Name: Norm Macdonald on Last Call w/ Carson Daly (2006) The Theatre of the Mind
Uploaded: 2019-03-25T20:54:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Last Call w/ Carson Daly (2006) The Theatre of the Mind' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-03-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Last Call w/ Carson Daly (2006) The Theatre of the Mind' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-03-25. Transcript available.

what's going on norm i've not seen you in forever you look you look great yeah
they all love you
they love you my audience loves you what's happening what's new your hair is
short you
look great yeah i got short i got a haircut when wow this is a very uninteresting
subject
yeah but it looks good it caught me off guard yeah yesterday oh wow yeah well
it's short that
makes sense yeah how's the family how's everything going oh great man couldn't
be better life is
uh it's fantastic yeah i like life man you do really oh my god people are
complaining about it
first of all you're lucky you're lucky enough to be alive when you think about
it you know i'm saying
your mother had to have sex with your father that your grandparents had to have
sex grand great
grandparents had to have sex it's lucky you're alive my god it's amazing and i'm
so happy every day
you should be alive because it's just a fluke there's so many more many more
people that never
got to be alive
that's an interesting point i guess you're right if you do the math so when
people crap about it
i'm like man it's the greatest gig in the world being alive you get to you get
to eat at denny's wear a hat
whatever you want yeah yeah get haircuts it is well good i'm glad life is going
well i know you're a big
fan you competed in the world series of poker in the celebrity event no in the
real deal deal yeah how was that
well it was sort of a nightmare i was halfway through the first day i was the
massive chip leader
right which means you were doing great yeah it was first place uh 8 800 people
and then i threw it all
away you say that like it still tortures you to this day yeah what happened was
it all in one hand did
you just go all in with something that you shouldn't have it was it your bluffing
were you no i was just uh
i had pocket aces and the guy had jack queen he beat me but uh uh so be it i
was going for number
there's two ways of playing it right you can go to trickle into the money or
you can go for first
place so i was going for first place yeah you like to play poker though right
that was that i like it
okay yeah yeah all right i play a lot i got a little addicted to it on the
internet i was playing like
six games at once for seven eight hours a day yeah all right so you like it a
little bit yeah
i uh saw the poker area at one of the casinos in vegas and it's very uh it's
very bright it's very
sterile uh you can't like swear you can't smoke and i'm thinking well there's
no way norm could
really be into this poker thing because those are two of your favorite things
to do i got a lot of
penalties at the world series for smoking oh you can't you swear because like
you know your aces get
cracked and you go and you know and then it's like it's a 20 minute penalty for
each word so i'm like
out for an hour and a half but they let you back in yeah they let you in after
an hour and a half what
if you're swearing while smoking 10 cigarettes at once it's so insane that you
can't swear and smoke
because everybody there is a degenerate gambler that smokes and swears yeah it's
a weird rule that
they have there very strange i played the celebrity poker that was the hardest
of all why well you go on
the tv and uh poker is not that hard but identifying these other celebrities
that should really be its own sort of gamble right there because i want to bet
on the fact that i'm
not quite sure that that guy is in creed i don't know exactly i'll bet a
thousand dollars i think he
that was a better juice factor is they don't get they get peripheral
celebrities like me they're not like
matt lock's gonna be on the so you know you get like the i had to get brief
there because everybody's
20. they're like that's the guy of course don't you know him he's on that
police station uh he plays
detective johnson so i remember i was i really enjoy your work on police
station that time you
right got that crook he's like norm it's me it's john stamos what's with you
you don't recognize me
oh john stamos is a great man he's a good guy you know john sure i know him i
know more yeah that guy
gets the ladies he does yeah some guys get the ladies i'm telling you man and
it's it's you ever
know these guys maybe in high school or some or college it didn't you couldn't
figure out why they
did it but they could get the ladies yeah maybe they weren't the handsomest guy
but somehow like i had
a guy a friend of mine bill this guy he could get any i'm not exaggerating when
i say this every night
he would have a different lady build it and they'd be beautiful and finally i
asked the guy i said
what's your secret you know he said i'm a serial rapist that hardly counts you
know yeah normally
let me ask you i tried the roofies once actually did you did that and try that
as a technique of dating
yeah because i said ah these girls you go and you you feed them a nice
hamburger and then uh
