Name: Norm Macdonald on The Conway & Whitman Show w/ Sam Simon (2006) Radio Interview
Uploaded: 2019-07-01T13:30:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on The Conway & Whitman Show w/ Sam Simon (2006) Radio Interview' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-07-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on The Conway & Whitman Show w/ Sam Simon (2006) Radio Interview' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-07-01. Transcript available.

Norm Macdonald on The Conway & Whitman Show w/ Sam Simon (2006) Radio Interview

Ladies and gentlemen, Conway and Whitman.
Starts. Starts.
All right, welcome everybody. It is the Conway and Whitman show.
We're live on 97.1 Free FM.
Tim Conway, Jr. and Brian David Whitman.
Nice to see you, dude.
Ah, Timmy, man. Look at you, man.
Yeah. Let's bring in Norm Macdonald and Sam Simon.
They're sitting around here.
Jesus, look at that, dude.
A big celebrity, Norm Macdonald, man.
I don't know how we do it.
Well, let's turn your microphone on there.
There you go.
I don't know how we do it with the big celebrities.
Yeah, look at that.
Here they come, man.
Norm Macdonald and Sam Simon.
Sammy, look at you, man.
It is Friday, gang, and we'll have open phones later on
and certainly probably, you know, toy with make like his laugh.
But first, Sam Simon and Norm Macdonald, dude.
Look at that.
Look at you.
Yeah, look at Sam.
Look at that, man.
It's in the mics on there.
There we go.
What are you guys doing tooling around the neighborhood, huh?
You guys talk there?
It's radio, man.
There you go.
What's with these hands?
Sam, I like your jacket.
Let me start with that.
You like that?
I like that you all touch it.
Touch it.
He puts his arm out for me to touch it.
Yeah.
It was $12,000.
Wait a minute.
That jacket's $12,000?
No.
No.
How much is that jacket?
See, I believed it.
All right.
Sam Simon's worth $150 million plus, and Norm Macdonald doesn't drive.
Yeah.
So there you go.
Between the two of them.
Yeah.
Between the two of them, man.
It's a lot of money for car insurance.
Sometimes I feel as useless as the parking space at Norm's apartment building.
Yeah.
What do you do with the parking spot at your apartment building?
I give it to my neighbor, and then he gave me a big thing of cheese and a thing
of wine
for Christmas, but I don't drink.
You don't drink at all?
Yeah.
So who'd you give the wine to?
I just leave it in my fridge, and if anyone wants to drink it, they can drink
it.
Yeah.
What about the cheese?
I hate it.
You hate the cheese?
A low-end night there, huh?
So you gave away your parking space and really got nothing that you would want
in return.
No, but I wasn't using it anyways.
But you did eat the cheese, right?
Yeah, I ate all the cheese.
But how much cheese?
Because parking is expensive.
You're in Beverly Hills, right?
Yeah, I guess it was.
No, the cheese wasn't like he wasn't renumerating.
It's like Jack and the Bean stuff.
But did he give you like $1,200 worth of cheese?
You traded your parking space?
He's for some cheese.
But I might get that MRI.
Get the open one.
The non-invasive open one.
Now, are you a lunatic?
I mean, like Whitman here, where you think you're dying, you always think you've
got something
terminal?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
What do you think you have now?
I don't.
I was just worried because Ryan was talking about something wrong with his
brain and stuff.
Well, you know, I did today get the MRI, Tim.
I know.
Right.
The full-body MRI?
The 3D?
Well, no, not 3D.
This is just a brochure for another service they offer where you can get your
full body scanned.
Right.
And you might have pancreatic tumors or abdominal tumors or cholesterol.
But the nice thing is, you see the pancreatic tumors and you see them with
three dimensions.
Right.
It's not just a flat.
That's right.
It's like Star Wars.
It's like moon material, earth material.
It's just they float out in front of you.
That pancreatic will take you out in about two days.
Yeah.
But isn't the rule of thumb, once you can see your pancreas through a sweater,
then that's
the time to have it looked at?
