Name: Norm Macdonald on the Ticket SportsRadio Podcast (2011) Full Interview
Uploaded: 2020-07-08T04:44:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on the Ticket SportsRadio Podcast (2011) Full Interview' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on the Ticket SportsRadio Podcast (2011) Full Interview' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-08. Transcript available.

We always love it when we have a special guest in studio, and this guy's not
going to be in studio.
But we're still going to love it.
Yeah, we couldn't convince him to come up here in studio because he's a germaphobe,
and he notices that Giorgio's been coughing a lot on the show.
He's been listening all morning.
I don't know about that.
So he's calling in from the cubicle area out there.
His name is Norm MacDonald, and he joins us now on the phone.
Sorry about that.
Norm MacDonald, welcome to the program.
How you doing, man?
Are you having a good morning?
Yeah, I'm doing well.
When did you wake up?
Morning busted for me around 545.
Good Lord.
Yeah.
Now, do you normally wake up that early, or are you just doing a round of
interviews?
No, I wake up pretty early.
You know, I like to get up.
You know, I run my six miles.
Are you a fitness guy?
You're not a fitness guy.
No, no, I'm not a fitness guy.
I didn't mean that.
I was just lying.
Do you smoke?
You know, I quit smoking.
Did you ever smoke?
Did I ever smoke?
I have before in the past.
Like a chimney he did, yes.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
No, it's good to quit, right?
How many years did you smoke?
God, forever, man.
I mean, I started when I was 14.
So, you know, I'd go off and on.
And then finally, man, I looked on the side of the pack, and it turns out they're
not as good for you as you'd think.
But listen, what's going on with that salvia, man?
I was watching Saturday Night Live with Miley Cyrus, and they were as much as
promoting it.
I mean, I don't want to say anything, but doesn't that seem, I might,
irresponsible?
Yeah, you know what he's talking about there, Giorgio.
He's talking about, you know, Miley Cyrus, that video footage of her smoking
out of a bong.
She was smoking that salvia, I think it's called, or whatever it is.
I don't even know what's in that crap.
Is it an herb?
Is it a chemical?
Well, I guess it's legal, like all drugs are when they begin.
Right.
But, you know, I've seen things, because you can look up people on salvia on
YouTube, and they just go into, like, a coma.
It's, like, it looks incredibly dangerous.
What's the hardest drug that Norm Macdonald's done?
I guess love.
Are you in love right now, Norm Macdonald?
Listen, I love, you know, I just want to be the world's best friend, give
everyone a hug.
Oh, that's very nice.
That's really nice.
Okay, let's talk about this new game show that you have.
It's high-stakes poker, right?
Yeah, yeah.
It's on the Game Show Network.
And how long have you been a serious poker guy?
Well, I've played, I don't know, I've probably played for about 20 years.
It's a pretty fun game.
Can you beat Welcome Back Cotter?
No.
He's, like, really good, isn't he?
The Gabe Kaplan?
He's really good.
I can beat Horshack.
All right, so you're hosting the show, and is this going to have these same
really cocky players with sunglasses on it that we see on ESPN all the time?
And if it is, could you ban sunglasses from the set?
No, I know, sunglasses.
Well, a lot of people want to make them illegal.
Well, they should be illegal.
Yeah.
The eyes are telling.
That's the window to the soul, and they want to know.
No, when I play poker, I leave my eyes, you know, I take my sunglasses off, and
I invite people to look into my soul because I don't know what's going on in
there.
If they can give me any tips on what's happening inside my mind, I'm more than
happy to take them.
So you are against people wearing sunglasses, although they will wear them on
your show.
Yes, I'm against it.
What about two eye patches?
I've never seen that look.
But I think it's cool there's pirates again.
I mean, I know it's terrible for the people who've lost their lives, but...
But it's funny, kind of.
It's just fun, man.
The pirates go away for a long time.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I'm with you.
Kind of.
It'd be like if all of a sudden there was, like, knights walking around.
Norm MacDonald is our special in-studio, on-the-phone guest.
There's cowboys.
There's some poker guys dressed as cowboys.
And then you go, that's strange.
