Name: Norm Macdonald on Match Game - 2 Episodes (2008) with Super Dave Osbourne, Sarah Silverman & more
Uploaded: 2020-12-19T04:34:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Match Game - 2 Episodes (2008) with Super Dave Osbourne, Sarah Silverman & more' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on Match Game - 2 Episodes (2008) with Super Dave Osbourne, Sarah Silverman & more' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-19. Transcript available.

Norm Macdonald on Match Game - 2 Episodes (2008) with Super Dave Osbourne, Sarah Silverman & more

Get ready to match the stars!
Super Dave Osborne
Sarah Silverman
Scott Thompson
Rashida Jones
Norm MacDonald
And Niecy Nash
As we play the star-studded Big Money Match Game
And here's the star of Match Game
Andy Daly
Welcome to Match Game!
How about this celebrity panel?
Unbelievable! Hello, stars!
Hello!
How's everybody?
Does anybody need anything?
I know celebrities are used to a high level of service. You need something, Niecy?
Yes, I need a man to go half on my mortgage.
You need a man? No, I can't provide that. I was just thinking in terms of a cup
of coffee or a glass of water or anything like that.
Oh, no, no, I'm good.
Then you're good in terms of things that I can get you. Because I'm not going
halfway in on your mortgage.
Because I'm not going halfway in on your mortgage. Never in hell. Is everybody
else happy?
Yes! Everybody else is happy and contentious. He doesn't have to pay my
mortgage though. I just need a man. Just a man period. Just a man period.
Really? A man period. How about that? A man period. We're having fun already.
Now, Super Dave has a question.
Are you thinking of a different show? It is confusing. Okay. Are you ready to
play match game? Yes. Well, let's meet our contestants. Hello, contestants. How
are you doing? Hi, Sarah. Hi, Alonzo. Sarah, tell us a little bit about
yourself.
I am a native Californian. One of the proud few. And I am an unemployed Harvard
graduate. Wow! How did that happen?
Hopefully, you'll get $10,000 and that will help you stay unemployed for
another month and a half or so. Hi, Alonzo. How are you?
Wonderful. Nice to meet you. Alonzo, the folks at home are looking for a reason
to root for one of you. We've already heard here that Sarah is unemployed. That's
a compelling reason. Why should we root for you, Alonzo?
Well, I'm 38 years old. I'm happily married and we have six children. Six
children. Wow, they're excited. Here's how it works. Every correct match that
you make is worth one point, okay? The one of you who has the most points at
the end of two rounds will win the game and will go on to play super match for
a chance to win up to $10,000. Wow. $10,000. That's huge money.
That's nothing to these celebrities, of course. But to you guys, it's huge
money. Now, Alonzo, you won the tossback stage, so you get to choose first. You
get to choose between A and B.
Okay, I'll choose A for my lovely wife, Aqua. Oh, isn't that lovely? Well, I'm
sorry to tell you you've already lost the game. It all comes down to A or B,
really. No, I'm kidding. Here we go.
Lawrence said, I think this parrot used to belong to a pimp. To a what? To a pimp.
Oh. It's generational. It's generational. You understand that. This is a
gentleman who employs prostitutes. Okay, go ahead.
I think this parrot used to belong to a pimp. Every time I see it, he says, Polly
wants blank.
Polly wants blank.
Every time Lawrence sees this parrot, the parrot says, Polly wants blank.
Polly wants blank. I'm seeing consternation on the faces of the celebrities.
This is the hardest these celebrities have worked in years.
Being a celebrity is just a very cushy job, isn't it?
Don't give yourself carpal tunnel writing that one word.
I have a question.
Should our answers be PG?
This is, this would have been such a great conversation to have before we
started taping.
Okay, then you know what? Fine.
I'm gonna go with, I'm gonna go with what I think Polly wants.
Yes, you go with it. Who cares?
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
We can bleep it when you say it, and we can pixelate it when you hold up your
card.
Anything is possible.
All of the celebrities are in. I never thought it would happen.
