Name: Norm Macdonald on Turn Ben Stein On (2001) Full Interview Bestiality Jokes
Uploaded: 2019-04-04T04:46:39.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Turn Ben Stein On (2001) Full Interview Bestiality Jokes' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Turn Ben Stein On (2001) Full Interview Bestiality Jokes' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-04. Transcript available.

G. Love, very funny guys, very funny guys. That's a good band. And Jeff? That's
the best band on TV.
Jeff, I think so. Jeff who comes from Angola State Prison. You know what always
struck me out about prison?
Jeff. The worst part about prison to me is not the loss of freedom, which is
terrible I suppose.
Jeff. It's not being away from your loved one. Anal rape would do worse.
Jeff. Yeah, that sounds terrible.
Jeff. And yet, they never mention that when they sentence you, you know what I
mean?
Jeff. Yeah, they don't say you're sentenced to be anally raped by a big giant
guy who's your roommate and all his friends.
Jeff. A big giant what?
Jeff. A big giant guy who's your roommate and all his friends.
Jeff. I know, they don't mention that.
Jeff. And yet you would think that would be part of the punishment.
Jeff. You imagine if you went there, like if you weren't street smart like me
and you,
you showed up and you get anally raped the first night, you know what I mean?
And you'd be like shocked.
Jeff. I know.
Jeff. You see the guy in the cafeteria the next day, you're like, you're way
out of the line, pal, way out of the line. That's ridiculous.
Jeff. Now, you know, talking...
Jeff. It's a good mind to go to the warden about this.
Jeff. When you were doing Bob Dole, what were you trying to say about him?
Jeff. I mean, you're saying the guy is intense, out of his mind, crazy.
Jeff. He reminds me a lot of my dad, you know. And I saw, because my dad was in
the war and I just liked him because he's not a natural politician, not a
campaigner, you know what I mean? He's more an inward guy, you know?
Jeff. But what was your dad like? I mean...
Jeff. He was like very... My dad was very, like, no-nonsense.
Jeff. Give us an example.
Jeff. I remember once my dad, when I was a kid, I used to watch... Remember the
show Twilight Zone?
Jeff. Sure.
Jeff. My dad wouldn't watch anything, like, fantastical at all, you know?
Nothing. He wouldn't even watch fiction. He just wanted to watch the news.
Jeff. Oh, why's that?
Jeff. Because he said, like, if you watch the news and then you watch a crazy
show, then you'll get them mixed up, you know?
Jeff. Uh-huh. What did you say...
Jeff. So we were watching... I'm watching The Twilight Zone, which was... That
was the worst show to him because it was so crazy. You know The Twilight Zone?
Jeff. Sure. I know it well. It's a great show.
Jeff. So I'm watching with my brother. We're watching it. We're kids. And then
my dad walked down. He saw the TV with The Twilight Zone. He recognized it as
The Twilight Zone. He said, I suppose that one... He pointed a character in The
Twilight Zone. He said, I suppose that one's a goddamn ghost.
Jeff. And what did you say to that?
It kind of ruined it, you know?
Jeff. Now, where did you go off? In Canada, right?
Yeah, Canada, Quebec, Quebec City.
Now, why do so many Canadians find their way down here to America? Is it
because we have lots of money and cute girls?
Yeah, Canada's not a very good country.
What's wrong with it?
It's kind of like... I haven't got enough people in it, you know?
Now, do your parents... Are your parents living?
My mom, it's a mixed marriage. My mom is alive and my dad's dead.
Now, before he died, did your dad live to see you become a star?
No.
No. But your mother's lived to see you become a star.
Yeah.
Does she love it? Does she call you up every night and say, God, I'm proud of
you, son?
No, she's happy. My brother is in journalism, so he's a bit more serious, you
know?
Where is he?
He lives in Israel.
You're kidding.
No, he lives in Israel. He's a foreign class monitor.
You don't look at all Jewish.
I'm not Jewish. I mean, I shouldn't have said it like that.
No, no. I wasn't going to ask you for money for the UJA.
