Name: Norm Macdonald & Artie Lange in Canned Ham Presents Dirty Work (1998) w/ Laura Kightlinger
Uploaded: 2019-12-03T15:51:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald & Artie Lange in Canned Ham Presents Dirty Work (1998) w/ Laura Kightlinger' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald & Artie Lange in Canned Ham Presents Dirty Work (1998) w/ Laura Kightlinger' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-03. Transcript available.

Hi, I'm Laura Keitlinger, this is Comedy Central's Can't Ham, and I'm here with
the stars of Dirty Work, Norm MacDonald and Artie Lang, and we're going to talk
a little bit about the movie and play some movies.
Hey, Laura, check this out.
Whoa!
Did you get that?
She actually got it!
You're fired.
He all gets back at the people that fired him.
We should open a Revenge for Hire business.
I'm here with Norm MacDonald, star of Dirty Work.
That makes you laugh.
I know.
Norm, this is your first feature.
Yeah.
So tell us about it a little bit.
I fell in love with the script when I read it.
And you also helped write it.
I wrote it, yeah.
You fell in love with your own writing then.
Yeah.
I hear you tell it.
Okay, tell us about your character.
My character is, I play Mitch, and he's a lot like me, you know, like he looks
like me.
Same weight, height.
Whoa.
He could be my, he could be my, he could be my identical twin.
Doc's like me.
I'm starting to think it's you.
Yeah, sort of.
Yeah.
He's like a bad actor.
In the movie, I just go and get a bunch of jobs, and that I'm not qualified for.
And I used to do that in real life all the time.
I just pretend that I could do stuff, and they'll believe you a lot of times
and give you the
job, and then you're like, way over your head.
The bottom stair is a round over.
It does a 180 into the Newell Post.
Bannister has a 90 degree easement, and it dies into the inside face of the Newell
Post.
Ah, 90 degrees, but see, that's, that's going to be a problem.
What's the problem?
Well, we lied on a resume.
We know nothing about construction.
When is lunch?
You're fired.
So he always gets fired from all his jobs, and then, so he always likes to get
back at
the people that fired him, and then he eventually decides to make it a business.
It's about revenge.
Yeah, it's about revenge.
We, like, get back at people for a living, like, if they want revenge, then we
go and do
it for hire, revenge for hire.
Fully loaded V8 engine, standard.
Shock resistant CD player, standard.
Hey, the trunk, uh, looks kind of small there, Anton.
This is live.
I'm on live tea.
Trunk's fine.
As you can see, friend, it's not small.
It's a big trunk, and I'll show you right here.
Well, you got a dead hooker in the trunk.
What?
No, it can't be.
Yes, it was.
It was a dead hooker.
Hey, folks.
Yeah, come on down.
Hey, hey, here's another dead hooker in this trunk.
What?
Oh, my goodness.
What are you doing?
I've never seen so many dead hookers in all my life.
Lord knows I have.
Don't shoot this.
This is not part of the commercial.
If some jerk's making your life miserable, you want revenge, call 555-0187.
Let us do your dirty work.
Now, you're with Artie Lang.
Yeah, Artie Lang.
Mm-hmm.
Note to Sam.
Lose weight.
Was there an audition process, or did you just say, uh, I've got to get Artie,
or you said,
I saw Artie from Mad TV, and I really liked him, so I said, we've got to get
Artie.
Oh, that's great.
And as soon as Chris Penn turned it down, and Stephen Baldwin said no, and a
couple other
guys with a weight problem, he called me up, and I was free.
Wait, now let me ask you something.
In this movie, if I'm, I hope I'm not, you know, speaking out of school, you
play kind
of, like, made it, well, like, sort of the overweight, not-so-bright friend.
Yeah, I gained weight for this.
Yeah, okay.
I did, yeah.
I didn't want to, I, I, I, I, there's no polite way around.
No, I know, there, well, there actually is, but that's okay.
