Name: Norm Macdonald on Drew & Mike WRIF Compilation (2009 & 2011) Two Interviews
Uploaded: 2019-06-02T23:02:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Drew & Mike WRIF Compilation (2009 & 2011) Two Interviews' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-06-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Drew & Mike WRIF Compilation (2009 & 2011) Two Interviews' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-06-02. Transcript available.

Norm Macdonald on Drew & Mike WRIF Compilation (2009 & 2011) Two Interviews

Norm Macdonald and Sports Show with Norm Macdonald premieres tonight at 10.30
on Comedy Central. Norm!
Hey, how are you, man?
Hey, how are you? We just talked a couple weeks ago. You did the show here in
Royal Oak.
Yeah, I know.
How'd it go?
What, you think I'm an idiot?
I'm sorry, Norm. It's just that, you know, you talk to so many people, we just
assume that you would never, ever remember us.
No, but you know what happens sometimes, which is weird, it's like people
sometimes will recognize you because I don't have to tell you I'm a huge
celebrity.
Of course you don't have to tell me that.
I guess I do.
Never tell someone you're a celebrity or not a celebrity. Here's another thing,
if someone, like, if something says celebrity in front of it, you know,
celebrity girl, celebrity apprentice, don't expect that big a celebrity.
Yeah, boy, is that the damn truth.
Yeah, that's true. I'm a celebrity. Give me out of here.
You can't, they don't even dare make the phone call, you know what I mean?
That's a great observation. Fabulous.
Have you watched Celebrity Apprentice, by the way?
Yes.
Is that, that show is, it's endless entertainment, isn't it?
Yeah, I get addicted. I think everything sucks. Obviously it does.
And then you, I'm not watching this thing. Whoa, what, who's meatloaf? It doesn't
look.
So you, uh, yeah, you get hooked in.
And then, of course, don't tell me, because I've got a, uh, a couple back from
the TiVo, you know?
I don't quite understand. No, I won't, I won't take anything away. I won't
spoil it for you.
But I don't quite understand how it is that these people so easily forget that
they have these celebrity careers and then make complete asses of themselves on
this show.
They seem to forget the cameras are on.
Yeah, I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened to the world.
I remember, I remember there used to be reality and entertainment. And the
entertainment, those guys look down on reality. Then one day they give up.
Of course, they put Gary Busey on there and he becomes a punching bag.
They can't throw him off either. They can't fire him. He's too much fun.
Yeah, he's too much fun. Of course, we've done like three interviews for Celebrity
Apprentice, all of them Gary Busey.
He can't hear.
He can't hear.
We've interviewed him three times, Norm, and every interview goes the same way.
He can't hear us.
He can't hear us. He gets mad.
He started talking about Charlie Sheen and then ended up thinking that we
started the conversation and said,
I don't want to talk about Charlie Sheen. I want to talk about Celebrity Apprentice.
You started it?
You know what we'll do, Norm? We'll load the Gary Busey drops we have from
those conversations.
Oh, yeah, throw that in during our convo.
You'll get an idea.
Sober stands for Son of a Bitch, Everything's Real.
Oh, yes, he does. That's the cool thing he does. He wakes words, right?
Yeah, the Busey-isms, yeah.
Charlie Sheen is off-limit.
That's a great thing, Busey-isms. You can sell the T-shirts and stuff.
Sure he can.
What's that? Start over with that question, please.
There he is.
Can you talk a little slower, please, so I can hear us?
What?
That's great.
Yeah, that's Gary Busey for you.
Yeah, Norm, doing this...
The guys, you know, they always see these guys, like, oh, man, he's in bad
shape.
And I look at them, I go, I'm in bad shape.
Like, or what about those guys, like, it's like Jeff Conover, you know, what
was that guy who had to negotiate the hamburger on the floor when he was
drinking?
Remember that guy?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, Hasselhoff.
Yeah, Hasselhoff.
So you're looking at him, and he's a mess.
He's on a floor with, you know, you can't even get a hamburger going.
And then he's in way better shape than me.
God, that was so gross.
He's a judge on that show.
The guy's making a ton of money.
God.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, he's a judge on what show?
What are you...
Did you...
America's Got Talent two years ago?
Pardon me?
Did you invent a time machine two years ago?
That hamburger was so gross.
Ugh.
Yeah.
Jesus.
I should give Norm his plug, which he's more than due.
Sports show with Norm MacDonald tonight on Comedy Central.
And the interesting thing about this is, Norm, apparently this has been tried
quite a bit to do a comedy show, kind of using the world of sports specifically.
Everybody's tried to do the sports comedy show for the last 20 years.
But it never works.
No, not once.
Well, I'll give you credit for being the next guy to try.
Why do you think it'll work for you, Norm?
I don't doubt it.
I'm excited about this.
I'm going to watch.
Well, none of it.
None has ever once succeeded in, as you said, the last two decades of trying to
cobble one together.
And people ask, well, how is yours different?
The problem is it's exactly the same.
I don't have high hopes.
Yeah, but you do.
No, it's going to crack the code.
No, it's a really funny show.
It was funny last night.
We're going to show it tonight.
We taped it late last night, and then we're going to show it.
Late last night.
That's one of the concerns, Norm, is that sports is so current that this is the
kind of thing that just ought to be live.
Because, you know, can it get old in 24 hours?
Is that possible?
Yeah.
You're a mouth to whoever runs Comedy Central's ear.
I know it's a guy.
Uh-huh.
Because I wanted to do it live for that very reason.
For that very reason.
You crystallized my thoughts with such ease.
Wow.
Well, let me try and crystallize your thoughts again here.
And this is coming from my brain, though.
But what about the aspect that sports is so – with the real – you have
those hard, hard, hard, hard, hardcore super sports fans who I think would love
a show like this.