I mean, I wasn't going to ask you if you would lend me money or anything
or ask you if you could get me another suit like this one wholesale or anything.
So, but does your mother, does your mother, like, say, God, I'm so proud of you?
She does, right? She calls you up.
Yeah, she's very happy. She's going to come next week and visit.
Really?
Maybe you can meet her. She's a nice lady.
I'd like to meet her.
We have to now do something crass that we in America do,
because we don't have government-supported TV.
We're going to go to a commercial break.
When we come back, we're going to talk to Norm MacDonald
about not making any compromises for our art.
Right, Norm?
Yeah.
For our art.
For our art.
I'm telling you, that dream's driving me crazy.
I've been having it ever since Taylor got engaged to Danny.
How on earth could Taylor have a crush on you?
What are you talking about? You dated me.
How on earth could I have dated you?
I tell you what, why don't you have some snacks there instead of talking, huh?
It's empty.
Hey, hey, wiener dog, can you bring me in some chips?
That poker chips, potato chips.
You have to explain every little thing to him, you know?
Norm, for God's sake, he's a dog.
It's nothing he doesn't understand.
He doesn't listen.
We're back to turn Ben Stein on, and I'm here with Norm MacDonald, a very, very
funny guy,
started with a gigantic sitcom called, well, it's called Worm.
Oh, no, no, no, it's called Norm, Norm, Norm, sorry.
We're discussing compromises.
Now, Norm, how'd you know you wanted to be a comedian?
I mean, or maybe you don't want to be one.
Maybe you'd rather be Barbara Stoysian.
No, I never knew.
I just always enjoyed watching comedy, you know?
And so when did you start doing your first comedic gags, for money?
I was working in Canada as a, I had different, like, manual labor jobs,
and then they had a, what do you call it, an amateur night at a comedy club?
Mm-hmm.
So I just went there.
Everybody sucked there, so I said I could suck, too, you know?
So were you funny?
No, I wasn't that funny.
Well, I'm going to be like a lawyer, okay?
Yeah.
And now read you some of your own words and ask you to remember them,
because I have to prepare for every show I do.
I am by training a lawyer and economist.
I have to prepare, I don't just wing it like Larry King.
Right.
I come in, I prepare.
So I was reading these and --
Larry King does no research.
I know, he does no research at all.
He's famous for that.
And he gets $8 million a year.
He told me that on the air.
Yeah, yeah, $8 million a year.
Well, to you, that's nothing to me.
That's a fantastic amount.
But anyway, these are --
And so I was reading some of Norm's comments.
And my wife said, what's all this insane laughing?
And I said, well, in Washington State,
elementary school teacher Mary Kay Letourneau
pleaded guilty to having sex with a sixth-grade student.
Letourneau has been branded a sex offender,
or as the kids refer to her --
Greatest teacher ever.
Greatest teacher ever?
Yes, exactly.
The --
The --
Kearney Wilson, formerly of Wilson Phelps,
says that her talk show will be different from other talk shows
and that she will treat her guests with respect and dignity.
And then eat them?
Right, exactly.
Now --
And Kenny --
Kenny G --
Kenny G released his Christmas album this week.
Happy birthday, Jesus.
Hope you like crap.
These are wonderful, wonderful, wonderful,
fabulous, funny stories.
Now, do you --
Do you make these up?
How do you come up with these?
Well, 'cause when I used to do --
I used to host Weekend Update on SNL,
so every week we had to do --
We had to do --
We had to get, like, ten minutes of jokes.
Oh.
So then, during the week, just read the papers,
right, I think of what's funny.
Now, you have a kind of a gift for offending people, right?
What?
Do you think you do?
Yeah.
No, sometimes --
I like to --
You know, I try to be nice all the time,
but sometimes by mistake, you know, I'll offend people.
But you get a lot out of it.
I mean, it's sort of the way your father used to offend you.
Right?
I never thought of it.
You sort of pay it back to the larger world.
I never thought of it.
That sounds like a psychology.
Well, that's --
I am, by nature, a psychologist.
Now, when you --
You were making Saturday Night Live late-night type money,
and then suddenly you started making sitcom type money.