Okay, are you ready, Alonzo?
Have you had time to think of an answer?
Lawrence said, I think this parrot used to belong to a pimp.
Every time I see it, it says, Polly wants blank.
A John.
Polly wants a John.
Polly wants a John.
That's a great answer.
John is a guy who is seeking the services of a prostitute, yes?
And in the parrot world, it's a, oh no, there's no double meaning, right?
No.
Okay.
I was curious to hear something about the parrot world, but.
I thought it was a great answer to have a double meaning.
You know, I think John just had another kid between the question and the answer.
I think, you mean Alonzo. You're talking about Alonzo?
Alonzo, yeah, but I shortened his name. We don't have the time.
You're right.
All right, Super Dave, I think this parrot used to belong to a pimp.
Every time I see it, it says, Polly wants blank.
Well, what I was thinking was a fur coat.
A fur coat.
But I'm not going to give that as the answer.
Well, it's great to hear what you were thinking.
Polly wants my money.
Polly wants my money.
Yeah, okay, very good. That's a good answer.
Alonzo said a John. Sarah, what did you say?
This answer is dedicated to Aqua.
Alonzo's lovely wife.
A fur hat with a feather?
Polly wants a fur hat with a feather.
That's great. I think it's a good answer.
I think it's a good answer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know if a bird would wear a hat with a feather.
Went with Polly wants her cut.
Polly wants her cut.
Polly wants her cut.
She wants her cut every night.
She wants her cut every night.
Out there on the street, she wants her cut.
That's the best one.
You like that one best?
This is another aspect of the game.
Norm will be scoring the answers.
Whether they're matches or not.
Norm will ask you to comment on what's the best one.
Speaking of matches, we have none so far.
Rashida, we're looking for a John.
What did you say that this parrot says it wants?
Well, in my pimping days, this was the most important thing.
Get the money.
Polly wants his money.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, I understand.
I understand.
Yep, that is a good answer.
Worked with a pimp.
Go ahead, go ahead.
Every time I see the parrot, the parrot says Polly wants blank.
A different parrot.
Polly wants a different parrot.
A John.
Say the ding.
Ding.
Not a match.
Not a match.
My original thought.
That's a good answer.
Polly wants a...
But then I said...
You don't know what that stands for.
You're leaping to conclusions.
That could stand for anything.
Then I said no.
And I went with Polly wants money.
Yeah, Polly wants the money.
That means no matches for Alonzo.
I'm so sorry that we couldn't get a match for you there.
All good answers.
Every one of those answers was great.
Except for one.
But, all right, Sarah, are you ready?
Here it comes.
Text-addicted Terry.
Hmm?
Needs to put down his phone.
He recently sent me a text while he was blanking.
Oh, dear.
In the process of doing...
You're enjoying your thought process.
Oh, because...
I think I just...
I...
Well, okay.
I gotta keep reminding myself to keep it PG.
You guys text...
You ever text Super D?
Yes, I do all the time.
I'm doing it right now.
Are you doing it right now?
Yes.
I just texted my agent.
You just texted your agent?
Yes.
What did you say to him?
Get me the...
No, I didn't say that.
I always think of Match Game as a stepping stone.
Oh.
Yeah, a stepping stone to family.
To crosswits.
To crosswits.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
And all the celebrities are in.
The answers are locked in there.
It's incredible.
Sarah, now we get to hear your answer.
Text-addicted Terry needs to put down his phone.
He recently sent me a text while he was blanking.
Well, that's just filthy.
Alright, let's find out what the celebrities said.
You said...
Up here, you'll have a match.
Super Dave.
Text-addicted Terry needs to put down his phone.
He recently sent me a text while he was blanking.
When he's in the bathroom.
I really wanted to match you, but I was...
I was thinking like Super Dave, doodying.
Doodying.
And look, you drew doodying.
In case it wasn't clear.
Yeah, look at that.
That's how...
That's how doodying happens.
Why the question mark?
Why the question mark?
Yeah, why is it a question?
