Name: Shaggy Dog Jokes w/ Norm Macdonald - Turtle in a Shoe Box
Uploaded: 2019-03-21T00:20:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Shaggy Dog Jokes w/ Norm Macdonald - Turtle in a Shoe Box' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-03-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Shaggy Dog Jokes w/ Norm Macdonald - Turtle in a Shoe Box' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-03-21. Transcript available.

back everybody here with norm mcdonald and uh you know i find out more and more
about you every time
you uh come on the program you know i always study up on a file and i learn
more about you
and uh i was really surprised to learn i didn't know this i didn't know this
but you were a
bartender yeah i did a lot of jobs before i got into comedy you know and for a
while i was uh
slinging the uh hash no no no you idiot that was when i was a fry cook i was a
bartender i was
slinging the drinks you know sure right and uh oh man that was fun i'll tell
you what's fun about
being a bartender always a story you know really something funny happening down
at the bar that's
perfect for a talk show then yeah this is a good this is a good example i was
uh one time i was
working in there uh-huh drunk guy comes in you know and uh you're not supposed
to serve the drunk
guys you know that's one of the things you learn okay and also you learn how to
make the drinks yeah
so the drunk guy comes in you know real drunk you know three sheets to the wind
you know
so this character sits down you know and i says to him i says i says what do
you want i can't serve you
you know he goes i don't want a drink he says you know he says i want to shoot
a dart at your dart
board you know so i go to the guy see you can't shoot a dart at my dart board
he goes you're i go
you're uh you're not in this uh you're drunk you know i said i'm not gonna let
you that'd be dangerous
that's a sharp thing a dart you know so the guy goes no let me shoot one shot
at the dart board
so i go all right one shot that's it so the guy shoots the dart bullseye i
never seen anything like
it you know even in his state bullseye so the guy says to me he says what do i
win you know uh-huh
so i now i don't know what he wins i'm confused you know so i start looking
around try to find
something before and i see in the in uh right in the bottom of the bar area
there's a uh there's a
shoe box with a turtle in it from where what what is that doing there what i
was gonna give it i was
gonna give it to i was gonna give it as a gift to my nephew okay i wanted a
turtle and i said i'll
give him a turtle that'll be a good gift okay then later i thought that's a
dumb gift a turtle nobody
likes a turtle you know the kid will probably just put him on his back until he
dies kids are cruel you
know so i said why not just give it to this drunk okay okay so i said here's
your prize here it is and so
the guy takes it in the shoe box you know he goes thanks and he walks out with
it so i figured that's
the last i'll ever see that guy sure two weeks later the guy shows up again
drunk again so now i go
oh my god that's that guy from two weeks ago you know so he walks up to the bar
i go i can't serve
you buddy i can't do that he goes i don't want he says i want to shoot a dart
at your dart board
uh-huh i go oh no man i let you do that before he goes but i got a bullseye i
say yeah yeah but
you can't do that again you know it was luck he goes let me try so he takes it
shoots it bullseye
again oh man so he goes what do i win you know so i'm confused i don't know you
know i look around i
go i don't know i go what what did you win last time he goes oh last time he
goes last time i won
a uh i won a roast beef on a hard roll
it was the turtle we know it was the turtle it was the turtle we know oh my god
it was the turtle
guy must have gone out and ate it it was crazy oh he ate the turtle i see now
it was crazy that's
the real end of the joke it wasn't a joke i know it really happened