Yeah.
Big, giant difference, right?
Yeah.
You make more, yeah.
So, what's the first thing you bought
with your first big whopping sitcom check?
Well, I don't own a lot.
I don't drive a car.
You don't drive a car?
No.
And I just have a little apartment.
And I don't --
I don't know what to get.
Like, I go to a store, and I walk through.
Everything looks the same.
I don't know, man.
So, you don't buy anything?
Sometimes I buy something,
but then it's in a big, heavy box.
I have to take it home.
And then I take it out of the box.
I go, "What the do I do now?"
So, you live by yourself?
I just live alone with my --
Yeah, I got it.
You have a dog?
I have a cat.
What kind?
A little cat I found.
Oh.
They were gassing for cats in my neighborhood.
You're kidding.
That's what this lady said.
And there was a cat.
There was a cat hidden.
I said, "Hey, man, there's this cat."
She goes, "Yeah, they're gassing for cats."
So, I said, "Oh, my Lord."
So, you saved the cat?
Well, yeah, I didn't save it.
It probably would have been fine without me,
but he lives in my house now.
All right, we're going to have to sell some products.
When we return,
we're going to ask Norm MacDonald some questions,
unless we fire him during the break.
Oh.
Norm, Norm, Norm has managed to keep his job during that break,
and it was a close-run thing.
We're talking about compromises.
Gee, love, have you had to make any serious compromises here in Hollywood?
I don't know.
Just like maybe you have to play a song you didn't want to play.
That's a tough one.
It is.
Wow, that's brutal.
Wow.
You guys suffer.
Wow, you suffer for your art.
Now, anyway, is there a lot of --
This guy had the guys on Santa Monica Boulevard.
Yeah.
Not a lot of guys.
There's not a lot of guys.
There's one guy.
One and a lot.
Now, is there a lot of network interference in the sitcom you work on?
Yeah, sitcom, yeah.
You know, when I worked on Saturday Night Live,
the producer, Lorne Michaels, was a good guy.
He let me do whatever I wanted.
He did?
Yeah.
You could do whatever you wanted, but he could always fire you.
I could do whatever.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
But on a sitcom, it's different.
You've got to, you know, because I guess it's on prime time.
You've got to do what they want.
This is not on prime time.
This is on cable.
So, I'm going to ask you some questions that have been emailed to us on our
website.
These are real ones.
These are not made up.
All right.
Hey, Norm.
This is from a guy named Bobby.
Hey, Norm.
You kick ass.
The show rules, too.
And whenever you're on Dennis Miller Live or other good talk shows,
you always talk about and stuff.
That's hilarious.
Anyway, I was wondering how well you knew Chris Farley,
and if you and he were good friends or just co-workers.
Well, take care, Bobby.
I am.
I knew Chris Farley real good.
He was a good friend of mine.
He's a great guy.
He's a great guy, yeah.
One of the funniest guys ever.
Yeah.
Because he was a guy that could make an old guy, a young guy laugh.
You know what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
A kid, an old guy, a real dumb guy, real smart guy.
Mm-hmm.
He could make anybody laugh.
Make anybody laugh, which is very rare.
But he was a good man, and I worked with him.
He did, uh, the last thing he ever did was he did a movie with me called Dirty
Work.
Were you totally shocked when he died?
Yeah, I liked Dirty Work.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was shocked when he died.
Other people said, like, they saw it coming at him.
But I'm always shocked, even though I know you're going to die.
Because even, like, you go to a doctor, all the doctor can really tell you
after your checkup
is you're not going to die right away.
Oh, you are going to die.
You know?
Oh, you're not going to die right away.
That's right.
Hey, good news, we got your test back.
You're immortal.
You know what I mean?
You're going to die.
They can just tell you you don't have a big black thing inside you right now.
Which might be different if you're in prison, right?
Right.
Okay, now, okay, now, um, okay, now, here's another.
Okay.
All right, here's a question.
What is your opinion of David Hasselhoff?
Oh, David Hasselhoff?
