Name: Norm Macdonald on Mutiny Radio The Morning Show - Full Interview
Uploaded: 2019-06-15T19:37:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Mutiny Radio The Morning Show - Full Interview' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-06-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Mutiny Radio The Morning Show - Full Interview' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-06-15. Transcript available.

Hello, you're on mutiny radio.
Hi.
Did you just cough into the phone?
What?
Did you just cough? You're clearing your throat?
Can I just what?
Did you just clear your throat?
Oh, yeah, I did. I'm sorry.
Oh.
But my phone might suck, too. I'm on, like, a cell phone.
Oh, are you? Well, you have bad service. Are you with AT&T?
I don't know what it is.
No?
No, I just ran after the phone.
Yeah, you shouldn't really. You don't want to promote them.
Who knows, right? They could use you.
Blackberry? Does it sound like we can do this?
Yeah. Can you hear me all right?
I can hear you fine. I don't know what I sound like.
You sound a little sick, actually.
I am sick. How do you know?
Oh, you're a little nasally there.
Well, I mean, I've heard your voice before, but...
No, I got my eyes are crazy itchy, and I'm, like, phlegmy, and sorry about
making a gross noise.
I thought you were just like, hello, ha, ha, ha. I was like, wow, that's so
nice.
No, it sucks.
Yeah, well, that's really gross. Are you sick, or is it allergies?
I hope it's allergies, because I've got to go on the road for a long time, so I
don't have to have a cold.
Yeah.
I've had a cold for a long time, so I don't think so.
Did it just start?
Yeah, you know, last week, when my eyes were itchy, but I was flooring, because
I was swimming all the time.
Oh, nice.
And then it could be a mask.
And it could be what?
I feel like I'm whining to you about my...
You're complaining about your health? Yeah, it's like, why don't we let
everyone know you're doing a show this weekend, and come and catch a free
disease.
Norm MacDonald will be giving you his cold with every performance today.
Is that too much?
Hello?
I didn't hear that. What?
Oh, I said everyone can come and check you out and get a free cold from you.
Oh, yes. I'll give them a cold.
Yeah, that's nice of you.
I'll give them a piece of Norm with every performance.
Yes, exactly.
So are you going to stay in bed today, or are you going to try to go out and
see the city?
No, I want to take NyQuil. I took NyQuil last night.
Oh, you slept like a baby?
I took NyQuil.
Yeah, because I don't drink, so NyQuil's really powerful on me.
Oh.
I feel like I'll lose you, and then I wake up all weird.
Like what happened to you? Yeah, that's exciting.
I'm not like a huge, I don't have a high tolerance for anything.
Oh. Or do you straight edge? Is that, you know, the term kids use, right?
Straight edge?
No, I don't know what that means. What horrible thing is that?
It means that you don't do any drugs, or you don't drink or anything. You're
sober.
Oh, straight edge? Well, is that a term of derision, though, or do people
admire them?
They like it. I mean, the straight edge kids like it, but I think the, you know,
the party kids kind of tease them for it.
But is it the idea that straight edge is the new cool?
You know, I think the dare people probably want it to be the new cool, but I
think it just is like the D&D crowd are probably the ones that get the most
credit for it.
Well, nerdy people are cool now.
It is. Yeah, all the geek stuff. Would you consider yourself a nerd?
No. I think they should, because nerds are getting all the women now.
They should have, like, a revenge of the jocks.
The jocks can't get any ladies, because, you know...
That would almost be entertaining.
Yeah. The jocks are just left with, like, gnarly girls, but the nerds have all
those classy, beautiful girls, so...
Well, I did just have a friend inform me that less attractive women actually do
more things in the bedroom.
They do what?
They do more things in the bedroom. Like, they put out more. They do more stops.
I'm getting a nod from someone in the cafe. Is this true? Would you agree?
Well, I would say that in any human act, you know, you're going to do as much
as you need to do.
But they're saying it's like an evolutionary thing. Like, the less attractive
women need to try to keep their men, so they're putting out more stops or
something.
Well, yeah. It's not evolutionary. It's the same as now.
