Name: Norm Macdonald & Kevin Farley on CB Radio Podcast (2011) Richard Farnsworth Impression
Uploaded: 2019-04-02T20:41:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald & Kevin Farley on CB Radio Podcast (2011) Richard Farnsworth Impression' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald & Kevin Farley on CB Radio Podcast (2011) Richard Farnsworth Impression' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-02. Transcript available.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to CB Radio.
My name is Cameron Buchholz, and I am here at the Cap City Comedy Club
sitting with a Mr. Norm MacDonald and a Mr. Kevin Farley
and a few lovely ladies who are just sitting in.
What's this podcast called?
It's called CB Radio.
CB Radio?
Yeah, it's like my initials, so it's like a play on the...
How do you spell your name?
It's Buchholz.
Buchholz?
Yeah, it's as German as it gets.
That is German.
Yeah, it's pretty hardcore.
Scared you already.
I know, right?
No, I'm kidding.
Anyway.
Huh?
Anyway.
Seemed like a nice fella.
Okay, let's start this thing.
You guys just finished up your weekend here at Cap City.
At Cap City.
Cap City.
We had fun.
Yeah, it seems like it was successful.
All four shows sold out.
That's something.
Yeah.
Thank God.
That was fun.
Yeah, it's good, right?
No, it's sold out.
It's good.
I mean, it'd be horrible if it wasn't, you know?
Well, it'd be a normal weekend here if it wasn't.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, I don't know.
They don't sell out here?
I mean, they sell out.
I mean, they sell out a fair amount, but I mean, it's not, you know, not all
the shows.
I think the first time we pulled up into this place, you used to have a place
called Dracula's.
Yeah.
And the first thing Norm said when we pulled in, he goes, Jesus, where's
Dracula's?
And I go, I don't know.
What's Dracula's?
Apparently, it was a restaurant or something.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
It has been replaced.
And what happened to Dracula's?
I don't know.
I'm not, I just know it's gone.
Still don't know what happened to Dracula's.
But we do know that I lost my first 15 minutes of my act.
Oh, yeah.
That's right.
Because the establishment no longer existed.
Well, tell us, what was it?
So you tell a joke about the Dracula's?
Did you eat there?
Yes.
I'd say if you like Transylvanian food.
If you enjoy people's necks as your entree, perhaps you would like Dracula's.
But no, I still, every once in a while, I'll see.
That went on for 15 minutes?
Wow.
I talked about, well, I'm just telling you the highlights.
I wasn't telling you the whole bit.
I talk a long time about stuff.
But I still occasionally will see.
Hey, what's going on?
Who's this?
You've got to respond to what I'm saying.
Introduce before you go.
Introduce yourself.
No, she didn't respond to what I was saying.
We have a couple guests here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
It's after the late show.
It's after the late show.
It's to be expected.
We're here in Austin, and it's a city in Texas that is,
the only city that's sort of ashamed of country music.
I love country music, personally.
I guess you're true.
That's true.
That's actually right.
It's only actual country, like outlaw country, kind of.
Billy Joe Shaver.
No, no miss.
I don't.
But doesn't Billy Joe Shaver live in Austin?
He lives in Waco.
But Austin's sort of, we're not into country.
We're too cool for country, kind of.
There are all kinds of music here in Austin, right?
But everything but country, I find.
Everything that's hip, I think, is all that's, yeah.
Or there's lots of, like...
Do they make a conscious decision to stay away from country here in Austin?
I don't think so.
But, I mean, it's just the punk rock scene and the indie rock scene is just
real big here.
Yeah, yeah.
But Hank Williams Jr., I mean, Hank Williams III isn't here, and he's, like,
punk.
He's a punker?
He's punk, yeah.
Yeah, there is some of that, like, the alternative country or whatever that's
here.
But have you guys been able to go out?
Norm and I are both traditional countries.
Well, Billy Joe's not really traditional, you know?
He's not, like, Lefty Frizzell or anything.
He's an outlaw, you know?
I don't know.
Have you guys had a chance to leave this desolate area of Austin?
No, we haven't.
We're looking forward to it.
But, unfortunately, we picked the only weekend where it rained.
