Name: Norm Macdonald Interviews Ann Coulter - Dennis Miller Show (2008)
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Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald Interviews Ann Coulter - Dennis Miller Show (2008)' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-07-25. Transcript available.

Joining me now is nationally syndicated columnist and the author of If
Democrats Had Any Brains, They'd Be Republicans, Ann Coulter.
Hey, welcome to the show, Ann. How are you doing?
Fine, thanks. I saw you on O'Reilly last night. You were magnificent.
That's nice of you to say, but I didn't know what the hell I was talking about.
And I'm not used to satellites. You must have done a lot of those.
Oh, yeah, yeah. No, you never get used to that.
Yeah, I got all confused.
But it's really fun to talk to you.
Thank you. I'm a huge fan.
Really?
Yes.
Wow, that's nice.
All right, Normie.
He wouldn't guest say that, but I am.
Oh, that's nice. A pretty girl like you.
What do you do for guys?
I've always heard that dudes are afraid of strong women.
Well, maybe weak men are, but that's not really what I'm in the market for.
Okay, Ann, let's start with this. Iowa, they're all caucusing, the Iowans?
Yes.
So, do you have any thoughts on that? I don't know.
Yes. Yes, I do.
Well, I don't know. I'm sort of torn on it, because on one hand, I think it
should be much, much, much more difficult to vote.
Way too many people vote. It's like having me vote on the Oscars, and I never
see movies, to have most people voting.
I don't understand this impulse, oh, vote, it's your civic duty.
I think there ought to be a poll tax and a literacy test, but I'm not sure the
Iowa caucus is the way to get at it, because you have to spend, it's not so bad
for the Republicans, oddly enough, but for the Democrats, you have to go and
attend a meeting all day.
You have to sit in a meeting with annoying people. It's like jury duty for a
day.
And it's the people that just last the longest there, right?
Exactly.
Which is why they haven't really done a bang-up job in the past.
Now, who do you like on the Republican side?
Well, I like Duncan Hunter the most, but of course, he doesn't particularly
have a chance.
I guess other voters don't like cranky old men who don't smile much, as much as
I do.
But on the issues, he's magnificent.
Of our top candidates, and I guess there are four or five of them, the one I
dislike the least is Mitt Romney.
But I'm not wild about any of them.
Oh, well, I like them all better than any of the Democrats.
Now, what I find intriguing about you is that you're unapologetically pro-life.
That's what I noticed about your appearance last night.
I emailed everyone on my email list.
That was magnificent.
Well, it's not a popular opinion.
But I've always wondered why it's not a subject of debate in the country, since
the country is so split.
But you never hear it, like, discussed in rational terms.
No, you're right.
You're right.
Well, I think in part it's because one side doesn't really want the details
discussed.
It's better to talk about it as a matter of, you know, women's freedom and
women's choice than sucking the brains out of a little baby.
Yeah, why would they not just call it pro-abortion and anti-abortion?
Yeah, it's not a good name.
You know, these sociologists have noticed that names for ethnic groups are, you
know, enrolling over the centuries.
When they're first called names, they're epithets.
And when the ethnic group, or whatever the group is, when it achieves, you know,
status in society, whatever the last ethnic group or name it was called is the
one nickname, is the one that sticks.
And then it's no longer considered a mean name.
And it's the same thing with abortion.
They keep changing the name.
It's choice and women's rights and women's health care and a woman's right to
choose.
But then people figure out what it is and they hate whatever the new thing is.
Yeah, what I've also found always a little suspect is when these ladies go like,
I'm not for it, but, you know what I mean?
Why aren't they for it?
Right, right.
And we found out that they were, I mean, every once in a while, it's the corner
of the eye facts that always leap out at you.
And they slip every now and then because you're exactly right.
They're always saying, well, no one is for abortion.
No one is for abortion.
And then, I don't know if you remember when Sam Alito was nominated to the
Supreme Court, you know, the press descended on his sweet little Italian mother
and started peppering her with questions.
And they ask her, you know, is your son, is he, you know, for or against
abortion?
And she said, well, of course he's against abortion.
And that became a huge news item that Sam Alito was against abortion.
But, you know, I thought they told us everybody was against abortion.
Now, is that your litmus test?
Oh, I have lots of litmus tests.
But, yeah, that's a big one.
That's a really, really big one.
Because I know you're very serious about it.
And, I mean, do you view it as like a problem, like a, like a genocide?
Like a what?
Like a genocide?