Um, no, uh, yeah, I, I guess, yeah, I'm kind of the, the, the fat, dumb guy.
No.
No, I am, yeah, but that's, that's funny, and in the history of movies, that's,
like,
the funniest guy to be.
Hey, hey, movie line, coming up.
It's all right.
Oh, how's that looking, baby?
Ha-ha!
He was supposed to keep driving.
You know, we start a revenge business and do some, some cute little tricks on
people, and,
and now, is this something that you've wanted to do in your own life?
Yeah, I've always wanted to get revenge on people, especially people I went to
school
with.
Uh-huh.
In high school, I was, you know, I was, like, sort of, like, very smart and
good-looking,
and people picked on me because of that.
Yeah.
Well, say right now who you want to get revenge on.
Just say it right now, because you're watching this.
Uh, I'd probably want to get revenge on, uh, Dan McGrath.
Yeah.
If he's out there.
He's actually a cop right now in New Jersey.
Yeah, hear that, Dan?
Okay.
So, you know, if I get the chance, I'm gonna do that.
Okay.
I think you got him right now.
Mentioning him on Can Damn is probably enough.
That was really funny, sticking the cops on us like that.
Yeah.
Really?
I thought it was funny, but I'm surprised you guys did, because, uh, you got
your asses kicked.
Okay, what do you think the best revenge is?
The best revenge is, uh, um, living well.
Oh, I read that somewhere.
I know, but I'm asking you.
Oh, oh.
I guess the best revenge is, uh, where you, you get a, some, uh, some, like, of
that dog crap,
put it in a bag, and then light it on a dude's front porch.
No, it's living well.
Have you ever done that?
It's living well, and dog shit.
Yeah, it's a time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You are the king of revenge.
Right now, me and Artie and Laura are gonna play a game, a basketball game.
It's called Whore.
It's like horse, except it's whore.
Ready?
Yeah, let's start.
All right.
This is for a W.
Yeah.
All right.
Woo!
Wow.
I got a W, right?
W.
So, Norm's got W.
We'll be right back, uh, with exciting conclusion to this, to the boring game,
to this exciting
game.
The boring conclusion of this exciting game with Norm and Artie.
Back here at the Hogs, Heifers, and Hooters, uh, sports bar on West 18th Street,
New York
City, the game of horror has clearly been won by Artie Lang, destroying Norm
MacDonald and
Laura Keitlinger.
Norm, any words on that?
No.
Okay.
Why don't you girls go hit the shower?
Absolutely.
Bob Saget directed this.
He was, uh, he was a guy, like, when I was a young boy, I went, the first
comedian I ever
saw was Saget.
Wow.
And, uh, he was, like, real kind of dark, like, uh, weird comic, you know?
And so then, uh, I kept telling everybody, like, he's a funny guy.
No one would believe me, because he's on those shows.
And, uh, but then, uh, we got him, and he was, like, really, really funny.
He's a good director.
I'm really happy with this movie.
I think it's really funny.
I've seen it over a thousand times.
Oh, my God.
And I had to pay every time I saw it, so.
Really?
All my salary's gone.
It's eight grand, right?
Was it in Toronto because it's cheaper to shoot it there?
No.
Uh, movies are, uh, uh, I believe 26% funnier if they're shot in Toronto.
Okay.
It's the exchange rate on comedy.
Oh.
It's actually a funny premise.
Two guys open a revenge for hire business because one of them needs $50,000 to
get his father,
Jack Warden, a heart transplant.
And the doctor is played by Chevy Chase, who needs $50,000 right away because
bookies are
going to kill him because he owes them money.
Come back.
Sit down.
I'm sorry.
I'm a compulsive gambler.
Now, I know there's really nobody to blame for this, but myself, well, I don't
know, maybe
the Buffalo Bills or the Boston Red Sox or Mr. T or the Jets.
Wait a minute.