Yeah, it's been a drought for, like, years.
Drought for a long time.
And all of a sudden, we come into town, and it's raining.
So we've been at the Doubletree for two days, staring out the window.
One person asked me, did you bring the rain with you?
So I said, no, it wasn't raining in Los Angeles.
She said, it still works.
I go, no, it doesn't.
That's what a woman told me.
She goes, did you bring the rain with you?
I said, it would only work if it...
Yeah, that's like if you're from Seattle or something.
Yeah, if it was raining where you were.
That's right.
We didn't bring it, unless my personality brought the rain.
You know, my dark personality.
I'm just bumming everybody out.
Well, yeah, because I guess you guys had a drought for...
Yeah, yeah.
We had no rain at all until this weekend.
Yeah, pretty much.
Did you get the vodka I ordered you?
Yeah, thank you very much.
Did you drink it?
Norm gave me a vodka.
Why?
What's in it?
You're making me kind of nervous.
Yeah, you seem awfully interested.
Yes, thank you for the vodka.
And he's looking at me going, did you drink it?
How do you feel?
Do you feel funny?
No, tell them...
Do you feel different?
What did you put in my vodka?
I don't know.
Norm pranks on me.
No, no, no.
We don't want to.
Well, it's the last night of your weekend here, so he's got to try to get it in
while he can.
Plus, we've been on the road for a long time, Norm and I.
We've been on the road for a long time, man.
Like an old married couple.
We are a little bit of an old married couple.
Finishing each other's sentences, that sort of thing.
They've got a lot of lizards in postcards.
Yeah.
Fucking each other.
Fuck, yeah.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, wait.
No.
No, no, wait.
That never went on.
That never went on.
No, no, no.
I mean, the finishing sentences.
Marital sex.
Sure, right.
But we never fucked each other.
We're not married.
We don't do this.
We're not married, but finishing each other's sentences, playing games.
That we do, yeah.
Marital sex.
No, no.
Once again, no.
Edit this.
No.
Since you get the names tattooed on your titties, it's for life.
Oh, you do?
No, that's just like a kid.
Oh, they tattoo their names on their titties?
Is that...
The Dallas Scott line.
Yeah, the Austin Scott line.
So if a girl really likes a guy, she'll tattoo his name on her titties.
Yeah, swear to God.
Especially if they break up, but she has to put another line underneath, and
then it becomes
like a fucking, you know, the Dead Sea.
I had a girl tattoo my name on her heel.
On her heel, so she could step on you.
That wasn't nice.
That wasn't nice at all.
But I imagine that's not a place that you could actually, like, it won't stay
there.
So if you tattoo your heel, I think it would, like, go away.
The heel?
Yeah, I think so.
At least, like, the bottom here.
I don't know.
I don't think tattoos scrape off, do they?
I have a finger tattoo that is disappearing on a certain thing.
Yeah, what is it?
It is the state of Oklahoma.
Yes, it is.
Yeah, well.
Yeah, I know, right?
I hate that place.
Yeah.
Oh, poor Oklahoma.
But anyway.
But no, you open for Norm on a fair amount.
I'm trying to keep this thing on track.
That's right.
You're in charge here.
Let's keep it on track.
Despite what it may seem like, it's an almost professional show.
But no, you're on the road together a lot.
Yeah, Norm is kind enough to bring me out on the road and teach me the ropes.
I'm not a stand-up.
I just kind of do acting, and I've done that.
I've done Second City and stuff.
So it's fun.
Yeah, you've only been doing stand-up, what, a couple years now?
Yeah, about a year and a half, a year.
No, about two, maybe.
By the end, we were playing the moon-faced boys.
Norm's doing an, I was an actor in a movie called The Straight Story, which was
David Lynch.
Oh, okay.
And it was with Richard Farnsworth, and my brother John and I played a couple,
you can, if somebody's listening out there, you can rent the movie.
It's actually a good movie.
Well, if it's David Lynch, it has to be something.
But it's actually not a David Lynch-type film.
Oh, okay.
That's the different thing about it.
It's G-rated.
G-rated.
Yeah.
And there was a scene where Norm does a great impression of Richard Farnsworth
at the bar talking to another World War II veteran.