Like, I haven't seen a cowboy for hundreds of years either.
So is it possible that when we tune into this show, you could see, like, a
cowboy, a knight, and a pirate all playing poker?
Yeah, it's more than possible.
It's probable.
Yeah, it's highly probable.
Did you enjoy your time on Saturday Night Live, or was it a beating, because
they were always messing with you?
Oh, no, I loved it.
Nobody messes with me.
I mean, they talked.
They'd tell me what to do.
Is that what you mean?
By messing?
Yeah, like, I thought that they, you know, they censored you a few times, and
it made you mad.
No, they never did.
They tried to, right?
I was tuned in.
They just tell me what to do.
Although I thought they were just suggesting what I should do.
Turns out they were actually telling me what to do.
And I was tuned in one night, and I swear, didn't you say the F word or
something like that?
Yeah, I did one time.
And it just completely slipped out?
Yeah.
Well, no, yeah.
It's actually all the other words slip out.
That word is very hard not to say.
I don't know if you've ever, I mean, you guys, listen, you guys work in the
Fourth Estate.
You know how hard it is not to say that word?
Oh, yeah.
Especially for a lot of time.
It's right there.
It's ready to go.
I went on a rant about Easter, and I said the F word like five times the other
day.
Whoa.
Yeah.
It's pretty serious.
All right, Norm MacDonald is with us on the phone here in the corner.
Well, that's downright dereliction of duty.
What did you say?
Daryl who?
I said saying it five times is downright dereliction of duty.
Okay.
All right, calm down.
You're getting violent with us.
All right, now this is what I want to talk with you about, other than the high-stakes
poker show.
That's on the Game Show Network.
We encourage everyone to tune in.
When does that start?
Saturday night.
Saturday night.
Okay, when you were on Saturday Night Live, you were, I think, you and Dennis
Miller were the greatest weekend host update guys ever.
I may even give you the nod over Dennis Miller, although it's tough.
Now, you hate Dennis Miller, right?
Me?
No, I love Dennis Miller.
I was just trying to start something there.
But anyway, when you were the host of Weekend Update, it was during the O.J.
Simpson time.
And you were pretty hilarious about how much you were convinced that O.J. was
guilty.
This guy was guilty of sin, and you made that known every single weekend on
Weekend Update.
Well, one of the bigwigs over at NBC, what's his name, was friends with O.J.?
Olmeyer.
Olmeyer.
Yes.
And didn't that cause you some heartache with Olmeyer that you would go on
there blasting O.J. Simpson, and he told you to lay off?
Yeah, he didn't want any more jokes about O.J.
I mean, he was his friend, you know.
He was his best friend.
But isn't that on him?
I mean, if he wants to be friends with a killer, what is that in your business?
I mean, why does he have to mess with you?
He was found not guilty in a court of law.
Well, I didn't say he didn't get away with it.
I just said he was a killer.
Well, I think you're being a little reckless.
With what?
The facts?
With calling him a killer, I mean...
Okay, do you think O.J. did it?
I won't argue with you if you're going to say he's guilty of being the best
running back ever.
Oh.
He's trying to get back to something in love.
I won't argue with you if you say he's guilty of stealing his own shirt.
And a foiled shirt-stealing caper.
But when it comes to killing, I don't for a second believe he killed his wife.
I think he did kill that waiter that was with her, though.
Oh, golly.
Jeez.
My theories are constantly evolving.
All right.
Does Norm Macdonald ever get mad?
Are you always this kind of, I don't know, just kind of a real pleasantly lazy-talking,
float-down-the-river kind of guy?
I'll tell you what makes me mad.
You know, people are against four-letter words.
I'm against an 11-letter word.
Give us an example.
Intolerance.
Oh.
Actually, that makes me pretty happy, too.
Oh, no.
Just being intolerant toward people.
Mm-hmm.
Do you still do stand-up?
Oh, yeah, man.
I do stand-up.
I'm on the road more than...
I don't know.
Than people who aren't on the road.
Let's call Dennis Miller and find out.
I'm on the road a lot.