Now, you have to look at evolutionary. You're like, I'd better, you know, I'm
so awful looking. I'd better be the best person in bed that I possibly can.
They're highly incentivized.
Maybe them and the jocks can get together. They seem like two future unrepresented
or unloved groups.
Whereas beautiful women, they go, that's enough that I show up and you can lie
down on top of me.
That's what I've heard, yeah. It's just the dead fish syndrome. But I think
that works with guys, too.
I think really attractive men don't really have to work for it, so they can
just do what they want.
What do you think? Do you work for it now, or you just normally don't care? You're
attractive?
Yeah, I find sex kind of a boring, repetitive kind of thing.
I liked it in my youth when I was a boy. I'm about 47.
Oh, I see. So you're over it now.
I don't know. It's all right, you know.
You're no Hugh Hefner? You're not on Hugh?
I used to think, no, like, to me, it's funny. Like, people go, man, that guy's
the coolest. I know he looks like an idiot.
Like, I wouldn't want to be a 100-year-old man walking around with seven young,
beautiful girls. I feel like an idiot. Like, they're playing me for a sap.
Yeah, exactly. Like, how can you not see them? They're so creepy. It's just,
like, the age difference. It's not weird when she's seven, or it's weird when
she's seven and you're, you know, 30, but when you're 70 and she's 20, it's
okay?
Yeah, that's a good point. I never thought of that. Yeah, you're right.
Well, if you're doing a show this weekend, unfortunately, I was going to
pretend to let you know that I was ovulating. So I was going to, you know, let
you know it's a good thing you're not here because I'm more attractive to you.
You just can't resist it. But you're telling me you're not even attracted to
anything right now.
So that's a bummer on my part. I'm ovulating. Women, a week before their period,
they ovulate. So they give out more hormones. Our breasts get a little bit
larger.
Oh, yeah.
And men, unintentionally, you get more attracted to us. You can't really fight
it. So I was just going to be like, you can't resist me right now. I'm ovulating.
Get a whiff of what I'm, you know, giving you. But you're telling me you don't
even care.
But one thing I'm telling you is I hate knowing all that stuff. Like, you know,
about women's things and stuff. I go, can't that be mysterious? Never, like,
tell me. There's still things I don't know. Like, people bring it up. They go,
no, don't you understand? Every month I'm like, no, it's cool, whatever.
But you just don't want to know.
Because, yeah, I have a vague understanding, sort of. But, you know, the less I
know, the more I enjoy it.
I see. I see. So I understand you're not thinking of it in a biological way.
You would just prefer. I'm sorry. You just got joined. We have our other co-host.
A meat hook. Norm, we hung out last night. You're a badass.
Did you hang out with him last night?
Yeah, he was awesome. Let's talk about the show last night. It was awesome.
The show was fun.
Dude, it was rad.
Like, on Thursdays, I just, I do a lot of stuff. I just talk a lot.
It was awesome. He just, like, he was fucking with the people's heads at the
end and he just, like, went on for an extra hour or so.
Are you serious?
Yeah, it was pretty amazing.
We did a couple of hours last night.
I'm wandering around while I'm talking to you guys.
Are you? Are you lost? Are you deranged?
No, I'm lost. I'm not going to lie to you.
Tell us where you are. We'll locate you. We'll find you.
I don't know.
Larkin and something.
Larkin? Just stay away from Larkin. You don't want to run into the homeless
people.
I don't want to stay away from Larkin, but how'd I do this?
Go towards the water.
The homeless people don't like to bathe, so as long as you stay near the water,
you'll be fine.
Yeah.
They fear cleanliness.
So, all right, Norm.
I said, all right, Norm, you're doing this tour. How long are you doing this
tour for?
I don't know. It's, like, every week.
Until you drop dead of this disease or until you...
Are you working on something else?
I saw something. You might be hosting the poker show.
The what show?
Poker? You're doing something?
I did that. I don't know.
Poker right now has a lot of issues with online poker, so I don't know how...
I know my mom.
I think poker's going to do it because it's a little big thing.