But if you get too deep into the minutia, are you losing sort of the mainstream?
I mean, do you have to sort of dumb it down to do sports in order to catch –
Well, you have to dumb it down in the sense that I have to dumb it down in
order to understand what I'm talking about because I'm a dumb guy.
So I love sports, but I don't know – I hate sports talk radio because they
know too much.
And so, like, I go – people go – I watch every football game and people
went like, hey, who won the Super Bowl seven years ago?
I'm like, what?
I have to look it up.
Let me Google it.
I don't – now, this is the great thing, because I never had a good memory,
but I got to Google.
Yeah, right.
But you've got writers –
I can be sitting beside the most knowledgeable movie guy ever, you know?
And he's like, remember that movie with Gary Oldman and he wore a hat?
And you have one of them iPad 3s, you go, certainly you're talking about Desperate
Woods.
Don't you have a couple of writers, though, that are non-sports people just so
that they can say at some point, this is too deep, guys.
You're getting into too much minutiae to kind of bring you back around to
reality on this show?
We don't have – we only have two guys that are minutiae guys.
And we call upon them to – when we want to know specific dates, if we have
last-minute jokes and we want to know specific dates.
But I don't find dates or even records, some records, but most I don't find
interesting.
I like the game, and then I'm waiting for the next game.
So I just want to hear about the last game.
Norm, you're getting a big old plug this morning.
In USA Today, they've got a – oh, I don't know, it's about ten paragraphs.
Nice little story there.
Did you see it in the sports section?
No, I didn't know, I did not.
They've got a nice picture of you, too.
This looks like it's from the set.
You're standing behind a lectern, and you've got some cue cards in your hand.
And Norm looks – doesn't it look like he's been scrubbed up a little bit?
Yeah, he's happening.
He looks very professional.
What?
You look kind of freshly scrubbed there, Norm.
You look all totally different.
I'm probably heavily made up.
Yeah, heavily made up.
You've got a sport coat on?
Yeah, you look totally different.
Yeah, they just give me that stuff when I get there.
I don't know.
If I had to go to a sports coat store, I wouldn't – my problem is everything
looks alike to me.
So, like, I'll go, my God, that necklace.
What would something like that cost you?
And they're like, a dollar?
I'm like, oh.
And then I go, too bad about that thing around your finger.
And they go, you mean my ring?
And I go, yeah.
What's that?
Not worthless?
And they go, no, it's the crustal minor diamond.
There's only one of them.
You know, listen, I'm implying hyperbole just for the joke, but you know what I'm
getting at.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think so.
I don't know what's good.
Yeah, I can understand that.
I'm the same way, Norm.
In fact, I'm kind of like you.
I don't really – well, I don't know.
Maybe you dress up a lot, but we don't know about it.
Because I see you in a sport coat, and I go, wow, Norm's really dressed up.
Well, you're just wearing a sport coat.
Well, that's what I'm trying to –
I'll buy clothes.
I'll go and buy clothes, right?
And then I come back, you know, and I go, what do you think of this?
The guy downstairs works the coffee thing.
And he knows fashion because he's a barista.
So then him and his barista friends laugh openly at me for about four minutes.
Oh, jeez.
And then I skulk away in my red track suit.
Well, I'm always trying to figure out, like, for example, with the Masters, we
just come off that.
And talking about fashion, I can't believe that after all that golf, all they
give you is this really ugly green jacket.
Where else can you wear that green jacket except for maybe if you go to Augusta
and stand around the golf course and people go, hey, you've got a green jacket.
If you wear that jacket anywhere else, people are going to think, what an ugly
sport coat that is.
I mean, what's that go with?
That's true.
That would be like if you won a bowling trophy and they gave you a size 8, you
know, a shoe with an 8 1⁄2 on the back.
That's exactly right.
Yeah.
Norm, by the way, the Masters was, I thought, really exciting.
I know you are a huge golf fan, which I didn't realize golf is apparently right
in your wheelhouse.
What did you make of the Masters?
Well, it could have been the greatest Masters ever played until it was ruined
by Charles Schwartzel.
Look, I don't want to name names.
I don't want to say anybody in particular.
You mean the guy that spells his name C-H-A-R-L?
Yeah, that was a lot of fun.
Yeah.
What, the family was so poor I couldn't afford an E?
Or an S.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
No, it was C-H-R-L-E, I think, right?
Charles, it was just an L, wasn't it?
I believe it ended in L.
I think so.
There was no E or S.
Now, look that up.
You've got to Google.
Come on, man.
Yeah.
I'll do that.
We'll get our minutiae people on it.
There's got to be somebody standing to your immediate left with a Google
machine.
Yeah, yes.
Norm, what about Tiger Woods?
For some reason, he's getting, and I know we've got to run along here quick.
You've got another one of these coming right up.
What about Tiger Woods getting the largest ovations of any golfer, and yet he
hasn't won
a golf match in 18 months, and we just found out that he boned about 50 chicks
outside his
marriage.
Why is he getting applauded more than anyone, and more than he ever was applauded?
I think the latter.
The 50 chicks?
No, I don't know, because he's the greatest golfer that ever lived.
And then, this is the thing.
Two stories happened.
First, the first one I watched for the last 15 years was he's the greatest golfer
ever
lived.
He's going to beat Nicholas and go for Sam Snead for all-time wins.
He has a date with Destiny.
And then, they came out, oh, there's another story also.
He likes to lie down with ladies.
Then, I was like, oh, well, this one doesn't seem as interesting.
And I'm like, oh, now he's not going to do the other one.
He stopped playing golf.
And I'm like, oh, God, what happened now?
And what disgusting thing can I try to imagine him doing?
So, anyway, finally, that phase went back.
And then, we went, he's much better at golf.