Yeah, I don't want to get Dennis Miller on the line, because you guys will bicker,
because
I know you guys hate each other.
I got a Comedy Central special on Saturday.
You do?
Yeah, you can watch it on TV on Saturday night.
Would you like to plug it?
Nah, that's cool.
I don't need to plug it.
Just watch it Saturday night.
Sounds like it's competing with high-stakes poker.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, it is, actually.
It's on 1130.
It's on the opposite of Saturday Night Live.
Ooh, that's interesting.
Hey, so what's it like to be a game show host?
Do you like that gig?
It's not exactly a game show host, because it's not exactly a game show.
It's just guys playing poker.
Yeah, George.
Well, it's on the Game Show Network.
I would call that a game show, wouldn't it?
Yeah, but it's not by strict dictionary definition a game show.
Yeah.
Because it's just guys playing poker.
And then I commentate on it, you know.
And I'm very good.
I get to see their hold cards, which gives me a big advantage.
Mm-hmm.
So you hear stuff like, oh, why is he betting?
That guy clearly has a five.
Well, wait.
The audience also sees the hold cards, too, right?
Yeah, the audience can be part of the fun of ridiculing world-class poker
players.
Almost sounds like you're a game show host on that.
Stop it, Giorgio.
He doesn't want to be accused of being a game show host.
This is the difference, is that poker is not a game show.
Yeah, it's a game.
And then you're doing a show on that.
Yeah.
All right, I'm not going to listen to you two guys bicker as if you're Dennis
Miller and Norm MacDonald.
It would be like calling Marv Albert a game show host because he commentates a
game.
You know what I mean?
Good point.
Yeah, okay, you got me there.
You got me there.
Touche.
Yep, you got me there.
All right, so your last stand-up comedy gig, where was it?
Our last one was in Portland, Oregon.
Did you kill it?
Oh, man, are you kidding?
People are still, people's sides still hurt in Oregon, from what I've heard.
Did you kill it as much as O.J. killed it on that fateful night?
Wait, what?
June 1995.
Wait, what?
All right, Norm, we have to let you go because I know you have a whole bunch of
interviews.
I think you're doing Leno right after you're hanging out with us.
Norm MacDonald, it's the high-stakes poker non-game show on the Game Show
Network.
Yeah, it's an anomaly.
It's this Saturday night.
It's on opposite of Norm's stand-up special on Comedy Central.
Enjoy an all-Norm Saturday night.
Thanks for joining us, Norm.
Thanks a lot, man.
All right, we'll see you.
See you.
Come on.
That's the most laid-back human on the planet.
And you know what?
I've always loved that guy.
I was serious.
I thought he was great as the NFL.
I thought he rivaled Dennis Miller as the greatest Weekend Update guy.
You know what?
I think Dennis Miller was the best, but I would put Norm in the top three.
And in fact, Chevy Chase, who's probably the other guy I would put in the top
three, said Norm MacDonald is the only one who's gotten it right since he left.
Really?
Yeah.
So he excluded Dennis Miller out of that.
He's just so dry in the way he would deliver the jokes.
We're so funny.
And I knew people.
And I think he's very divisive because I knew a lot of people who hated him on
that show.
Like they didn't like his delivery and they never bonded with him.
I thought he was awesome at it.
So he did some impersonations on Saturday Night Live, too.
He did Burt Reynolds.
That was great.
Awesome one, too.
Bob Dole.
That was great.
Remember the episode of, I want to say it was like a, what was the real world?
Remember that show on MTV?
They did The Real World when Bob Dole moved into the house with the kids.
And, of course, they hated him because he was so grumpy and wouldn't let him
borrow any of his pasta or anything.
In the kitchen.
And then they showed him after he had been ostracized.
And he went and crawled in his top bunk of his bunk bed.
And they started playing Everybody Hurts by R.E.M.
And showing him crying.
He did Letterman.
I remember that was funny.
He was the best Letterman.
I thought he was much better than Piscopo's Letterman.
And I'm looking at a bio of his that has some of his funny quotes.
This is my favorite.
I was in my peak physical condition when I was like one.
He said, oh, God, I looked so good then, young and fresh.
