Name: Shaggy Dog Jokes w/ Norm Macdonald - A couple of midgets (CONAN 1999)
Uploaded: 2019-04-07T18:23:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Shaggy Dog Jokes w/ Norm Macdonald - A couple of midgets (CONAN 1999)' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Shaggy Dog Jokes w/ Norm Macdonald - A couple of midgets (CONAN 1999)' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-07. Transcript available.

You've got a vice, you've got a vice, and we should talk about it here.
Not the dirty, dirty sex, I don't know about that, but you're a gambling man,
aren't you?
You like to gamble.
Well, I like to gamble legally, not with bookies, especially not with that...
anyway.
What the hell almost happened there?
You almost had a little meltdown there.
No, no, I don't like bookies anymore.
Anymore?
I don't like the mafia anymore.
No, but the thing is, I like to go to Las Vegas and Atlantic City.
That's a beautiful town, Atlantic City.
Yeah.
And you're guys from Atlantic City?
No.
I just wanted to shout.
Okay.
So, yeah, like, I went to Vegas a couple weeks ago and a funny thing happened
there, Andy.
Hi!
And a funny thing happened there in Vegas, right?
I go there, you know, to gamble.
I meet a couple of midgets, you know?
A couple of midgets?
Yeah.
Little people, I call them.
Well, I don't think that, I don't think of people as little people.
Okay, your word's better.
Yeah.
Go ahead, anyway, you meet a couple of midgets.
I know a lot of people in show business talk about the little people.
Right.
But I think everybody's the same.
The midgets, the regular people.
Oh, come on, okay.
You know?
We're all human beings.
We're all human beings.
That's good.
You're not, that's good.
You have a good attitude.
Some of us are, you know, short and have weird big heads.
So, anyway, these guys, these guys, these guys.
That neck went out there for a second, but it's better now.
But you.
These two midgets, man, they were the funniest dudes.
And one of them was telling me that him and his buddy decided to get a couple
of prostitutes,
you know?
Because midgets, they can't have sex very much with the women, you know?
So, they say, we'll get a couple of prostitutes.
I didn't know that, but okay.
So, they say, let's get a couple of prostitutes, right?
So, the other midget goes, hey, man, that's great.
So, uh.
What are they, Cheech and Chong?
Look at your two midgets, like, hey, dude.
Yeah, man, that sounds heavy.
Well, you know.
All right, all right, all right.
So, the midgets, the one midget, they get, anyway, they get their two prostitutes,
you
know?
And they take them up to their room, you know, in the hotel.
And, uh, so, the one midget, he gets in the room with the girl.
They're in separate rooms here?
Yeah, separate rooms, but they're adjoining.
Right, right.
So, the one midget, he gets the prostitute, and he wants to have sex with her,
but he'd
been drinking a lot, so he had trouble, like, performing, you know?
You know?
Yes, I know.
Right.
Nobody knows better than you about that.
So, um, uh, the one midget, he gets in with the girl.
Same with his girl, but he's too drunk to perform, and he feels real bad, right?
So then, this is what the guy's telling me, the midget.
He goes down, oh, yeah, no, then afterwards, he says, okay, get out, you dirty
whore, you
know?
He blames her, you know?
Right, blames her.
Okay.
So, she leaves, and then he's feeling all bad, so he listens with a glass to
the next
room where his buddy is with his prostitute, and he hears, like, uh, in the
next room,
he hears, uh, one, two, ah, one, two, ah, one, two, ah, one, two, ah, one, two,
ah.
Right.
Stop, stop doing it.
So, he goes, oh, that dirty, dirty midget's having some fun sex over there, you
know?
So, he calls him a midget, too?
But he's a midget, all right, whatever.
So, he feels bad, you know?
Right.
And the next day, man, he meets his buddy, midget, at the coffee shop, and he
goes, and
the guy goes, hey, man, how did it go last night?
And then one guy goes, oh, man, it was horrible, you know?
I was too drunk, I couldn't perform with my prostitute.
He goes, but it sounds like you had a good time.
And then the other guy, midget, goes, what are you kidding?
I couldn't even get up into the bed.
I was, oh, man.
You know, it's really lucky that you ran into those guys, because it's such a
good story.
I know.
I was happy, I think they did very good at Baccarat, and they were happy.
Thank you.