Yeah, my mom actually met you when she's a semi-pro poker player.
You bought her glasses.
Is it a semi-pro poker player?
She is, yeah.
She actually is...
She's retired right now.
She's on the leave because she's taking care of my sister's baby.
She's playing a grandma role, but...
Yeah.
That's pretty cool.
Isn't it fun?
I know.
Well, you play poker.
You enjoy it.
A little bit.
Yeah, I enjoy it.
You play it?
I actually have played a couple times.
I went with her once to a tournament, but I watch it more than I play it.
I'm a voyeur.
What can I say?
I got you.
I see a boat from where I am now.
You see a what?
I see a boat from where I am.
Go for it.
I'm going to ask someone a question.
Okay, hold on.
So you hung out with him last night?
Norm's awesome.
Yeah.
He was at the bar.
We went and saw his show last night.
Why don't you...
Oh, maybe that one?
Is that the cannery?
It's the cannery.
That's what I'm like.
Oh, so you're by the piers over there.
I'm getting...
Watch out for the pier pressure.
So I don't get lost in the middle of the Bay Area.
Yeah.
If you want to see some local...
I know I'm in the area, but there's a bay because there's a bay here.
It's a bay there.
You're right.
You know, if you can see the Golden Gate Bridge, it is...
I can't.
It is the most popular bridge for people to commit suicide.
Oh, where's the Golden Gate Bridge?
Oh, yeah, there it is.
The red thing?
Beautiful.
It's red.
Yeah.
It's like the red thing.
It's called the red thing.
The red thing, yeah.
There is, like, a debate between those two finalists, and you're sticking with
the red thing?
Hey, I told you I'm ovulating.
I know that's too much information, but...
The red thing, yeah.
That's what it all comes from.
I don't let you know very little.
I just let you know.
Well, I was going to tell you that the Golden Gate Bridge, the red thing, is
the most popular
bridge for people to jump off of and commit suicide, so you could do some...
Yeah.
They have a book, Suicide Note, or...
Yeah, Suicide Notes, something like that.
It was just all, like...
Yeah, there's, like, 500.
People were jumping off just to be the 300th and chant, you know, toothaches.
Oh, I thought that.
Oh, you were talking about the movie?
Oh, no.
There's actuality.
They took all the suicide notes from the Golden Gate Bridge, like, suicide, and
put them
in a book.
I saw a documentary where it was just people that survived.
Oh, yeah, I saw that, too.
I know what you're talking about.
That's hilarious.
That is not hilarious.
You know, they all had in common?
But they didn't.
They all have what?
They all had in common that did it.
Oh.
They all regretted it moments after...
Before they hit the...
Every one.
Every one that died did, too.
They shoot a documentary on that.
You know what I think is also interesting?
I looked into doing...
I know that we're still promoting your show, but I looked into being a suicide
hotline worker,
you know, to try to talk people out of it.
I did.
And they don't pay you to do this.
It's completely volunteer-based, and you have to pay $50 or something like that
to take
a course.
So, for you to be in a position to save someone's life, they don't want to pay
you, and you
need to sign a contract, and you have to pay to do this.
Yeah, it's crazy.
It's pretty ridiculous, in my opinion.
So, what are you...
What is that show I'm doing, anyway?
Well, we're giving away tickets to your show on Sunday.
You're giving away tickets to the show?
We are, yes.
This Sunday.
It's going to be out of control.
You did a good job last night, I guess.
You went over the time?
Yeah.
It was pretty rough.
I did two hours last night.
How did it feel?
How was the crowd?
It's so hot out here.
I'm in downtown San Francisco.
And, I mean, did you enjoy the crowd, everything?
It was good?
Yeah, everything was good.
It was fun.
Are you going to try to do any sightseeing today, or anything like that?
No, I'm not going to see any sights.
I'm tired.
Yeah, trying to avoid it.
I had to get up early.
Get some emergency.
I got to drink NyQuil.
Think like JQuil.
You want DayQuil for the daytime.
DayQuil, that's true.
Yeah.
Dang on.
And so, you're doing the show all weekend long.
Yeah.