And, you know, there's a famous ticket host who's patterned himself after Norm
Macdonald.
Dan Macdonald?
Dan Macdonald loves him.
Yeah.
In fact, he called me yesterday.
Man, you got him in studio?
Yeah.
I think he wanted to come up here and, like, meet him because he loves him.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, listen to Dan.
You hear that's the imitation of Norm Macdonald.
Yeah.
The great Norm Macdonald.
So, there you go.
Thanks, Norm, for popping on with us.
I'll watch that.
Sure.
I'll take a swim through that high-stakes poker show.
Why not?
All right.
That's the corner.
Norm Macdonald.
It's 933, Sports Radio 1310, The Ticket.
We've got fun with rich audio next.
The Ticket.
All right.
AT&T is a proud partner of the NCAA.

Norm Macdonald on the Ticket SportsRadio Podcast (2011) Full Interview

We always love it when we have a special guest in studio, and this guy's not
going to be in studio.
But we're still going to love it.
Yeah, we couldn't convince him to come up here in studio because he's a germaphobe,
and he notices that Giorgio's been coughing a lot on the show.
He's been listening all morning.
I don't know about that.
So he's calling in from the cubicle area out there.
His name is Norm MacDonald, and he joins us now on the phone.
Sorry about that.
Norm MacDonald, welcome to the program.
How you doing, man?
Are you having a good morning?
Yeah, I'm doing well.
When did you wake up?
Morning busted for me around 545.
Good Lord.
Yeah.
Now, do you normally wake up that early, or are you just doing a round of
interviews?
No, I wake up pretty early.
You know, I like to get up.
You know, I run my six miles.
Are you a fitness guy?
You're not a fitness guy.
No, no, I'm not a fitness guy.
I didn't mean that.
I was just lying.
Do you smoke?
You know, I quit smoking.
Did you ever smoke?
Did I ever smoke?
I have before in the past.
Like a chimney he did, yes.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
No, it's good to quit, right?
How many years did you smoke?
God, forever, man.
I mean, I started when I was 14.
So, you know, I'd go off and on.
And then finally, man, I looked on the side of the pack, and it turns out they're
not as good for you as you'd think.
But listen, what's going on with that salvia, man?
I was watching Saturday Night Live with Miley Cyrus, and they were as much as
promoting it.
I mean, I don't want to say anything, but doesn't that seem, I might,
irresponsible?
Yeah, you know what he's talking about there, Giorgio.
He's talking about, you know, Miley Cyrus, that video footage of her smoking
out of a bong.
She was smoking that salvia, I think it's called, or whatever it is.
I don't even know what's in that crap.
Is it an herb?
Is it a chemical?
Well, I guess it's legal, like all drugs are when they begin.
Right.
But, you know, I've seen things, because you can look up people on salvia on
YouTube, and they just go into, like, a coma.
It's, like, it looks incredibly dangerous.
What's the hardest drug that Norm Macdonald's done?
I guess love.
Are you in love right now, Norm Macdonald?
Listen, I love, you know, I just want to be the world's best friend, give
everyone a hug.
Oh, that's very nice.
That's really nice.
Okay, let's talk about this new game show that you have.
It's high-stakes poker, right?
Yeah, yeah.
It's on the Game Show Network.
And how long have you been a serious poker guy?
Well, I've played, I don't know, I've probably played for about 20 years.
It's a pretty fun game.
Can you beat Welcome Back Cotter?
No.
He's, like, really good, isn't he?
The Gabe Kaplan?
He's really good.
I can beat Horshack.
All right, so you're hosting the show, and is this going to have these same
really cocky players with sunglasses on it that we see on ESPN all the time?
And if it is, could you ban sunglasses from the set?
No, I know, sunglasses.
Well, a lot of people want to make them illegal.
Well, they should be illegal.
Yeah.
The eyes are telling.
That's the window to the soul, and they want to know.
No, when I play poker, I leave my eyes, you know, I take my sunglasses off, and
I invite people to look into my soul because I don't know what's going on in
there.
If they can give me any tips on what's happening inside my mind, I'm more than
happy to take them.
