Name: Norm Macdonald on Lamont & Tonelli Video Compilation (2008 & 2010) Two Interviews
Uploaded: 2019-11-05T20:59:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Lamont & Tonelli Video Compilation (2008 & 2010) Two Interviews' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Lamont & Tonelli Video Compilation (2008 & 2010) Two Interviews' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-05. Transcript available.

Norm Macdonald on Lamont & Tonelli Video Compilation (2008 & 2010) Two Interviews

Well, they finally found it, the radio station.
Wow, look at this, Norm MacDonald walks in here, and I know you guys had a hell
of a time
getting into the station this morning, because, what, traffic was all screwed
up?
Yeah, it was, no, I think it was just our driver, Steve.
You have a buddy with you here, too, huh?
Yeah, we should explain.
It's stand-up comic Steve Framstein.
Stevie Ray Framstein.
Oh, Stevie Ray, that's it.
And he drove you in here today.
No, no, I was in the backseat.
It wasn't my fault.
So you guys, we're running a little late, but what the hell, we're happy to
have you in here.
You guys are playing at the San Jose Improv, and tonight, tomorrow, and I
believe Saturday.
Are you guys playing Sunday as well?
Sunday, too, yeah.
Holy cow, they got you working pretty hard over there.
Yeah, a little overtime.
Hey, you know what?
I saw you in a movie, and I'm talking to, of course, my fellow Canadian.
That's right, Norm.
Oh, we got a room full of Canadians in here.
Norm MacDonald.
Steve's from Canada.
From Canada.
From Canada.
That's not like President Bush.
Steve's from Canada, too.
And you were in Billy Madison.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You were the drunk friend in Billy Madison.
That's right.
No, that was, Sandler got me to do the movie, and then he said, you got to play
drunk, right?
So I was like, this is going to be really hard, because I didn't want to sound
like Foster Brooks
or, you know, Otis.
So I was like, it's going to sound fake.
Like, I go, why don't I just get drunk?
So I was drunk.
I was so drunk, I don't remember any of it.
I was drinking beer the entire time.
I passed out a couple of times.
Hey, but you had a good time.
Oh, yeah, I think.
I was told I did.
Now, we were talking a bit off the air.
You guys are from Canada, and I was mentioning when I first moved here, I was
here for six
months, and I said, you know what?
No snow here.
It's around Christmas.
I'm golfing.
I am not going back.
Yeah, Steve was a lot like that.
Remember when you went?
Yeah, I mean, what?
When I first came?
I mean, Canada's a great country.
They should just move it further south.
That's all they need to do.
You don't miss the snow at all?
No, and you know what's odd about Canada is they're very anti-American.
Really?
Come on.
Oh, yeah.
Where I'm from?
No, not really.
Well, you're more from the West.
Yeah.
The West is more...
But over on the East Side?
Yeah.
They don't like America for some reason that I've never quite understood.
Yeah.
But once you get here, you know.
Yeah, you get here, and you go to New York, you pay $1,000 an hour for a hooker.
It's good stuff.
How did he spend that much?
I don't know.
Yeah.
I thought that was $5,000, right?
Yeah, well, he spent $4,300.
Yeah.
I guess he got a discount on the deal.
$4,300 for an hour?
See, I thought that was like a myth that they had those high-priced call girls.
I never thought that was real, but I don't know what the girl...
After five hookers, you could have gotten yourself a great car and get free
women.
Well, we were wondering if they pro-rate it and just give you a rate for 15
minutes.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, for six minutes.
$100 for six minutes.
How much can I get for this much?
I have a feeling they might be adding that to the show tonight.
Yeah.
But I think it's bad they keep talking about whores and all this and as if they're
not
people.
Like, how do you feel if you're home at TV watching the news and you're a whore?
It doesn't make you feel good.
It's kind of a whack at your self-esteem.
My mother was a whore and I really resent...
There we go.
All right, now we're going to resent that kind of...
Yeah, but she was a high-class whore.
She wasn't a whore.
Well, now you're offended because...
That's my mother.
It's okay for me to say it.
Now, where are you from in Canada?
Toronto.
