Name: Norm Macdonald reading poetry, taking a shave and chilling with a cop
Uploaded: 2019-05-13T14:18:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald reading poetry, taking a shave and chilling with a cop' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-05-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald reading poetry, taking a shave and chilling with a cop' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-05-13. Transcript available.

Norm Macdonald reading poetry, taking a shave and chilling with a cop

You want to hear another poem?
Sure.
This is by William Henry Drummond, the Canadian.
When I was young boy on the farm, that's 20 years ago,
I have one friend he lives near me called Jean-Baptiste Trudeau.
And often when we are alone we lack for speak about
the time when we come big man with mustache on our mouth.
Baptiste is get it on his head.
He's too much educate for make the habitant farmer.
He better go on state.
And so one summer evening we were driving home to Cal.
He's told me all the whole business.
Just like you hear me now.
What's use make foolish on the farm?
There's no good chances left.
And all the time you be poor man.
You know that's true yourself.
We never get no fun at all.
Don't never go on spree.
Unless we pass on another place and make it some money.
I go on les Etats Unis.
I go there right away.
And then maybe on 10-12 years I be rich man someday.
And when I make the large fortune I come back I suppose.
With Yankee fam from off the state.
And money on my clothes.
I told you something else, mon cher Napoleon.
I get the grand majorité for go on parliament.
Then build fine house on border low.
Near where the churches stand.
More finer than the presbyter.
When I am come rich man.
I say for what you speak like that.
You must be gone crazy.
There's plenty fella around the state.
More smarter than you be.
Besides she not so healthy place.
And if you make l'argent.
You spend it just like Yankee.
And not like habitant.
For me Baptiste.
I told you this.
I'm very satisfied.
The best man don't leave too long time.
Some days back gash he die.
And suppose you got good trotter horse.
A nice fam Canadien.
With plenty on the house for eat.
What more you want my friend.
But Baptiste.
He have it all make up.
I can't stop him at all.
He buy the second class ticket.
For go on central fall.
And with two, three.
Some times more the boy.
What think the same he do.
Pass on the train.
The very next week.
Was left.
Riviere the loop.
Well.
Maybe fifteen years or more.
Since Baptiste go away.
I find myself.
Riviere the loop.
One cold cold winter day.
The quick express she come.
Hooray.
But stop.
The soon she can.
And beg.
And big swell feller.
Jump off the car.
That's boss.
I can't say this word.
That's.
They always wanted to put that word in.
No matter what.
In the old days.
Even if they didn't have to.
That's boss.
My.
African American man.
He's dressing on the premier class.
And got new suit of clothes.
With long mustache.
That's sticking out.
The other side.
His nose.
Fine gold watch chain.
Nice portmanteau.
And long long overcoat.
With beaver hat.
That's Yankee style.
And red tie on his coat.
I say.
Hello Baptiste.
Hello.
Comment ça va mon vieux.
He says.
Excuse me.
My friend.
I think I don't know you.
I say.
She's very curious then.
You are Baptiste Trudeau.
Who was raised on just same place with me.
That's 15 years ago.
He say.
Oh yes.
That's sure enough.
I know you first.
I know you now.
First rate.
But I forget most of my French.
Since I go on the state.
There's another nothing.
Keep your head.
My friend.
They must be told.
My name's Baptiste Trudeau no more.
Just John B. Waterhole.
Hole on the water's funny name.
For a man was called Trudeau.
My friend.
My friends.
They always speak like that.
And I am told him so.
He says.
Trudeau and Waterhole.
She's just about the same.
And if you go for leave on state.
You must have Yankee name.
Then we invite him.
Come with us.
Hotels of Canada.
Where he was treated most every time.
But can't take whiskey blanc.
He says.
That's little strong.
For a man just come off central far.
And Tabakkanien.
Be damn.
He won't smoke that at all.
But fancy drink.
Like Collins John.
The way he puts it down.
Was long time since.
I don't see that.
I think he's going to drown.
I think he's going to drown.