Mr. T, are you telling me that you bet on the fight in Rocky III and that you
bet against
Rocky?
I thought it's 2020, my friend.
The point is, I'm in trouble.
Deep trouble, which could be good for Mr. McKenna's father.
You see, there is a way I can get his name bumped to the top of the list, and
he can get his
heart.
How?
If you pay me $50,000.
Did you say $50,000?
No.
I whispered $50,000.
Such an amazing cast.
Yeah, they're really, really funny guys.
Like, I always wanted to...
Because when I was growing up, like, Chevy Chase saw him as my favorite guy,
sat around a lot.
Yeah.
So, uh, it was really cool to have him in.
Oh, what the...
Oh, Jesus.
I'm sorry, man.
What was that, Bob?
Was that funny?
And then, uh, Jack Warden was always my favorite, like, old dude.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's, like, tough, you know?
Yeah.
He's like a tough old bird.
If that stethoscope is as freezing cold as it was yesterday, I'm gonna shove it
right
up your ass.
Oh, he was in World War II and stuff, and he's like a man.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And, like, us guys nowadays...
And we're like, you know, actor men.
Yeah, we're like ladies.
Don Rickles is in it.
I became friendly with Don Rickles.
I love Don Rickles.
He's only there for a day, but he...
But, um, but it was a long day.
And he, uh, he left me a message at my office.
It was very funny to get a message from him.
And he goes...
And he's like, yep, it's like two a pound or three a pound.
You know, that voicemail kind of stuff.
And he goes, Bob, Don Rickles.
He said, I don't know how your Jew spaceship works, so I didn't know what to
hit on your voicemail.
I miss you, Bob.
Please call me, because I miss you.
Wow.
Don Rickles.
Right now, I'm going to explain to you my managing style for the benefit of the
new guy.
So there you are, tubby.
Ah, you look like a bucket of lard on a bad day.
You, baby gorilla, why don't you work a zoo and stop bothering people?
I got a call yesterday from Baskin Robbins.
They said that they're down to only five flavors.
You're swelling up as I talk to you.
Look at you.
How's this?
How's it doing?
Hello, ice cream.
Having a good time?
Running around?
What are you laughing at?
Because I called your friend the fat pig, huh?
You think that's funny?
Oh, no, I was just laughing earlier when you were talking to his belly.
Why don't you get a horse and live in the mountains someplace and don't bother
anybody?
Got a purse family like a dead moor.
There's a lot of people that are in it.
We had Chris Farley in it and some other cameos, some surprise cameos.
And we had fun with Chris.
Say, listen, pal.
You ever need anything, I mean anything at all, you come to me.
Can I stay at your place tonight?
Well, see, the thing is this.
I, uh, I live over at the Y, as you know.
Um, I got a roommate, old Jack, who is a little particular when it comes to
strangers.
Oh, yeah.
Well, no problem, Jimmy.
Thanks.
He just got his knee drained last week.
Uh, that's all right.
I'll find another place.
Well, I mean, he needed it, too.
That thing was getting a little bit right.
I'll get the picture.
Maybe I'll just sleep in my car.
Old Jack's an odd duck, I'll tell you.
Um, many times I catch him staring at me sleeping, which is loft pudding.
Yeah, I guess it would be, yeah.
His feet bleed.
I don't want to stay at your place!
Point taken.
Point taken, Mitch.
Okay, this is a fastball competition.
We each get three balls.
And this gun over here gauges our arm, you know, to tell how fast we are at
pitching.
So let's go.
Damn.
Zero.
Nothing.
Nothing.
He got nothing.
Did you?
He hurt his arm on a zero.
That wasn't a zero.
Yeah, it was a zero.
How could that be a zero?
It wasn't even on?
Strike zone.
You missed the strike zone.
It wasn't on?
You missed the strike zone.
God, just trust me.
All right, the final total after three pitches, although I already feel he was
robbed of the
first one.
Norm had 127, I already had 126, and I had 86.
