Name: Bill Burr - Underrated Gift (Cash)
Uploaded: 2020-05-05T09:41:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Underrated Gift (Cash)' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Underrated Gift (Cash)' from Comedy University on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-05. Transcript available.

Everyone, of all the people I've had on so far, which have not been a lot,
everyone was the most worried about this appearance.
Everyone was like, he's not going to like your chairs. He's not going to like
your table.
I get the worst fucking reputation. He's going to be angry. He's going to be
all of that. I don't know.
Maybe that's the vibe I'm putting out as I cross my arms and get all closed off.
No, I think that just, I think people assume, I get this too, where people are
like, why are you so angry?
And I'm like, dude, you're seeing me on stage where I'm letting out all of my
anger. That's where I let it out.
You know, it's funny. You've never come across as angry to me.
Really? On stage, you don't think?
No, I just thought it was funny. I didn't think it was like, but I mean, that's
also me saying, I don't think that's angry.
Comparatively.
No, but I don't, I don't, you're not like a yeller.
Really?
When you're on stage. I mean, I haven't seen you in a minute.
People think I complain a lot. People are like, you're so angry, you complain a
lot.
And I'm like, that's, that's comedy. I mean, that's just what I'm doing. Like,
I'm not.
Do people really think that? Or did a couple of people say that? That word
people is really thrown around.
Well, see, I love that you say that.
People are saying it.
I can't say it. It's two comments. I love when everyone is like on their
Instagram and like, you know, a lot of people want me to post my skin care
routine.
I'm like, you want to do it and you're just took one person and you're
pretending everyone wants it.
But no, I think in general, I've gotten that feedback over the years and maybe
I'm sensitive to it because I do know that I have anger problems, but I
actually don't think I, you know, you only sort of respond to criticism if you
deeply in some way kind of agree with it.
That's the only time it bothers me.
I don't think so. I think someone could just say something really mean and hurtful
if you didn't think that about yourself.
Yeah. Fuck all this. Human beings are way too complex for like just one one
thing like that.
And my wife tried some shit on that to me the other night.
I said something and then she'd see some stupid fucking expression, pet dog
bites or something.
I don't know what the fuck it meant. It was just this way of going like, oh,
because you reacted to the fucked up thing that I said.
It's it's on you. It's like, no, no, it's still on you right back at you over
the fucking net.
We had a funniest fucking argument the other day.
We were watching Wheel of Fortune and the fucking prize was because they have
the worst prize ever.
Was it like it was like a fucking shopping spree at Dick's Sporting Goods?
So we're like, oh, what the fuck? That's you get that on a game show.
You win that out of calling in a radio station.
These people are on TV solving puzzles.
And then she said, you know what?
If I she goes, you know, I wouldn't care if I was on.
I just give that to you.
And I went, what? Fuck you fucking.
I can go to Dick's myself.
I don't need your fucking gift certificate.
And I just I get so fucking like it was just in a silly way that she would just
be like, imagine if I ever did that.
You're keeping up with the Kardashians horse shit.
I get a fucking I get Dick's Sporting Goods.
I just got in a fight with a hoodie next to a fishing rod.
Some bear spray.
Here's the Nike shit that didn't work.
So it's not at our flagship stores.
Here's some Umbro shorts.
Yeah.
Some irregular Adidas socks.
I was just fighting with Bench about this because we're talking about holiday
gifts.
And I don't like gift cards.
You don't like don't like them.
Like don't get me anything.
Literally just don't get me anything.
That's how much I don't like gift cards because I always end up going to the
place you got me the gift card for spending more than it.
And then it ends up costing me money.
Oh, oh, I was thinking just getting cash.
Cash is a great gift.
That's what you do.
That is such an underrated gift.
Cash.
Hundred dollars cash.
I like you.
I don't know much about you.
You should give Nia cash for Christmas.
It seems like this will cover it.
This feels like.
We can be friends for another year.
2046 to get the fuck out of here.
It's such a like weird.
It feels dirty, but it's all anyone actually wants.
I don't like gift cards.
What do you do?
What are you going to have you already decided where you're going to get your
wife for that holiday?
We can't say Christmas.
I got I got in trouble.
Christmas.
I actually Christian.
I actually I celebrate Christmas.
I'm sorry.
I was in a writer's working on a show.
Not practicing Christian.
And an intern complained because I said Merry Christmas.
I had to go to HR.
No, it's it's so fucking batshit crazy out there where it's just like.
Like the shit that people who haven't done anything with their fucking lives
are calling out these.
I just remember coming in when you were in the mailroom.
It's just like, yes, sir.
No, sir.
How are you?
Not saying that was right.
But now this thing where the person who built the empire has to crumple to
their knees because someone in the fucking mailroom didn't like the mistletoe.
And has seven followers on Twitter.
Yeah.
And then they can literally ride that to like the ABC morning show.
What if someone kissed me and I didn't want to be kissed?
And like the guy, I'm sorry.
Tell China, put China on hold for that big billion dollar deal.
I need to I need to put this fire out.
It's it's like but it's also been fun to watch.
It is fun to watch.
In that all of these so-called like powerless people, when they complain is
then you then watch them abuse that power.
Yep.
And it's just like, oh, you're the exact same fucking thing.
You're just not up there.
And everyone's saying that's like that whole horse shit where they show like,
you know, inner city kids and every one of them who's dealing drugs would have
been a doctor.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If they grew up in a white neighborhood, it's just like, yeah, or they could
have been like some of my piece of shit fucking white people that I know.
They could have been they could have done a predatory bank and fucked old
people out of their pensions.
It's not you're automatically become a fucking hit.
Like it's one of those just romanticized.
Anybody who's in the mailroom is this fucking saint and anybody who's up top is
automatic.
And it's just that's not the case.
There's some good people in the mailroom and there's some absolute pieces of
shit.
And same thing with people who run companies.
That's that's what I think.
I just feel like we're some drug dealers would be doctors.
Some of those doctors are drugs.
Yeah, they are.
Right.
Yeah.