Name: Norm Macdonald on Access Hollywood Live (2016)
Uploaded: 2019-04-01T21:26:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Access Hollywood Live (2016)' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Access Hollywood Live (2016)' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-01. Transcript available.

It's for a stubble, but it's for a role in a film.
Ooh, what's the role?
Oh, yeah, I haven't figured that out yet, but, you know, certainly there would
be a movie that would need the prospector or something like that.
Fifty Shades, you saw it was on Marsha Gate.
Yeah.
A couple more movies to be shot. You're into that, right? Norm, you like all
that stuff.
No, I hate porn and pornography.
You like the Red Room and the...
I don't like any of that. I don't like when love is for sale.
Okay, so he says, if it takes a sip of water, let's talk about that Celebrity
Jeopardy sketch.
Celebrity Jeopardy.
Celebrity Jeopardy.
Yeah.
That, and you wrote that.
Yes, I did.
And you came up with the Burt Reynolds thing.
Yeah, well, I wanted to do Burt Reynolds, and then when I wrote it, and then I
stole it off SCTV.
There was a sketch on SCTV, so I just stole it.
But I waited for Martin Short to come in so I could ask for permission to steal
it, and then...
And he was okay with that?
And he said that Eugene Levy wrote it, and he said, we'll get on a conference
call with Eugene Levy.
And I said, I'll call him. I'm a man.
So Eugene Levy gave me permission.
But anyways, when I went to do the Burt Reynolds, Laura, you know, picks out
the costumes, and he had a white beard and white hair and stuff.
And I was like, no, I want to do him from the 70s.
And nobody really mentioned it.
Nobody really ever noticed it.
But it's weird that there's one character in the sketch from 40 years.
Will Ferrell, I walked in over and over, he never cracked.
And in this one, with the turn for whatever, was he one of the greatest people?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I wrote it because I wrote it for Will, basically, because he was such a
fantastic actor.
You know, and I just thought that it was funny that Alex always has hope.
You know what I mean, Alex, it goes bad, horribly bad, and then he still has
hope the next time.
And then it goes bad again.
You know, question after question, show after show, season after season.
I like the way you talk, Laura.
You like the way I talk.
Yeah, it's like a neat cadence.
You've got to be careful what we say to you because it can be shut down quickly.
But we're following you over here.
You know what I mean?
Well, you like how I talk because I talk like a man.
You don't hear that.
It's true.
You don't hear that much anymore.
These days, you can't tell the men from the ladies.
Oh, God.
As I said, we'll move on.
Do you know who's a real man?
Have you ever interviewed Josh Brolin?
Yeah, we have.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
My God, huh?
Yeah, total stuff.
A manly man.
You've got a thing for Josh Brolin?
You've got a thing for Josh then.
Please, please, try the way I leave now.
No, I mean, he's a half.
He's a tail.
Yeah.
The tail is on fire.
Tell us about Chris Farley going from one hot dude to Farley.
Yeah, yeah.
The love I feel for Farley and his sketches.
Was he the guy, even off camera, that just walked into the room and lit it up?
Because according to your book, there was stuff you don't even see where he's
nude and pretended
to be a salad and things would go wrong.
He liked being nude.
And he would come in and he'd go, I'm a girl.
I'm a little girl you talk, you know.
I'm a little girl.
But anyway, yeah, he was the finest guy.
And he would always make everybody laugh.
Like, he'd just go out in the street and make a little laugh.
And you know what he could do?
He could fall.
Like, I remember we all tried this.
We all went on the stage and tried this because he would fall into a breakaway
table.
And he could fall astray without putting his hands out.
Oh, my gosh.
And if you try to do it, you always put your hands out.
It's just survival.
It's survival instinct.
And he didn't have that survival instinct.
Well, he learned early on that the fall was funny for him.
Yeah.
And it was his signature.
Did you see him later in life when it seemed like things were getting bad and
he was sort
of in trouble?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I did.
The last thing he did was work on a film that I was in, a motion picture that I
was in.
So that was the last thing he ever did.
So I thought he would be fine, though, because he was a giant man with huge
constitution, you
know.
And he'd take, you know, he'd take like a steak and he'd put a big piece of
butter on
each bite of his steak.
So everything about him was just giant.
And so I thought, oh, this guy will never die.
I was worried about Spade.
Because he was a little trail guy, you know what I mean?
Like, Farley was a big giant.
Yeah.
So I never worried about him.
But he was always, he never thought he was funny, which was bizarre, because
everybody was always
laughing, whatever he said.
That was the sadness.
It was sad.
Because he said, like, I wish I was funny like Belushi.
And I was like, Belushi, are you funny?
Like, he was a good actor.
But, you know, when you saw him interview, he was kind of a dark guy.
Melancholy, you know, whereas Farley, Farley can make a ton of people laugh,
smart people
laugh.
You know, people that didn't like him laugh.
People that like him.
There's a lot of comics that don't, you think you're funny, because in your
book, you've
got Louis C.K. calling you Mark Twain in this.
David Letterman, which we're going to get to, that loves you.
Hold that right there.
But if you think you're funny, because a lot of comics have this thing where
the validation
isn't always there on the inside of their head.
