.
And this looks like he has the devil's finger here.
The finger of Satan.
But that's actually a horror.
Oh, that's actually, yes.
Well, she's holding a carrot or something.
I don't know.
Holding a carrot.
I actually don't know what it is.
She's holding a carrot.
I think you're right about that, Mark.
She's holding a carrot.
You know, lunch, dinner was late, and she's holding a carrot.
How many photos got to go?
And I did not know where to put my hand because you're intimidated by the
president.
Oh, yeah, you're standing next to the first lady president.
And so I didn't know whether to put it low or high.
So I did it kind of that junior high dance thing.
Well, it works.
Yeah.
It looks good.
Yeah.
Because you don't want to make a move there.
Yeah.
But look at the size of that tree.
It's a huge, lovely tree.
Well, look at the size of his finger.
Yeah.
But this is what he did.
This is what he did.
So he goes up to me.
And, you know, you are, whatever your politics are, it's the president of the
United States of the White House.
Of course, you have to respect that.
It's intimidating, and it's, like, all surreal moment.
So he, he, he, so put your hand out and say, hello, Mr. President.
That's what he did.
Hello, Mr. President.
Welcome to this house.
Thank you.
And he wouldn't let go.
He wouldn't let, so he'd give me the high slap.
It was a thing.
It's unnerving.
And then it was, like, but in, in my, welcome to this house.
Yeah.
And meanwhile, it's the Candyman, Ellie.
Of course, sure.
The Candyman.
What?
I mean, even with you, it was awkward.
I can't imagine with the president.
No, and he wouldn't take his eye off me.
He was, he was very, very genuine, you know.
So it's not just all spit and polish, which you see when on TV.
It's, it's, it's, it goes deeper than that, is what you're saying.
It goes much deeper.
Yeah.
But he was very, very genuine.
Oh, that's nice.
What a lovely evening.
What a nice occasion for you and for Steve and all of the recipients.
Well, thank you.
Yeah, sure.
Now, I don't want to, I don't want to embarrass you, but we have another photo
here.
And this is, I guess, People magazine online.
Uh-huh.
And it looks like they have, they're comparing now pictures of Woody Harrelson
and Owen Wilson
romping in the surf.
Yeah.
And then next to that photo is a picture of you and Steve Martin also romping
in the surf.
Now, I, I think it's, you know, I think it's all right.
No, I, well, what are you inferring?
Well, nothing.
I'm just, I just thought it was odd because here we have Owen, Owen Wilson and
Woody Harrelson.
And then there are you.
Well, first of all, when I look at that picture, I'm so glad I went to Ecuador
for that stomach
staple.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Well, you got your money's worth on that.
Yeah, you really did.
They suctioned so much.
And it looks like Steve is, he's not crying, is he?
No, well, it is, I'll tell you something.
First of all, we're good friends and, and we, we vacation together.
We've been known to bathe together because of the drop.
Because of the drop?
There's a drug in California.
I wish you'd read more about it.
Yeah, well, I should actually.
And, um, but you know, there, it is true.
This is in the Caribbean and they have paparazzi.
Everywhere.
Everywhere.
And they're hiding in the trees and they're, you know, and they, and, and they
won't leave
us A-listers alone.
It just drives, it drives me nuts.
I can understand.
You know, it's Tom and Nicole and Brittany and me and what they just, you know,
and you
may call it A-lister.
I call it pain in the A-lister, you know.
Of course, yes.
I can see why you would.
You know, and you're trying to go to your Kabbalah step class and they're
snapping at you.
And, uh, but, um, so anyway, I, I'm sure that you, I, I'm sure that everyone's
seen this, this thing on the, on, uh, on TMZ where I lose it with, uh, a paparazzi.
No, really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, it's, uh, everyone's seen it, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, not everyone has computers, which is cool, but, uh.
It's, it's on the computer.
But again, it's an attack on the A-lister.
And I was at this, uh, Huckabee, uh, fundraiser.
Oh, yeah.
And, uh, I, I was, I was.
Really, a Huckabee fundraiser.
Yeah.
And for no apparent reason, I'm wearing a kilt just because I didn't read the
invitation.
You're wearing a kilt.
Well, you know, you, you, you get a lot of stuff.
Yeah, I know.
So anyway, um, this has been on TMZ and just show it and get it out of the way.
All right, let's, let's take a look.
I haven't seen it myself, so this will be interesting.
All right, go ahead.
Mm-hmm.
Just here.
Why won't you people leave me alone, you damn paparazzi?
Papa! Papa!
It's people like you that killed Diana, princess of England, and left her boys
alone, you camera-toting whores.
Leave us famous times alone, we're different than you, we're feels differently,
try the beat-coach.
Oh, boy.
Is it over?
Oh, it's over.
Oh.
You know, you can look now.
Well, yeah.
Oh, my God.
Well, you're absolutely right.
Why don't they leave you alone?
I don't, I don't know.
Yeah, boy, that's ugly.
I'm sorry about that.
Your family must be sick.
It's a daily invasion.
Yes, of course it is.
Now, you have something special planned for us tonight.
Well, I mean, again, it depends on your wants.
But I mean, I couldn't, you mean like a song?
Maybe a song.
Oh, my God.
Well, now, this is exciting because I don't know when you were last here, but
it's not often
enough for my likes.
And tonight, you've prepared a little something special for us.
It's a song, and they're always beautiful, lovely songs.
Well, I mean, again, I'm happy to do a song.
I hate to be your pushy, but if someone would like to hear a song.
Yeah, I think it would be nice.
Beautiful, sure.
And I'm thrilled to be able to, we have a special guest tonight, my timpanist
for the last 25 years.
Give it a timpani player?
Yeah, I travel with a timpanist.
Wow.
Not a lot of people do that anymore.
Oh, that's real.
That's old show business.
Well, thank you so much.
And speaking of old show business, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Howard Hirsch, who
is my, again, 25 years.
Wow.
Good gig.
It's Lorna Luff and me are the last two people that do it.
But, you know, it is Valentine's Day, and I've been married to the Fabulous
Nancy for 27 years.
Yes, thank you.
In fact, just thank you so much.
In fact, just last week, we renewed our prenup.
It's been that kind of week.
And I'd love to do a song in honor of Valentine's Day.
And maybe I'll just do it right here.
No, don't do it here.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
I'm sorry.
My funny Valentine's Day coming.
No, no, no.
What?
It's not rated for that kind of weight.
Oh, I do it right over there.
You're going by the picture again.
That's not very good.
You know it would be dangerous.
No, I'm sorry.
No, no, no.
Thank you very much.
Oh, well, thank you.
You know, I'll do it over here then.
All right, perfect.
You know, in my business or in our business.
Ah!
Thank you, Howard.
After 25 years, that's why I pay him close to scale.
You know, romance can be around every corner.
Sometimes even working a corner.
Of course, I once sang back in the Senator Larry Craig days.
A gentleman came walking in, took the next door stall.
And over the years, I've done a lot of songs about my knack with the opposite
sex.
Of course, there's my signature tune.
I had a three-way.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
But there are certain times in a fellow's life, Valentine's Day in particular,
when the expectation of the ultimate stud night gets to be just too great.
Maybe there's been a cocktail or two, and things don't exactly go our way.
No matter what we try, pumps,