that's not enough nothing happened so i said i'll try these roofies all right
they didn't work at
all man i couldn't even remember anything i woke up three days later my ass
hurt i don't know what
this is the second night in the row we can't hear any of this this will be the
greatest website
interview ever none of this will make air they're just let me ask you about you
grew up in canada
everybody in canada speaks french but your father he forbid you from learning
french yeah yeah everybody
in quebec where i grew up quebec city about 99 percent french a few english
people and yeah my dad you
know the english hate the french his guts and uh so my dad wouldn't let me uh
learn french why because
he hated the french and so you in school you could take either french or latin
and i took latin and in
quebec city it turns out there's no ancient romans that's right so i got beat
up a lot by french guys
which is about the most humiliating thing that could ever happen to you right
aside from losing a celebrity
poker to the guy from the cop show um let me ask you about there's a couple of
shows coming on nbc this
year that both deal with uh snl where you spend some time uh one of them is a
drama one of them is a
comedy uh do you plan on watching studio 60 or 30 rock you excited about these
shows it seems odd that
there's two shows that are uh backstage over the same show saturday night live
right and uh i don't even
know if anybody watches saturday night live let alone backstage is that i know
they weren't watching
when i was on it i thought you were great on saturday night live what's that do
you watch it now i
thought it was great on saturday night live too do you ever go back do you ever
go back to uh the snl
stage yeah i love it you know because ever since i was a kid i watched saturday
live and i always loved
it you know and i still love it i always go uh every time i'm in new york i go
and see the guys and stuff
yeah it's fun to go back there oh yeah you were there yeah i was there sure you'd
always hang out
i know what's going on um this is the comedy cd that norm put out and it's
great but it's different
than what i thought when i first put it i thought it was going to be sort of a
traditional comedy cd
but i actually enjoy this much better oh you mean like stand they want me yeah
like it's not stand up
yeah i didn't want to stand up because uh when i was a kid like i i'd listen to
cheech and chong and uh
my python and uh it'd be cool because i'd like you know my parents didn't know
and it was dirty and
stuff like that and stuff like that so uh i always wanted to do an album like
that you know that uh
it's not for kids they're like sketches but they're much much dirtier yeah they're
really filthy and
this album is not for kids but it's for kids yeah but if you're a kid go get it
it seems like when you
listen to this and it's cool because it's it takes you back to like how people
probably listen to radio
in the 50s or whatever it's very sort of theatrical it's very funny and and
dirty it's the theater of
the mind it is it is like when you know i'm an older fella you know i'm in my
late 60s now when i was
when i was young things were different carson you know like like pot was
something that you know you
cook your eggs in you know what i'm saying right yeah it wasn't hash was
something that you'd eat with
your eggs you know you put some hash on the side you know what i'm saying acid
you know was something
that you'd uh you know throw uh in a guy's face if he made a passive white it's
all different it's all
different when did you grow up in the 40s yeah i'm gonna know ecstasy you know
what was ecstasy ecstasy
was that feeling that surged through your body when you threw a bunch of acid
in a guy's face
it's all
it's changed and what i like about this album like you said the hidden track
yeah it's the hidden track and then they didn't why did you put it as track 13
yet it says hidden
track they told me they'd hide it it says hidden track i don't know then they
put it in but uh
that's ridiculous but the theater of the mind what i was gonna say go back to
that is what is so great
when i was a kid we had no uh tv we had no tv we had the radio sure and you see
you had to use your
mind right you know how to use your imagination and and my dad would collect
the kids around and we'd
listen to the radio and we had to use our mind especially with the hardcore
pornography
what show was that what show is it yeah what show was the name of the show yeah
that the family was
huddled around in the 30s when you were growing up i think it was the porn was
being read i can't
remember and you had to imagine it all the name of the show yeah amos and annie
yeah that's the one that's that's what i was thinking of those are great i like
to go down to
the radio i don't believe you should be doing that all right that's great to go
down that museum
of radio and tv have you ever done that yeah sure and you can go and you can
just basically uh call
up any great old television show or radio show and and really oh yeah yeah it's
beautiful it's
on the room yeah we will well we'll look for that amos and andy uh all right
you can hang out we
have amy smartest here oh i love amy did you meet her i met her and i'm a big
fan of her she's smart
and uh it's not that wasn't a joke it's not even on here it wasn't a joke