Name: Norm Macdonald on Tom Green Live (2007) Norm and Tom reminiscence about Ottawa
Uploaded: 2019-06-04T22:33:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Tom Green Live (2007) Norm and Tom reminiscence about Ottawa' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-06-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Tom Green Live (2007) Norm and Tom reminiscence about Ottawa' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-06-04. Transcript available.

Norm Macdonald on Tom Green Live (2007) Norm and Tom reminiscence about Ottawa

It is 8 o'clock in Los Angeles, we have Norm Macdonald here, you're watching
Tom Green live.
You're not paying us anything, we can show it, this is really exciting for me,
I'm really
excited to have you here.
I like that even though it's in your house, the chair is still higher, even
though it doesn't
have to be.
We can get you a pillow, not many people notice that.
I thought it was supposed to break the form of traditional, and yet now I'm
looking
at that.
Yeah, I know.
You know, the last person to notice that was Ed McMahon, he nailed me about
that right away.
And Eric Estrada nailed me about it too.
Yeah.
This is cool.
You know, we grew up, Norm and I grew up about a few blocks away from each
other without knowing
it.
I know, that's amazing.
You grew up on Jasper, you could probably Google Earth it right now, in Gloucester.
And I grew up on Monson, just a few blocks away.
Did you go to Gloucester High School?
Yeah, I went to Gloucester High.
I went to Colonel Bay High School.
I know, Colonel Bay was the good one.
I mean, I don't know if it was good, but...
I heard it went downhill.
Everybody talked about it.
Were you there when the guy shot all the kids in the school?
At Colonel Bay?
It wasn't Colonel Bay, right?
It was St. Pius?
Yeah, you remember that?
St. Pius?
Yeah.
St. Pius?
No, I was not in Ottawa when that happened.
Martin Poulay.
Martin Poulay was the shooter?
Yeah, he had a bad day and he killed his father.
He went to his girlfriend's house, killed his girlfriend.
What year was this?
Then he went to school.
Really?
Oh, that's right.
In the house, right?
He burned the girls back.
Oh, that's right.
In the house, right?
He burned the girls back.
Talking to Howard Lapidus here, who was also in Ottawa, Canada in the 70s.
Yeah.
I don't want to answer that.
Yeah.
Howard always likes to come up to the show and sort of do the interview from
the peanut
gallery over there.
You played the fact checker?
No, it's good, though.
It's good, though.
Yeah.
But, yeah, yeah.
Not often you're talking about Ottawa in the 70s.
The host doesn't know who Martin Poulay is.
And then there's a guy sitting there and one of two people who happens to know
what you're
talking about.
Exactly.
Martin Poulay.
So, look.
There are people that are going to be flipping out on me because I just start rambling.
But the thing is, is we can actually click on a button here.
See?
Yeah.
This is the new Skype feature.
We can click on a button here.
And now we're talking live to a kid in New York City.
New York City.
Wow.
Full screen.
See, this is the show.
He's the kid.
But then watch it.
They can actually cut to it.
There's Max Miller.
Hey.
Hey, Max.
You're on the show now.
Hey.
With Norm MacDonald.
Now we're all together.
This is new technology.
What's up?
This is new technology.
Where are you, Max?
Right now I'm in New York City.
New York City.
Do you have a question for Norm?
See?
This is cool, right?
Yeah.
I have a question.
I read online that you dropped out of high school.
And in the past few weeks I've been kind of really wanting to drop out because
I want to be a
musician.
And I think it could be like I could greatly further my career.
Is it?
So I was wondering if you had any like regrets or anything?
Is that true?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, I would say that I think it's kind of useless to go to school, you
know?
Really?
Yeah.
Because it seems to me like most people, you know, they're men already or women
and they're
still living at home and, you know, college they're 20, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
And if you leave when you're 14, 15, whatever, and you're a man, you know, you
learn a lot
more, have a lot more fun.
Just quit school.
Especially if you want to be a musician or you want to be, you know what I mean?
So you hear this, Max?
I hear it.
You might just want to just quit entirely and just, just go do it.