You're going to be spreading your disease through Sunday.
Who's opening for you, do you know?
Larry Bubbles Brown.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
A veteran.
A veteran of the Bay Area.
The area around the Bay.
Crazy Legs.
Isn't that what was from, what was the movie?
Crazy Legs.
Isn't that his name?
I have no idea.
Skinny Legs.
Crazy Legs.
All right, moving on.
I do also know that your birthday is coming up, I think it's on Monday, right?
How are you still?
Hello?
Yes, is your birthday coming up on Monday, right?
Yeah, I lost it.
I don't know.
Did you lose it?
Did you not hear me?
Check, check.
Norm?
Hello?
Hey, can you hear us?
Don't, stay away from the bridge.
Don't go in the water.
Don't go overboard.
Avoid the seals, they bite.
Oh no.
Can you hear us?
I think we lost them.
Oh, I think we lost them.

Norm Macdonald on Mutiny Radio The Morning Show - Full Interview

Hello, you're on mutiny radio.
Hi.
Did you just cough into the phone?
What?
Did you just cough? You're clearing your throat?
Can I just what?
Did you just clear your throat?
Oh, yeah, I did. I'm sorry.
Oh.
But my phone might suck, too. I'm on, like, a cell phone.
Oh, are you? Well, you have bad service. Are you with AT&T?
I don't know what it is.
No?
No, I just ran after the phone.
Yeah, you shouldn't really. You don't want to promote them.
Who knows, right? They could use you.
Blackberry? Does it sound like we can do this?
Yeah. Can you hear me all right?
I can hear you fine. I don't know what I sound like.
You sound a little sick, actually.
I am sick. How do you know?
Oh, you're a little nasally there.
Well, I mean, I've heard your voice before, but...
No, I got my eyes are crazy itchy, and I'm, like, phlegmy, and sorry about
making a gross noise.
I thought you were just like, hello, ha, ha, ha. I was like, wow, that's so
nice.
No, it sucks.
Yeah, well, that's really gross. Are you sick, or is it allergies?
I hope it's allergies, because I've got to go on the road for a long time, so I
don't have to have a cold.
Yeah.
I've had a cold for a long time, so I don't think so.
Did it just start?
Yeah, you know, last week, when my eyes were itchy, but I was flooring, because
I was swimming all the time.
Oh, nice.
And then it could be a mask.
And it could be what?
I feel like I'm whining to you about my...
You're complaining about your health? Yeah, it's like, why don't we let
everyone know you're doing a show this weekend, and come and catch a free
disease.
Norm MacDonald will be giving you his cold with every performance today.
Is that too much?
Hello?
I didn't hear that. What?
Oh, I said everyone can come and check you out and get a free cold from you.
Oh, yes. I'll give them a cold.
Yeah, that's nice of you.
I'll give them a piece of Norm with every performance.
Yes, exactly.
So are you going to stay in bed today, or are you going to try to go out and
see the city?
No, I want to take NyQuil. I took NyQuil last night.
Oh, you slept like a baby?
I took NyQuil.
Yeah, because I don't drink, so NyQuil's really powerful on me.
Oh.
I feel like I'll lose you, and then I wake up all weird.
Like what happened to you? Yeah, that's exciting.
I'm not like a huge, I don't have a high tolerance for anything.
Oh. Or do you straight edge? Is that, you know, the term kids use, right?
Straight edge?
No, I don't know what that means. What horrible thing is that?
It means that you don't do any drugs, or you don't drink or anything. You're
sober.
Oh, straight edge? Well, is that a term of derision, though, or do people
admire them?
They like it. I mean, the straight edge kids like it, but I think the, you know,
the party kids kind of tease them for it.
But is it the idea that straight edge is the new cool?
You know, I think the dare people probably want it to be the new cool, but I
think it just is like the D&D crowd are probably the ones that get the most
credit for it.
Well, nerdy people are cool now.
It is. Yeah, all the geek stuff. Would you consider yourself a nerd?
No. I think they should, because nerds are getting all the women now.
They should have, like, a revenge of the jocks.
The jocks can't get any ladies, because, you know...