I win.
You guys are the losers.
That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my life.
No, I won.
So, Norm, in this movie, Trailer Howard plays your love interest.
Yeah, yeah, she's a girl that I like, and, uh...
She's great.
Yeah, she's a nice girl.
She's sweet and nice.
And then the idea is, like, I really like her.
You know how guys fall in love with girls?
Uh-huh.
So it's kind of like...
I've heard about it.
Yeah.
So it's kind of like I fall in love with her.
Uh-huh.
Now you're famous for being a jerk.
Now, Trailer, you were one of...
Well, actually, probably the only woman...
Yeah.
...that was alive in this film.
Because the other women were dead in trunks.
Right.
So is that added pressure?
I'm alive.
I've got to really...
Yeah.
I usually, before the hookers came on, the guys would talk to me and flirt with
me.
And then as soon as we got to all the hooker stuff, I was like, pfft, nothing.
No one talked to me.
Did you ever think, well, boy, this would be a great idea.
I'd love to, like, hire someone to get revenge.
Yeah, revenge is always a good thing.
It would be a hop in business, don't you think?
Is there any revenge that you, like, tried to get while you were on the set?
Or, I mean, did you try to play any practical jokes on any of the other people?
Oh, I just used them, told them I'd have sex with them, and then I didn't.
That's the best revenge.
Yeah, isn't it?
Mildred!
Hey, Mildred!
Mildred, wait up!
Oh, hi, Mitch!
Hi, Mildred!
I guess you forgot my name.
It's not Mildred, it's Kathy.
Oh, no, I didn't forget.
You never told me, so I just guessed.
Oh, that's a novel approach.
Chris McDonald was like, he's like this super handsome dude, and he played the
mean, the bad guy, and he was like really handsome and mean and funny.
Because sometimes you think, hey, I'm a pretty good looking dude, but then you
see one of those actually handsome guys.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I don't usually compare myself with other men.
This is Chris McDonald, one of the stars of Dirty Work.
Chris?
Mmm.
Laura, I love you.
You send me.
So, Chris, tell us a little bit about your character.
My character, uh, Travis Cole.
Mm-hmm.
Bad guy.
Travis Cole is the sex object of the piece.
I've never done frontal nudity, and I thought, if I'm ever going to do it, do
it now, I'm still pretty cut up.
I'll say.
Travis Cole's rich, he's a benefactor of the community, he's wealthy.
You see, there's this small walk-up building I own over at 99 Franklin Street.
It's low-income housing, my way of giving back to the community.
But, much to my chagrin, a criminal element has reared its ugly head in the
form of drug dealers, gangs, even a house of prostitution.
I'm telling you he's doing that, uh...
Why don't you just get the cops to get him out?
It's not that simple.
As long as those criminals keep paying their rent on time, the police say I
have no grounds to evict them.
Well, what do you want us to do?
What I want you to do is get the building condemned.
I don't know.
I mean, we've never done anything this big before.
Gentlemen, let me give you a minute to think it over.
I mean, Mitch, doesn't it seem like...
By the way, you're right, he's definitely doing that dog.
Yeah, I had a co-star, Smunky, my dog, my chihuahua, who shakes a lot.
The dog and I got along famously.
I could do anything with it.
He, like, kept on throwing the dog on the ground.
No, Traylor, that's what I didn't want.
I kept on throwing the dog.
I know.
Stepping on the dog.
No!
No!
Well, I think that's everything.
All right!
Okay, this is the final competition of the day, and it, as you can see, is the
most grueling
because we've got to smoke and drink to get through it.
Pat, how about you and me shoot a game of pool?
Brack'em, Willie.
You're going to break?
Yes.
Are you breaking?
Yeah.
Oh, my God!
Get on me, Laura.
I can't lose.
Fast and loose.
Fast and loose.
Get off me, Laura.
I don't got it.
Yes!
I win because he sunk the eight ball.
Wow, we have a winner.