So you are against people wearing sunglasses, although they will wear them on
your show.
Yes, I'm against it.
What about two eye patches?
I've never seen that look.
But I think it's cool there's pirates again.
I mean, I know it's terrible for the people who've lost their lives, but...
But it's funny, kind of.
It's just fun, man.
The pirates go away for a long time.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I'm with you.
Kind of.
It'd be like if all of a sudden there was, like, knights walking around.
Norm MacDonald is our special in-studio, on-the-phone guest.
There's cowboys.
There's some poker guys dressed as cowboys.
And then you go, that's strange.
Like, I haven't seen a cowboy for hundreds of years either.
So is it possible that when we tune into this show, you could see, like, a
cowboy, a knight, and a pirate all playing poker?
Yeah, it's more than possible.
It's probable.
Yeah, it's highly probable.
Did you enjoy your time on Saturday Night Live, or was it a beating, because
they were always messing with you?
Oh, no, I loved it.
Nobody messes with me.
I mean, they talked.
They'd tell me what to do.
Is that what you mean?
By messing?
Yeah, like, I thought that they, you know, they censored you a few times, and
it made you mad.
No, they never did.
They tried to, right?
I was tuned in.
They just tell me what to do.
Although I thought they were just suggesting what I should do.
Turns out they were actually telling me what to do.
And I was tuned in one night, and I swear, didn't you say the F word or
something like that?
Yeah, I did one time.
And it just completely slipped out?
Yeah.
Well, no, yeah.
It's actually all the other words slip out.
That word is very hard not to say.
I don't know if you've ever, I mean, you guys, listen, you guys work in the
Fourth Estate.
You know how hard it is not to say that word?
Oh, yeah.
Especially for a lot of time.
It's right there.
It's ready to go.
I went on a rant about Easter, and I said the F word like five times the other
day.
Whoa.
Yeah.
It's pretty serious.
All right, Norm MacDonald is with us on the phone here in the corner.
Well, that's downright dereliction of duty.
What did you say?
Daryl who?
I said saying it five times is downright dereliction of duty.
Okay.
All right, calm down.
You're getting violent with us.
All right, now this is what I want to talk with you about, other than the high-stakes
poker show.
That's on the Game Show Network.
We encourage everyone to tune in.
When does that start?
Saturday night.
Saturday night.
Okay, when you were on Saturday Night Live, you were, I think, you and Dennis
Miller were the greatest weekend host update guys ever.
I may even give you the nod over Dennis Miller, although it's tough.
Now, you hate Dennis Miller, right?
Me?
No, I love Dennis Miller.
I was just trying to start something there.
But anyway, when you were the host of Weekend Update, it was during the O.J.
Simpson time.
And you were pretty hilarious about how much you were convinced that O.J. was
guilty.
This guy was guilty of sin, and you made that known every single weekend on
Weekend Update.
Well, one of the bigwigs over at NBC, what's his name, was friends with O.J.?
Olmeyer.
Olmeyer.
Yes.
And didn't that cause you some heartache with Olmeyer that you would go on
there blasting O.J. Simpson, and he told you to lay off?
Yeah, he didn't want any more jokes about O.J.
I mean, he was his friend, you know.
He was his best friend.
But isn't that on him?
I mean, if he wants to be friends with a killer, what is that in your business?
I mean, why does he have to mess with you?
He was found not guilty in a court of law.
Well, I didn't say he didn't get away with it.
I just said he was a killer.
Well, I think you're being a little reckless.
With what?
The facts?
With calling him a killer, I mean...
Okay, do you think O.J. did it?
I won't argue with you if you're going to say he's guilty of being the best
running back ever.
Oh.
He's trying to get back to something in love.
I won't argue with you if you say he's guilty of stealing his own shirt.
And a foiled shirt-stealing caper.
But when it comes to killing, I don't for a second believe he killed his wife.
I think he did kill that waiter that was with her, though.
Oh, golly.
Jeez.
My theories are constantly evolving.
All right.
Does Norm Macdonald ever get mad?
Are you always this kind of, I don't know, just kind of a real pleasantly lazy-talking,
float-down-the-river kind of guy?