About how the war got a little crazy, so.
And that impression is only to entertain you, because I can't imagine, if you
were to do that on stage tonight.
Well, nobody really knows the impression, right, no.
And it's just, if you rent the movie, he's at the bar with another old-timer,
and he knows he's, you know, been through the World War.
And he's telling a story about, he's telling a story about how bad the war was,
basically.
And they were connecting on that level, you know.
But it's some rural bar in Wisconsin, and it's just these two old guys talking.
And so, with that, I give you Norm MacDonald doing Richard Farnsworth.
Go ahead.
I don't remember the words.
Well, they're at the bar, and there was a boy, remember, a sharpshooter.
Well, they put me up as the lookout, and they had a boy who would go across
enemy lines.
They found him in Kentucky, and he was a good shot, and a good boy, too.
And he had disappeared, and I was up all night.
In the middle of the night, I heard a shake of leaves, and I took a shot, and
more leaves shaked, and I took another shot.
Finally, the leaves stopped shaking.
The next day, they found the boy, and he was gone, and they figured the Germans
got him.
Everybody thought that, everybody but me.
There you go.
Well, here's what you do.
You replace the 15 minutes that you lost when Dracula left, and just replace it
with that impression, and you're golden.
You didn't lose anything.
That's true.
An obscure movie and an obscure scene, but if you rent it, you'll see what he's
talking about.
I don't want to.
I think that'll ruin it.
I just want it to just live on just as that.
It's a hard G.
I call that movie a hard G.
In a way, it's one of his darkest movies.
I figured it out.
I told you that.
About the fire, remember?
I said, you've got to re-watch the movie?
Yeah.
If you re-watch the movie with Richard Farnsworth as a villain, it puts it in a
completely different movie.
It's amazing.
Oh, it's amazing.
Yeah.
Well, actually.
He's a villain in that movie.
In reality, we took that movie to the Cannes Film Festival.
You know, and we went, this is the only time.
Listen, I'm a shitty actor.
Let's not.
You mean together it didn't go to the Cannes Film Festival?
No.
But I was lucky enough to be into this fucking David Lynch film.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
And believe me.
And we took it to the Cannes Film Festival.
I'm sitting at the Cannes Film Festival.
We take it to the Cannes Film Festival.
I'm with David Lynch, my mother, and Johnny.
And this thing gets a standing ovation, this movie we did.
Richard has, at that point, about a week to live because he had cancer.
And he was nominated for an Oscar that year for this movie.
And it was a 20-minute standing ovation from the French who don't like fucking
anybody.
Okay.
And we're sitting there just going, Jesus.
You know, I mean, it was an amazing experience for me just to sit there and be
at the Cannes Film Festival.
I'm a fucking shitty actor.
And I'll admit it.
And I'm sitting there just going with all these people.
I was lucky to be in the movie.
A lot of people don't like the movie.
It's a slow-moving movie.
It's about a guy on a tractor.
Okay.
And so a lot of people would be like, fuck this.
I've got to take a dump.
I'm not going to listen to this movie.
No.
It's a very slow film.
What were you telling me about children?
Like how much you like children?
It was very nice.
What's that?
You told me about how you like children.
If you can't remember, it's all right.
That I like children?
If you're embarrassed by it.
If you're embarrassed by it.
It was just a sweet...
No, it was a sweet thing.
No, no.
If you want to...
No, go ahead.
I like children.
Oh, you don't?
I don't know.
Do you not?
No, I do like children.
Yeah.
Why?
Well, you said something about it one time.
But if you have nothing to say about it, never mind.
I'm sorry.
Why do I like children?
I don't know.
I think that's a rabbit hole that I don't want to go down.
No.
I think it's what's...
Oh, not in that way.
In that way, no.
I do like children, yeah.
I've always liked children.
But I feel like when you have that conversation, there's no way to not make it
creepy.
Like, even if it's totally innocent.
Well, in the land that we live in today.
I don't think he did, no.
Oh, but is that what you meant?
Maybe he just did stem cell research.
Oh, fuck.
I'm sorry.
I can't...
Like, now he turns and he's like, what you meant?