We win another game.
So, Norm, is this a dick flick?
As opposed to a chick flick?
Yeah, no, I don't know.
I don't know.
It's both.
Yeah, it's a guy movie, mostly, you know.
Although the ladies will like it, too.
Oh, yeah, I think so.
The ladies.
People of all stripes will like it, you know?
Do you have something to show us?
Yeah, I have a clip I brought along.
You want to pop it in?
Yeah.
Okay.
This is a clip from the film.
We did a film, and this is a clip from that film.
And it's entitled Dirty Work.
The film's entitled Dirty Work, yeah.
Well, Mitch, looks like we got ourselves a fight, huh?
Great.
It's fighting time.
Can I be on their side?
Looks like there's going to be a brawl.
You playing something good?
Hell, yeah!
Rolling Stones, street fighting man, G. Stafford.
You just hit G8.
If you like G, you come on up.
Bring it on!
Hey, how come you get a pool cue?
Yeah, I caught!
It fell right to my trap!
Jeremy, bite him!
Bite him in the nose!
I caught him in the nose!
Note to self.
Learn to fight.
Learn about a Cadillac.
I bought a Cadillac with the money from the movie.
Really?
Yeah.
Did you really?
I spent all of it on a Cadillac.
That's fantastic.
Yeah, I got to buy a Cadillac.
Huh?
Who buys a Cadillac?
An old Jew, actually, and you're Catholic.
Am I allowed to say that?
Oh, I mean, a lot of old Catholics, Italian guys, drive Cadillac.
Yeah?
I'm from New Jersey, and that's like the biggest status symbol to have a Cadillac.
Wow.
You're telling me if you saw me in a bar and we started talking and I told you
I had a Cadillac,
you wouldn't be turned on by that?
I'm turned on by it right now.
Oh, okay.
Well...
And, Norm, what about you?
What did you buy with your money?
With your dirty work money?
I like the land, you know?
And Artie's more like a city dude.
Yeah.
Yeah, Norm likes getting out in there in fresh air.
So are you going to buy a piece of land?
I would love to buy land.
I mean, that's...
I always like the idea of, like on the Bonanza show, where you can get on your
horse and ride
for like three days and you're still on your land.
I was just thinking when someone says, I would love to buy land, you know, it's
an interview
that's basically in the sh**.
Well, we've had a great day of hackers, hitters, um...
It's been a lot...
It's actually been a lot of fun, right?
It has.
And, you know, I have to say, Norm won, you know, two out of three.
And so, uh...
I guess, I guess so.
I mean, I saw it a little differently, but...
No, I know.
You know, these things are never fair, Artie.
No, they're not.
Life isn't fair.
It isn't.
No.
No?
So, Norm, this is your trophy.
Oh, thanks, man.
That's great.
And you've also won, uh, the South Park hat.
Oh, he wins that.
Okay.
And I get the trophy.
And look at the coin.
Look at the gold.
Oh, this is the cool.
The cool gold.
I'm gonna keep this.
This is Artie Lang.
It's been a good day.
Norm McDonald.
Go see their movie, Dirty Work.
It's pretty funny.
Yeah.
Coming up next, stay tuned for The Daily Show.
Every day we spin the news, and then you turn around and blame the media for
all your problems.
It's a thankless world.
What's the matter with you?
Have you always been like this?
How you got this movie, I'll never know.
*Bell rings*

Norm Macdonald & Artie Lange in Canned Ham Presents Dirty Work (1998) w/ Laura Kightlinger

Hi, I'm Laura Keitlinger, this is Comedy Central's Can't Ham, and I'm here with
the stars of Dirty Work, Norm MacDonald and Artie Lang, and we're going to talk
a little bit about the movie and play some movies.
Hey, Laura, check this out.
Whoa!
Did you get that?
She actually got it!
You're fired.
He all gets back at the people that fired him.
We should open a Revenge for Hire business.