Oh, I know your mother.
She was the town whore.
See, now he's starting to get pissed.
It wasn't $5,000.
If it was, you wouldn't be here.
I would have been...
I would have inherited some money.
She was a two-loony whore.
A two-loony.
That's right, the loony.
That's the Canadian dollar.
Now you guys are talking Canadian to me here.
That's the Canadian dollar, the loony.
It's a coin.
A two-loony whore.
A two-loony whore.
That's hysterical.
For all you Canadians in San Jose and San Jose.
A two-loony whore.
Oh, my God.
So now, when you're doing movies with Sandler, does he just make you do goofy
stuff for no
reason at all?
Yeah, he does tend to do that, actually.
Because we've talked to other people who've done movies and said, oh, are you
kidding?
I have to do this?
I haven't...
Yeah, he hasn't made me do, like, insane stuff.
Sometimes he'll make a guy, like, dress up like a girl or something like that.
Yeah, who did he do that to?
We had somebody...
I forget who we had in here.
We had Clint Howard do that, Ron Howard's brother.
He has Alan Covert do that all the time.
All he had made me do is wear...
I had to wear a big hamburger on my head.
All right.
Norm MacDonald and Little Stevie in the studio, San Jose Improv.
Little Stevie, I like that.
Little Stevie?
Yeah.
That's cool.
Okay, we will be back with more from them right after this.
You know, Paul, we've got two special guests in the studio right now.
Yeah, Norm MacDonald's going to be at the San Jose Improv through Sunday night,
and Stevie
Ray is with them.
Now, Stevie Ray, are you going to be opening for Norm?
Yeah.
We're almost doing a tour, in a way.
Well, you know what, I'm going to contest this right now.
I'm kind of a little pissed, because you come in here, and I'm looking at the
San Jose
Improv site.
Norm hasn't even got you listed on the page.
It just says, Norm MacDonald, special event.
Yeah.
You can't even give him a billing?
I haven't meaning to talk to you about that.
Well, apparently I don't draw in as many people, because I'm not known.
But you could at least put your name there, as opposed to...
In Vegas, they said, and Steve.
That's a little better.
It sounded like I was a ventriloquist.
I thought, hey, my name's going to be famous.
Steve.
You've probably heard of me, Steve.
Famous Steve.
I've heard that name.
Norm, when you're doing the news bits on Saturday Night Live, with the story
that we were talking
about this morning, did you hear the story about the woman who spent two years
on the toilet seat?
No.
It was in Kansas.
True story.
Yeah.
Two years.
Two women in Kansas, apparently, was stuck to her boyfriend's toilet seat for
two years.
He just called rescue authorities on February 27th.
She was actually...
She grew into the seat.
Oh, my Lord.
They had to take the seat off and then surgically remove it at the hospital.
And I was thinking that would be the kind of story you would do on Saturday
Night Live.
Wow.
Yeah, it would be.
That's unbelievable.
That's like those guys that they got a cart out of the beds.
Yeah.
Walter Hudson.
Walter Hudson.
There you go.
Never forget that one.
But I was saying, at what point do you say, your girlfriend's sitting there for
a year
and a half going, I'm giving you another six months before I'm calling.
Well, women take so long in the bathroom.
She wasn't finished with a crossword puzzle yet.
You know, we're going to be late.
Two years later, okay, you've hit your limit.
All right, that's it.
I'm calling for help.
Now, he said, he told authorities that he would ask her almost daily about
coming out of the bathroom.
This is true.
I've written the story where her reply would be, maybe tomorrow.
And according to him, she didn't want to leave the bathroom.
And when authorities got there, she did not want them to take her out.
She said, oh, I'm okay.
I'll be all right.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
What was home to her?
I guess she must have eaten in there and so on.
Oh, yeah.
He brought her food.
He brought her food and water and so on.
That's what I said, too.
They were dating for two years.
Really?
Were they getting it on in there?
Right.
Oh.
Hmm.
Doesn't sound romantic.
Of course, we don't know.
Maybe it was a nice bathroom.
You don't picture it being a nice bathroom.
But that's true.
Sex like toilet seat sex, I guess.