I'll tell you what makes me mad.
You know, people are against four-letter words.
I'm against an 11-letter word.
Give us an example.
Intolerance.
Oh.
Actually, that makes me pretty happy, too.
Oh, no.
Just being intolerant toward people.
Mm-hmm.
Do you still do stand-up?
Oh, yeah, man.
I do stand-up.
I'm on the road more than...
I don't know.
Than people who aren't on the road.
Let's call Dennis Miller and find out.
I'm on the road a lot.
Yeah, I don't want to get Dennis Miller on the line, because you guys will bicker,
because
I know you guys hate each other.
I got a Comedy Central special on Saturday.
You do?
Yeah, you can watch it on TV on Saturday night.
Would you like to plug it?
Nah, that's cool.
I don't need to plug it.
Just watch it Saturday night.
Sounds like it's competing with high-stakes poker.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, it is, actually.
It's on 1130.
It's on the opposite of Saturday Night Live.
Ooh, that's interesting.
Hey, so what's it like to be a game show host?
Do you like that gig?
It's not exactly a game show host, because it's not exactly a game show.
It's just guys playing poker.
Yeah, George.
Well, it's on the Game Show Network.
I would call that a game show, wouldn't it?
Yeah, but it's not by strict dictionary definition a game show.
Yeah.
Because it's just guys playing poker.
And then I commentate on it, you know.
And I'm very good.
I get to see their hold cards, which gives me a big advantage.
Mm-hmm.
So you hear stuff like, oh, why is he betting?
That guy clearly has a five.
Well, wait.
The audience also sees the hold cards, too, right?
Yeah, the audience can be part of the fun of ridiculing world-class poker
players.
Almost sounds like you're a game show host on that.
Stop it, Giorgio.
He doesn't want to be accused of being a game show host.
This is the difference, is that poker is not a game show.
Yeah, it's a game.
And then you're doing a show on that.
Yeah.
All right, I'm not going to listen to you two guys bicker as if you're Dennis
Miller and Norm MacDonald.
It would be like calling Marv Albert a game show host because he commentates a
game.
You know what I mean?
Good point.
Yeah, okay, you got me there.
You got me there.
Touche.
Yep, you got me there.
All right, so your last stand-up comedy gig, where was it?
Our last one was in Portland, Oregon.
Did you kill it?
Oh, man, are you kidding?
People are still, people's sides still hurt in Oregon, from what I've heard.
Did you kill it as much as O.J. killed it on that fateful night?
Wait, what?
June 1995.
Wait, what?
All right, Norm, we have to let you go because I know you have a whole bunch of
interviews.
I think you're doing Leno right after you're hanging out with us.
Norm MacDonald, it's the high-stakes poker non-game show on the Game Show
Network.
Yeah, it's an anomaly.
It's this Saturday night.
It's on opposite of Norm's stand-up special on Comedy Central.
Enjoy an all-Norm Saturday night.
Thanks for joining us, Norm.
Thanks a lot, man.
All right, we'll see you.
See you.
Come on.
That's the most laid-back human on the planet.
And you know what?
I've always loved that guy.
I was serious.
I thought he was great as the NFL.
I thought he rivaled Dennis Miller as the greatest Weekend Update guy.
You know what?
I think Dennis Miller was the best, but I would put Norm in the top three.
And in fact, Chevy Chase, who's probably the other guy I would put in the top
three, said Norm MacDonald is the only one who's gotten it right since he left.
Really?
Yeah.
So he excluded Dennis Miller out of that.
He's just so dry in the way he would deliver the jokes.
We're so funny.
And I knew people.
And I think he's very divisive because I knew a lot of people who hated him on
that show.
Like they didn't like his delivery and they never bonded with him.
I thought he was awesome at it.
So he did some impersonations on Saturday Night Live, too.
He did Burt Reynolds.
That was great.
Awesome one, too.
Bob Dole.
That was great.
Remember the episode of, I want to say it was like a, what was the real world?
Remember that show on MTV?
They did The Real World when Bob Dole moved into the house with the kids.
And, of course, t