I'm here with Norm MacDonald, star of Dirty Work.
That makes you laugh.
I know.
Norm, this is your first feature.
Yeah.
So tell us about it a little bit.
I fell in love with the script when I read it.
And you also helped write it.
I wrote it, yeah.
You fell in love with your own writing then.
Yeah.
I hear you tell it.
Okay, tell us about your character.
My character is, I play Mitch, and he's a lot like me, you know, like he looks
like me.
Same weight, height.
Whoa.
He could be my, he could be my, he could be my identical twin.
Doc's like me.
I'm starting to think it's you.
Yeah, sort of.
Yeah.
He's like a bad actor.
In the movie, I just go and get a bunch of jobs, and that I'm not qualified for.
And I used to do that in real life all the time.
I just pretend that I could do stuff, and they'll believe you a lot of times
and give you the
job, and then you're like, way over your head.
The bottom stair is a round over.
It does a 180 into the Newell Post.
Bannister has a 90 degree easement, and it dies into the inside face of the Newell
Post.
Ah, 90 degrees, but see, that's, that's going to be a problem.
What's the problem?
Well, we lied on a resume.
We know nothing about construction.
When is lunch?
You're fired.
So he always gets fired from all his jobs, and then, so he always likes to get
back at
the people that fired him, and then he eventually decides to make it a business.
It's about revenge.
Yeah, it's about revenge.
We, like, get back at people for a living, like, if they want revenge, then we
go and do
it for hire, revenge for hire.
Fully loaded V8 engine, standard.
Shock resistant CD player, standard.
Hey, the trunk, uh, looks kind of small there, Anton.
This is live.
I'm on live tea.
Trunk's fine.
As you can see, friend, it's not small.
It's a big trunk, and I'll show you right here.
Well, you got a dead hooker in the trunk.
What?
No, it can't be.
Yes, it was.
It was a dead hooker.
Hey, folks.
Yeah, come on down.
Hey, hey, here's another dead hooker in this trunk.
What?
Oh, my goodness.
What are you doing?
I've never seen so many dead hookers in all my life.
Lord knows I have.
Don't shoot this.
This is not part of the commercial.
If some jerk's making your life miserable, you want revenge, call 555-0187.
Let us do your dirty work.
Now, you're with Artie Lang.
Yeah, Artie Lang.
Mm-hmm.
Note to Sam.
Lose weight.
Was there an audition process, or did you just say, uh, I've got to get Artie,
or you said,
I saw Artie from Mad TV, and I really liked him, so I said, we've got to get
Artie.
Oh, that's great.
And as soon as Chris Penn turned it down, and Stephen Baldwin said no, and a
couple other
guys with a weight problem, he called me up, and I was free.
Wait, now let me ask you something.
In this movie, if I'm, I hope I'm not, you know, speaking out of school, you
play kind
of, like, made it, well, like, sort of the overweight, not-so-bright friend.
Yeah, I gained weight for this.
Yeah, okay.
I did, yeah.
I didn't want to, I, I, I, I, there's no polite way around.
No, I know, there, well, there actually is, but that's okay.
Um, no, uh, yeah, I, I guess, yeah, I'm kind of the, the, the fat, dumb guy.
No.
No, I am, yeah, but that's, that's funny, and in the history of movies, that's,
like,
the funniest guy to be.
Hey, hey, movie line, coming up.
It's all right.
Oh, how's that looking, baby?
Ha-ha!
He was supposed to keep driving.
You know, we start a revenge business and do some, some cute little tricks on
people, and,
and now, is this something that you've wanted to do in your own life?
Yeah, I've always wanted to get revenge on people, especially people I went to
school
with.
Uh-huh.
In high school, I was, you know, I was, like, sort of, like, very smart and
good-looking,
and people picked on me because of that.
Yeah.
Well, say right now who you want to get revenge on.
Just say it right now, because you're watching this.