Well, I had a theory for a while that Germans love David Hasselhoff.
Uh-huh.
And, uh, I would, uh, and I still believe that.
To be true.
Uh-huh.
This theory I've been working on for a while, and I've been keeping clippings
and stuff from
newspapers whenever I get any evidence that supports my assertion.
Uh-huh.
Germans love David Hasselhoff.
Uh-huh.
It makes, uh, it makes a lot of sense.
Okay, now, here's another, uh, question.
This is from, uh, gee, it's from Lewis.
Norm, I am a big fan of yours.
Ever since your routine years ago on A&E Evening at the Improv, the killer dog
routine you did was hilarious.
My friend and I debate over why you left Saturday Night Live.
He said you were forced after excessive cursing on the show.
I see you left because that show sucks and kills careers ever since all the
other good people left.
Which one of us is right, if any of us are?
And if none of us are right, if none of us are right, why did you leave SNL?
Oh, yeah.
Well, I just left that.
They fired me off the Weekend Update segment, and then I quit the rest of the
show.
All right, one last commercial break.
I promise it won't hurt a bit.
Stay tuned for more Norm MacDonald's talking with me about No Compromises.
My guest, we're back with him.
His name is Norm MacDonald.
During the break, he's become even more funny and famous.
Now, you recently gave a speech at the University of Iowa, and I'm told that 80%
of the audience walked out.
What could you possibly have said to them to make 80% of them walk out?
It wasn't a speech.
It was like some stand-up.
Yeah, well, what did you say to them?
I was just talking.
Like, I don't have my stand-up bag.
I just talk about whatever I'm thinking about.
Mm-hmm.
So what did you say to them?
But at the time, it was about having sex with an animal.
Uh-huh.
But it wasn't, like, weird.
It was, like, I'm not in favor.
Of course not.
I'm not in favor of it.
Yeah.
But I was just talking about it because I thought it was odd.
Like, they have a word for it.
Bestiality.
Uh-huh.
And nobody I know has ever done it.
Nobody I know, you know what I mean?
I've never known anybody that's ever known anybody that's ever had sex with
animals.
Uh-huh.
But a lot of people are having sex with animals on account of they got that
word, bestiality.
It's in the dictionary.
Uh-huh.
It ain't easy to get a word in the dictionary.
Yeah, so somebody's doing it.
Somebody's got to be going, "Hey, man, you've been a f***ing some animals?
Hey, uh, we've got to come up with a word."
Whatever.
So, I can't remember what joke, but it was some joke about, like, I said, I
feel sorry for the animal,
because, you know, they get to have sex with a super hot lady, and then the
next day they
bring them back to another pig.
You know, because the pig initially, he was having sex with another pig.
He didn't know.
He was, "Hey, this is a nice-looking, it's a nice-looking thing."
But then they go, you know.
And then I also said I feel sorry for, imagine if you watch one of those videos,
you know,
of a guy, a pig having sex with a woman, and then you recognize, "Hey, isn't
that that woman
that wouldn't go out with me?"
That was just harmless jokes.
For a guy like you, is there any taboo subject in comedy?
Um...
Speaking anywhere, but say, suppose you're speaking at the University of
Southern California,
not Iowa.
I would not do...
When I was on Update, I would not do any jokes about black Muslims.
Why is that?
I was afraid that maybe they would kill me.
Now, you have children, right, by your previous marriage?
I have a boy.
I have a little boy.
How old is he?
He's eight years old.
Now, would you like him to go into stand-up?
Uh, stand-up comedy?
Yeah.
Uh, if...
It's a good job, isn't it?
It's not...
It's kind of tough on, uh, on eight-year-olds.
Yeah, well, maybe when he got older.
Maybe when he gets older, you know.
Would you...
Would you...
If you went to see him talk and he told you that joke about...
Start telling a joke about the pig, would you be offended or would you say, "Son,
that's a great joke.
I'm so proud I told you that joke."
I would laugh at that joke because it's not...
As long as a joke doesn't, uh, promote, uh, a bad thing.
You know, you can comment on it.
So this sort of actually...