Like a...
Yes.
Yes, it's unbelievable what's going on.
I mean, it's amazing how restrained the pro-life forces are.
But, you know, they won't let us vote.
I think we'd win if, I mean, obviously the Planned Parenthood side thinks that
Americans are not copacetic with abortion because we're not allowed to vote on
it.
I mean, that's part of what's so enraging about this.
There's nothing you can do about it.
As long as the Supreme Court says that abortion is a constitutional right,
there's nothing you can do.
You couldn't change as many hearts and minds as there are in the country.
And there's nothing that can be done.
You know, back in the 60s, these radicals used to, if they weren't going to
sign up with, like, you know, the weathermen and blow up the Pentagon, they'd
say, no, I'm going to work within the system, work within the system.
Well, the pro-life forces have been working within the system for 40 years now
and, you know, patiently bide their time, try to get new Supreme Court justices.
And then, you know, we end up with an O'Connor or a Kennedy who will hallucinate
the same right to abortion in the Constitution.
So, you know, I understand why violence breaks out.
I wouldn't engage in violence myself.
I wouldn't, I mean, just on the basis of Pascal's wager.
But I can understand if you're not going to let people vote that some of them
are going to engage in violence.
There hasn't been that much violence.
I mean, it's about seven abortion doctors to, what, 40 million dead babies.
It's a very tiny, I didn't understand the Pascal's wager.
I mean, I know what that is.
That was the argument for God.
It's very, it's very simple.
No, I know, I know Pascal's wager, but I didn't understand what you mean.
Oh, I wouldn't shoot an abortion doctor.
Oh, because.
Yeah, what if I'm wrong?
Right, okay.
Well, that's interesting that you say, what if I'm wrong?
Have you ever said that before?
I'm sure I have, though not on, not on most of the idiotic things liberals say.
So you would not support Giuliani then or any other pro-choice candidate?
No, I mean, if it's, and I've been polling, you know, some of my friends on
this.
I mean, if it's, I think it would be very, I think it would be very bad for the
country
if both, if both the Republican and Democratic nominee support abortion.
And so, you know, I think that would be bad.
But if they're both supporting abortion, yeah, I mean, I, I, at first I was
saying I'd never
vote for a pro-abortion Republican.
And then within about a week, I realized after a hard fought campaign against
Hillary Clinton,
I'd probably go into the voting booth, the lever for whichever idiot we've
nominated,
including Giuliani, and then just lie to all my friends about it.
What is your sense of, like, to me, it seems clear that Hillary Clinton will be
the next
president.
But do you think so?
I think so, too.
And this, and this business about how she's losing in Iowa, I am very
suspicious of because,
because of these sneaky little tricks of the Clinton machine.
And one of the big ones they've always used is lowered expectations.
The prime example of which was when, when Clinton was, was running in the
Democratic primaries,
you know, he came in like third or fourth in Iowa.
He came in second in New Hampshire.
And that one was when he was crowned the comeback kid.
He came in second.
How are you the comeback kid?
Well, it's because they had spent, you know, weeks lowering expectations.
And, oh, he's washed up.
He's finished.
He's over.
And the funniest example was right before they released his grand jury
testimony.
This is the one in which he launched the one about it depends on what the
meaning of is is.
And we got into a lot of discussions of, you know, where his penis was in
relation to Monica Lewinsky.
And it was so embarrassing.
I mean, the grand jury, the black grand jury in Washington, D.C. that was
sympathetic to Bill Clinton, they laughed out loud as he was giving his
testimony.
And so before it was released to the public and played all over TV, the rumors
went out.
You'll probably remember this, that Clinton turned purple and there was spittle
coming out of his mouth and he stormed out of the room.
Well, okay, it wasn't that bad.
It was embarrassing.
What is the definition of the word is?
Do we have an OED somewhere?
I thought it was pretty simple.
Yeah, it is.
It's almost a word that's so simple you don't even know the definition.
This is why I so wish, I don't think it will happen, but I so wish Obama would
be their nominee.
I think he would be tougher to beat than Hillary and I don't care.
I just want to be rid of this national pestilence of the Clintons.
The national pestilence.
Pestilence.
Our long national pestilence is over.
Exactly.
Well, Barack's got money.
Yes.
Yes, I mean, that does give you, that is a heartening fact about the Democrats,
that even they feel a little creepy about the Clintons.
It's funny, you know, Barack always ends his thing with, let's go change the
world.
And isn't that what Bush is doing?