Well, I had what they call the open MRI today, where she is not...
I have nothing to compare it to.
And I know maybe some guys...
I've had the other.
The traditional.
Were you one of the younger guys going through the MRI?
I was, I think, the youngest person in the facility.
Yeah, by far.
Yeah, I think so.
Okay.
But, so, Sam, you'll recall the sensation of being totally, totally in the tube.
It doesn't bother me, but I know they pasted a little picture of a forest up on
the top
inside the thing, so you can look at, like, the stupid little picture of trees
and not
feel claustrophobic.
Oh, I kept...
Maybe you were in the pediatric MRI.
Yeah.
Is that possible?
That Elmo?
Was Elmo the pancreatic is in there?
Did you get a sucker when you were done?
Yeah, when you were done.
All right, Norm MacDonald and Sam Simon are here, and they also are doing...
You guys are doing a radio show somewhere, is that right?
Or you're planning on it, or something's going on?
I don't know anything about that.
Yeah.
Why, do you hear some gossip around the station?
Yeah, I understand there's a lot of talk about that.
I haven't heard.
What is the talk?
A little by the water cooler?
You heard Jack Silver talking?
Well, no, Jack Silver was talking, but not positively about you.
But you are...
Now, Sam Simon is the producer of The Simpsons and Cheers and The Norm Show,
The Drew Carey Show.
Taxi.
Taxi.
I mean, he's really gone nuts over there.
Yeah.
And from what I understand, you're done with your palace out there at the
Pacific, not Palisades, is that right?
Yeah, yeah, the Palisades.
That's the fringe of the Palisades, right?
Yeah, you're done with it?
Well, I bought the house next door and renovated it, and I bought the other lot,
and I made kind of a starter compound.
Right.
Now, are you going to...
Do you have a fence, a wall around it?
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
So no one can get into you, right?
No.
Are there cameras also?
Yes.
Now, do you have security?
Do you have, like, a person there?
Sometimes.
Sometimes?
We have the dogs, and we're armed, and we've got the cameras.
Jesus.
It's like a militia, dude.
Suddenly, by the way, suddenly, the very affable kind of, you know, comedian,
Tracy Ullman, Simpsons guy goes away with his very steel face like Eastwood
thing.
Yeah, we've got the cameras, and we're armed.
Jesus, what happened to Sam?
And can I ask you, without, I mean, you could say, you know, F you, I'm not
going to tell you for security reasons, but...
How much cash do you have lying around the house?
Well, I have a safe in the house, and I keep, you know, because of the gambling,
I have, I keep some cash around.
But not $100,000, not $50,000.
Forget about the, forget about the, well, wouldn't even ask, obviously, about
the combination to the safe.
Is there a key to it or a combo?
A combo.
A combo, but I bet not even a lot of people know where the safe is, right?
It's probably off in some, behind some wall or something.
Am I right about that?
Yeah, it's hidden behind a picture.
Oh, it is?
Is it really?
Yeah.
So it's like, it's like Bruce Wayne's house over there.
Yeah, it's like, it is a lot like, uh, stately Simon Manor.
All right, Sam Simons with us, also in Norm Macdonald.
Yeah, another picture I can look through the eyes.
I can look at the people.
Now, do you have a safe room there?
But, no.
You don't?
Oh, that would be cool.
That would be pretty cool.
Now, especially, like, whether there were, like, an earthquake or some guy's
breaking in,
you just jump into that room, and you got TVs, you got your phone, you got food,
water, gun.
That would be pretty cool.
Well, I'm going to remodel the main house, so.
You should have gold, too.
Because, like, um.
Gold?
Gold, because at some point, like, the money might not be worth anything.
Right?
Well, that's what I hear.
I've heard those commercials for gold, and some people sell the gold, their
dental gold.
Senior citizens do that.
By the way, that's something Norm and I know the deeper meaning behind that.
For guys who say, you know, money might not be worth anything one day,
that's just a great way for us to justify throwing it at the track or at a
casino.
