Name: Norm Macdonald on Good Day Live (2003) 'You look a little haggard'
Uploaded: 2019-11-16T14:05:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Good Day Live (2003) 'You look a little haggard'' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Good Day Live (2003) 'You look a little haggard'' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-16. Transcript available.

Hello, Larry. Are we going right to Norm right now?
Oh, a fellow Canuck. I love Norm MacDonald.
I should put this in my ear then.
Despite the fact that Norm and I go to the same hair colorist, not that he
colors his hair, hair cutter.
Norm has a new hit TV show.
How can it be a hit if it hasn't been a hit?
Anything Norm does. Back off, Bergeron.
Anything he does with me is a hit, okay? Because I love Norm MacDonald.
It's a hit with Jill.
You're on my hate list.
It's on television.
It's a hit with Jill.
It's called A Minute with Stan Hooper. Take a sneak.
Hey, Ryan, you know this fella. You're into the TV.
Show him your face.
Stan Hooper?
Oh, yeah, you know who I am?
A Minute with Stan Hooper? It's only the best minute on television.
Man, what are you doing here?
He's going to be living here.
Now I'm doing his show from here?
The whole minute?
Some say our show should be a minute long, and that's still too long.
How are you guys doing?
Hey.
Hi, Norm.
Hi.
Hi, Fred.
Hi, how are you?
I'm just trying to talk Norman to having some candy corn.
He's never tried it before.
Can I tell you guys, you look like a couple of caffeine achievers right now,
let me tell you.
Hey, Jillian, Jillian, you look absolutely beautiful.
Oh, wow.
Dorothy, you look gorgeous.
How do I look, Norm?
Tom?
Steve, you look a little haggard.
Whoa!
I mean, I love the show.
I watch it every day, but I've got to say, Steve, you've had better days.
Well, ouch.
It's the hair.
He went back to the dark hair.
Ever since I said you can't have a hit until it debuts, and you got off on the
wrong way.
You see how that happens?
Norm, you've never had candy corn?
Did you grow up in America?
No.
No, I grew up in Canada.
Okay, then.
We just thought we'd open a segment on a light note.
Oh, thank you, Fred.
I was pretending I was feeding him candy corn, which is one of my favorite
Halloween treats.
Well, you've got to try Smarties, Fred.
Ask Norm about that.
Give us a set visit.
What's happening over there?
There's something wrong with Steve, I swear to God.
He looks odd.
Well, now it looks like Steve.
No, there we go.
Oh, that's Mark Bergeron.
Is the hair okay?
Mark Bergeron.
Hey, Mark.
Tom.
I love Hollywood Squares.
It's Tom Bergeron.
Yeah, that's all right.
Tom Bergeron, yes, of Hollywood Squares.
Yes, it is.
You know it.
Haven't you ever been on your show?
All right.
Norm is a big fan of the Squares.
He bets money on it at all.
Is there anything he doesn't bet on?
He's going to Vegas when you have the big sweeps thing.
That's right.
Oh, good.
That's wonderful.
One time I made a bundle betting that Charlie Weaver was bluffing.
Was that a while ago?
You'd make more betting he's dead.
All right.
Tell us about a minute with Stan Hooper.
I'm dying to hear about this.
Oh, man.
Well, Fred would be better to answer that.
Norm doesn't know exactly what's going on here.
But Norm plays a guy named Stan Hooper, who takes his one-minute show to Waterford
Falls,
Wisconsin, and runs into me, who is the big cheese mogul in town.
You're learning this for the first time, aren't you?
The audience is already assembling.
Fred plays a character on the show named Fred.
Oh, good.
Yeah.
We initially called him Mark.
Yeah.
That's my name.
I know.
Mark first one.
It was kind of an homage to you.
Thank you.
Every time we said Mark, he wouldn't look or respond.
So you had to go with the old standard Fred.
Yeah.
There'd be many scenes where I'd go, Mark, Mark, hand me some cheese.
And you'd go, who's Mark?
And that didn't work so well?
Hey, Norm, you didn't shave.
I like that.
It's kind of sexy.
It's sexy.
This is makeup.
He says, make me look like I have a three-day growth.
I thought he did.
I thought maybe he just got back from Vegas or something.
Yeah.
I shaved an hour and a half ago.
Yeah.
But I'm so, I'm too manly.
That's right.
Nixonian.
Sometimes Norm doesn't sleep when the Hollywood Squares ends and they have to
come back.
Oh, you're waiting for that next year.
Yeah.
Okay, now Norm, Tom, I've got to ask you, is Paul Lynn as funny as he, I mean,
is he really that funny?
Yeah, he's, he smells a bit by now, but he's hilarious.
Hilarious.
Paul Lynn, by the way, was my favorite.
Really?