Yeah, in a pretty transformative and important way.
Hey, Ann, you're going to stay with us for one more segment, right?
Wait, what?
The Dennis Miller Show.
Breakers.
15 seconds.
Guidance internal.
13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8.
Ignition sequence start.
Engines on.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
All engines running.
Launcher mode.
Lift off.
We have lift off at 934.
The Dennis Miller Show.
8, 6, 6, 5, 0, 9, 7, 2, 6, 8.
Ann Coulter is kind enough to stay with us for a second segment.
Ann, I wanted to talk to you about Christianity because you're a Christian,
right?
Yes, I am.
And I like it because it seems to me that you're an actual Christian.
And I know Sal was telling me he was against the thing you did on Donnie
Deutsch, but...
Not according to liberals.
But the fact of the matter is that...
I don't think they're really down with the scripture since they're often
standing up at college lectures
demanding to know how I could be a Christian if I smoke and wear short skirts.
And I keep looking for those passages of the Bible.
But it's very strange, like, because I always hear, you know, that people don't
like Christians
because, you know, they believe it's the only true faith and they want to
convert people.
But that's the basis of Christianity, isn't it?
Right.
And I would assume, you know, any religion, including the godless religion of
liberalism,
you know, they want us all to be liberals.
They want us to change our light bulbs to those goofy, you know, global warming
protecting light bulbs.
And, you know, I assume now wants to convert us all to want to suck the brains
out of little babies and so on and so forth.
I mean, of course...
Wait, isn't that...
That's now illegal, though, right?
Partial birth abortion?
Um, yes.
It took a long time, but yes, it is.
And that...
What I don't understand is...
Like, I remember in the Scott Peterson case, he was charged with double
homicide.
Right.
Wouldn't that mean that the baby was a...
Yes, that's a big issue, actually.
These pro-abortion groups are against those laws.
And by the way, Hillary Clinton denounced the Supreme Court decision upholding
the federal law banning partial birth abortion.
Did all the Democrats?
Um, I think...
Yeah, I think every single one of the candidates did.
Everyone who had a comment on it, um...
I'd have to look it up.
I wrote about her.
I'm sure I noticed it at the time.
I know Hillary did.
It seems...
One of the ones did, who voted in favor of the law.
Really?
Who would that have been?
Maybe Biden.
I don't know.
But, um, you know, these Democrats want to get their votes on the record, um,
as having voting in favor of a ban on partial birth abortion,
but then turn around and denounce the Supreme Court decision upholding the law
they voted for.
But surely, I don't know, I should have asked John Zogby, but surely, uh...
the...

Norm Macdonald Interviews Ann Coulter - Dennis Miller Show (2008)

Joining me now is nationally syndicated columnist and the author of If
Democrats Had Any Brains, They'd Be Republicans, Ann Coulter.
Hey, welcome to the show, Ann. How are you doing?
Fine, thanks. I saw you on O'Reilly last night. You were magnificent.
That's nice of you to say, but I didn't know what the hell I was talking about.
And I'm not used to satellites. You must have done a lot of those.
Oh, yeah, yeah. No, you never get used to that.
Yeah, I got all confused.
But it's really fun to talk to you.
Thank you. I'm a huge fan.
Really?
Yes.
Wow, that's nice.
All right, Normie.
He wouldn't guest say that, but I am.
Oh, that's nice. A pretty girl like you.
What do you do for guys?
I've always heard that dudes are afraid of strong women.
Well, maybe weak men are, but that's not really what I'm in the market for.
Okay, Ann, let's start with this. Iowa, they're all caucusing, the Iowans?
Yes.
So, do you have any thoughts on that? I don't know.
Yes. Yes, I do.
Well, I don't know. I'm sort of torn on it, because on one hand, I think it
should be much, much, much more difficult to vote.
Way too many people vote. It's like having me vote on the Oscars, and I never
see movies, to have most people voting.
I don't understand this impulse, oh, vote, it's your civic duty.
I think there ought to be a poll tax and a literacy test, but I'm not sure the
Iowa caucus is the way to get at it, because you have to spend, it's not so bad
for the Republicans, oddly enough, but for the Democrats, you have to go and
attend a meeting all day.
You have to sit in a meeting with annoying people. It's like jury duty for a
day.
And it's the people that just last the longest there, right?
Exactly.
Which is why they haven't really done a bang-up job in the past.
Now, who do you like on the Republican side?
Well, I like Duncan Hunter the most, but of course, he doesn't particularly
have a chance.