That would almost be entertaining.
Yeah. The jocks are just left with, like, gnarly girls, but the nerds have all
those classy, beautiful girls, so...
Well, I did just have a friend inform me that less attractive women actually do
more things in the bedroom.
They do what?
They do more things in the bedroom. Like, they put out more. They do more stops.
I'm getting a nod from someone in the cafe. Is this true? Would you agree?
Well, I would say that in any human act, you know, you're going to do as much
as you need to do.
But they're saying it's like an evolutionary thing. Like, the less attractive
women need to try to keep their men, so they're putting out more stops or
something.
Well, yeah. It's not evolutionary. It's the same as now.
Now, you have to look at evolutionary. You're like, I'd better, you know, I'm
so awful looking. I'd better be the best person in bed that I possibly can.
They're highly incentivized.
Maybe them and the jocks can get together. They seem like two future unrepresented
or unloved groups.
Whereas beautiful women, they go, that's enough that I show up and you can lie
down on top of me.
That's what I've heard, yeah. It's just the dead fish syndrome. But I think
that works with guys, too.
I think really attractive men don't really have to work for it, so they can
just do what they want.
What do you think? Do you work for it now, or you just normally don't care? You're
attractive?
Yeah, I find sex kind of a boring, repetitive kind of thing.
I liked it in my youth when I was a boy. I'm about 47.
Oh, I see. So you're over it now.
I don't know. It's all right, you know.
You're no Hugh Hefner? You're not on Hugh?
I used to think, no, like, to me, it's funny. Like, people go, man, that guy's
the coolest. I know he looks like an idiot.
Like, I wouldn't want to be a 100-year-old man walking around with seven young,
beautiful girls. I feel like an idiot. Like, they're playing me for a sap.
Yeah, exactly. Like, how can you not see them? They're so creepy. It's just,
like, the age difference. It's not weird when she's seven, or it's weird when
she's seven and you're, you know, 30, but when you're 70 and she's 20, it's
okay?
Yeah, that's a good point. I never thought of that. Yeah, you're right.
Well, if you're doing a show this weekend, unfortunately, I was going to
pretend to let you know that I was ovulating. So I was going to, you know, let
you know it's a good thing you're not here because I'm more attractive to you.
You just can't resist it. But you're telling me you're not even attracted to
anything right now.
So that's a bummer on my part. I'm ovulating. Women, a week before their period,
they ovulate. So they give out more hormones. Our breasts get a little bit
larger.
Oh, yeah.
And men, unintentionally, you get more attracted to us. You can't really fight
it. So I was just going to be like, you can't resist me right now. I'm ovulating.
Get a whiff of what I'm, you know, giving you. But you're telling me you don't
even care.
But one thing I'm telling you is I hate knowing all that stuff. Like, you know,
about women's things and stuff. I go, can't that be mysterious? Never, like,
tell me. There's still things I don't know. Like, people bring it up. They go,
no, don't you understand? Every month I'm like, no, it's cool, whatever.
But you just don't want to know.
Because, yeah, I have a vague understanding, sort of. But, you know, the less I
know, the more I enjoy it.
I see. I see. So I understand you're not thinking of it in a biological way.
You would just prefer. I'm sorry. You just got joined. We have our other co-host.
A meat hook. Norm, we hung out last night. You're a badass.
Did you hang out with him last night?
Yeah, he was awesome. Let's talk about the show last night. It was awesome.
The show was fun.
Dude, it was rad.
Like, on Thursdays, I just, I do a lot of stuff. I just talk a lot.
It was awesome. He just, like, he was fucking with the people's heads at the
end and he just, like, went on for an extra hour or so.
Are you serious?
Yeah, it was pretty amazing.
We did a couple of hours last night.
I'm wandering around while I'm talking to you guys.
Are you? Are you lost? Are you deranged?
No, I'm lost. I'm not going to lie to you.
Tell us where you are. We'll locate you. We'll find you.
I don't know.
Larkin and something.
Larkin? Just stay away from Larkin. You don't want to run into the homeless
people.
