Name: Norm Macdonald on the Tonight Show w/ Jay Leno (1997) Full Interview
Uploaded: 2020-07-01T18:22:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on the Tonight Show w/ Jay Leno (1997) Full Interview' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on the Tonight Show w/ Jay Leno (1997) Full Interview' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-01. Transcript available.

My first guest, one of the best reasons to stay home on Saturday night.
He's the anchor of Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live.
Very funny comedian, old friend, Mr. Norm MacDonald.
Hey, thanks for flying out for this. Good flight?
Hey, oh yeah, it was fun. Happy birthday.
Oh, thank you very much. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You're 47.
47.
That's great. You look like you're 25 or something.
Yeah, yeah, I look like I'm 25, but you got the job. Good to see you. Welcome,
welcome.
Yeah, I went on the airplane, you know, and I'm getting recognized now, you
know?
That's great.
Not as much as a real famous guy, but like halfway between like a real famous
guy
and a guy that's not famous at all.
Yeah, yeah, that would make sense, sure.
So, like I was, when I was flying in, a weird thing happened, like I sat down
on the plane,
you know how they get you to sit beside a stranger, another guy, you know?
Right, right.
So I'm sitting beside this guy and the guy goes, he goes,
"Hey man, I really like you on the show on Saturday Night Live, Bob."
He calls me Bob.
Yeah.
And so I go, "Hey, thanks a lot," you know?
And he goes, "Yeah, I like when you do dole, you know, Bob," you know?
And I go, "Thanks," you know?
And I figure, "What the hell, Bob, that's a name like any other?"
Yeah, good name, funny.
Yeah, that's all right.
So I go, "I'll just go along with the guy."
So he keeps calling me Bob and everything.
And then this other character, later on in the flight, about two hours into the
flight,
he comes out of the bathroom, you know?
He was in the bathroom?
Yeah, yeah, right.
So he comes out and he's walking down.
Suddenly he sees me, you know, he recognizes me.
And he goes, "Hey," he goes, "You're that guy from Saturday Night Live, right?"
And I go, "Yeah, yeah."
And he goes, "What's your name? What's your name?"
And I go, "It's Bob, my name is Bob."
Right?
So then the guy goes, "Yeah, yeah, Bob."
He goes, "Bob, what? What's your last name?"
So then I was going to say McDonald, Bob McDonnell.
Then I thought maybe it'll like trigger something in the guy's mind, you know?
And he'll remember my actual name.
Right, man.
Maybe by saying Bob McDonnell, he'll go, "No, it's Norm McDonnell."
Right?
Yeah, sure.
Then the other guy will go, "What? I thought you were Bob."
Right?
So I'm thinking quick, you know?
This is all going on in my head quick.
Yeah, snap, snap, snap, yeah.
So I immediately realized I can't say McDonald.
So I'm trying to think of another name.
I have to say, "You can't wait like five minutes."
You know?
Right, right, right.
You can't ponder it.
Go, "What's my last name?"
Wow.
That's an interesting question.
You have to immediately say something.
So I said, "Bob Kendall."
Like that?
Because I used to have a teacher, Mr. Kendall.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Very clever.
So I said, "Bob Kendall."
"Bob Kendall."
So then the guy goes, "Yeah, Bob Kendall."
"Yeah, Bob Kendall."
"Yeah, Bob Kendall."
You made like a face like that.
Do you ever do this one?
I'm on a plane once and I sit down and I'm sitting next to a guy and he doesn't
recognize it.
This is like before I was doing this.
I guest hosted like three times.
Yeah.
And someone passes by and goes, "Hey, how you doing?
I enjoy your work.
Nice to see you."
And the guy says to me, "What are you?
Athlete or something like that?"
I go, "No, I'm not an athlete."
I said, "I'm a comedian.
You know, I guest hosted tonight.
You want Johnny's not there."
And then he says, "I watch his show every night.
I've never seen you."
Well, now I have to go find that.
Now I have to go find the guy and bring him back to prove that it was really me
on the show.
But how are you doing?
Everything okay at your house?
Everything good?
Oh, yeah.
Well, I'm having a little trouble, Mike.
I have a cat, you know?
You have a cat?
I know you're a big cat lover.
Sure.
Oh, yeah.
No, I don't love them, but I have one.
Yeah.
I don't understand that.
I keep it at a platonic level.
Oh, I see.
Yeah, yeah.
But I have a cat, my friend, Steve Koren, you know, who's a great man.
Yeah.
He's a good guy.
He was living in New York City when I was living there.
And he was my buddy.
And then he left.
He went to L.A., you know, Los Angeles.