And fine cigar cost five cents each.
And Mac Antoine Riviere.
L'enfant he smoke big pile of them.
For money he don't care.
I suppose myself it's three o'clock.
When we are through that night.
Baptiste.
His father come for him.
And take him home alright.
The old man says.
Baptiste speak French.
When he's in place on bed.
And say bad word.
But when he wake.
Forget it on his head.
Well all the winter.
When we have soiree.
That's grand affair.
Baptiste Trudeau.
Did water hole.
He be the boss man there.
You bet he have big time.
When the spring it come encore.
He's buy the premier class ticket.
For go on state some more.
You remember when the hard time.
Came on les Etats Unis.
And plenty Canadiens go back.
For stay their own country.
Well just about that time again.
I go to Riviere de Loup.
For sold me two.
Three load of hay.
Make little visit too.
The freight train she's just arrived.
Only ten hour delay.
She never carry passengers.
That's what they always say.
I see poor man on charred caboose.
He's got him small valise.
Begosh.
I nearly take defeat.
It is.
It is Baptiste.
He know me very well this time.
And say bonjour mon vieux.
I hope you know Baptiste Trudeau.
Was educate with you.
I'm just come off the state to see my family encore.
I buzzed myself on Saint-Trofort.
I don't go there no more.
I got no money.
None at all.
I'm broke it up for sure.
That's lucky thing Napoleon the break man Jean Latour.
His cousin of one friend of mine called Camille Vatican.
Conductor's too good can a hand.
Don't ask me no ticket.
I attacked Baptiste with Wim once more to hotels in Canada.
And he was glad for get the chance to drink some whiskey blanc.
That swore me up.
And then he eats most everything he sees.
I watched the whole business myself.
Mon gee he was hungry.
Madame Charlotte was kept a place.
Get very much excited.
For see the many pork and beans Baptiste put out of sight.
The pain doré potato pie.
Another thing to another thing be there.
But when Baptiste is get him through.
They go I don't know where.
It don't take long for told the news.
Baptiste comes off the state.
And pretty soon we have big crowd like village.
She's on faith.
But now Maxime Trudeau himself is coming with the priest.
And pass him on the room for eat.
Where he is see Baptiste.
Then everybody feel glad for what they have to say.
And then the old man spit.
Baptiste you're here for stay.
Baptiste he's cry like big baby.
But I just rest here see.
And if I ever see the state.
I'm sure I don't care me.
Correct Maxime.
I place you on the farm.
For help your poor old father.
What do you do more charm?
Please come with me on magasin.
I fix you up.
Bah oui.
And then you're ready for go home and see the family.
Well, when the old man and Baptiste come off the magasin.
Baptiste is lost his Yankee clothes.
He's dressed like Canaan.
With butter savage.
Centre flesh.
And coat with capuchon.
And spic francais au naturel.
To Sam Zabiton.
I see Baptiste the other day.
He's worked his father's place.
I think myself.
He's satisfied.
I see that on his face.
He say I got no use for stay.
Mon cher Napoleon.
Quebec.
Quebec.
She is good enough for me.
Hooray Canaan.
Hooray Canaan.
Seriously though.
At what point when you thought maybe they'd want to hear this did you not look
ahead at how
long it was?
I've never read that.
What's it about?
What's it about?
It's about Baptiste.
The only name that goes to America.
The only name that goes to America.
They've got a normal name.
And then you know what?
Yeah.
I don't know.
I've never read that.
I've never read that.
I've never read it.
I've never read that.
I've never read that.
I've never read that.
I've never read that.
I've never read that.
I've never read that.
I've never read that.
I've never read that.
I've never read that.
I've never read that.
I've never read that.
I've never read that.
I've never read that.
What's it about?
The only name that goes to America.
If only Norm would have read it in English.
Maybe we'd understand that.
I'm glad he got to turn his back on his culture.
To make the big money in America.
Yeah, but that...
Are you going to interview me?
Yeah.
Norm, what are we doing right now?