I don't want to stay away from Larkin, but how'd I do this?
Go towards the water.
The homeless people don't like to bathe, so as long as you stay near the water,
you'll be fine.
Yeah.
They fear cleanliness.
So, all right, Norm.
I said, all right, Norm, you're doing this tour. How long are you doing this
tour for?
I don't know. It's, like, every week.
Until you drop dead of this disease or until you...
Are you working on something else?
I saw something. You might be hosting the poker show.
The what show?
Poker? You're doing something?
I did that. I don't know.
Poker right now has a lot of issues with online poker, so I don't know how...
I know my mom.
I think poker's going to do it because it's a little big thing.
Yeah, my mom actually met you when she's a semi-pro poker player.
You bought her glasses.
Is it a semi-pro poker player?
She is, yeah.
She actually is...
She's retired right now.
She's on the leave because she's taking care of my sister's baby.
She's playing a grandma role, but...
Yeah.
That's pretty cool.
Isn't it fun?
I know.
Well, you play poker.
You enjoy it.
A little bit.
Yeah, I enjoy it.
You play it?
I actually have played a couple times.
I went with her once to a tournament, but I watch it more than I play it.
I'm a voyeur.
What can I say?
I got you.
I see a boat from where I am now.
You see a what?
I see a boat from where I am.
Go for it.
I'm going to ask someone a question.
Okay, hold on.
So you hung out with him last night?
Norm's awesome.
Yeah.
He was at the bar.
We went and saw his show last night.
Why don't you...
Oh, maybe that one?
Is that the cannery?
It's the cannery.
That's what I'm like.
Oh, so you're by the piers over there.
I'm getting...
Watch out for the pier pressure.
So I don't get lost in the middle of the Bay Area.
Yeah.
If you want to see some local...
I know I'm in the area, but there's a bay because there's a bay here.
It's a bay there.
You're right.
You know, if you can see the Golden Gate Bridge, it is...
I can't.
It is the most popular bridge for people to commit suicide.
Oh, where's the Golden Gate Bridge?
Oh, yeah, there it is.
The red thing?
Beautiful.
It's red.
Yeah.
It's like the red thing.
It's called the red thing.
The red thing, yeah.
There is, like, a debate between those two finalists, and you're sticking with
the red thing?
Hey, I told you I'm ovulating.
I know that's too much information, but...
The red thing, yeah.
That's what it all comes from.
I don't let you know very little.
I just let you know.
Well, I was going to tell you that the Golden Gate Bridge, the red thing, is
the most popular
bridge for people to jump off of and commit suicide, so you could do some...
Yeah.
They have a book, Suicide Note, or...
Yeah, Suicide Notes, something like that.
It was just all, like...
Yeah, there's, like, 500.
People were jumping off just to be the 300th and chant, you know, toothaches.
Oh, I thought that.
Oh, you were talking about the movie?
Oh, no.
There's actuality.
They took all the suicide notes from the Golden Gate Bridge, like, suicide, and
put them
in a book.
I saw a documentary where it was just people that survived.
Oh, yeah, I saw that, too.
I know what you're talking about.
That's hilarious.
That is not hilarious.
You know, they all had in common?
But they didn't.
They all have what?
They all had in common that did it.
Oh.
They all regretted it moments after...
Before they hit the...
Every one.
Every one that died did, too.
They shoot a documentary on that.
You know what I think is also interesting?
I looked into doing...
I know that we're still promoting your show, but I looked into being a suicide
hotline worker,
you know, to try to talk people out of it.
I did.
And they don't pay you to do this.
It's completely volunteer-based, and you have to pay $50 or something like that
to take
a course.
So, for you to be in a position to save someone's life, they don't want to pay
you, and you
need to sign a contract, and you have to pay to do this.
Yeah, it's crazy.
It's pretty ridiculous, in my opinion.
So, what are you...
What is that show I'm doing, anyway?
Well, we're giving away tickets to your show on Sunday.
You're giving away tickets to the show?
We are, yes.
This Sunday.
It's going to be out of control.
You did a good job last night, I guess.
You went over the time?
Yeah