Oh, but I've got to ask you a serious question about Hollywood Squares.
You know when Whoopi used to be on it?
Yes.
How did she know every answer?
She, just because she's brilliant.
She's brilliant woman?
She had Encyclopedia Britannica and a crib sheet right there.
With her in the chair.
That's what I suspect.
Hey, you want to meet the cast?
Yes, I want to meet Penelope Ann Miller.
All right.
Norm wants to meet them, too.
Norm is part of the lady's place.
This is Penelope Ann Miller.
She plays your wife.
I play your wife.
She's wonderful.
Wow, nice meeting you.
It said you have chemistry on the screen.
This is, plays my son, Eric Lively.
Oh, yeah.
Hi, Eric.
He goes to work for Norm's character, and I don't really like...
Then he lives with Norm and Penelope, and I don't like that.
This is Regan Dale Niece, who played my daughter on a show called Maybe It's Me,
and she...
There's absolutely no use promoting that.
I've been told it's just on the bubble.
There's no making decisions.
Unfortunately, Regan played my daughter.
She just turned 40 yesterday.
Regan plays Eric's girlfriend.
I am not a day over 39.
That's right.
She's been drinking last night in anticipation.
And Norm, these two guys, Dan and Garrett, play the Peter Lou, who owns this
fabulous diner.
Good to meet you, sir.
Good to meet you, sir.
And Norm, you yourself play Stan Hooper.
Don't be confused when people call you Stan.
I would never make that.
Take it from here, Norm.
Do you tell him what he does for a living?
Oh, well, you tell him because you...
Well, we've already gone over that.
Oh, you did that.
No, not exactly.
Penelope, what does he do because you play his wife?
He's a TV news personality and essayist.
He does a wrap-up minute at the end of a very popular news show called Newsline.
And so now he's doing it live from Waterford Falls.
He talks about simple folks and small films.
Oh, Penelope, is this character, do you think, based on Steve Edwards?
Because he only gets about a minute in per hour on this show.
Oh, absolutely.
In fact, I think that's who they were modeling it as.
Interesting.
Absolutely, yeah.
Well, you just have to interrupt him a lot.
Was it the minute part of the simple folks part that was...
You can derive your own conclusions.
I modeled myself a little after Steve Edwards in the sense of Steve Edwards is
one piece
of ass.
Norm, I love you, and you had the Norm Macdonald show.
I think you're one of the most terrific and honest people out there, and I hope
this show
has success.
There's no sense of promoting that either, really.
This is the funnier Norm.
You know why Penelope?
Because he's not playing Norm, he's playing Stan, and Stan is actually funnier
than Norm.
It's true.
Yeah.
That's weird.
Yeah.
Does he know he's playing Stan?
Will he answer when somebody called Stan?
I think Fred just told him.
Yeah.
Call him Stan and see if he answers.
Speak to him.
Speak to him.
Stan.
Say Norm first.
Norm.
Hey, Norm.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Yo, Stan.
Yeah, hey.
Perfect.
Oh, see, he's in character.
He's totally in character.
He's like the Marlon Brando of sitcom actors.
Look, he has his earpiece in.
They're actually feeding his entire day.
He might as well be a robot.
You're breaking up.
He's a perfect newsman, you see?
A minute with Stan Hooper, and also, when is this airing tonight?
Wednesday.
Wednesday night.
Next week, I think, on Fox.
No, but you can watch Fred Willard's old show tonight.
Right.
It's a week from Wednesday.
A week from Wednesday.
All right, well, take it easy, Norm.
Don't turn on me.
I'm just trying to help you out there.
He's Stan.
He's Stan.
He's Stan.
I'm Stan.
It's in a very coveted time slot.
It's sandwiched between that 70s show and the OC.
Lovely.
Hey, that's not bad on Fox.
That's a nice place to be.
Any show where you can get a sandwich, too, that's great.
So, if you like the 70s show, and if you like the Oc.
The OC, yes.
Then you may very well, here's my idea.
You watch that 70s show.
Yeah.
And then you want to watch the OC, right?
Yeah.
So, you don't want to change a channel on a counter.
You might forget.
It's too much trouble.
On a counter.
Norm, are you going to go on Howard Stern anytime soon?
I love hearing you on Howard Stern.
You do?
Oh, my gosh.
I love it.
Oh, yeah, man.
I'm going on there next week.
You are to promote this show?
Good.
I look forward to hearing you.
It's always fun to go on Howard Stern and have some lady shows up and farts in
your face.
I am not booked on that show, so you won't have that problem.
That happened here last week.
See?
Well, we're going to see Norm next Wednesday between that 70 show and the Oc.
Thanks, you guys.
We sort of played them off, and they were so funny.
I think we're short on time.
All right.
Take it easy.
Today in South I, we've got...