I've got to kick out of here.
I've got to get out of here.
Anyway.
Anyway.
I love this.
Completely turned around.
Number one, never said it.
Number two, just completely labeled me a pedophile within 30 seconds.
Norm, have you given up on me?
That way?
Wow, I've got to go.
Fuck.
Norm, have you given up on me?
Have you given up...
You put your microphone down, I feel like you're done.
Now, listen.
Yeah.
Now, listen here.
What?
What do you have to fucking say, Sandusky?
All of a sudden, I'm Sandusky within 30 seconds.
Within 30 seconds, I'm Sandusky.
No.
I actually don't like children.
Okay.
Yeah, good.
Dig yourself out of the hole.
It'll be good.
I'll be giving you...
No, you don't want reality.
Yeah.
I don't like other people's children.
Yeah.
I hate them.
They suck.
Yeah.
Well, they suck.
Almost always.
They do.
And I've never had kids, so I was like, I just don't give a shit.
You think children...
You guys all think children suck.
No, I don't think they suck.
I just think I don't like being around other kids.
Children.
Yeah.
You don't like being around children.
I don't.
The greatest fucking people ever.
No, I don't.
Communist children.
No, you know, it's funny.
When they grow up to be adults, they become so fucking interesting then.
You're right.
It's fucking more boring than a child.
The only people...
The only people that...
It's like when they become adults and they act all exactly alike that they're
fucking cool.
Children are only interesting to the parents of that children.
That's bullshit, man.
No.
I'm interested in all children.
I'm telling you that.
Well, now you're Sandusky.
No, no.
I'm interested in all children, and I'm interested in almost no adults.
No.
I disagree.
I'm telling you the truth.
When I meet kids, if a five-year-old came in, I'd talk to them and not you.
None of you guys.
I'd talk to the fucking five-year-old over any of you guys.
Seriously, I would.
I disagree.
If there was a five-year-old girl that came in here, and she was right next to
this hot
chick, you would talk to the hot chick?
No, I wouldn't.
Yeah, you would.
No, I wouldn't.
What if the hot chick had weed?
Seriously, what I'd do, if there was no social ramifications, I'd talk to the
five-year-old
child, because I think that would be the funnest.
That's what I'd do.
Over a hot model.
Well, if I was trying to get fucked, no, I'd ignore the child.
If she was at a nightclub.
I'm just saying, for a five-minute thing.
Not me.
I'd be like, beat it, kid.
I'm talking to the hot.
But you're saying it.
But that's not how you framed it.
That's not how you framed it.
You didn't say, like, I don't like kids, but I like older ladies, you know?
You said, I don't like kids at all.
Older ladies?
There's an older lady?
No, well, you said, I don't like kids at all.
And then now it's like, which would you rather, the kid or the lady?
No, no, I'm just saying when I go.
You're making a choice.
When I go around other people's kids, I'm always just kind of like, oh.
How do you feel about home?
Well, you could say ice cream sandwiches.
Say, I like ice cream sandwiches.
You tell me you'd eat an ice cream sandwich instead of fuck her?
I'm like, what?
I'm just saying I like ice cream sandwiches.
I don't know how this turned into some sort of weird game of would you rather.
You're the one that called me Sandusky within 30 seconds?
Jesus Christ.
You're the one that turned me into Sandusky in 30 seconds.
I said nothing.
We're back to the toys for twats.
Toys for twats.
That's a funny name for an adult bookstore, yeah.
It's freezing in this room.
Yes, it is.
How come you have this so cold?
What else do you want to do on this?
I'm not in control of the Cap City climate.
I don't know.
What else do you want to do, man?
How do you want to wrap it up?
Yeah, it's about time we wrap it up.
Yeah.
I think.
What should we do to wrap it up?
Well, how do we hear about this?
I mean, when I post it, you'll get added on Twitter and the Facebooks, probably.
Let us know this thing there.
But do you have websites, KevinFarley.com?
Did you get that?
No, my Twitter is I'm Kevin Farley.
Okay.
I am Kevin Farley.
And Norm, you're at just Norm and Goddall Twitter.
I guess.
Somewhere on there.
I'm on the blogosphere.