Maybe it was like Frank Sinatra.
Was that the rumor on Frank?
Yeah.
With the glass table?
Oh, yeah.
Danny Thomas.
Danny Thomas.
There it is.
Yes.
Danny Thomas.
Maybe they had a glass table in that bathroom.
I told Jim Carrey that story about Danny Thomas.
Yeah.
He'd never heard of it.
Yeah.
And he goes, no.
He goes, that can't be true.
I go, that's what I heard.
He goes, that's the kind of guilt that makes you build hospitals.
Are both of you guys married?
You're married, guys?
No, no.
Huh?
No, not together.
I'm still laughing at the Jim Carrey.
We're just touring.
Oh, you're touring.
We're just touring.
No, I don't insinuate they're married to each other.
You guys have wives?
What's your deal?
Steve just got a girlfriend.
Oh, he did?
I have a girlfriend, yeah.
It's a new thing.
I'm trying it out.
Yeah.
But the trouble is, it's the same person, you know, every time.
That's the bad part.
Did we do this already?
You have, tell me a bit about, you guys have dogs at all?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I have a wiener dog.
Steve has two Labradoodles.
Oh, really?
Yeah, the crossbreed there.
Yeah, they're very cute.
The trouble is, you've got to protect them, you know.
They don't give you any protection.
If we got into a fight, I'd have to, hey, stay away from my Labradoodles.
So I'll tell you what, Paul, let's give them the number for Purina 1.
Oh, yeah, you've got to make sure your dogs are eating Purina 1.
You've got a pen.
You've got a pen?
Yes.
Purina 1 Natural Blend.
It's toll-free, so it's not going to cost you anything.
888-290-BARK.
Yep.
I'll tell my dog.
290-B-A-R-K.
Well, here's the deal.
Purina 1 Natural Blends, made with real white meat, chicken, or lamb, brown
rice, or oatmeal,
and spinach.
I mean, this is some healthy stuff.
Yeah, I'd eat that.
Yeah, there you go.
This is the kind of stuff you want to eat healthier.
Your dogs want to eat healthier.
You put your dog on Purina 1, your dog's going to be eating healthier than you
are.
Yeah.
Really?
Maybe I'll get it from my grandmother.
888-290-BARK is the number.
888-290-B-A-R-K for a coupon for a free six-and-a-half-pound bag of Purina 1
Natural Blends.
Don't wait.
Call today, 888-290-BARK, or go online to Purina1Challenge.com.
You know, one thing maybe you didn't know, the ingredients in Purina 1 Natural
Blends are carefully
selected for their natural and nutrient content, and then it's steam-cooked at
the start,
which is an optimal time and temperature to help maintain the vitamins,
minerals, and flavor
of Purina 1 Natural Blends.
Sounds good, huh?
Yeah.
Pick it up at your local PetSmart.
Does your grandmother live near a PetSmart?
My dogs will only eat steam-cooked.
There you go, natural blend.
Purina 1 Natural Blends.
Hey, now you're down in, you live down in L.A.?
Yeah, I live in L.A., yeah.
Both of you guys?
Steve, you live down in L.A.?
Yep.
You guys ever see Britney Spears down there at all?
I think you saw it, didn't you?
No, I, what?
I thought you did.
I thought you told me you saw it.
No, on the TV.
On the TV.
On the TV.
You sound like a couple of guys in a park bed somewhere.
No, I saw her on the TV.
Well, since I never saw her, I don't know what to say.
I thought you saw her at Hyde.
No, no, that was, you were talking about what the hell was Hyde.
There's a club called Hyde where that's where all the people, you know, when
you see on TMZ,
they're always going to Hyde, which is right beside the Laugh Factory, which is
where I go to do stand-up.
So there's always press out.
You know, there's always those TMZ guys out.
Right, right, right.
And I thought you were with me when Brittany came in.
Her car was there, and it was just crammed.
But that's all I saw, just her and her car.
So you didn't see if she was wearing panties or anything like that?
No, no.
But I tell you, I saw that shot of her where she was, like, going into the back
seat.
Looked fine to me.
Yeah, like, what is th