It's like, well, it's not going to be worth anything anyway one day,
so I might as well, you know, throw it at Santa Anita, right?
It won't matter in 20 years.
Well, in Atlantic City, they always have all those signs that go,
we will buy gold, you know, cash for gold, people's teeth and stuff.
So terrible.
You know, have you ever been to a pawn shop in Vegas or Atlantic City?
That's where my ex-wife won a World Series of Poker bracelet, also bought one
there.
What, she bought one there?
Some guy won a World Series of Poker and then, like, pawned the bracelet, like,
a few days later.
Oh, gosh.
Wow.
It's quite a fault.
You know, I mean, you win, like, a lot of money when you win that, so.
Well, it's quite a fault from Grace.
I know, like, it was a famous guy, too.
Oh, you know who it is?
I mean, a famous poker player.
I mean, was his name engraved on it?
She knows who, I don't want to say who it is.
But you could figure out who it was by the date on it.
You can figure out who it is, basically.
But they don't put your name on it?
I think you put your name on it.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Yeah, but whatever.
If you wear one around, though, is that a little, like, a really pretentious
thing to do?
I don't know.
I mean, like, at the World Series, sometimes they do wear them.
But, you know, but if you walked around.
Like, these guys that have nine of them or ten of them.
I know, but let me ask you.
They do photo shoots with them.
All right, but, dude, let me ask you a question.
If you walked into Morton's in Beverly Hills, right?
Isn't it in Beverly Hills?
Right.
And you had an Emmy on each shoulder.
Right.
Wouldn't people think you were at A-hole?
I see what you're saying.
Right.
But I think it's a little bit different.
I mean, we've all had the, I think most of us have had the opportunity to be in
the company of, like,
NFL players who wear the Super Bowl ring.
Now, if it's closer and. . .
Yeah, but there's a big difference between winning the Super Bowl and winning
the World Series of poker.
I know a couple guys that have bracelets and they don't want the other players
to know.
Yeah, but. . .
You know when they're playing with them.
I think winning a World Series or an NBA championship is, I mean, it takes a
lifetime of working out
and concentrating on your sport.
I think playing cards, you can pick it up at 32 and win one by 36.
And win the World Series by 36?
Sure.
I think so, yeah.
Yeah, I think so.
All right.
Well, I see them almost as similar.
No, they're not.
They're not even close, dude.
Well, in your opinion, they're not very close.
But it shows how much you know about sports that you think they're similar.
Well, just in numbers, there's probably 4,000, 5,000, 6,000 bracelets and 40
rings.
Maybe not even 40.
Well, no, but no.
Wait, what?
One ring for every guy on the team.
Super Bowl rings.
I mean, 40 years.
There's more Super Bowl rings than World Series bracelets.
I mean, there's more guys walking around with a Super Bowl ring on than a World
Series bracelet.
I say wear it.
If you want the thing, wear it.
Yeah, but it's a little pretentious.
I mean, because it has a lot to do with, you know, when you wear one of those
around.
Would you tell Roger Stahl back to take off his Super Bowl ring?
No, but Roger Stahl started at 3 years old, you know, throwing footballs.
And won one by the time he was like 29 or 30, you know, years old.
Very young, right.
Yeah.
But these guys, you know, they're completely out of shape, smoking cigars.
Well, you make a very good point about, like, the comparison about, some people
think it's a sport.
Some people think playing Texas Hold'em is a sport.
Right.
And you go, like, what sport?
Like, if I'm a fan of NFL football, I can't pay to be in the Super Bowl.
And on top of that, I can't win it.
Like, you know, I mean, that's, like, crazy, you know, to even think of that.
But poker, you just pay, you're in the biggest event there is.
And it's a single achievement.
It's one person.
You have a chance to actually win.
It's crazy that they call it the World Series, and that's why people think of
it as a sport.
Right.
And also, I don't know how they can call it World Series.
Isn't that a patent?
Yeah, isn't that odd?
Maybe they bought that, or maybe they had to pay baseball to call it that.
All right, Sam Si