You're in the internet.
Did you have to pay to get your name or your people have to?
No one like, no sort of web squatter got your name?
Oh, God, some web squatter took my brother Chris's name.
I've been in litigation for three years on the damn thing.
These squatters.
Worst use of three years ever.
Well, I don't really pursue it that hard.
It's every day for three years.
I'm like, no.
What are you doing?
It's like Chris Farley.
Every year I check into it, and he's like, is the squatter going to give it up?
No.
Well, all right.
Well, thanks, gentlemen, for sitting down to me.
There's a cyber squatter.
I think we should point that out.
Yeah, yeah.
Not a physical squatter.
I've got to take a squat.
Yeah.
All right, man.
Well, all right.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Well, thanks, guys.
And thanks, everybody, for listening.
Thank you.

Norm Macdonald & Kevin Farley on CB Radio Podcast (2011) Richard Farnsworth Impression

Hello, everybody, and welcome to CB Radio.
My name is Cameron Buchholz, and I am here at the Cap City Comedy Club
sitting with a Mr. Norm MacDonald and a Mr. Kevin Farley
and a few lovely ladies who are just sitting in.
What's this podcast called?
It's called CB Radio.
CB Radio?
Yeah, it's like my initials, so it's like a play on the...
How do you spell your name?
It's Buchholz.
Buchholz?
Yeah, it's as German as it gets.
That is German.
Yeah, it's pretty hardcore.
Scared you already.
I know, right?
No, I'm kidding.
Anyway.
Huh?
Anyway.
Seemed like a nice fella.
Okay, let's start this thing.
You guys just finished up your weekend here at Cap City.
At Cap City.
Cap City.
We had fun.
Yeah, it seems like it was successful.
All four shows sold out.
That's something.
Yeah.
Thank God.
That was fun.
Yeah, it's good, right?
No, it's sold out.
It's good.
I mean, it'd be horrible if it wasn't, you know?
Well, it'd be a normal weekend here if it wasn't.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, I don't know.
They don't sell out here?
I mean, they sell out.
I mean, they sell out a fair amount, but I mean, it's not, you know, not all
the shows.
I think the first time we pulled up into this place, you used to have a place
called Dracula's.
Yeah.
And the first thing Norm said when we pulled in, he goes, Jesus, where's
Dracula's?
And I go, I don't know.
What's Dracula's?
Apparently, it was a restaurant or something.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
It has been replaced.
And what happened to Dracula's?
I don't know.
I'm not, I just know it's gone.
Still don't know what happened to Dracula's.
But we do know that I lost my first 15 minutes of my act.
Oh, yeah.
That's right.
Because the establishment no longer existed.
Well, tell us, what was it?
So you tell a joke about the Dracula's?
Did you eat there?
Yes.
I'd say if you like Transylvanian food.
If you enjoy people's necks as your entree, perhaps you would like Dracula's.
But no, I still, every once in a while, I'll see.
That went on for 15 minutes?
Wow.
I talked about, well, I'm just telling you the highlights.
I wasn't telling you the whole bit.
I talk a long time about stuff.
But I still occasionally will see.
Hey, what's going on?
Who's this?
You've got to respond to what I'm saying.
Introduce before you go.
Introduce yourself.
No, she didn't respond to what I was saying.
We have a couple guests here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
It's after the late show.
It's after the late show.
It's to be expected.
We're here in Austin, and it's a city in Texas that is,
the only city that's sort of ashamed of country music.
I love country music, personally.
I guess you're true.
That's true.
That's actually right.
It's only actual country, like outlaw country, kind of.
Billy Joe Shaver.
No, no miss.
I don't.
But doesn't Billy Joe Shaver live in Austin?
He lives in Waco.
But Austin's sort of, we're not into country.
We're too cool for country, kind of.
There are all kinds of music here in Austin, right?
But everything but country, I find.
Everything that's hip, I think, is all that's, yeah.
Or there's lots of, like...
Do they make a conscious decision to stay away from country here in Austin?
I don't think so.
But, I mean, it's just the punk rock scene and the indie rock scene is just
real big here.
Yeah, yeah.
But Hank Williams Jr., I mean, Hank Williams III isn't here, and he's, like,
punk.