Taking a shave.
When was the last time you shaved?
Uh, yesterday.
Oh, I had to shave the throat first.
One time I cut my Adam's apple.
And it was a hell of a mess.
There was apple juice everywhere.
Oh, you like that one?
That's good.
How did you meet Josh?
Josh was an intern on Saturday Night Live.
And then, uh...
He started writing jokes for a weekend update.
And, uh...
That's how I got to know him.
And then he moved out here about the same last time I did.
And what did you, uh...
Because I knew his lovely wife Tara beforehand.
He got lucky, huh?
Yeah.
He got very lucky.
This is hard, you know, because you've got to concentrate on shaving.
You don't have to cut yourself.
You don't have to cut yourself.
This guy's a regular Tom Snyder.
So what do you think?
Could you write me into a comedy skit?
Yeah.
He got lucky, huh?
Yeah.
He got lucky, huh?
Yeah.
He got lucky, huh?
Yeah.
He got lucky, huh?
Yeah.
He got lucky, huh?
Yeah.
He got very lucky.
This is hard, you know, because you've got to concentrate on shaving.
You don't have to cut yourself.
Yeah.
This guy's a regular Tom Snyder.
So what do you think?
Could you write me into a comedy skit?
You need a comedy skit?
I am the comedy skit.
You got a part for me?
Well, we're in the midst of a writer strike here in, uh, Holly Weird, as you
call it.
And how do you feel about all that?
Uh, I think writers should write.
If they don't write, they're not writers.
Right?
Who's writing and who's writing?
So if you are what you do, at the end of the road, you know, the facts of your
life are the facts of your life.
So if you don't write, you're not a writer.
Uh-huh.
And then, how can you go on strike?
Exactly.
Who's going to make the money off of this deal anyway?
Well, the way I understand it is this.
Right now, it's unfair because all the money is going to the VCR people that
have, that own, that make VCRs.
And so, uh, the writers, we want the money for all those VCRs and all the, uh,
you know, the cassettes that you put into the, uh, the VHS machines.
And, I mean, the writers write the material.
Why should the president of the VHS company make all the money?
Seriously.
That's what I ask you.
Why are the writers always swept under the rug?
It's about the, uh, directors and the actors and the producer.
Yeah.
Without, it all starts with the writer.
And I'm telling you, man, there's some great writers.
Not comedy writers, but drama writers.
Mm-hmm.
Those guys are amazing.
So, what's your favorite movie?
My favorite movie?
Yeah.
Uh, Citizen Kane.
They don't make them like that anymore, huh?
Um, I like, uh, Tombstone a great deal.
That's a more recent movie.
Are you going to leave a, um, a stick stash on there?
Yeah.
You know, I was trying to, I love Westerns.
Yeah.
So, I was trying for the longest time to write a, uh, comedy Western.
Uh-huh.
And I thought, uh, Mel Brooks did "Glazing Saddles" was a send-up of the
conventional Western.
I wanted to do a send-up of the, uh, modern Western.
You know, the, the anti-hero, like, uh, you know, the searchers and, uh, movies
like that, that are just, uh,
you don't know who the good guy or bad guy is.
Like, Unforgiven or something.
And, uh, just make it really brutal and bloody.
But they never took to that.
So, tell me, how did you first crack into the business?
And when did you, uh, what did you do to get your first gig?
And what was it?
Well, I just did stand-up.
And, uh, the odd thing with stand-up is, I just wanted to be a stand-up for my
whole life.
But, um, something happened, like, I think with, cause Cosby had a very, uh,
popular and funny sitcom.
Mm-hmm.
But they started thinking stand-ups would make good actors.
Yeah.
But it's actually the opposite is true, because as a stand-up, you, uh, you,
you know, you're in, you're just all by yourself.
You're not talking to anyone else.
Mm-hmm.
And the audience is, uh, sort of like the enemy.
You know, it's sort of like, you have to control them and make them laugh and
so forth.
But it's just you, not relating to anyone.
Right.
Just