Because I meant it like doodying.
In a cute-ish way.
I'm glad you asked.
Hello, Scott.
Well, hello.
I hope that the judges aren't prejudiced against wordplay or puns.
Because I said he texts while he is sexting.
Sexting!
Is that a match?
I'll be a little fun with the correct answer.
Yes, that's a match!
Very fun!
Scott, that was a lot of fun.
Sexting!
And I think you may have just coined a new phrase.
You better run to the copyright office and get a trademark on the word sexting.
All right.
He recently sent me a text while he was blanking.
I phrased it a little bit differently.
Making sweet, sweet love.
You're a little fun.
I think that's a match.
That's a match!
Okay.
Oh, hi, Norm.
How are you?
Last time, I didn't think it was a match.
Yeah.
With the parrot.
We all remember the parrot incident.
I actually do not.
And now I think it is not a match, and it's going to be a match because she
said the same thing.
Making sweet, sweet love really repraised it the exact same way.
That's incredible.
We didn't look either.
I think these two are soulmates.
We didn't look.
Isn't that fun?
Hi, Nise.
How are you?
Hi.
Oh, my goodness.
Well, let's find out what you said.
He recently sent me a text while he was blanking.
Well, he was doing something that I'm not doing these days, but these two next
to me know all
about it.
Sexy!
Wow, that's four matches for Sarah, and a big question in the air.
Why isn't Nisey sexy?
We'll find that out when we come back and play around you tomorrow.
Welcome back to Match Game.
The score now, four points for Sarah, zero points for Alonzo.
We're moving into round two now.
Sarah, you are in the lead, so you get to choose first.
We'll use our very high-tech system to reveal A.
There we go.
A and B.
What would you prefer, A or B?
I'll go with B.
B.
Thanks for putting some thought into it.
Good.
All right.
I didn't expect that.
You didn't expect B.
You thought for sure it was going to be A.
I'll have to say I didn't expect that.
Yeah, I think we all had expectations about which letter she would pick.
All right.
Now, before I read this question, I want to remind you that in round one, you
matched
with Scott, Rashida, Norm, and Nisi, so those four are not going to play in
this round.
So this will be...
Aw.
No, no, no, no, no, no, it's a good thing.
No, it's a good thing.
Where are you going?
You leaving?
Do I have to?
It would probably be best if you stayed, don't you think?
And just watched him hit?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think it would be best if you stayed.
Oh, no, I'm staying.
All right.
Here's the question.
Ready?
Pappy the paparazzo is so old...
How old is he?
Pretty good.
Not great, but pretty good.
He's so old, instead of using a camera, he uses a blank.
Who's playing?
Yeah, it's just...
It's just us two.
It's just you two.
It's just Super Dave and Sarah.
How did that get worked out?
What's that?
What did we do wrong?
We got the answer right.
That was our penalty.
Yeah, you matched with Sarah last time.
What's that?
We're too smart.
You're too smart.
Exactly.
Oh, it's not a punishment.
This is a reward.
You celebrities have a lot of experience with the paparazzo, I imagine.
Do they drive you crazy?
The paparazzo?
Yes.
I can tell you stories.
That would be great.
All right, the celebrities are in.
Sarah, we're ready to hear your answers.
You could get two more matches here.
Pappy the paparazzo, he's so old, instead of using a camera, he uses a...
Paintbrush and canvas?
A paintbrush and canvas.
He is from a time before photography.
Okay.
Can I say something?
No, I've got to say something.
Can I say something right now?
If you say one more thing, I'm coming over this thing and grab you and I have a...
Should we get to your answer or do you still want to say that thing you were
going to say?
The thing is, you gave a great answer.
Yeah.
And I couldn't think of anything that made any sense.
So I wrote wheelchair camera.
Does that make sense?
A lot of sense.
Do you have like a random word generator back there?
No, it's the only thing that made sense.
I've never seen an old paparazzi.
Oh, okay.
What would an old paparazzi change?
It's a young person's game.
What is an old paparazzi?
A