He's a punker?
He's punk, yeah.
Yeah, there is some of that, like, the alternative country or whatever that's
here.
But have you guys been able to go out?
Norm and I are both traditional countries.
Well, Billy Joe's not really traditional, you know?
He's not, like, Lefty Frizzell or anything.
He's an outlaw, you know?
I don't know.
Have you guys had a chance to leave this desolate area of Austin?
No, we haven't.
We're looking forward to it.
But, unfortunately, we picked the only weekend where it rained.
Yeah, it's been a drought for, like, years.
Drought for a long time.
And all of a sudden, we come into town, and it's raining.
So we've been at the Doubletree for two days, staring out the window.
One person asked me, did you bring the rain with you?
So I said, no, it wasn't raining in Los Angeles.
She said, it still works.
I go, no, it doesn't.
That's what a woman told me.
She goes, did you bring the rain with you?
I said, it would only work if it...
Yeah, that's like if you're from Seattle or something.
Yeah, if it was raining where you were.
That's right.
We didn't bring it, unless my personality brought the rain.
You know, my dark personality.
I'm just bumming everybody out.
Well, yeah, because I guess you guys had a drought for...
Yeah, yeah.
We had no rain at all until this weekend.
Yeah, pretty much.
Did you get the vodka I ordered you?
Yeah, thank you very much.
Did you drink it?
Norm gave me a vodka.
Why?
What's in it?
You're making me kind of nervous.
Yeah, you seem awfully interested.
Yes, thank you for the vodka.
And he's looking at me going, did you drink it?
How do you feel?
Do you feel funny?
No, tell them...
Do you feel different?
What did you put in my vodka?
I don't know.
Norm pranks on me.
No, no, no.
We don't want to.
Well, it's the last night of your weekend here, so he's got to try to get it in
while he can.
Plus, we've been on the road for a long time, Norm and I.
We've been on the road for a long time, man.
Like an old married couple.
We are a little bit of an old married couple.
Finishing each other's sentences, that sort of thing.
They've got a lot of lizards in postcards.
Yeah.
Fucking each other.
Fuck, yeah.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, wait.
No.
No, no, wait.
That never went on.
That never went on.
No, no, no.
I mean, the finishing sentences.
Marital sex.
Sure, right.
But we never fucked each other.
We're not married.
We don't do this.
We're not married, but finishing each other's sentences, playing games.
That we do, yeah.
Marital sex.
No, no.
Once again, no.
Edit this.
No.
Since you get the names tattooed on your titties, it's for life.
Oh, you do?
No, that's just like a kid.
Oh, they tattoo their names on their titties?
Is that...
The Dallas Scott line.
Yeah, the Austin Scott line.
So if a girl really likes a guy, she'll tattoo his name on her titties.
Yeah, swear to God.
Especially if they break up, but she has to put another line underneath, and
then it becomes
like a fucking, you know, the Dead Sea.
I had a girl tattoo my name on her heel.
On her heel, so she could step on you.
That wasn't nice.
That wasn't nice at all.
But I imagine that's not a place that you could actually, like, it won't stay
there.
So if you tattoo your heel, I think it would, like, go away.
The heel?
Yeah, I think so.
At least, like, the bottom here.
I don't know.
I don't think tattoos scrape off, do they?
I have a finger tattoo that is disappearing on a certain thing.
Yeah, what is it?
It is the state of Oklahoma.
Yes, it is.
Yeah, well.
Yeah, I know, right?
I hate that place.
Yeah.
Oh, poor Oklahoma.
But anyway.
But no, you open for Norm on a fair amount.
I'm trying to keep this thing on track.
That's right.
You're in charge here.
Let's keep it on track.
Despite what it may seem like, it's an almost professional show.
But no, you're on the road together a lot.
Yeah, Norm is kind enough to bring me out on the road and teach me the ropes.
I'm not a stand-up.
I just kind of do acting, and I've done that.
I've done Second City and stuff.
So it's fun.
Yeah, you've only been doing stand-up, what, a couple years now?
Yeah, about a year and a half, a year.
No, about two, maybe.
By the end, we were playing the moon-faced boys.