How would you not know that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he's working on the Seinfeld show now.
So he goes, "Hey, Norm, I'll give you my cat free."
You know?
So I'm always looking for a good deal, you know?
Yeah, free.
A free cat.
So I get this cat.
So then, like, a couple weeks later, he has a heart attack.
The cat?
Yeah.
Have you ever heard of such a thing?
No, no, but...
I know.
Who would know a cat could even have a heart attack?
It's crazy.
So what happened?
I came home, and I go, "Okay."
And I walk through my door, you know, into my apartment.
And there's the cat.
And he's got, like, foam coming out of his mouth.
And he's going, like...
And there's foam and everything.
And he's, like, crazy.
You know?
He's acting like a crazy cat.
Right.
And so, like, I'm scared.
I don't want to go near him, because I can tell, like, he's delirious.
And maybe, I don't know...
Sure, yeah.
Anything could happen.
Yeah, he could think I was a mouse or something, you know?
And, like, bite me.
So, I go, "I gotta do something, man.
My cat, something's wrong with him, you know?
He's not supposed to be doing this."
So, quickly, I think quick, you know?
Yeah.
I grab the phone.
I phone 911, you know?
911.
And, it turns out, they don't want to hear about a cat.
No, that's only for people, you know?
They said that to me.
They go, "This is for people."
So, I said, "All right, all right.
I don't know what to do.
What's the cat number?"
They go, "Just get off the phone."
You know?
They gotta keep the lines free.
You know what I'm saying?
They don't want to...
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, I don't know what to do.
So, my neighbor, you know, Bill?
Right.
Yeah.
You know, it doesn't matter what his name is, but his name is Bill.
So, I knock on his door, "Bill, Bill, Bill!"
He's not home.
Some other guy's there, you know?
I don't know what the hell is going on there.
But, the other guy comes.
I don't ask questions, you know?
No, no.
Get involved.
So, I say, "Listen, I don't know who you are.
I don't know what you're doing at Bill's place, but my cat is in deep trouble."
You know?
He's going, and he's got stuff coming out.
So, the guy goes, "We've got to get him to a hospital, you know?"
So, I go, "Look, I just phoned 911.
I'm sure they don't want to see a cat at a hospital, either."
He goes, "No, there's animal hospitals, you know?"
So, he took me to this place called an animal hospital.
I swear to God, they actually have these.
You can bring your cat there.
Do you have a cat?
Yeah, I know an animal hospital.
I have them all over the place.
They're quite common.
But, yeah, go ahead.
Okay.
So, I ring my cat and I go, "Doc, doc."
There's a doc there, you know?
That's right.
They have doctors.
For cats.
Yeah, they have cat doctors.
I go, "Listen, doc.
My cat."
So, they take him away, you know?
And I'm sitting, like, in a waiting room.
It's exactly like a real place, except it's ridiculous, you know?
So, everyone's sitting around.
They're worried, you know?
"Oh, I hope my dog is all right."
You know?
So, I go, so the guy brings me in the office, and he goes, "Listen."
He goes, "You know, your cat is at a heart attack."
So, I go, "Come on.
My cat is at a heart attack."
And he goes, "No, seriously."
And I go, "How can a cat have a heart attack?"
He goes, "Oh, many different things."
He goes, "Diet, stress, you know?"
Like, "How the hell could a cat have stress?"
You know what?
That's not true.
This guy's just making up stuff, you know?
You think he's making up stuff?
Well, no.
My cat has a big promotion coming up.
He's all worried, you know?
Yeah, he's worried about it.
But, so I said to the guy, "Okay."
I go, "Fair enough.
I'll go along with it."
He goes, "Now," he says, "I'll let you visit with your cat."
They have a visiting time.
This is the oddest part of the whole thing.
Yeah, yeah.
They take you in a room, and then they bring your cat in, and he's all drugged
up.
They got him drugged.
And they put him on, like, a gurney, and he's, like, standing there like this.
And then the guy says, "Okay."
He says, "You only have 30 minutes to talk to your cat."
So he leaves, you're in a room with a cat for, like, 30 minutes.
It's, like, crazy.
Then after, like, five minutes, you go, "I've got a life to get back to here.
I can't talk to a cat."
I can't talk to a cat.
Well, Norm, very funny stuff.
He's a good man.
So you guys are back in a couple of weeks again?
You're off?
We're back in two weeks.
Two weeks.
We're back in -- we're off this week, and then we're back in the -- yeah, two
weeks.
Two weeks.
Yeah, yeah, there you go.
Norm MacDonald.
Thank you, Norm.
Be right back with John Vincent and his pigs.
When do you see these pigs?
Oh, boy.