Because also, also, you know, people go, oh, you gotta like, if you want to
have something
to fall back on, you have to tell, you know, you have to be able to tell people
you have
a degree or a high school degree or college, but you can just tell them that.
Yeah.
You don't have to go.
No one ever does a background check.
Yeah.
It never happens.
I would ever suspect that you didn't graduate of high school.
Yeah.
I don't know how this guy knows I did.
I know.
It's all over the internet, apparently.
Wow.
Okay.
Good.
So there you go.
What do you play?
What do you, what kind of music?
Uh, I play like rock music.
Like I play guitar and then put drum beats in the background.
You can be like that Japanese kid on YouTube.
You got...
Yeah.
Grab your guitar, Max.
Go grab your guitar.
Look, we can also take phone calls too.
Okay.
Look at this.
Hello.
You're on the air with Norm MacDonald.
Hi, Tom.
How's it going?
Good.
Where are you calling from?
Kentucky.
Good.
Max is going to get his guitar now.
Hell yeah.
And you're calling from Kentucky.
Do you have a question for Norm, Kentucky?
Well, I kind of wanted your advice.
You can drop out, man.
Drop out.
Well, well, I got suspended from school today for mooning my bus driver.
You got what?
You got suspended for school for what?
Mooning my bus driver.
I can't, I can't hear you.
Well, because he's playing the guitar.
Oh, yeah.
Max.
You're going to hang up on that guy.
Max, I'm going to hang up on you.
Play something real quick.
Okay?
Okay.
Come on, Tom Greenlight.
Hooray.
All right.
Cool.
Awesome.
That kid's got to get back in school.
I know Max.
I talk to Max every day on here.
You know, I go on here.
Max is there.
He gets it.
It's funny to hang up on him.
He knows it's funny to hang up in the middle of a song.
He needs post-secondary education.
Yeah.
He's dropping out of school now.
No, he shouldn't after I heard it.
He needs post-graduate work.
Something.
No.
So wait.
Is that good?
Is this my Coke or you?
That's your Coke, yeah.
Oh, cool.
Wait.
You live in Los Angeles here?
Yeah.
We met just recently at the Byron Allen show.
Yeah.
That was fun.
It was fun.
Yeah.
It was kind of weird.
I kept getting up and walking around in the audience.
Did you go to the show, Howard?
Yeah.
Did you?
Well, you know, it's interesting because it's called Comics Unleashed.
But they're all kind of pretty leashed.
Like you were actually kind of unleashed.
I was just kind of walking around and stuff, you know?
Yeah.
The idea of the show is like they have four comics and then they just do their
act.
Yeah.
It was kind of an odd moment because I wasn't actually, I don't really have
jokes, you know?
So I just sort of was jumping around and stuff.
Yeah, right.
And then they would tell a joke and then I'd go jump around.
You know?
So it was kind of odd, I think.
Yeah.
Byron Allen.
I hope they weren't mad at me.
Were they mad at me?
Yeah.
Somebody was mad at you.
Really?
Well, mad at the whole thing was.
But I thought that was the idea of the show that all hell was to break down.
Yeah.
It's called Unleashed.
I actually had the mug here last night.
I was drinking out of the Comics Unleashed mug last night.
Yeah, they got nice mugs.
It was very funny, like, because Byron Allen just, he has no segues.
He has no segues at all when he's asking you questions, you know?
Like, because he has four guys.
They're all doing their act.
And then he was asking me for jokes.
I couldn't remember any jokes from my act or anything.
When I'm interviewed, it's hard.
I can't hardly, it's hard for me just to do a joke, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But he had no segues.
So there was another guy, Robert Schimel on, who had cancer and his wife left
him.
All this horrifying stuff.
So that's how he started the show.
Right, right.
He said, "Robert, I hear you have cancer."
And he's like, "Yeah, I got cancer.
My balls are cock or something."
Yeah, I had that actually.
You had the cock?
The balls.
Cock?
Ball.
Cock?
Cock or ball?
Ball cancer.
One ball.
I remember you parlayed it into a TV special.