Norm's doing an, I was an actor in a movie called The Straight Story, which was
David Lynch.
Oh, okay.
And it was with Richard Farnsworth, and my brother John and I played a couple,
you can, if somebody's listening out there, you can rent the movie.
It's actually a good movie.
Well, if it's David Lynch, it has to be something.
But it's actually not a David Lynch-type film.
Oh, okay.
That's the different thing about it.
It's G-rated.
G-rated.
Yeah.
And there was a scene where Norm does a great impression of Richard Farnsworth
at the bar talking to another World War II veteran.
About how the war got a little crazy, so.
And that impression is only to entertain you, because I can't imagine, if you
were to do that on stage tonight.
Well, nobody really knows the impression, right, no.
And it's just, if you rent the movie, he's at the bar with another old-timer,
and he knows he's, you know, been through the World War.
And he's telling a story about, he's telling a story about how bad the war was,
basically.
And they were connecting on that level, you know.
But it's some rural bar in Wisconsin, and it's just these two old guys talking.
And so, with that, I give you Norm MacDonald doing Richard Farnsworth.
Go ahead.
I don't remember the words.
Well, they're at the bar, and there was a boy, remember, a sharpshooter.
Well, they put me up as the lookout, and they had a boy who would go across
enemy lines.
They found him in Kentucky, and he was a good shot, and a good boy, too.
And he had disappeared, and I was up all night.
In the middle of the night, I heard a shake of leaves, and I took a shot, and
more leaves shaked, and I took another shot.
Finally, the leaves stopped shaking.
The next day, they found the boy, and he was gone, and they figured the Germans
got him.
Everybody thought that, everybody but me.
There you go.
Well, here's what you do.
You replace the 15 minutes that you lost when Dracula left, and just replace it
with that impression, and you're golden.
You didn't lose anything.
That's true.
An obscure movie and an obscure scene, but if you rent it, you'll see what he's
talking about.
I don't want to.
I think that'll ruin it.
I just want it to just live on just as that.
It's a hard G.
I call that movie a hard G.
In a way, it's one of his darkest movies.
I figured it out.
I told you that.
About the fire, remember?
I said, you've got to re-watch the movie?
Yeah.
If you re-watch the movie with Richard Farnsworth as a villain, it puts it in a
completely different movie.
It's amazing.
Oh, it's amazing.
Yeah.
Well, actually.
He's a villain in that movie.
In reality, we took that movie to the Cannes Film Festival.
You know, and we went, this is the only time.
Listen, I'm a shitty actor.
Let's not.
You mean together it didn't go to the Cannes Film Festival?
No.
But I was lucky enough to be into this fucking David Lynch film.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
And believe me.
And we took it to the Cannes Film Festival.
I'm sitting at the Cannes Film Festival.
We take it to the Cannes Film Festival.
I'm with David Lynch, my mother, and Johnny.
And this thing gets a standing ovation, this movie we did.
Richard has, at that point, about a week to live because he had cancer.
And he was nominated for an Oscar that year for this movie.
And it was a 20-minute standing ovation from the French who don't like fucking
anybody.
Okay.
And we're sitting there just going, Jesus.
You know, I mean, it was an amazing experience for me just to sit there and be
at the Cannes Film Festival.
I'm a fucking shitty actor.
And I'll admit it.
And I'm sitting there just going with all these people.
I was lucky to be in the movie.
A lot of people don't like the movie.
It's a slow-moving movie.
It's about a guy on a tractor.
Okay.
And so a lot of people would be like, fuck this.
I've got to take a dump.
I'm not going to listen to this movie.
No.
It's a very slow film.
What were you telling me about children?
Like how much you like children?
It was very nice.
What's that?
You told me about how you like children.
If you can't remember, it's all right.
That I like children?
If you're embarrassed by it.
If you're embarrassed by it.
It was just a sweet...
No, it was a sweet thing.
No, no.
If you want to...
No, go ahead.
I like children.
Oh, you don't?
I don't know.
Do you not?
No, I do like children.
Yeah.
Why?
Well, you said something about it one time.
But if you have nothing to say about it, never mind.
I'm sorry.
Why do I 