If you comment on a bad thing, you can do a joke about cigarettes.
It doesn't mean you're...
You want people to smoke.
Hey, you're actually discouraging women for having sex with pigs, right?
Exactly.
I am against it.
I am solidly against it.
Okay, well, on that note, thank you, Norm and Donald, for being here.
Thank you very, very, very much.
It's an honor to...
There you go.
So, what do we often do now?
We do ten push-ups.
What?
Yes, we do ten push-ups.
Yes, you have your own name.
You're right.

Norm Macdonald on Turn Ben Stein On (2001) Full Interview Bestiality Jokes

G. Love, very funny guys, very funny guys. That's a good band. And Jeff? That's
the best band on TV.
Jeff, I think so. Jeff who comes from Angola State Prison. You know what always
struck me out about prison?
Jeff. The worst part about prison to me is not the loss of freedom, which is
terrible I suppose.
Jeff. It's not being away from your loved one. Anal rape would do worse.
Jeff. Yeah, that sounds terrible.
Jeff. And yet, they never mention that when they sentence you, you know what I
mean?
Jeff. Yeah, they don't say you're sentenced to be anally raped by a big giant
guy who's your roommate and all his friends.
Jeff. A big giant what?
Jeff. A big giant guy who's your roommate and all his friends.
Jeff. I know, they don't mention that.
Jeff. And yet you would think that would be part of the punishment.
Jeff. You imagine if you went there, like if you weren't street smart like me
and you,
you showed up and you get anally raped the first night, you know what I mean?
And you'd be like shocked.
Jeff. I know.
Jeff. You see the guy in the cafeteria the next day, you're like, you're way
out of the line, pal, way out of the line. That's ridiculous.
Jeff. Now, you know, talking...
Jeff. It's a good mind to go to the warden about this.
Jeff. When you were doing Bob Dole, what were you trying to say about him?
Jeff. I mean, you're saying the guy is intense, out of his mind, crazy.
Jeff. He reminds me a lot of my dad, you know. And I saw, because my dad was in
the war and I just liked him because he's not a natural politician, not a
campaigner, you know what I mean? He's more an inward guy, you know?
Jeff. But what was your dad like? I mean...
Jeff. He was like very... My dad was very, like, no-nonsense.
Jeff. Give us an example.
Jeff. I remember once my dad, when I was a kid, I used to watch... Remember the
show Twilight Zone?
Jeff. Sure.
Jeff. My dad wouldn't watch anything, like, fantastical at all, you know?
Nothing. He wouldn't even watch fiction. He just wanted to watch the news.
Jeff. Oh, why's that?
Jeff. Because he said, like, if you watch the news and then you watch a crazy
show, then you'll get them mixed up, you know?
Jeff. Uh-huh. What did you say...
Jeff. So we were watching... I'm watching The Twilight Zone, which was... That
was the worst show to him because it was so crazy. You know The Twilight Zone?
Jeff. Sure. I know it well. It's a great show.
Jeff. So I'm watching with my brother. We're watching it. We're kids. And then
my dad walked down. He saw the TV with The Twilight Zone. He recognized it as
The Twilight Zone. He said, I suppose that one... He pointed a character in The
Twilight Zone. He said, I suppose that one's a goddamn ghost.
Jeff. And what did you say to that?
It kind of ruined it, you know?
Jeff. Now, where did you go off? In Canada, right?
Yeah, Canada, Quebec, Quebec City.
Now, why do so many Canadians find their way down here to America? Is it
because we have lots of money and cute girls?
Yeah, Canada's not a very good country.
What's wrong with it?
It's kind of like... I haven't got enough people in it, you know?
Now, do your parents... Are your parents living?
My mom, it's a mixed marriage. My mom is alive and my dad's dead.
Now, before he died, did your dad live to see you become a star?
No.
No. But your mother's lived to see you become a star.
Yeah.
Does she love it? Does she call you up every night and say, God, I'm proud of
you, son?
No, she's happy. My brother is in journalism, so he's a bit more serious, you
know?
Where is he?
He lives in Israel.