We've got to let him answer.
I like when he got emotional on his last show.
War with Norm MacDonald.
Hold, right?
Hold, hold, Norm.
Oh, drink, Norm.
Drink.
Come on.
Be emotional.
But, uh, because I'm just emotional by mistake.
It wasn't like I planned to be emotional or, you know, I can't act.
I couldn't do that on camera.
I like this side of you, Norm.
You do, huh?
But that's how it speaks to the friendships that you two have.
I like the manishness of me.
Well, I like both.
You're kind of like a Josh Brolin right now.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, I have a square job.
I was already doing David Letterman.
I did an impression of David Letterman, and I felt, my God, doing it, you know,
because I love him so much.
What does he mean to you?
What does he do for you?
Oh, well, he, like, I planned to go on Johnny Carson.
That's what I planned.
I was moving to Canada, then I'd done stand-up two years,
and I was pretty well at my peak of stand-up.
I said, I'm going to go on Johnny Carson.
He had eight months to go, you know.
And I'm going to be the last comedian that he anoints and calls over to the
couch.
And anyway, the guy that picked the comics, he didn't want me to do that.
So I ended up on Dave, but that was better,
because Johnny, I just took out faith that he was funny.
I don't know.
To me, he was just a corny old man.
But Dave was my generation, you know.
He was my guy.
But what clip did he do?
What was it?
Oh, I don't know.
He liked me for some reason.
And, you know, so I worshipped him, and then I was like, I don't know why he
liked me.
I can't just say why I like him.
What do you think of him now, like as Santa Claus Letterman?
Oh, no, I think that's really cool.
But, yeah, like I was saying, I'm sorry that they showed us pictures,
because he did it to be anonymous, and now they show pictures.
So everyone that sees a guy with a big white beard will know it's Letterman.
At Christmas, yeah, like Letterman.
Do you talk to him?
Do you ever call him on the phone or talk about it?
Nothing.
No.
He doesn't seem like the type that would keep in touch.
I don't know, I'm just judging, but, like, he's just sort of in his lane up
there in Connecticut.
Yeah, he lives, you know, he has his ranch, and he's in New York City a lot.
And I talked, I, uh, maybe I spoke to him, but, you know.
We caught you.
Gotcha.
This is good.
No, he's having a good time.
He really likes being retired.
He's had it surprise him a lot.
He thought he would not know what's true.
With the election, you know he's been at home.
There's so much material, it writes itself.
He has to miss all of that.
No, yeah, he wishes that he would have been able to do Trump.
Talking about the election and Trump.
Yeah.
You were just on Fallon the other night.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Trump was there.
Did you guys talk a little bit?
Well, what happened was, first of all, like, I watched it, it was, I thought it
was fine.
And then the next day they were like, Jimmy wasn't, you know, it's Jimmy Fallon.
You know, he's not going to ruin his chance to get the most face of the nation,
you know.
So, no, I was, there's like, I was second guessed, and he was first guessed.
First time I was there, I was second guessed.
Really?
And I didn't mean to be really, like, surprised.
Like, oh, continue.
But it was Donald Trump, dude.
So, he, there's only, like, a couple minutes between.
So, Donald Trump was, came out, and I, and he was with the Secret Service guys.
And I said, can I get a picture of Mr. Trump?
So, he's like, yeah, I know you, I love you.
We'll get a picture.
I knew him from before.
He goes, we'll get a picture.
Just give me a minute.
And then he turns around, he walks down the hall and gets in an elevator.
You're all waiting.
You're like best trick ever.
I know, it was like a Buster Keaton movie.
You know what he used to?
That's the best one.
Colin was on you at SML.
Was he the young guy when you were on there?
And did you?
No, he wasn't on with me.
We didn't cross paths.
There was no, okay, I guess he was so young.
Yeah, he was a very, very young kid.
He used to send in jokes all the time when I was on update.
And I think he got, like, one on or something.
So, he was the young, aspiring, always trying to get in.
Yeah, yeah, trying to get in, trying to get in, trying to get in.
And then he got in and blew the roof off.
Anybody you paid it for, too, is what I was going to ask.
Because you had so many people.
You're talking about Adam Saylor and everybody that sort of helped you.
Yeah, everybody helped.
Who did you pay?
No, I didn't pay it for him.
No, you know what?
I tried to help people.
And then they, it turned out they sucked.
Like, I can't pick good guys.
And if a guy's good, he'll make it anyways.
But, you know, I have had a few guys that go, you've got to hire this guy.
And then the guy phones me and goes, oh, that guy sucked.
Like, he was the worst.
I'm like, I didn't know.
You're saying funny to me.
Norm's memoir, based on a true story, loosely based on a true story, or 100%
based on a true story?
It's 100% true.
Okay.
The facts isn't out.
Well, the facts aren't there, but the truth isn't out.
It's out now.
Norm, this has been interesting.
Nice to meet you.
Thank you, girl.
I love that.
Thank you, Allie.
All right, there's been a lot of drama on the CBS hit Criminal Minds.
Thomas Gibson was fired after kicking a writer.
You can't do that, Norm.
We're getting updated from it.
Kicking a writer.
Yeah.
Adam and Rosemary is coming out next.