Name: Norm Macdonald recites 'How Batesse Came Home' by William Henry Drummond
Uploaded: 2020-05-24T05:13:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald recites 'How Batesse Came Home' by William Henry Drummond' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald recites 'How Batesse Came Home' by William Henry Drummond' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-24. Transcript available.

You wanna hear another poem?
Sure.
This is by William Henry Drummond, a Canadian.
When I was young boy on the farm, that's 20 years ago,
I have one friend he leaves near me called Jean-Baptiste Trudeau.
And often when we are alone we lack for speak about
the time when we come big man with mustache on our mouth.
Baptiste is get it on his head, he's too much educate
for make the habitant farmer, he better go on state.
And so one summer evening we were driving home to Cal,
he's told me all the whole business, just like you hear me now.
What's use make foolish on the farm?
There's no good chances left, and all the time you be poor man,
you know that's true yourself.
We never get no fun at all, don't never go on spree,
unless we pass on another place and make it some money.
I go on the Etats-Unis, I go there right away.
And then maybe on 10-12 years I'll be a rich man someday.
And when I make the large fortune I come back, I suppose,
with Yankee fam from off the state and money on my clothes.
I told you something else, mon cher Napoleon.
I get the grand majorité for go on parliament.
Then build fine house on border low, near where the churches stand,
more finer than the presbyter, when I am come rich man.
I say, for what you speak like that?
You must be gone crazy.
There's plenty fell around the state more smarter than you be.
Besides, she's not so healthy place.
And if you make l'argent, you spend it just like Yankee and not like Abitant.
For me, Baptiste, I told you this, I'm very satisfied.
The best man don't leave too long time.
Some days, by gash, he die.
And suppose you got good trotter horse, a nice fam Canadian.
With plenty on the house for eat, what more you want, my friend?
But Baptiste, he have it all make up, I can't stop him at all.
He buy the second class ticket for go on central fall.
And with two, three, some times more, the boy,
what think the same he do, pass on the train the very next week,
was left Riviera-da-Loup.
Well, maybe fifteen years or more since Baptiste go away.
I find myself Riviera-da-Loup one cold, cold winter day.
The quick express she come, hurray!
But stop, the soon she can.
And big swell feller jump off the car.
That's boss, I can't say this word.
They always wanted to put that word in, no matter what, in the old days.
Even if they didn't have to.
That's boss, my African-American man.
He's dressing on the premier class and got new suit of clothes.
With long mustache that's sticking out the other side of his nose.
Fine gold watch chain, nice portmanteau, and long, long overcoat.
With beaver hat, that's Yankee style, and red tie on his coat.
I say, hello Baptiste, hello.
Comment ça va, mon vieux?
He says, excuse me, my friend.
I think I don't know you.
I say, she's very curious then.
You are Baptiste Trudeau.
Was raison, just same place with me.
That's 15 years ago.
He say, oh yes, that's sure enough.
I know you first, I know you now first rate.
But I forget most of my French since I go on the state.
There's another nothing, keep your head, my friend.
They must be told.
My name's Baptiste Trudeau no more.
Just John B. Waterhole.
Hole on the water's funny name for man was called Trudeau.
My friends, my friends, they always speak like that, and I am told him so.
He says, Trudeau and Waterhole, she's just about the same.
And if you go for leave on state, you must have Yankee name.
Then we invite him come with us.
Hotels of Canada, where he was treated most every time.
But can't take Whisky Blanc.
He says, that's little strong for man just come off Central Far.
And Tabak Canian, be damned, he won't smoke that at all.
But fancy drink, like Collins John, the way he puts it down.
Was long time since I don't see that.
I think he's going to drown.
And fine cigar cost five cents each.
And Mac on Trois-Rivières.
L'enfant, he smoke big pile of them.
For money, he don't care.
I suppose myself, it's three o'clock.
When we are through that night.
Baptiste, his father come for him.
And take him home all right.
The old man says Baptiste speak French.
When he's in place on bed.
And say bad word.
But when he wake, forget it on his head.
Well, all the winter, when we have soiree, that's grand affair.
Baptiste Trudeau did water hole.
He be the boss man there.
You bet he have big time.
When the spring, he come encore.
He's buy the premier class ticket for going to the state some more.
You remember when the hard time came on the Etats Unis.
And plenty of Canadiens go back.
For stay in their own country.
Well, just about that time again, I go to Rivière-de-Loup.
For sold me two, three load of hay.
Make little visit too.
The freight train she's just arrived.
Only ten hours delay.
She never carry passengers.
That's what they always say.
I see poor man on charred caboose.
He's got him small, Alice.
But gosh, I nearly take defeat.
It is.
It is Baptiste.
He know me very well this time.
And say bonjour, mon vieux.
I hope you know Baptiste Trudeau was educated with you.
I've just come off the state to see my family encore.
I buzzed myself on Saint-Trofort.
I don't go there no more.
I got no money.
None at all.
I broke it up for sure.
That's lucky thing Napoleon the break man Jean Latour.
His cousin of one friend of mine called Camille Vatican.
Conductor's too good Camille.
Don't ask me no ticket.
I attacked Baptiste with we once more to hotels in Canada.
And he was glad for get the chance to drink some whiskey blanc.
That swarmed me up.
And then he eats most everything he see.
I watched the whole business myself.
Mon gee he was hungry.
Madame Charlotte was kept a place get very much excited.
For see the many pork and beans Baptiste put out of sight.
The pain doré potato pie.
Another thing to another thing be there.
But when Baptiste is get him through.
They go I don't know where.
It don't take long for told the news.
Baptiste comes off the state.
And pretty soon we have big crowd like village.
She's on faith.
But now Maxime Trudeau himself is coming with the priest.
And pass him on the room for eat.
Where he is see Baptiste.
Then everybody feeling glad for what Dehebra say.
And bend the head the whole man speak.
Baptiste you're here for stay.
Baptiste he's crying like big baby.
That's just west TSI.
And if I ever see the state.
I'm sure I don't care me.
Correct Maxime.
Say it off.
I place you on the farm.
For help your poor old father.
What do you do more charm?
Please come with me on magazine.
I fix you up Bowie.
And then you're ready for go home and see the family.
Well when the old man and Baptiste come off the magazine.
Baptiste has lost his Yankee clothes.
He's dressed like Canadiens.
With butter savage, centre flesh.
And coat with capuchon.
And spique franson naturel de Sam Zabiton.
I see Baptiste the other day.
He's worked his father's place.
I think myself he's satisfied.
I see that on his face.
He say I got no use for stay.
Mon cher Napoleon.
Quebec.
J'ai eu ce go de la forme.
Hooray les canaillons.
Seriously though.
I don't know why.
At what point when you thought maybe they'd want to hear this.
Did you not look ahead at how long it was?
I've never read that.
What's it about?
God.
It's about Baptiste.
It's about Baptiste.
It's about Baptiste.
It goes to America.
If only Norm would have read it in English.
Maybe we'd understand that.
Why'd he got to turn his back on his culture?
To make the big money in America.
- Well, I mean, America.
- Yeah, but that...