I guess other voters don't like cranky old men who don't smile much, as much as
I do.
But on the issues, he's magnificent.
Of our top candidates, and I guess there are four or five of them, the one I
dislike the least is Mitt Romney.
But I'm not wild about any of them.
Oh, well, I like them all better than any of the Democrats.
Now, what I find intriguing about you is that you're unapologetically pro-life.
That's what I noticed about your appearance last night.
I emailed everyone on my email list.
That was magnificent.
Well, it's not a popular opinion.
But I've always wondered why it's not a subject of debate in the country, since
the country is so split.
But you never hear it, like, discussed in rational terms.
No, you're right.
You're right.
Well, I think in part it's because one side doesn't really want the details
discussed.
It's better to talk about it as a matter of, you know, women's freedom and
women's choice than sucking the brains out of a little baby.
Yeah, why would they not just call it pro-abortion and anti-abortion?
Yeah, it's not a good name.
You know, these sociologists have noticed that names for ethnic groups are, you
know, enrolling over the centuries.
When they're first called names, they're epithets.
And when the ethnic group, or whatever the group is, when it achieves, you know,
status in society, whatever the last ethnic group or name it was called is the
one nickname, is the one that sticks.
And then it's no longer considered a mean name.
And it's the same thing with abortion.
They keep changing the name.
It's choice and women's rights and women's health care and a woman's right to
choose.
But then people figure out what it is and they hate whatever the new thing is.
Yeah, what I've also found always a little suspect is when these ladies go like,
I'm not for it, but, you know what I mean?
Why aren't they for it?
Right, right.
And we found out that they were, I mean, every once in a while, it's the corner
of the eye facts that always leap out at you.
And they slip every now and then because you're exactly right.
They're always saying, well, no one is for abortion.
No one is for abortion.
And then, I don't know if you remember when Sam Alito was nominated to the
Supreme Court, you know, the press descended on his sweet little Italian mother
and started peppering her with questions.
And they ask her, you know, is your son, is he, you know, for or against
abortion?
And she said, well, of course he's against abortion.
And that became a huge news item that Sam Alito was against abortion.
But, you know, I thought they told us everybody was against abortion.
Now, is that your litmus test?
Oh, I have lots of litmus tests.
But, yeah, that's a big one.
That's a really, really big one.
Because I know you're very serious about it.
And, I mean, do you view it as like a problem, like a, like a genocide?
Like a what?
Like a genocide?
Like a...
Yes.
Yes, it's unbelievable what's going on.
I mean, it's amazing how restrained the pro-life forces are.
But, you know, they won't let us vote.
I think we'd win if, I mean, obviously the Planned Parenthood side thinks that
Americans are not copacetic with abortion because we're not allowed to vote on
it.
I mean, that's part of what's so enraging about this.
There's nothing you can do about it.
As long as the Supreme Court says that abortion is a constitutional right,
there's nothing you can do.
You couldn't change as many hearts and minds as there are in the country.
And there's nothing that can be done.
You know, back in the 60s, these radicals used to, if they weren't going to
sign up with, like, you know, the weathermen and blow up the Pentagon, they'd
say, no, I'm going to work within the system, work within the system.
Well, the pro-life forces have been working within the system for 40 years now
and, you know, patiently bide their time, try to get new Supreme Court justices.
And then, you know, we end up with an O'Connor or a Kennedy who will hallucinate
the same right to abortion in the Constitution.
So, you know, I understand why violence breaks out.
I wouldn't engage in violence myself.
I wouldn't, I mean, just on the basis of Pascal's wager.
But I can understand if you're not going to let people vote that some of them
are going to engage in violence.
There hasn't been that much violence.
I mean, it's about seven abortion doctors to, what, 40 million dead babies.
It's a very tiny, I didn't understand the Pascal's wager.
I mean, I know what that is.
That was the argument for God.
It's very, it's very simple.
No, I know, I know Pascal's wager, but I didn't understand what you mean.
Oh, I wouldn't shoot an abortion doctor.
Oh, because.
Yeah, what if I'm wrong?
Right, okay.
Well, that's interesting that you say, what if I'm wrong?
Have you ever said that before?
I'm sure I have, though not on, not on most of the idiotic things liberals say.
So you would not support Giuliani then or any other pro-choice candidate?
No, I mean, if it's, and I've been polling, you know, some of my friends on
this.
