Name: Norm Macdonald on the MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour (1992)
Uploaded: 2021-09-15T00:38:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on the MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour (1992)' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Norm Macdonald on the MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour (1992)' from Happy the Dog on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-15. Transcript available.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Well, welcome to another show, Half-Hour Comedy Hour. How are you?
Good. I am Mario Joyner. You're a very good-looking, tall, dark, handsome host
of the show.
And I say that because some people are probably wondering, is he conceited? And
now you know.
I'm kidding. Let's see who we got coming out here. Our first comedian.
He's been on The Tonight Show, Late Night with David Leatherman. He has his own
HBO One Night Stand coming out.
So I guess he's here just to pay off an old gambling debt. How about I have Mr.
Norm Macdonald? Give him a hand.
Thanks a lot. I'll see how you guys are doing, all right?
Good.
So, I was just in New York, man. You ever been there?
They had a big gay parade going on down there. You ever seen one of these?
I've never been to one, you know, but I like parades, you know, I love a parade.
So I go to the parade and it turns out it's just a bunch of gay guys.
Hell of a parade that is, huh?
Imagine that on the TV, you know, you've got Willard Scott and Faith Daniels.
Okay, here's a big parade here. Here we go. It's, oh, it's a bunch of gay guys.
Look at there.
And here comes some more gay guys there. And there's a bunch more gay guys
there.
Well, a hell of a parade just turned out to be here.
What are you going to do? I wish all gay guys come out of the closet so you
know who's gay.
Nobody cares. Everybody just lives together, you know.
What I don't like is when you don't know, everybody's suspecting you.
You know, especially if you're a guy, you know, no matter who you are, if you're
a guy,
you know, your buddies are behind your back there, you know.
Gee, I haven't seen Fred with a woman for a few days.
Yeah, now you mention it. You ask me to go swimming with him.
Oh, Fred's gay!
Come on, let's go tell everybody!
Fred's gay over there!
What are you going to do, man?
Actually, I was reading this book. They said every guy at some point in his
life questions his sexuality.
Like, wonders if maybe they're a big gay themselves, you know.
Like, you ever have a moment like that where you wonder maybe you're gay?
You know, like, maybe you'd be watching the TV there, you know.
Gee, that William Shatner's a pretty good-looking guy.
Hey, wait a minute. I'm a guy now that I think about it here.
Let me see. I'm a guy. William Shatner's a guy.
Carry the three, and then that goes over there.
What the hell? Kind of a...
What the deuce?
I don't know.
Actually, I was reading this book. Get this.
I said, every guy has something. Get this.
This is a different thing.
Just about to say the same guy joke I just said.
No, this is a completely different joke, but I was reading the same book.
I read a lot of gay literature for some reason.
Just to shake up my dad a little, you know.
But I was reading this other thing in this other book.
It said that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside,
you're actually a homosexual yourself.
That kind of worries me, you know, because I'm afraid of dogs.
Lately, I've had a hanker and a drink out of the toilet bowl.
You know, that's the funny part there.
Yesterday, I sniffed a girl's butt out in the street there.
It has nothing to do with the joke, but I thought I'd get it off my chest.
I'm not really afraid of dogs. I was just lying to you there.
I'm trying not to lie as much.
You ever lie?
You ever lie for no reason?
Like, usually for some reason, hey?
But sometimes, you ever just have a big lie
you'll spill out of your evil head there, you know.
I don't know why or nothing.
You know, like a guy comes up and you go,
hey, you ever see that movie with Meryl Streep and a horse?
And then you go, yes.
And then back here, what the hell am I lying about over here?
I stand to gain nothing by this lie.
What the hell am I thinking back here in my head?
I love dogs.
I've seen a dog out in the street there.
This is kind of weird.
You ever see this?
I've seen a guy out in the street, a homeless guy,
one of them homeless guys,
had a dog with him.
You ever see that?
Guy got no home, but he's got a dog.
Isn't that odd, there?
And you know the dog's really thrilled about this, you know.
Dog's going, hey, pal,
I can do this by myself pretty well here, you know.
The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
What the hell are you trying to pull there?
I got to go.
Hey, you guys have been great.
Hey, thanks very much.
Enjoy the time.
Enjoy the time.
Thank you.
Thank you.