You're kidding.
No, he lives in Israel. He's a foreign class monitor.
You don't look at all Jewish.
I'm not Jewish. I mean, I shouldn't have said it like that.
No, no. I wasn't going to ask you for money for the UJA.
I mean, I wasn't going to ask you if you would lend me money or anything
or ask you if you could get me another suit like this one wholesale or anything.
So, but does your mother, does your mother, like, say, God, I'm so proud of you?
She does, right? She calls you up.
Yeah, she's very happy. She's going to come next week and visit.
Really?
Maybe you can meet her. She's a nice lady.
I'd like to meet her.
We have to now do something crass that we in America do,
because we don't have government-supported TV.
We're going to go to a commercial break.
When we come back, we're going to talk to Norm MacDonald
about not making any compromises for our art.
Right, Norm?
Yeah.
For our art.
For our art.
I'm telling you, that dream's driving me crazy.
I've been having it ever since Taylor got engaged to Danny.
How on earth could Taylor have a crush on you?
What are you talking about? You dated me.
How on earth could I have dated you?
I tell you what, why don't you have some snacks there instead of talking, huh?
It's empty.
Hey, hey, wiener dog, can you bring me in some chips?
That poker chips, potato chips.
You have to explain every little thing to him, you know?
Norm, for God's sake, he's a dog.
It's nothing he doesn't understand.
He doesn't listen.
We're back to turn Ben Stein on, and I'm here with Norm MacDonald, a very, very
funny guy,
started with a gigantic sitcom called, well, it's called Worm.
Oh, no, no, no, it's called Norm, Norm, Norm, sorry.
We're discussing compromises.
Now, Norm, how'd you know you wanted to be a comedian?
I mean, or maybe you don't want to be one.
Maybe you'd rather be Barbara Stoysian.
No, I never knew.
I just always enjoyed watching comedy, you know?
And so when did you start doing your first comedic gags, for money?
I was working in Canada as a, I had different, like, manual labor jobs,
and then they had a, what do you call it, an amateur night at a comedy club?
Mm-hmm.
So I just went there.
Everybody sucked there, so I said I could suck, too, you know?
So were you funny?
No, I wasn't that funny.
Well, I'm going to be like a lawyer, okay?
Yeah.
And now read you some of your own words and ask you to remember them,
because I have to prepare for every show I do.
I am by training a lawyer and economist.
I have to prepare, I don't just wing it like Larry King.
Right.
I come in, I prepare.
So I was reading these and --
Larry King does no research.
I know, he does no research at all.
He's famous for that.
And he gets $8 million a year.
He told me that on the air.
Yeah, yeah, $8 million a year.
Well, to you, that's nothing to me.
That's a fantastic amount.
But anyway, these are --
And so I was reading some of Norm's comments.
And my wife said, what's all this insane laughing?
And I said, well, in Washington State,
elementary school teacher Mary Kay Letourneau
pleaded guilty to having sex with a sixth-grade student.
Letourneau has been branded a sex offender,
or as the kids refer to her --
Greatest teacher ever.
Greatest teacher ever?
Yes, exactly.
The --
The --
Kearney Wilson, formerly of Wilson Phelps,
says that her talk show will be different from other talk shows
and that she will treat her guests with respect and dignity.
And then eat them?
Right, exactly.
Now --
And Kenny --
Kenny G --
Kenny G released his Christmas album this week.
Happy birthday, Jesus.
Hope you like crap.
These are wonderful, wonderful, wonderful,
fabulous, funny stories.
Now, do you --
Do you make these up?
How do you come up with these?
Well, 'cause when I used to do --
I used to host Weekend Update on SNL,
so every week we had to do --
We had to do --
We had to get, like, ten minutes of jokes.
Oh.
So then, during the week, just read the papers,
right, I think of what's funny.
Now, you have a kind of a gift for offending people, right?
What?
Do you think you do?
Yeah.
No, sometimes --
I like to --
You know, I try to be nice all the time,
but sometimes by mistake, you know, I'll offend people.
But you get a lot out of it.
I mean, it's sort of the way your father used to offend you.