I mean, if it's, I think it would be very, I think it would be very bad for the
country
if both, if both the Republican and Democratic nominee support abortion.
And so, you know, I think that would be bad.
But if they're both supporting abortion, yeah, I mean, I, I, at first I was
saying I'd never
vote for a pro-abortion Republican.
And then within about a week, I realized after a hard fought campaign against
Hillary Clinton,
I'd probably go into the voting booth, the lever for whichever idiot we've
nominated,
including Giuliani, and then just lie to all my friends about it.
What is your sense of, like, to me, it seems clear that Hillary Clinton will be
the next
president.
But do you think so?
I think so, too.
And this, and this business about how she's losing in Iowa, I am very
suspicious of because,
because of these sneaky little tricks of the Clinton machine.
And one of the big ones they've always used is lowered expectations.
The prime example of which was when, when Clinton was, was running in the
Democratic primaries,
you know, he came in like third or fourth in Iowa.
He came in second in New Hampshire.
And that one was when he was crowned the comeback kid.
He came in second.
How are you the comeback kid?
Well, it's because they had spent, you know, weeks lowering expectations.
And, oh, he's washed up.
He's finished.
He's over.
And the funniest example was right before they released his grand jury
testimony.
This is the one in which he launched the one about it depends on what the
meaning of is is.
And we got into a lot of discussions of, you know, where his penis was in
relation to Monica Lewinsky.
And it was so embarrassing.
I mean, the grand jury, the black grand jury in Washington, D.C. that was
sympathetic to Bill Clinton, they laughed out loud as he was giving his
testimony.
And so before it was released to the public and played all over TV, the rumors
went out.
You'll probably remember this, that Clinton turned purple and there was spittle
coming out of his mouth and he stormed out of the room.
Well, okay, it wasn't that bad.
It was embarrassing.
What is the definition of the word is?
Do we have an OED somewhere?
I thought it was pretty simple.
Yeah, it is.
It's almost a word that's so simple you don't even know the definition.
This is why I so wish, I don't think it will happen, but I so wish Obama would
be their nominee.
I think he would be tougher to beat than Hillary and I don't care.
I just want to be rid of this national pestilence of the Clintons.
The national pestilence.
Pestilence.
Our long national pestilence is over.
Exactly.
Well, Barack's got money.
Yes.
Yes, I mean, that does give you, that is a heartening fact about the Democrats,
that even they feel a little creepy about the Clintons.
It's funny, you know, Barack always ends his thing with, let's go change the
world.
And isn't that what Bush is doing?
Yeah, in a pretty transformative and important way.
Hey, Ann, you're going to stay with us for one more segment, right?
Wait, what?
The Dennis Miller Show.
Breakers.
15 seconds.
Guidance internal.
13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8.
Ignition sequence start.
Engines on.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
All engines running.
Launcher mode.
Lift off.
We have lift off at 934.
The Dennis Miller Show.
8, 6, 6, 5, 0, 9, 7, 2, 6, 8.
Ann Coulter is kind enough to stay with us for a second segment.
Ann, I wanted to talk to you about Christianity because you're a Christian,
right?
Yes, I am.
And I like it because it seems to me that you're an actual Christian.
And I know Sal was telling me he was against the thing you did on Donnie
Deutsch, but...
Not according to liberals.
But the fact of the matter is that...
I don't think they're really down with the scripture since they're often
standing up at college lectures
demanding to know how I could be a Christian if I smoke and wear short skirts.
And I keep looking for those passages of the Bible.
But it's very strange, like, because I always hear, you know, that people don't
like Christians
because, you know, they believe it's the only true faith and they want to
convert people.
But that's the basis of Christianity, isn't it?
Right.
And I would assume, you know, any religion, including the godless religion of
liberalism,
you know, they want us all to be liberals.
They want us to change our light bulbs to those goofy, you know, global warming
protecting light bulbs.
And, you know, I assume now wants to convert us all to want to suck the brains
out of little babies and so on and so forth.
I mean, of course...
Wait, isn't that...
That's now illegal, though, right?
Partial birth abortion?
Um, yes.
It took a long time, but yes, it is.
And that...
What I don't understand is...
Like, I remember in the Scott Peterson case, he was charged with double
homicide.
Right.
Wouldn't that mean that the baby was a...
Yes, that's a big issue, actually.
These pro-abortion groups are against those laws.
And by the way, Hillary Clinton denounced the Supreme Court decision upholding
the federal law banning partial birth abortion.
Did all the Democrats?
Um, I th