Uh, I'd probably want to get revenge on, uh, Dan McGrath.
Yeah.
If he's out there.
He's actually a cop right now in New Jersey.
Yeah, hear that, Dan?
Okay.
So, you know, if I get the chance, I'm gonna do that.
Okay.
I think you got him right now.
Mentioning him on Can Damn is probably enough.
That was really funny, sticking the cops on us like that.
Yeah.
Really?
I thought it was funny, but I'm surprised you guys did, because, uh, you got
your asses kicked.
Okay, what do you think the best revenge is?
The best revenge is, uh, um, living well.
Oh, I read that somewhere.
I know, but I'm asking you.
Oh, oh.
I guess the best revenge is, uh, where you, you get a, some, uh, some, like, of
that dog crap,
put it in a bag, and then light it on a dude's front porch.
No, it's living well.
Have you ever done that?
It's living well, and dog shit.
Yeah, it's a time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You are the king of revenge.
Right now, me and Artie and Laura are gonna play a game, a basketball game.
It's called Whore.
It's like horse, except it's whore.
Ready?
Yeah, let's start.
All right.
This is for a W.
Yeah.
All right.
Woo!
Wow.
I got a W, right?
W.
So, Norm's got W.
We'll be right back, uh, with exciting conclusion to this, to the boring game,
to this exciting
game.
The boring conclusion of this exciting game with Norm and Artie.
Back here at the Hogs, Heifers, and Hooters, uh, sports bar on West 18th Street,
New York
City, the game of horror has clearly been won by Artie Lang, destroying Norm
MacDonald and
Laura Keitlinger.
Norm, any words on that?
No.
Okay.
Why don't you girls go hit the shower?
Absolutely.
Bob Saget directed this.
He was, uh, he was a guy, like, when I was a young boy, I went, the first
comedian I ever
saw was Saget.
Wow.
And, uh, he was, like, real kind of dark, like, uh, weird comic, you know?
And so then, uh, I kept telling everybody, like, he's a funny guy.
No one would believe me, because he's on those shows.
And, uh, but then, uh, we got him, and he was, like, really, really funny.
He's a good director.
I'm really happy with this movie.
I think it's really funny.
I've seen it over a thousand times.
Oh, my God.
And I had to pay every time I saw it, so.
Really?
All my salary's gone.
It's eight grand, right?
Was it in Toronto because it's cheaper to shoot it there?
No.
Uh, movies are, uh, uh, I believe 26% funnier if they're shot in Toronto.
Okay.
It's the exchange rate on comedy.
Oh.
It's actually a funny premise.
Two guys open a revenge for hire business because one of them needs $50,000 to
get his father,
Jack Warden, a heart transplant.
And the doctor is played by Chevy Chase, who needs $50,000 right away because
bookies are
going to kill him because he owes them money.
Come back.
Sit down.
I'm sorry.
I'm a compulsive gambler.
Now, I know there's really nobody to blame for this, but myself, well, I don't
know, maybe
the Buffalo Bills or the Boston Red Sox or Mr. T or the Jets.
Wait a minute.
Mr. T, are you telling me that you bet on the fight in Rocky III and that you
bet against
Rocky?
I thought it's 2020, my friend.
The point is, I'm in trouble.
Deep trouble, which could be good for Mr. McKenna's father.
You see, there is a way I can get his name bumped to the top of the list, and
he can get his
heart.
How?
If you pay me $50,000.
Did you say $50,000?
No.
I whispered $50,000.
Such an amazing cast.
Yeah, they're really, really funny guys.
Like, I always wanted to...
Because when I was growing up, like, Chevy Chase saw him as my favorite guy,
sat around a lot.
Yeah.
So, uh, it was really cool to have him in.
Oh, what the...
Oh, Jesus.
I'm sorry, man.
What was that, Bob?
Was that funny?
And then, uh, Jack Warden was always my favorite, like, old dude.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's, like, tough, you know?
Yeah.