Right?
I never thought of it.
You sort of pay it back to the larger world.
I never thought of it.
That sounds like a psychology.
Well, that's --
I am, by nature, a psychologist.
Now, when you --
You were making Saturday Night Live late-night type money,
and then suddenly you started making sitcom type money.
Yeah.
Big, giant difference, right?
Yeah.
You make more, yeah.
So, what's the first thing you bought
with your first big whopping sitcom check?
Well, I don't own a lot.
I don't drive a car.
You don't drive a car?
No.
And I just have a little apartment.
And I don't --
I don't know what to get.
Like, I go to a store, and I walk through.
Everything looks the same.
I don't know, man.
So, you don't buy anything?
Sometimes I buy something,
but then it's in a big, heavy box.
I have to take it home.
And then I take it out of the box.
I go, "What the do I do now?"
So, you live by yourself?
I just live alone with my --
Yeah, I got it.
You have a dog?
I have a cat.
What kind?
A little cat I found.
Oh.
They were gassing for cats in my neighborhood.
You're kidding.
That's what this lady said.
And there was a cat.
There was a cat hidden.
I said, "Hey, man, there's this cat."
She goes, "Yeah, they're gassing for cats."
So, I said, "Oh, my Lord."
So, you saved the cat?
Well, yeah, I didn't save it.
It probably would have been fine without me,
but he lives in my house now.
All right, we're going to have to sell some products.
When we return,
we're going to ask Norm MacDonald some questions,
unless we fire him during the break.
Oh.
Norm, Norm, Norm has managed to keep his job during that break,
and it was a close-run thing.
We're talking about compromises.
Gee, love, have you had to make any serious compromises here in Hollywood?
I don't know.
Just like maybe you have to play a song you didn't want to play.
That's a tough one.
It is.
Wow, that's brutal.
Wow.
You guys suffer.
Wow, you suffer for your art.
Now, anyway, is there a lot of --
This guy had the guys on Santa Monica Boulevard.
Yeah.
Not a lot of guys.
There's not a lot of guys.
There's one guy.
One and a lot.
Now, is there a lot of network interference in the sitcom you work on?
Yeah, sitcom, yeah.
You know, when I worked on Saturday Night Live,
the producer, Lorne Michaels, was a good guy.
He let me do whatever I wanted.
He did?
Yeah.
You could do whatever you wanted, but he could always fire you.
I could do whatever.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
But on a sitcom, it's different.
You've got to, you know, because I guess it's on prime time.
You've got to do what they want.
This is not on prime time.
This is on cable.
So, I'm going to ask you some questions that have been emailed to us on our
website.
These are real ones.
These are not made up.
All right.
Hey, Norm.
This is from a guy named Bobby.
Hey, Norm.
You kick ass.
The show rules, too.
And whenever you're on Dennis Miller Live or other good talk shows,
you always talk about and stuff.
That's hilarious.
Anyway, I was wondering how well you knew Chris Farley,
and if you and he were good friends or just co-workers.
Well, take care, Bobby.
I am.
I knew Chris Farley real good.
He was a good friend of mine.
He's a great guy.
He's a great guy, yeah.
One of the funniest guys ever.
Yeah.
Because he was a guy that could make an old guy, a young guy laugh.
You know what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
A kid, an old guy, a real dumb guy, real smart guy.
Mm-hmm.
He could make anybody laugh.
Make anybody laugh, which is very rare.
But he was a good man, and I worked with him.
He did, uh, the last thing he ever did was he did a movie with me called Dirty
Work.
Were you totally shocked when he died?
Yeah, I liked Dirty Work.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was shocked when he died.
Other people said, like, they saw it coming at him.
But I'm always shocked, even though I know you're going to die.
Because even, like, you go to a doctor, all the doctor can really tell you
after your checkup
is you're not going to die right away.
Oh, you are going to die.
You know?
Oh, you're not going to die right away.
That's right.
Hey, good news, we got your test back.
You're immortal.
You know what I mean?
You're going to die.
They can just tell you you don't have a big black thing insid