Name: Norm Macdonald on Gotham Comedy Live AXS (2016) Stand Up Set
Uploaded: 2019-05-05T01:21:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Gotham Comedy Live AXS (2016) Stand Up Set' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-05-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Gotham Comedy Live AXS (2016) Stand Up Set' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-05-05. Transcript available.

- Norm MacDonald.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
And welcome.
You gotta fucking be exhausted.
But welcome to Gotham Commie Live.
This is a show like other shows except you can be dirty.
That's what a guy told me.
So, fuck that shit.
'Cause that's my favorite sentence.
Two thirds of it's very dirty and the other one is not.
But you go, fuck that shit.
That's why I talk about politics and stuff.
People go, what do you think of that? Fuck that shit.
And then people think I have an opinion but I don't really.
But a guy was just telling me, hey listen, Bill Cosby first of all.
He's my hero ever since I was a kid.
'Cause I always wanted to be like him.
And I got his albums, tried to emulate him.
But I didn't like his stand-up.
But I like...
The way he was as a man.
'Cause this was before.
They didn't say he was a rapist on the fucking...
liner notes of the albums, you know.
That's what my buddy says.
The worst part about Cosby was he was a hypocrite.
And I said, I don't think that was the worst part.
To me, the worst part was the raping.
Way up high.
And then the second would be the drugging.
And then the third would be the scheming.
The scheming.
But anyways, hypocrisy would be way fucking down the line, you know.
Like on the fourth page or some shit.
Like I'm no expert.
But I think probably most rapists are hypocrites.
You know what I mean?
You know I meet a lot of guys who go, I like to rape.
I don't give a fuck.
I know it's not a politically correct thing to say.
But I like raping.
God damn, at least he's not a hypocrite.
That's the worst...
That's the worst part of it.
But he, uh...
Imagine you're a girl.
Some of you will be easier...
No, imagine you're a girl.
You're in a gift shop in Vegas or some shit.
Go, I'm going to buy this snow globe for my...
Oh, it's the most famous guy ever.
Cosby, you know, Cosby's there.
And he's like, you want to go to my room?
It's the biggest room ever.
And so you go, yeah, of course I want to go to your room.
Biggest star ever, biggest room ever.
What the fuck?
You don't even have to be a girl.
You didn't fucking go.
You go up and then you're like, fuck, look at this.
I've never seen...
And he's like, you want a glass of water?
You go, yes, that would be nice.
And then you go, why is it purple?
Why is it fizzing?
Like in a monster movie.
Just drink it, it's famous people water.
All right, drink it, ah.
And then everybody goes fucking crazy and shit.
And they come out of it, they're like, what the fuck?
I was just in the gift shop.
What's that, Cosby cock?
I can swear that's a Cosby cock.
That's impossible.
A Cosby cock?
Why would there be a Cosby cock in my face?
Wait a second, I remember.
I'll call for help.
Hypocrisy!
A man committed hypocrisy on me in room 10304204.
There's too many numbers in the hotel room.
God damn.
Cosby.
But when you think about that show, people are a hypocrite and shit.
But in a way, when you think about the show he had,
he had a regular fucking life.
But then what was his job?
He looked in women's pussies and stuff.
And you never saw, they never showed you that part.
So in a way, maybe he wasn't a hypocrite.
I don't even know what's wrong with hypocrisy anyways.
What's the problem with hypocrisy, you know?
People are always against it.
They go, you know what?
I hate worse than anything.
Hypocrite.
But imagine your life if you weren't a hypocrite.
You know what I mean?
Like if you had a kid, you go, okay, Billy, you're seven years old now.
You know what I mean?
You're gonna tell him who you really are.
That's not a good idea.
Sit down, Billy.
I'm gonna tell you some evil shit I did.
Through most of my life that I've been keeping from you.
So Cosby was a hypocrite.
But it's like one of those little things.
You know when people do like real bad things and then they add on a little
thing.
It happens a lot in crime and shit.
Like I remember, I'm just swearing because I can.
Like crime, fucking shit.
But like they'll, sometimes a guy will commit a heinous crime.
Then they'll add like some fucking, like I remember Richard Speck.
You know, some of you are old enough to remember this guy.
He busted into a house full of nurses, raped and killed nine nurses.
He was charged with eight counts of rape, eight counts of murder, one count of
breaking and entering.
So the whole defense became, I tell you that door was a little bit open.
You could have jimmied that open, we're gonna take pictures of it.
And show it to the jury and blow them up.
Then the judge was like, alright, fuck that one.
Because judges are wise, like, like owls.
So the judge knows he doesn't want the guy, eight counts, guilty.
Eight counts, guilty.
And on the case of breaking and entering, innocent.
And then he's like, hey, what did I tell you everybody?
Waving at people with his orange thing.
Hey, a guy told me that, I don't know if you've heard this,
Bruce Jenner is gonna go back maybe, to being a man.
Did you hear that?
No.
That's an odd thing.
Because I remember him, of course, as a woman.
So it's hard for me to picture what he'd even look like.
As a man, I remember, because I'm from Canada, so I remember he was in the 72
Olympics, and he won the decathlon, you know, which is the best athlete in the
world, was a woman.
And we didn't know at the time, because he kept a secret.
But I remember they put the gold medal around his fucking big juicy tits.
And he said to me is when they should have, he should have just gone, "I'm a
lady."
And then, that would have been good for the LGBT, the community, you know, the
community.
I don't know if you've been over and seen him and shit, but it's a nice
community.
And it would have been good, all the LGBT, the L, I try to be inclusive of all
the letters in the alphabet.
But, you know, then he, but he waited, that's the problem, he waited until he
was 65.
That's when Bruce Jenner decided to tell us he was a lady.
Now, I don't know about you guys, but to me, is there really that much
difference between a 65-year-old?
At some point, you gotta realize, you're just some old thing nobody wants to
fuck.
All right, guys.
Don't turn your TV, and we'll be back in a moment.
Thanks, guys. You're awesome.