Yes, I did.
Yeah.
It's not, you know, it's good to have a focal point.
So, anyways, he says to Schimel a lot of the stuff.
The guy's like, "Oh yeah, I had cancer.
And then now my wife's mad at me because I'm fucking this, you know, my
daughter's friend
and all that."
You know, it's horrifying.
I said, "No."
And then Byron Allen goes, "Well, it's good to have you.
Norm, I understand that you like, you have a cat."
You know what I'm saying?
There's no sense of talking.
Right, right, right.
It's a little, it's tough jumping around between five comedians.
And this is what he said to John Lovitz.
Uh-huh.
He said, at one point he turned to John Lovitz and he said, "Now, John, I
understand,"
sometimes I sound racist because I'm trying to do a black guy, and Byron Allen
doesn't
sound like a black guy at all, but he goes, this was his segue, he goes, "John,
now I
understand you're growing older?"
Leading to a joke about age and aging, yeah.
Well, it's a fun show though.
It is fun to do it.
We'll never be asked back after this.
No, I didn't have fun.
I was trying to...
Did you feel you want, do you feel you want to like, you get caged in in an
environment
like that?
Like on SNL you would sort of break the, you know, I mean you got in trouble on
the biggest
didn't you?
You know, I don't want to hear some guy telling me a joke, like the other
comics.
I don't want to hear their jokes.
Right.
We can say anything we want on here.
Yeah.
We don't have to tell jokes.
I know, yeah, yeah.
We can cuss.
You can swear.
I have to now, I have to try to swear.
I try not to swear though.
I try not to.
That's smart.
That's smart.
You got to censor yourself.
Yeah.
You know what Bob Dylan said?
I'm trying to think of what he said.
He's got a lot of things.
Yeah, he said a lot of stuff.
No, he said that...
He's always rambling on about something.
If a man lives without the law, he must be honest.
Uh-huh.
In other words, he has to make up his own rules.
Right.
He can't just be chaos with the, you know.
Exactly.
Exactly.
It's like we're here on the internet floating in a sea of smut.
That's right.
You know, we could pretty well do or say anything we wanted to do.
It's almost nice to be sensible and just talk to some kids out there.
And, you know, we could maybe slip in some crazy shit at some point.
I'm not as savvy as the computer is, you are.
Yeah, no.
But I get emails.
This is...
I'm telling you this.
Is this standard with emails?
Every third email, I don't get emails from people I know, but every third email
is like
a junk mail thing about how I should have a bigger cock.
I don't know if I got on a...
At first I was like, did I get on a mailing list?
Like, maybe my doctor saw my measly cock.
Right.
I think I have a, you know, maybe my cock's not crazy big.
Right.
It's not, you know.
No.
But I don't think it's...
I don't know.
It requires surgery.
Right.
You know what I mean?
But at first I was like, holy shit, people are...
It's true.
People are actually bidding.
There's different guys.
They want my, you know.
It's a huge growth industry of some...
Yeah.
You know, I mean, I get those...
Is that a joke?
No, I don't know.
It's not a joke.
I didn't mean it to be a joke.
Okay.
Yeah.
No, I mean, it would have been a pun.
That would have been a pun.
I know.
A pun.
That's funny though.
But you ever have, like, sometimes in stand-up you get that, the audience is so
dirty-minded
that they don't, you know, you're just saying something and you go, hey,
yesterday
I came.
Oh!
Oh!
You know?
What?
I didn't mean cum?
Like, ejaculate?
Yeah.
You're the filthy pigs that thought that.
They're just waiting for it.
Yeah.
That's their dirty, filthy minds.
Yeah.
They're craving...
Hey, did you see the...
The filth out there.
Did you see the Kramer thing?
Oh, I did see that.
We could look at that right now if we wanted to, but we don't have to look at
that.
Makes me laugh.
Yeah.
Does that make you laugh when you see that?
You've done...
It makes me laugh.
You've done stand-up.
I know Michael Richards.
You do?
Okay.
And he's no racist.
He's not a racist.
And when you say something 