He's like a tough old bird.
If that stethoscope is as freezing cold as it was yesterday, I'm gonna shove it
right
up your ass.
Oh, he was in World War II and stuff, and he's like a man.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And, like, us guys nowadays...
And we're like, you know, actor men.
Yeah, we're like ladies.
Don Rickles is in it.
I became friendly with Don Rickles.
I love Don Rickles.
He's only there for a day, but he...
But, um, but it was a long day.
And he, uh, he left me a message at my office.
It was very funny to get a message from him.
And he goes...
And he's like, yep, it's like two a pound or three a pound.
You know, that voicemail kind of stuff.
And he goes, Bob, Don Rickles.
He said, I don't know how your Jew spaceship works, so I didn't know what to
hit on your voicemail.
I miss you, Bob.
Please call me, because I miss you.
Wow.
Don Rickles.
Right now, I'm going to explain to you my managing style for the benefit of the
new guy.
So there you are, tubby.
Ah, you look like a bucket of lard on a bad day.
You, baby gorilla, why don't you work a zoo and stop bothering people?
I got a call yesterday from Baskin Robbins.
They said that they're down to only five flavors.
You're swelling up as I talk to you.
Look at you.
How's this?
How's it doing?
Hello, ice cream.
Having a good time?
Running around?
What are you laughing at?
Because I called your friend the fat pig, huh?
You think that's funny?
Oh, no, I was just laughing earlier when you were talking to his belly.
Why don't you get a horse and live in the mountains someplace and don't bother
anybody?
Got a purse family like a dead moor.
There's a lot of people that are in it.
We had Chris Farley in it and some other cameos, some surprise cameos.
And we had fun with Chris.
Say, listen, pal.
You ever need anything, I mean anything at all, you come to me.
Can I stay at your place tonight?
Well, see, the thing is this.
I, uh, I live over at the Y, as you know.
Um, I got a roommate, old Jack, who is a little particular when it comes to
strangers.
Oh, yeah.
Well, no problem, Jimmy.
Thanks.
He just got his knee drained last week.
Uh, that's all right.
I'll find another place.
Well, I mean, he needed it, too.
That thing was getting a little bit right.
I'll get the picture.
Maybe I'll just sleep in my car.
Old Jack's an odd duck, I'll tell you.
Um, many times I catch him staring at me sleeping, which is loft pudding.
Yeah, I guess it would be, yeah.
His feet bleed.
I don't want to stay at your place!
Point taken.
Point taken, Mitch.
Okay, this is a fastball competition.
We each get three balls.
And this gun over here gauges our arm, you know, to tell how fast we are at
pitching.
So let's go.
Damn.
Zero.
Nothing.
Nothing.
He got nothing.
Did you?
He hurt his arm on a zero.
That wasn't a zero.
Yeah, it was a zero.
How could that be a zero?
It wasn't even on?
Strike zone.
You missed the strike zone.
It wasn't on?
You missed the strike zone.
God, just trust me.
All right, the final total after three pitches, although I already feel he was
robbed of the
first one.
Norm had 127, I already had 126, and I had 86.
I win.
You guys are the losers.
That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my life.
No, I won.
So, Norm, in this movie, Trailer Howard plays your love interest.
Yeah, yeah, she's a girl that I like, and, uh...
She's great.
Yeah, she's a nice girl.
She's sweet and nice.
And then the idea is, like, I really like her.
You know how guys fall in love with girls?
Uh-huh.
So it's kind of like...
I've heard about it.
Yeah.
So it's kind of like I fall in love with her.
Uh-huh.
Now you're famous for being a jerk.
Now, Trailer, you were one of...
Well, actually, probably the only woman...
Yeah.
...that was alive in this film.
Because the other women were dead in trunks.
Right.
So is that added pressure?
I'm alive.
I've got to really...
Yeah.
I usually, before the hookers came on, the guys would talk to me and flirt with
me.
And then as s